Resistance

by K Larsen

  “I like Allie,” she blurts into my chest. I chuckle at her randomness and peel away from her slightly so I can see her face.

  “I like Allie, too.” I laugh. She shakes her head slightly and laughs lightly.

  “Sorry. That was random,” she apologizes.

  “A little.”

  “I was thinking of more truths. That was one of them.”

  The corners of my mouth pull up into an enormous grin. This girl is not at all who I thought she was, yet she’s everything I wanted her to be.

  * * * * *

  Light spills in softly through the curtains. Arms are wrapped around my midsection and black hair is strewn everywhere. Pepper’s breaths blow out of her mouth in short, soft bursts. She looks like a completely different person when she sleeps. Soft, innocent, sweet. I like it. It’s almost as if I’m seeing the real her. I want to touch her scars. Kiss them. I want to know where they came from. They highlight the beauty she already possesses. She stirs and I realize it’s only a moment before she wakes and the mask comes back on.

  “Morning, love,” I mumble groggily as she stretches her limbs next to me. She glances at the clock. Surprise etches in her features.

  “I haven’t slept well, let alone late, in more than a year,” she says into the early morning light as she stares at the clock. I stay quiet and hold her gently to me. “I don’t know what you’re doing to me, Sawyer but...it’s working,” she mumbles, it seems, to herself.

  I lean over her and brush my lips to hers. I deepen the kiss. She presses her body closer to mine. I want more. I want more of her, of us, of the feeling in this particular moment, but I know I can’t push too fast. I pull away gently, swiping the pads of my thumbs across her jaw.

  “Breakfast?” I ask.

  “Absolutely.” She grins.

  Chapter 20

  Bitches Be Trippin’

  It is a stunning day today. Mayhem is hosting a casual cookout that happens to be family friendly. There's something about the way the sunlight shines on Pepper. It brings out the abandon in her eyes. She's carefree in this moment and I can't tear my gaze from her. Everything from the grass to Pepper and Allie seems to be in Technicolor. I am too busy watching her to focus on the conversation around me.

  “Beer?” Greta asks, thrusting a bottle in my face.

  “Uh, sure. Thanks.”

  “She seems better somehow.” Greta motions to Pepper who is giggling with Allie over something a few feet away from us.

  “I guess,” I answer, shaking my head slightly.

  “You’ve done that,” she states firmly.

  “Have I?” I turn to face Greta. Her hawk-like eyes are taking in the scene before us with scrutiny. She’s always so Goddamned alert. I know Pepper worries about her. Wonders about her quietly in her own way. It’s hard not too when she barely gives up any personal information. Pepper’s mentioned opening up more lately to her but Greta still keeps her life pretty tight lipped.

  “Yes,” she says and nods. “You have. Keep it up. She’s a tough nut, but you’ll crack her,” she says seriously. I laugh at her odd choice of phrasing and she looks to me and smiles. “I am too I guess. Pepper’s probably the only real friend I have and shit, we barely discuss personal things.”

  “Why is that?” I ask, genuinely curious. I still don’t understand Greta. She’s always watching, paying attention to her surroundings. She shrugs noncommittally.

  “I guess some of us are just like that,” she answers.

  “No, some of you have just experienced things to make you like that,” I retort.

  “You could be right but I’ll never tell.” She laughs and moves in Hoot’s direction. I guess that’s the end of that conversation.

  Allie nods at Pepper and runs off in the direction of a group of kids her age. She rolls back onto her elbows, face to the sun, and smiles. Gorgeous. I think I could watch her forever. Carmine plops down next to me and bumps his shoulder into mine. He’s been handling family matters in Maryland and just arrived back. Outside of telling people he’s handling matters, he never talks about family at all. They have no names. No stories about them are shared. No one comes to visit him. He has no pictures. It’s strange.

  “I thought you two weren’t a thing,” he says, nodding to Pepper. His eyes narrow as he watches her.

  “We are,” I state, already suspicious.

  “She’s trouble,” he warns.

  “What would you know about it?” I ask, getting angrier by the second. What is his problem?

  “She’s like cold product. Hot once, but used up.”

  “Who the fuck are you? It’s rude to judge. You don’t know shit!” I bark at him.

  “I’m someone you should listen to,” he hisses. “You got shit here that’s good, shit to care about, a kid. She,” he says and points at Pepper, “is going to bring nothing but trouble into your life.”

  “You got something you want to fill me in on, spit it out or leave it the fuck alone. Pepper is not your business,” I snap. Pepper looks to us, brows furrowed at my raised voice.

  “I can’t spell it out any more than I have, man,” he grinds out. His phone rings, he glances at the screen, looks to Pepper who’s making her way towards us, then me, and says, “Gotta take this,” before wandering off. The more shit he spews at me about Pepper the more my gut tells me to pay attention to him. Something’s off about him and it makes me uncomfortable.

  Her small hand touches my shoulder, drawing my attention to what’s in front of me versus what’s walking away.

  “Everything all right?” Pepper asks, concern written in her soft features. I smile up at her warm face.

  “Is now, love.”

  She smiles and sits next to me. I lean over to kiss her cheek but she shies away. Okay.

  “Are you all right?” I ask.

  “Yeah, great,” she answers sincerely. Allie charges up to us, looking like she’s on a mission. I shouldn’t be, but I’m irked at the timing. I want to question Pepper more about this hot-and-cold business.

  “Pepper,” Allie states.

  “Yes?” Pepper answers curiously.

  “I have a concert this week. Will you come?” Allie asks, grinning. Pepper looks to me, unsure of how to respond. I nod, letting her know it’s okay.

  “I’d like that,” she says softly. Allie does a little dance and high-fives me before darting off again to play.

  “What kind of concert?” Pepper asks once she’s out of earshot.

  “Allie sings. Clara teaches chorus. Her kids are pretty amazing. During the summer Clara runs a summer chorus program for them. You’ll love it.”

  “Will Clara?” she asks carefully. Clara will have to get over herself.

  “Clara will love anything that makes Allie happy,” I tell her confidently. I’m not so sure that Clara will love someone being in my life or Allie’s but that’s a different conversation altogether.

  * * * * *

  It’s Friday evening. The shrill sound of the school bell rings. Pepper tenses at the unexpected sound. I wrap an arm around her and grin. She still has a long way to go but she's made so many leaps forward that I feel nothing but pride for her.

  “Why are bells ringing if school hasn’t even started yet?” she complains.

  “I actually don’t know.” I shrug. I lead her to our seats in the front row. She looks around nervously before settling her eyes back on me.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  “I just don’t want to step on toes. Are you sure Clara is okay with me being here? I mean, I don’t want Allie to get too attached either. I’m not exactly good at sticking around,” she mumbles nervously.

  “Jesus, this again?” I bite out as Clara’s husband, Dominic, arrives, taking his seat on the other side of Pepper. I shove all my irritation down and nod at Dom. This isn’t the place or time for this particular conversation. I slap a smile on my face and hope it doesn’t look fake.

  “Dominic, this is Pepper. Pepper, Clara’s husba
nd, Dominic,” I introduce.

  “We’ve met,” Pepper says, smiling shyly while extending her hand to him.

  “Indeed. Lovely to see you again. I didn’t realize you two were...seeing each other,” he says. Pepper looks back to me before looking at Dominic again.

  “We’re friends. Allie asked if I’d come tonight,” she responds. Friends. Friends? This is not going how I’d like it to. Not at all. I don’t want to read Us Weekly together and drink wine. I want to have dirty sex together and tell everyone she belongs to me.

  Clara strides in wearing a billowy silk blouse that’s so sheer you can plainly see her butterfly tattoo through it. A light purple streak of hair cuts through her natural mocha color. Tight but flattering capri pants and tall heels make her look stunning tonight. She passes right by me and Pepper without a smile or nod, stopping only to give Dominic a kiss before settling in at the piano. What stick crawled up her ass and splintered? Women are seriously irritating sometimes.

  I reach over, finding Pepper’s hand, and pull it onto my thigh, keeping it covered with my own hand. I might as well just make my intentions plain as day. She looks down between us at our hands and squeezes my thigh gently before looking at Clara, then removing her hand. What is happening here? Am I being cockblocked by Clara? Is Pepper really pulling away now, after everything? My mood is deteriorating by the minute with this hot-and-cold business.

  The kids filter in, finding their spots on the risers while the crowd murmurs and papers crinkle. Allie comes in last, stopping in front of the piano to kiss her mom on the cheek. She waves to Pepper and me and takes her spot on the bottom riser right in the center. The lights dim, Clara starts a simple melody on the piano, and Allie steps forward as a hush falls over the crowd.

  The first lines of Pharrell Williams’s “Happy” fall from Allie’s lips and Pepper’s face splits into a wide smile. I purposely didn’t tell her anything about how Clara runs her chorus. The kids all join in on the chorus lines and different children take the individual verses solo. After “Happy” the kids do their rendition of “Sweet Child O’ Mine” before diving into “Love Somebody”, which Allie rocked with her solo portion. Three other fantastic renditions of popular songs are sung before the grand finale, “Iris.”

  Pepper’s hand finds mine midway through the song. I steal a glance at her, noting her eyes shimmering with tears. All these tiny voices melding together perfectly tend to do that to people. The words of the song linger in the air around us. I wrap an arm around her shoulder, pulling her into my side. She nuzzles in willingly, giving no resistance, and sighs. Much better.

  Allie beams right at us as she sings her perfect little heart out. Pride swells in my chest. Allie, so confident, so beautiful inside and out. I know what’s coming next, as Allie’s been practicing nonstop for a week now. “Iris” morphs into “Home,” and Allie steps forward off the riser. She walks past the piano, Clara, and stops in front of Pepper, who pulls up and out of my arms to rest her elbows on her knees and watch Allie closely. The chorus stops and Allie sings the middle chorus and verse alone. Each word seems to hit Pepper like a bullet to the chest:

  Settle down, it'll all be clear,

  Don't pay no mind to the demons,

  They fill you with fear,

  The trouble it might drag you down,

  You get lost, you can always be found,

  Just know you're not alone,

  Cause I'm gonna make this place your home.

  The kids all join back in after the line about demons and fear. Allie smiles at Pepper, gives a jerky little wave from her hip, and joins the kids on the risers as they finish the song perfectly. Nothing less ever happens at Clara’s concerts. Pepper wipes a tear away quickly. She tried to be stealthy about it but I saw.

  The parents in the crowd go nuts, clapping, hooting, and whistling. I stand, put my fingers between my lips, and whistle the loudest for my girl. Allie’s face scrunches up in delight when she hears it. Clara stands and hushes everyone.

  “Thank you all for making the time this summer to have your kids participate. It’s a joy for me but, more importantly, it’s fun for them! Okay, you can all get out of here!” she announces, flushed like always from the adrenaline of orchestrating one of these concerts. Allie runs up to Dom and he swings her up into his arms and squeezes, letting her know how proud he is of her. She kisses his cheek and he sets her down. She turns and latches her arms around Pepper’s waist. Pepper rests a single hand on Allie’s head and looks about ready to openly weep. Before anything can happen, Allie detaches herself from Pepper and throws herself at me.

  As always, I kiss her face until she begs me to stop, all while swinging her around. The auditorium crowd dissipates until it’s just the five of us, all pitching in to get things tidied up before we leave.

  “Ice cream?!” Allie loudly whispers to Clara. It’s a tradition, although, it’s been less of a tradition for us all to go together lately. Clara nods her head as Allie squeals and does cartwheels up the center aisle.

  “You’ll both come, yeah?” Dominic asks Pepper and me. Clara shoots him a mildly irritated look that one wouldn’t pick up on if you didn't know her like we did. He ignores her and waits.

  “Pepper’s generally always up for dessert, so yes,” I answer. Pepper smiles hesitantly but doesn’t protest.

  Chapter 21

  Domination

  Allie rides to the Parlor with Clara and Dom. Pepper is unusually quiet. She only stares out the window lost in thought like she used to do before.

  “Tell me a truth,” I say breaking the silence.

  “I’m nervous,” she answers.

  “About what?”

  “Having this celebration with Clara and Dominic. I feel out of place and I don’t think Clara likes me,” she says hesitantly.

  “Clara doesn’t like anyone that I date. It’s not you. It’s her.”

  “She loves you still,” she says quietly.

  “Not like that. She’s just shitty at letting someone else have what was hers.”

  “It feels like more,” she says.

  “Trust me when I tell you this, Clara is in love with Dominic. The way she looks at him was never the way she looked at me. She’s just a control freak who doesn’t like to share,” I explain. Pepper nods as I pull into a parking spot.

  “You know, there’s this guy who works here who is just about the funniest thing I’ve ever encountered,” she changes the subject expertly.

  “Johnny. Yeah. He is a staple here. Allie adores him.” I laugh.

  “I do too,” she sighs.

  “Should I be jealous?” I ask with humor.

  “No, no. I’ve just...I like this place. It’s perfect for an ice cream,” she says. I want to ask for another truth. I want to know why she’s staring into the picture window of the Parlor with such a dazed look on her face but we don’t have time. Not now.

  As always, we take the bench booth at the picture window, with Allie, Clara, and Dom on one side and Pepper and me on the other. Johnny comes round, all smiles and wit, to take our orders. He doesn’t disappoint with his hot pink capri pants, black-and-white skull tee, and checkered Converse outfit. Allie points out each thing that’s hilarious about his clothing and he plays right along saying he’s lucky to have her to keep him in line. When he gets to Pepper for her order, he stares at Pepper with curiosity, like he’s trying to place her, but makes no comment. Pepper keeps her eyes down while she orders.

  “Allie, you did great tonight!” Clara beams. Allie smiles and shoves a bite of ice cream into her mouth.

  “You’re really talented. That was amazing tonight. Sawyer didn’t warn me about how cool it would be,” Pepper chimes in. “And Clara, I’m really impressed. You play piano beautifully. It must take a lot of work to put all of that together.”

  “I guess. I’ve been doing it for a while now,” Clara replies dryly. Dom nudges her shoulder and she pushes her spoon into her mouth while she shoots daggers at him. Strike one, Cla
ra.

  “How long have you two known each other?” Dom asks, breaking the silence.

  “A few months,” Pepper answers, smiling. My chest literally gets warm when her face lights up. I should call the doctor.

  “Interesting,” Clara grumbles with a fake smile.

  “Pepper is at a lot of the club stuff. She rides a bike, Mom!” Allie squeaks.

  “Fascinating.” Clara’s words are dripping with sarcasm.

  “She works at the skate rink! How cool is that?” Allie continues.

  “Well it must be nice to not have a rigorous career. Some days I’d love to just have a fluff job.” Strrrrrrike two. One more and she’s out.

  “Clara…” Dom scolds before I can.

  “No, it’s okay,” Pepper cuts in. “I didn’t get to finish college, I’d like to go back but I need to save up the money first so that I don’t have loans.”

  “That’s a smart way to do it,” Dominic says and smiles. “What were you studying?”

  “Psychology originally, but now, I think maybe I’d like to change my major to Criminal Justice.”

  “That’s a tough career to make decent money. Have you thought about what you’d want to do for work with either degree?” Dom asks.

  For the first time ever, I’m grateful for Dominic Napoli. He is being gracious and easygoing in a situation where clearly Clara is not willing to do the same.

  “I haven’t had a chance yet to explore the options, really,” Pepper answers.

  “Have you thought about a business degree? I have some positions that will need to be filled in the next twenty-four months at the club I opened here in Blacksburg. You could call it an internship,” he offers sincerely.

  “Really?” she asks, bewildered.

  “Absolutely,” he answers. Clara snorts and I kick her shin under the table to shut her up.

  “I hardly think slinging drinks while scantily clad can be called an internship, honey,” she whips at Dom. He all but growls at her but keeps his mouth shut. Strike motherfucking three, Clara.