To Save You

by Ruiz, Rebeca

  James is silent once again for a few moments. “Okay. If that’s what you want, I can help you talk to mom and dad at the end of the semester. Just show them that you tried to make it work here, and I’m sure they will have no problem with it.”

  “Thank you.” I only have to make it through the next few months and I’ll be okay. I can do that.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Mathew Pennington

  “I am not okay.” I could see that this was the first time Presley had ever allowed herself to say those words out loud. “This is something I have to deal with and I’ve thought about this long and hard.”

  I knew exactly where this was going. She was going to break up with me. And she was justifying it with her admitting she isn’t as okay as she pretends to be.

  “You’re breaking up with me.”

  “You’re great, I don’t deserve to be in a relationship with you. You’re destined to be with a beautiful girl, one who doesn’t have as many problems as I do. I know you’ll treat her amazing, and you’ll make her happy.” I could see with every word she spoke, that it was tearing her up inside.

  “I want to be with you.”

  “We can’t ever work.” She stands. I felt my heart being ripped in two.

  “How is this so easy for you?” I hated myself the second those words came out of my mouth. Why did I say that?

  “It isn’t, Mathew. What makes you think that it is?” I stand and I kiss her. I know Presley hates being caught off guard, but I have to prove to her that this isn’t something I’m ready to give up.

  I pull away from her and lean my forehead against hers. She’s begun to cry, which was not my intention. I’m a bit taken aback that this is her reaction.

  “Why are you crying?” I whisper.

  “You’re making this harder for me, Mathew.” She wipes away her tears with the back of her hand and she takes a few steps back.

  “I don’t mean to.”

  “You told me you’d do whatever you could to help me. I need you to not pursue me. I really can’t do us right now.” Presley doesn’t wait for my answer. She leaves me in my room, alone. I lost her.

  It was a few days before Halloween, Presley and I broke up weeks ago. I can’t even step into the library for fear that I might run into her. I don’t go into the cafeteria when I know she doesn’t have a class, I’ve also been avoiding James.

  When did I become the type of person to avoid people?

  James seems to be wrapped up in his own head, so it’s not like he’s noticed that I’ve been avoiding him. He’s getting better emotionally, he’s not using girls like tissues anymore. Cindy has been around more lately, I even occasionally see him with Dessie in the quad.

  “Boots and Boxers party.” Gill, one of my soccer buddies, hands me the flyer for the latest party.

  “I don’t know, man. I don’t really feel like going.” I have to admit that I’ve been feeling depressed.

  Even though I do everything to avoid Presley, it’s not like I don’t run into her. She’s with Finn. He always has his arm around her waist and leans in real close to talk to her. It pisses me off that she even lets him touch her.

  “Why not? This is like the best party of the year, aside from our Halloween party. You have to come, it’s mandatory.” I roll my eyes.

  “I have to bounce back from midterms.” I lie. I aced all of my exams, business classes were going great. “I can’t flunk this semester.”

  “I know for a fact that you passed, you’ll do fine this semester. This is about something else, isn’t it?” Gill sits down in front of me and stares me down. Gill is odd, but effective. He doesn’t like no for an answer. “It’s a girl, isn’t it? Which girl on campus has you wrapped around their pretty little finger.”

  I gave him a long look. I contemplated telling him, but he had a big mouth. If I told him, it’d definitely get out to James.

  “No. It’s not.” I knew the only way to get him off my back was to go. “I’ll be there tonight…I need to get wasted.”

  Presley was like a drug. I could not get her out of my system, but it’s not like I have even tried. I didn’t want to let go of her, yet, but she has definitely let go of me. She’s replaced me with Finn.

  “I can help you with that.” Gill says a little too proudly.

  “I’ll see you tonight.”

  As soon as I get to the party, I could smell the weed. That was something I never messed with because I needed to pass my drug tests for soccer, off season was a different story though. I did it occasionally. Tonight would not be one of those nights.

  All the girls here were dressed provocatively in the smallest of boxers and the sexiest boots they could find. Some girls had shirts on, others were in bras.

  “Glad you could make it, Matty.” Gill says and pats me on the back and hands me a bottle of beer.

  “No problem.” I try to take a swig, but I just end up drinking it all.

  “If you don’t slow down you’re going to be a mess by eleven. We can’t have that happen for the ladies.” On cue, Leah comes up to me and Gill gives me another beer.

  I sit on the couch and she sits down like my lap is her place even though there is an empty spot next to me. “Finally, it’s been awhile. I really missed you.” I gulp down the rest of the beer and place it on the table when I spot her.

  Presley is dancing with Finn. She’s laughing with him. He kisses her and I notice that she’s not as comfortable as she is with me, but she doesn’t pull away. She keeps kissing him and I feel the anger bubble.

  “Hello? I am right here.” Leah says, annoyed that I am ignoring her, and I bring her mouth down to mine.

  I could taste the pot, and there was nothing nice about kissing her. Not like kissing Presley, her mouth was sweet and I could never get enough of it. Leah, I could do without. I didn’t want her.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Presley Masters

  Finn convinced me to give him a chance. I just wanted to stop thinking about Mathew. I put on a smile whenever Finn was around because I wanted to believe that it would help me with my depression.

  When I am alone in my room, it is a different story. I cry most of the time. Dessie comes around when she can, she likes baking so she’s made me many treats to try and cheer me up. She tells me if she sees Mathew, and how he looked.

  I managed to pass my midterms and now I had to worry about finals. We were just a little over a month from this semester ending. I was two weeks away from talking to my parents about dropping out of SU.

  The music was too loud for me, but Finn begged me to come to the Boots N’ Boxers party. I bought my own pair of boxers, I was not asking Finn for some, and I slapped on some old cowboy boots from Dessie. I was also wearing a white t-shirt.

  “You look so hot. Everyone is staring at you here.” Finn liked that people looked at us, I didn’t.

  “I’m going to go, Finn.” He grabs my hand. I wanted to pull away, but I didn’t.

  “Please don’t. Just wait half an hour, and we’ll go and watch Parks and Recreation on Netflix. I know how much you love Leslie Knope.” I smile. Finn is my best friend, I’d be so stupid not to date him and I could be happy with him.

  “Fine. Half an hour.” He kisses me.

  He turns me around and starts dancing with me. I laugh at his stupid moves. Finn liked making me laugh and kissing me, too. When I get out of his hold, I look around to see if I could spot Dessie.

  My eyes land on Leah, the girl I know that Finn has hooked up with before, and I look at the guy whose mouth she is currently sucking.

  Mathew. He has his hand up her shirt, and they’re basically having sex on the couch. Everyone is watching them. Is he trying to make me jealous? Well, it’s definitely working, I pull away from Finn.

  “We can go.” Finn says. He hates to see me upset over Mathew. I snapped out of the daze I was in.

  “I don’t care.” I say, hoping my voice didn’t b
etray me. I look away from them, and look at Finn.

  “Let’s go.” I nod and he leads me out.

  My roommate is at her boyfriends apartment, so I’m alone tonight in my dorm. Finn offered to stay, but I couldn’t say yes. I wanted to be alone.

  The razor blade was where I left it the night before, in my pencil box. I roll up my sleeve and just wreak havoc on my arm. I can’t stop. My arm has been taking most of the damage when I go on these binges. My stomach and thighs haven’t been touched. The cuts go from my wrist to all of my forearm.

  “Presley.” I get startled by seeing Mathew in my room. I didn’t even see him or hear him come in.

  I drop the razor blade. He rushes to my side and takes a look at my arm. I am completely numb but my heart is racing. I see the blood getting all over his hands, and I pull away from Mathew.

  His eyes were bloodshot from being drunk or high. I don’t know. I stood up and grabbed a towel to wrap my arm with.

  “Get out.” I mange to say.

  His green eyes look so worried. He stood up and crossed his arms.

  “No. You’re hurting yourself, Presley. What if I hadn’t come in? How far would you go? You can kill yourself.”

  “I know that!” I yell.

  “Were you trying to kill yourself?” I could see that I was tearing him apart. Before me, he was normal. He never had to worry about this stuff.

  “I’ve never tried to kill myself on purpose. I do what I need to do to get through the day.” I could see he was afraid of what I was capable of.

  “You scare me.” He admits.

  “I would never kill myself.”

  “What about your bad day?” My heart stopped.

  “I am going to kill Finn.” I grab my phone.

  “No, he didn’t tell me.” Mathew tries to take it back. I feel like I might throw up. I need him to leave now.

  “Finn is the only one who knew about that. It was an accident and I called him right away. As you can see, I am perfectly fine now.” He points to my arm.

  “You call that fine? Is that why you ran away to Europe?”

  “I’m done talking, Mathew.” I sit on my bed.

  “We are so far from done, Presley.” I shake my head. “Why won’t you open up to me?”

  “Because you scare me.”

  “Why?”

  “You get me to admit things, things I have always had trouble admitting to myself. I don’t like how easy it is to open up to you because people like you don’t stay for people like me. Why would I put myself through that world of hurt?” I cry out.

  Mathew sits next to me, and hugs me. I just let it all out. I can’t stop the tears from falling, my feelings were overflowing.

  Why was he still here? I am too messed up for him. I hurt myself and I hurt others. I don’t want him to be one of my casualties.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Present Day…

  Mathew Pennington

  I watched Ashton with Braxton. I saw how they looked at each other and how in love they were. I was so happy for them.

  I wanted what they had and I genuinely think I could have that with Presley. I know I am in love with her.

  Last week when I saw her hurting herself, it was like she was hurting me. She didn’t even notice me come in. I saw the razor blade slice her skin and she barely even flinched. It was my fault, I tried making her jealous. I knew she saw, I saw her leave with Finn. I went to her dorm to explain to her I wanted her back. I was so drunk.

  I watched her sleep all night. She looked so peaceful asleep. I knew then how much help she really needed. I wanted to help her.

  Ashton was right. I couldn’t help her alone. I had to tell James and her parents. She would hate me, but at least it would mean that she is getting help. Presley will have to face her fears and I will do my best to stand by her.

  “What’s going on?” James asks.

  He’s got his boot off, but he still needed the crutches to get around. I looked to the floor, afraid to look at him.

  “Presley and I were dating.”

  “Okay.” I look at him. He didn’t look phased.

  “You knew.” It wasn’t a question.

  “I’m very observant, and you two weren’t as careful as you two thought. I’ve known for a while.” He smiled.

  “Oh.” I feel relief knowing he wasn’t going to beat the crap out of me for dating his sister behind his back.

  “You said were. What happened?”

  Then I explained to James everything that’s been going on with Presley. Even her bad day. Especially her bad day. At one point she thought she wanted to die, and I can’t lose her. I want her healthy and happy.

  James immediately got on the phone with his parents. I waited patiently until he got off. Presley was going to hate me, and I’ll take her hate. I hate myself for not telling her brother sooner, for letting her convince me not to say a word.

  James came back into the living room. He couldn’t look at me, and I didn’t blame him. I’ve had this secret for two months. Finally, his eyes meet mine.

  “They’re coming tomorrow to take her away. Don’t talk to her, she’ll know something is up. You did the right thing by telling me.”

  “Where are they taking her?”

  “I don’t know, yet.” James has a tell when he lies or is bluffing. He scratches his right ear, and he was doing it now. He was lying to me.

  “What are your parents thinking?”

  He sits down. “They just want to help her. They’re going to find the best hospital for her, probably inpatient until they can figure out what exactly is going on.”

  I sigh and put my face in my hands. James pats me on the back. “You did the right thing coming to me.”

  “I should have told you sooner.”

  “You really like her, huh?” I nod.

  “I do.” More like love, but I don’t think I am ready to admit that right now. Especially not to her brother.

  “I hope you know Finn is a distraction to her. He’s her best friend, and he thinks he’s perfect for her because he knows her. I’ve seen the way Presley looks at him, they will never work out as a couple.” That made me feel a lot better.

  “Thanks.”

  Presley was sitting in my room the next day. James had class, so he wasn’t here. She was sitting on my bed, and she had a look of determination on her face.

  “What are you doing here?” I knew her parents were packing up her room currently because she was supposed to be in class.

  “I want you, Mathew.” Her eyes were filled with sexual desire. I set my backpack down and I crossed my arms.

  “You’re with Finn.”

  “No, I’m not.” She takes off her shirt.

  Fuck. She wasn’t wearing a bra, her perfect tits were staring at me straight in my face. I tried to keep my eyes on her blue ones.

  “Presley.” She stands and shimmies her jeans down along with her underwear.

  “I’m offering myself to you. I am in a good state of mind right now. Please.” I took the few steps to her and I kissed her even though I knew I shouldn’t.

  I was being selfish. I knew I may not see her for months, or she would be too angry at me to ever talk to me again. I had to treasure whatever time I had now with her. I was being utterly selfish.

  Pushing Presley to the bed, I stripped off my shirt, and then my jeans. I was left in my boxers, and I got in between her legs. I pressed myself against her and we both moaned. I wanted to be in her now, but not yet.

  I slipped my mouth over her right breast at the same time I entered her with two fingers. She was so damn tight. I could hear her panting, and I knew how to get her over the edge. I pressed my thumb against her clit.

  “Mathew!” She screamed as she hit her climax. I didn’t stop though, I kept going, giving her another mind blowing orgasm.

  I lowered myself down, my face was next to her pussy which was hot and still very tight. I c
leaned up my fingers in front of her, and I could see it was turning her on behind that dazed look that the orgasm had given her.

  I inhaled her sweet scent before lapping up her juices with my tongue. I had to hold her down with my hands as she started moving. As she got closer and closer to yet another climax, I stopped before she could. She made the cutest noise of frustration for me stopping.

  I pulled away and took off my boxers, put a condom on and I placed my cock at her entrance. I wanted to see her face with pleasure as I entered her.

  Slowly, I went in. Her electrifying blue eyes were on my green eyes. I pulled back and I slammed into her. I could see that she really enjoyed that. I continued that pace until I could feel that she was closer.

  “I love you, Presley.” The words slipped out just as both came apart. I hoped she hadn’t heard me. What if she didn’t feel the same way.

  We were both breathing hard, and her eyes were closed. I watched her taking her deep breaths, her chest was moving up and down with every breath she took.

  “I love you.” She says, opening her tired eyes. I kissed her.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Presley Masters

  “I’m so sorry.” I thought I heard Mathew say that as I was falling asleep.

  I don’t know how long I was out, but he was still asleep when I woke up. Mathew was better than I’d hoped. When he said he loved me, I wanted to cry. I said it back because I felt that way, too, and because I didn’t want him to feel awkward.

  How could he love me? I was messed up. Over a week ago, he caught me cutting my already raw arm. I had no space untouched on my forearm. Why would he love someone who does that to themselves?

  I got up and I quickly changed. James would be home soon and I had to leave before he saw me. I didn’t bother saying goodbye to Mathew because I didn’t want to wake him up.

  As I was walking to my car, I thought I saw my dad’s white Range Rover. It looked just like his, but it wasn’t. It couldn’t be. My parents were in New York. I’m being paranoid, there is more than one Range Rover on campus.