by M Field
As soon as I send it, I regret using the word, “need”. I am sure to get a guilt-ridden reply. My phone beeps mid-thought and I tense up as I read it.
Alex: Cool. Looking forward to it. If you could grab some juice that'd be great.
My chest sinks in disappointment. Here I am, too chicken to face him and then annoyed that he doesn't mention last night. I am letting down feminists all over the world. Damn this stupid overactive imagination I have.
An hour later, I drive back home, with a stomach thick with apprehension. Luckily, everyone will be here within the hour, so I have time for a quick coffee before they all arrive. Reaching the kitchen, I fill up the percolator and set it on the stove. My thoughts leave me so preoccupied that I don’t hear Alex walk up behind me. He doesn't say anything, but I feel him. Trying to remain composed, I wait for him to yell at me for not going to him last night. Instead, he reaches out and slides my hair across my back to over my other shoulder. I wait with bated breath as his finger traces the script along my shoulder blades. The low back to my tank gives his fingers easy passage to glide along my skin like silk, tracing each letter like it's his own work.
"What does it mean, Bea?" he asks, continuing to trace each letter.
I gulp and breathlessly reply, “The love that moves the sun and the other stars. It’s Dante.”
"No, I meant," he husks, "what does it really mean?"
I shiver as his finger continues to loop back and forth, his soft touch soothing my nerves.
"It's um, Dante. It's how I see love should be. To love someone so fiercely that it propels past the moon and the stars."
He stops the trailing movement for a moment then asks, "When did you get it?"
I tense at the memory.
"The day after I broke up with Kyle. I couldn't commit to my feelings, and it wasn't fair to
him."
His hand stops on my back before it begins to retrace the letters.
"Between us, you will feel this, Bea. I promise you." Reaching to my side, he turns me gently with his head cast down to my wrists. He picks up my left one and traces the very faint scar.
"I know I have a lot to prove,” he continues to rub it gently, "but know one thing." He raises his eyes and pierces me with his stare. "If you keep running, I'll keep chasing. You are as much a part of me as I am of you."
My wrist tenses under his hand but he continues, "I will give you a little space for now, but you won't be out of my reach. This, between us, can reach the stars if you just let me in."
A lone tear trails down my cheek. His thumb reaches forward and with a gentle swipe, he brushes it away.
"No more tears over me." Smiling, he wraps his arms around me and holds me close. "I'll show you, Bea-Bea. This I can assure you." Kissing my hair, his embrace tightens for a moment again, before he steps away, but not before saying, “Coffee's ready.”
I blink out of my daze before unscrambling his words in my mind, and suddenly the loud whooshing of steam surging through the tip of the percolator. Removing it from the stove, I prepare a cup with milk and sip it, remembering our conversation. A small smile appears on my face while the cloud of fear begins to drift away.
Before long, our lounge room is littered with empty plates and glasses while also being filled with the raucous laughter of our hung-over friends. Both Robbie and Alex, along with Theo, tease each other about various things, while Haze, Trinity, and I attempt to have a subtle conversation without the boys noticing. But as Joshua, Aiden, Regan, and Kyle are too close, our conversation ceases all too prematurely. While I sit and catch up with the girls, I can’t help but feel Alex’s eyes on me. Sure enough, I look up and see him smiling. I quirk my eyebrow at him and he gives me a wink before returning to the conversation with my brother and Theo.
Regan leans in closer to me and sighs.
“I love living with Kyle, but I really miss our Saturday yoga sessions,” she admits while squeezing my hand.
“It’s okay. We can start them up again,” I suggest. “Just alternate houses.”
“Alternate what?” Kyle overhears. “Don’t tell me I have to pack again.”
“No babe, not at all. Just working out the yoga sessions with Trice again.”
“Just you gals, though, not those bloody guys from your dance class. Doing yoga, my arse. They just came to perve.” He grimaces.
“I think you’ll find that I was not one of them,” Joshua responds. Looking towards Robbie and Alex, he sighs. “Now that Trice lives here, though, I expect to be invited on yoga Saturdays.”
I grin, watching Robbie flinch while Alex shakes his head.
“Josh.” Alex laughs. “You’re definitely welcome. While you have your eye candy, I’ll—” He flicks his eyes over to me, “—have mine.”
I blush and reach for another juice.
Taking a sip of my drink, Robbie’s loud voice booms across the room. “What the fuck is this? Porn?”
Leaning back on my wrists, I squint to see what he’s holding. In his right hand, he holds a red-covered novel that I immediately recognise.
“It’s a novel I bought, Robbie.”
He turns the cover over and glances at the blurb. “Looks like girl porn to me.”
Fuming, I stand up and march towards him with my hand extended. “It’s not girl porn, you moron. It’s hot. Do you see a pool guy on the cover or in the blurb? Trust me, this has more storyline than the porn you have in the box in the garage.”
He looks at me sheepishly and says, “Those are old, anyway. Look at this!” He points to the cover. “She’s practically naked!”
I shake my head and walk away before I decide to hurt him.
“Which one are you reading, hon?”
Trinity leans forward and I pass it over to her.
“Oh! I’ve read that! They’re not naked; they’ve just misplaced their clothes. It’s hot as. How sexy is the tattooed guy?” She sighs, gripping it to her chest, while leaning back into the couch.
“Exactly,” I agree. “Totally hot, and it could teach the guys we know a lesson or two.”
“Oh, is there a section where he sticks his throbbing member into her flowerpot?” Theo asks, fluttering his eyelids while clasping his hands under his chin. In a high-pitched voice he says, “Those are my favourite parts!”
He giggles, covering his mouth with his hand like a schoolgirl. Trinity reaches out and hits him on the arm. “You’re an idiot. Besides, they don’t use that shit; they use ‘cock’.”
“Bullshit!” he jeers. “That does not sound like something you girls would read.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she challenges, placing her hand on her hips and staring him down.
He rolls his eyes and huffs, “It sounds too blunt—you girls like all that romantic shit. Not ‘cock’.”
Trinity tuts and reaches down into the bag that is by her feet. “We’ll see about that …” She pulls out a novel and opens it, flicking through a couple of pages. “Mmm,” she muses. “It says here, ‘his cock thrust into her.’” Looking back at Theo, she raises her eyebrow while flicking through more pages. “Or here, ‘his cock hammered against her entrance.’ Or better still, later on, ‘her lips licked his throbbing c— ”
Theo holds up his hands in protest. “Enough! Yeah, we get the hint. You gals love to read the word, ‘cock’.” He then crosses his arms in frustration. “I get it.”
Trinity, however, is not finished messing with him. “That’s not the only way that it gets described. How about …” tilting her head, she winks at me then gazes back, looking at Theo, “pants weasel.”
Hazel bursts out laughing and sits forward on the couch, eager to participate.
“Or,” Hazel husks seductively, “lance of love.”
“Mighty man noodle!” Trinity yells, shaking her fist in the air.
“Fuck stem!” I laugh, avoiding Alex’s gaze. Excited by the shocked looks on the boys’ faces, we happily continue.
“One-eyed snake.”<
br />
“Rippling sausage.”
“Love machine.”
“Doodle!”
“Engorged staff.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake! What about penis?” Robbie laughs.
“Yes, please,” Joshua sighs, wiggling his eyebrows at Robbie. Robbie’s laugh is immediately cut short.
“I prefer venom cock.” Hazel winks, causing Robbie to stare back at her in shock.
“Organ,” I taunt.
“Oh, let’s not forget, formerly caged viper,” Trinity says. “But I also think that we haven’t covered vaginas—”
“Oh, here we go.” Alex rolls his eyes.
“No, let’s just stick with cock. I hate how they describe vaginas,” I whine. Glancing up, Alex’s gaze is smouldering into mine. What? I mouth. You said cock, he mouths back.
Blushing, I turn away before anyone else notices his blatant flirting.
“Um, not like I really, really want to know …” Robbie queries. “But what do they use for the va-jay-jay?”
“Well,” Hazel pipes up, “I’ve read everything from the delicate rosebud to Count Fapula. The one that I absolutely hate, though, is ‘channel’; it can totally ruin the sex for me.”
“The hell?” Trinity bellows. “Worst name ever. You cannot swim up my vagina! With or without a paddle!!”
“These books sound classy,” Theo drawls, rolling his eyes.
Trinity’s eyes continue to peruse the pages, as she mumbles, "You know, my phone also has plenty that you can read from. But that’s my personal collection. But this, I’m sure Trice will lend it to you. Tight butts like yours needs to loosen up occasionally, and who knows—you may even get some tips."
She holds out the book to him, but he refuses to touch it.
"Who says I need any?" Theo seethes, staring back at her.
Glancing up, she breathes a sigh of exasperation. "Really, Theo? When was the last time you really let loose and grabbed a girl and nailed her? I'm talking against the wall, on the washing machine—anywhere but a bed?"
The room suddenly becomes quiet. The usual tirade between Trinity and Theo is more tense than usual. Trinity waves her hand in front of him to encourage him to continue. Theo looks ready to attack.
"See? My point exactly. Read this. Your dick will be forever grateful … or, according to this novel, your cock. I’ll even highlight some parts …"
Theo steps closer to her and lowers his voice. “I can fuck anywhere. I have it on good authority that my skills are exceptional. Especially when I have the bite marks on my neck to prove it. Wonder how that girl’s shoulder is today … Seeing as she asked me to return the favour.”
Trinity’s face pales as she thrusts the novel into Theo’s chest.
“Whatever, Theo,” she mumbles. Looking between the two of them, I can’t help but notice the air is suddenly thick with tension. Seems that Alex and I aren’t the only ones hiding. Theo hands my novel back to me, and I try to walk over to Trin to quiz her when Joshua dares to speak. “Robbie, say cock. C’mon … just say it.” He flicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth while cheekily grinning at Robbie. Closing his eyes, he visibly shudders, then opens them again, stares at Robbie and grins. “You’re so cute when you blush.”
Shaking his head, Robbie steps towards the back of the room, away from Joshua, when his eyes immediately focus on the back wall.
Pointing with his thumb, he looks back at us and asks, “Hey, what happened to my hot rod poster?”
Shocked, my eyes shoot up to Alex and I blush. Flicking my gaze towards the wall, Robbie is still over there, scanning the blank wall while looking around for his framed poster.
“It was here yesterday … Where is it, Trice?”
“I … um, I don’t know. I was going to put up something less chauvinist.”
“What do you mean? That chick was hot.”
“I’ve seen hotter.” Alex smirks, staring right at me.
“Look, there’s even a scratch on the wall, like it’s been ripped clean off.” He stops suddenly
and turns sharply, staring at Alex and then at me. I immediately turn my gaze to the empty plates near me.
“No …” he whispers. “Did you guys …?”
I pick up the empty plates and start clearing the other dirty dishes.
“Oh, Trice and Alex, were we ‘moving furniture’? Or was Trice showing you a yoga pose
while butt nak—”
Thankfully, Josh is cut off.
“Well, it looks like you need another pin-up girl,” Trinity interjects, laughing while trying hopelessly to cover for us. Robbie shakes his head but raises his eyes to look directly at Hazel, his frown clears as he mutters, “Yeah, I reckon I might know someone.”
Hazel bites her lip and turns away, but not before I notice the smouldering look from Robbie. Hmm, that explains why neither of them stayed here last night. Interesting.
Not wanting to stand there with my novel tucked under my arm and the stacked plates in my hands looking like an idiot, I head to the kitchen with a small smile on my face. Hazel has a lot of explaining to do.
Loading the dishes into the dishwasher, I heard Robbie’s ringtone sound followed by his voice. “Hey Mamma …”
I smile; despite how old he is, Robbie still turns into a little boy when Mamma calls. No wonder he has her wrapped around his finger. Closing the dishwasher, I stand straight and feel my back against a hard front.
“So, these yoga classes …” Alex muses while twirling his finger around a tendril of my hair, “Can I sign up today? Or …”
I laugh and shoot him an evil glance that my smile is threatening to break through.
“Sorry, but it’s just a private session. Only experienced yoga participants allowed,” I jest, turning to face him.
He places both of his hands on my waist and leans down. “Well, it’s a good thing I’m a physio. I can be on standby if anyone injures themselves.”
For a moment we stand there, smiling and staring into each other’s eyes. My eyes flicker down to his lips and I subconsciously lick my bottom lip. Before my eyes trail up to his, he leans forward and kisses me softly. I step into him, but he holds me back, while his lips gently kiss and sample mine. Just before he stops, his tongue tickles my bottom lip as he whispers, “If this house was empty, we would rearrange furniture all over this fucking house.”
Panting, I nod.
“Trice!” Robbie marches up with a frantic stride, “Mamma just called, and Nonna’s had a fall. She’s broken her hip, and is having surgery.”
I step away from Alex and move closer to Robbie. “Oh, my God! Is she all right?”
“They’re operating now. Not sure the extent of her injuries, except she’s all bruised up her arm as well. I reckon we head home for a few days. Can you do that?” Robbie’s brow is creased in concern.
“Yep, just got to call the director.”
“Will he be all right with it?”
“I don’t give a shit if he isn’t. I’m coming.”
“Right,” Alex interjects. “I just have to swap a few appointments around, but I only need ten minutes and I’ll be ready.”
My eyes cut to his in shock.
“You don’t have to come,” I reason. He pins me with an “Are you serious?” glance and states, “Last time I checked, Nonna was more family to me than my own mother. Don’t challenge me, Bea. I’m coming. You guys need me, and I need to see that they’re giving her the right therapy.”
My heart melts and pools at my feet. He must have caught it as he tenderly strokes my cheek and whispers, “I’ve got you, remember? Now, call that dickhead director.”
I lean into his hand and smile. Somehow, in the last few hours, I have turned from being scared of his touch to needing it. Yep, he is definitely not letting me run this time.
Within the hour, we are on the road, and on the long drive back home. I had called the director and was met with a frosty response. “Your lack of dedication is appalling. I will not give you
extra concession for this. You do it at your own peril.”
I hang up, feeling annoyed that I had entered this bitchy world of dancing. I couldn’t fathom wanting to continue dancing in an academy where their performers meant nothing but numbers in an audition. I shrugged off his attitude and promised myself that I would show him up in the final performance, while spending time to actively work out another career path.
The three of us are squished into the front of Alex’s truck and have our bags loaded in the tray. I sit between the guys, and as much as my stomach is in knots about seeing Nonna, Alex seems to radiate a vibe that has cloaked me in safety. Aside from the usual spat about music choices, the drive goes relatively smoothly, and by nightfall, we’ve pulled up in my parents’ driveway. I want to give Alex a chance, but I feel tethered to the edge, not willing to quite let myself go.
We step out of the truck and hear Mamma and Dad climbing down the stairs.
“Mamma!” I cry, running straight to her. “How is she? Can we go see her?”
Clutching me in her arms, she squeezes tightly. “She’s not too bad, resting at the moment. We’ll go in and see her tomorrow.”
Robbie steps forward and hugs our mother while Alex shakes our father’s hand.
“Right,” my dad announces, “dinner is ready. Get up there, guys.”
Alex waves to us and then turns and begins walking to his truck, but my father stops him. “Alex, that includes you. By now, you should know that.” Smiling, I lift my chin over towards the staircase as my parents start walking back up them. Robbie is scooting up after them, while I linger back, my hand lightly brushing against Alex’s as we climb the steps.
Once dinner is over, Alex excuses himself and heads home, but not before my mother hugs him.
“Too long since I’ve seen you. Remember, these doors are always open.” She pinches his cheek, and he grins and thanks her. I watch him leave without realising that my mother’s gaze has fallen upon me.
“Cara, sei innamorata?”
I blush as her suggestion. Should I admit my feelings? I begin devising a plan on how to distract her, when she purses her lips and she sighs. “Finalmente.”
Shocked by her boldness, my mouth falls open.