by Lucy Rinaldi
But then why should she tell me anything, I told her friends we were back together when she’d asked me to give her time to think things through. She only agreed so I didn’t look stupid in front of everyone.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I can’t treat her like that, she needs me to be there for her.
I make my excuses to leave. No, correction I tell them I going to follow her. I need to make her see that I love her and I didn’t mean to upset her with the way I reacted.
I run from the house, she’s just getting into her car. “Callie,” She turns her head and sighs. “Wait. Baby, I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For upsetting you.”
She smiles and wraps her arms around herself. “You didn’t.”
“I did, and you know I did. I didn’t mean to. I was just shocked that you’re having an operation. Why do you need one? What’s it for?”
She sighs to herself and bites his lower lip. “Plastic surgery.”
“What? Why do you need that?”
“Don’t act dumb, Hudson. Why do you think I need it?”
“I don’t think you need it.”
She rolls her eyes and huffs sarcastically. “Seriously? You don’t think I need it? You’ve seen my face. I need it! I don’t want to look like this if I don’t have to. My mother…”
“Your mother?” It suddenly makes a lot of sense to me. Her mother has made her feel not good enough, like she needs that operation so she can be what her mother believes she should be. Beautiful. She’s already fucking beautiful, scars or no scars. “She made you think that you need to do this, didn’t she?”
“She’s right, nobody is going to want me looking like this.”
“Did you really just say that? I want you, Callie. Have I not made that clear enough yet?!” Tears swarm her eyes. I can’t bear it when she cries, and I can’t bear that the strong woman I left behind is nothing but a shadow of that right now.
“If you want the surgery. If you want it, then I will be there for you, supporting you. But don’t do it just because your mother has made you feel like there is no other choice. Because believe it or not, I love you, Callie. I have always loved you, and nothing will ever change that. Not these scars,” I point to her face. “Nothing.”
She blinks and tears fall from her beautiful eyes. It cuts me inside to see her crying. My Callie was never a crier. Only very rarely did I ever see tears in those beautiful blue eyes.
“It’s not just my face, Hudson. My body is ruined. Inside and out. That man ruined me from here,” She points under her right breast. “To here,” Over her rib cage. “Here,” Her stomach. “To here.” And then to her left thigh. “Even here” She touches the bottom of her back on the left side.
“I am nothing but a walking mess of scars and memories of a nightmare I can’t escape. I know you think you want me now. And I do believe that you still love me in some way. But I also know my mother is right, you won’t want me once you see.”
“You really believe that I’m so shallow that I wouldn’t want you because of your scars? You allowed your mother to make you think that of me?”
She doesn’t say anything, but I can see that that’s exactly what she thinks. I see it in her eyes. I could fucking scream I’m so angry right now!
“The surgeon says he can fix my face. Not completely but enough so that I can hold my head up without people treating me like the town monster. I’m never going to be able to wear a bikini again but he can fix the scars on my body so that it will look more like I’ve had a transplant rather than…”
“Is this what you really want?” I ask, cutting her off. She nods. “Really?”
“Yes, really. I want my life back. I know it’s easy for others to say, “Don’t do it, you look okay as you are” but they’re not the ones living like this. You’re not the one living like this, Hudson.”
“I know.” I pull her into my arms and wrap them around her tightly. “I know. But I want you to know this. I want you, Callie. Scars, no scars. I love you and nothing is ever going to change that. I meant what I said to your friends. You’re my girl, you always have been.”
“I want to be with you, Hudson. It’s all I have ever wanted. But we can’t go back. Too much has happened to just act like we’re the same people we once were.”
“If you want me to leave, if that is what will make you feel better, then I’ll go. All you have to do is tell me so.”
She wraps her arms around me, clutching me tightly. “I don’t want you to go. Since you came back I’ve felt more like my old-self than I have since you left. But I’m scared.”
“There’s nothing to be scared of. Just trust me as you once did. I’m not going to let you down again, Callie. I’m staying right here with you.”
“You promise?”
“With all that I am, baby.” She nods against me.
I’m not going to leave her again. I’ve done some fucking terrible things in the time I’ve been gone, and they’re probably going to catch up with me sooner than I think. But for right now, I have to push it all out of my head. Callie has to be my main priority. I’ve let her down enough in the past. I’m not going to let her down again.
“Let me love you, baby.” She nods against me again. That will do. I don’t need her verbal answer. I know what she wants, I’ve always know, and I’m going to give it to her.
“Will you stay with me tonight? I just want you to hold me while I sleep. Please?”
“Whatever you want, baby,”
She lifts to look at me with a sweet smile on her face. I smile before kissing her softly.
“Need a ride, Mr Ryker?”
I chuckle at the cheeky smile on her face. This is the Callie I remember.
“A ride would be great, Miss Harper. I walked here.”
“Come on then, handsome.” She kisses me again before climbing into the driver seat.
Thirty minutes later, I’m standing in Callie’s bathroom having just taken a quick shower. I had to laugh at the fact after all these years she kept hold of some of my old clothes. Clothes I left here years ago. My old t-shirt’s don’t fit me, but my old baggy sweatpants with do for now.
Callie dived in the shower before me, but dressed before she came out. But those tiny little shorts she’s wearing had me hard in seconds. God, this is going to be difficult. How the hell am I meant to lie beside her, hold her in my arms and not want to touch her?
I take myself back into her bedroom to find her already asleep. She looks so peaceful. I smile to myself. I can’t believe she’s right there in front of me. I told myself many times that I was no good for her. All of those years I spent buried in work. Buried so deep I didn’t have to think about what I left behind. All those other women I used to forget the woman I left behind. It never worked, not really.
Okay, I lived, I laughed, but I didn’t love. Love was something I left behind. I left my heart here with Callie. It’s always been hers.
As I make my way around her bed, quietly as not to wake her, her loyal pets lift their heads from the huge dog bed they’re lying on beneath the window. I stroke both their heads, letting them know everything is okay, that I’m not going to hurt Callie. I would never hurt her, not physically. They seem at ease with me because both dogs just lay their heads back down and close their eyes.
I climb into her bed, stroking her hair back from her forehead. “I love you, beautiful girl.”
Ten
Callie
He grabs me around the throat and pins me to the metal exit door, the same door in which I just pushed Emilee and my sisters out of. I won’t let him out, I won’t let him hurt them. “That was a very fucking silly thing to do!” He hisses.
I’ll be honest, I’m terrified right now, because I know I won’t make it out of here alive. But that’s not to say I have to act like the scared little kitten he obviously thinks I am. I’m strong. He’ll have to torture me before I’ll show fear.
“Go fu
ck yourself!” I spit back.
“Not a bad idea.” He looks me up and down. “You’re a hot little thing, aren’t you?” My stomach turns. He’s disgusting. “Have you ever had a real man?”
“Yes!” I say between my teeth. He laughs, and then grabs me by my hair and throws me to the floor. I won’t scream, even though I know what’s coming.
I won’t scream but that doesn’t mean I won’t struggle. And as he holds me down, I do just that, struggle. But it seems to turn him on. All I can think is, “Why the hell did I wear a skirt to work today?” What a stupid thing to be thinking at a time like this.
I turn my mind to Emilee and my sisters and the fact they will have gone for help. I hope it comes soon.
I don’t want to scream, but as he bites my shoulder and tears at my clothes, my natural reaction to scream kicks in. I realize what I’ve done and clamp my mouth shut. I won’t give him the satisfaction, dammit!
“God, your a tight little bitch, aren’t you?” I won’t answer him. He doesn’t deserve a response. But as he licks my face, I whimper. “Such a pretty girl.” I can’t say as this is physically painful, he’s not a very big boy. But I’m lying here on the cold floor of my bakery being raped by a man I once stopped from raping my best friend for a fourth time. “Shame your not very wet…”
“That’s because your dick is fucking tiny!” I spit out. I have nothing to lose, he wants to hurt me, to kill me, then he will. But I won’t just roll over and die!
He hits me across the face and I feel him come inside of me, and it’s all I can do to stop myself vomiting all over him.
“Just for that,” He grabs my face in his hands and my eyes widen at the sight of a shiny blade. Where did he get that from? “I’m gonna make sure nobody sees you as you once were. By the time I actually kill you, you’ll be unrecognizable.”
As much as I don’t want to scream, I can’t stop one from erupting from my throat when that blade pierces my cheek. The pain is intolerable. I’m trying not to scream more but the blade is coming down on me again and again. My stomach… Oh god, I can’t take it, the pain is just to much…
I can’t stop shaking, I’m dying. I can hear Hudson’s voice calling me to him. It’s faint but I hear him. I want to go to him. I’m safe with him. But I can’t reach him… “So much blood and it’s all yours.” Dalton laughs evilly in my ear as he cuts into me again. Cutting me in all the right places that won’t kill me, but will leave me ruined.
“Please… Stop…! Let me go!”
“Callie, wake up! Baby, wake up, I’m here.” I don’t understand what’s going on. I can hear Hudson but I can feel Dalton. I feel sick. I feel so sick. “Callie. Callie, open your eyes, baby,”
Cooper. I can hear him whining. He needs me to let him out.
Wake up, Callie!
I prize my eyes open slowly. My heart is pounding too hard, my head is too tight, I’m burning up and my clothes feel like they’re sticking to my body. How the hell am I sitting up?
Okay, dreaming about what happened to me is not unusual. Most of the time my nightmares are much more vivid. This wasn’t a bad one, but I’ve never woken from said nightmares sitting up. God, my mouth is so dry.
“Callie, look at me,” Hudson takes my face in his hands, turning me to face him. “Breathe, sweetheart. That’s right, it was just a dream.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“No,” He shakes his head. My senses are coming back to me, my heart is slowing down. I’m okay. It was just a dream. I tell myself the same thing each time this happens, which is more often than I care to admit.
I know it’s over now, but nightmares have a way of making you feel like you’re right back in the one place you don’t want to even think about again.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, baby.” He strokes my cheeks with his thumbs.
I hadn’t meant to fall asleep before he’d even finished his shower, but I was exhausted, and knowing he was in the next room calmed me enough to fall asleep with ease. For once.
“I didn’t mean to wake you. The nightmares, they just happen sometimes.”
“It’s okay, I understand.” His eyes hold such sadness. I don’t want him to be sad for me.
I cup his face with him hand. “Please don’t pity me, Hudson.”
“I don’t pity you, Callie. But I do wish that man was in front of me right now so I could rip his heart out!”
“Don’t. He’s gone, Hudson. He’s gone and he’s never coming back. I love you.” He breathes deeply with his eyes closed. “This whole thing is a lot for anyone to deal with. It’s been hard for everyone. And I will understand if you can’t do this, Hudson.”
“Stop right there,” He presses his fingertips against my lips. “I am not going anywhere, Callie. You hold my heart and I hold yours, remember?” I giggle while nodding my head. Those are the words he first spoke to me when we were eleven. “I have never let go, baby.”
“Me either. And I never will. I love you.”
“It’s so good to hear you say that.” He smiles and then kisses me softly. “I love you.” He kisses my head and pulls me into his arms, lying us down at the same time. “Are you willing to give us another try, Cal? Are you willing to trust that I’m not going to leave you again?”
“Yes to both. But it’s going to take a little time to trust you completely. But I do want us to try again. If you can put up with me that is.” I giggle nervously.
“As long as you’re willing to give me another chance I can put up with anything. You’ve been through a lot, and there’s a lot I need to know. But for right now lets get some sleep. I think the dogs are wondering what’s going on.” He chuckles, making me laugh. Cooper is standing to the side of the bed watching us.
I laugh and stroke his head. “Go to bed, boy. Mommy is okay. Daddy’s here now.” I sense Hudson’s smile. Cooper nudges my hand before trotting back over to Roxy and laying down. I snuggle into Hudson, my head on his shoulder, his arms around me.
We have a way to go, but I’m willing to try. I’m willing to forgive him for leaving me just as long as he’s patient with me. I never thought he’d ever come home, but he did and he’s here with me where he belongs. Maybe things aren’t so hopeless after all.
*
“I can’t believe it.”
“Do you like it?”
“Like it?” My sister sniffs. “Callie, it’s beautiful.”
I offered to make Della’s wedding dress. My mother hadn’t wanted me to, but I think Della saw how badly I needed to do something to take my mind off of things. That, and it was my way of thanking her for always being there for me. Plus, she loved the dress I made for Emilee for her wedding a few months ago.
As Della stands there in front of us wearing the finishing product, I can honestly say I did a damn good job. Della wanted something a little different from the usual white or ivory. She’s always been different when it comes to fashion. She’s not the typical girl. And white wedding dresses don’t do it for her.
The dress I made is the usual floor-length, puffed out at the waist, tight bodice, strapless, sweetheart neckline wedding dress, I wanted to keep it a little traditional. Instead of white or even ivory though, I went for a deep silver, charcoal color. I knew my mother would hate it, and by the look of sheer horror on her face, I’d say I was right.
Della, on the other hand, has tears falling down her face. She loves it, and that’s all that matters to me. Plus, our girlfriends are all looking at her open mouthed and teary eyed.
“How could you?” My mother hisses down my ear. I’m not in the mood so I ignore her.
“Do you need me to alter it at all, Del?”
She shakes her head no. “It fits like a glove. You’ve done an amazing job, Cal.”
“You really have.” Lora smiles.
“Yes, well,” I roll my eyes at my mother. She may hate the dress, and I know she’ll try and talk Della out of wearing it, but I know she won’t say anything right now. W
ere at Aimee’s Boutique. Aimee owns the only boutique in town. She’s amazing at what she does. She was a little bummed that she wouldn’t be designing Della’s wedding dress, but only too happy to design the bridesmaid dresses.
Della chose Lora as her matron of honor, and me as her maid of honor. She also asked Emilee, Mia, Aimee, Paige, and her friend Jenny to be bridesmaids. Freddy, of course, asked Enzo to be his best man. They are best friends after all.
Tommy, Chase, Jesse, Kory, and Greg are groomsmen. And I was informed this morning that Freddy had asked Hudson also be a groomsman. Which, of course, had my sister smiling like a fool. She was worried because she hadn’t got enough groomsmen. She didn’t want me to walk down the aisle alone.
Not that I would have cared who they chose. No one would have touched me, not even to ask me to take their arm. At least with Hudson I’ll be okay with that. It will be like walking down the aisle five years ago had our wedding happened.
“Time for you to try your dress.” I nod at Aimee.
All the girls have tried on their dress, and only Emilee’s needs a little adjusting. After having baby Harper she’s dropping weight like you wouldn’t believe. Lora’s dress won’t be complete until the night before the wedding as her bump is slowly growing. And, of course, my mother doesn’t want anything to go wrong with Della’s big day. Which is only natural.
Looking at myself in the mirror, wearing the black floor-length bridesmaid dress, I feel really uncomfortable. I know it’s Della’s wedding and it’s really up to her what the bridesmaids wear, but this damn dress is backless. I feel like the scar on my back is showing. I thought Aimee would have realized I wouldn’t be able to wear something like this. At least the color of the bridesmaid dresses flatter the wedding dress.
“Caroline, will you hurry up!” I sigh while rolling my eyes. My mother has no patience where I’m concerned. I wish she’d ease up sometimes. I know she’s going to have something bad to say about this dress. Even though she complimented the other girls, telling them all how beautiful they looked, and how proud she is of them all for making her little girls big day so special. She won’t say any such thing to me. “Callie!”