by M Field
“Mamma, I …” She gestures for me to follow her towards the kitchen. By this stage, the boys are in the lounge so we are well out of earshot. We reach the sink and begin washing the dishes together.
“Beatrice,” she urges, “there’s no shame in love. The only shame is to not let it get into your
heart.”
Tears begin to swell in my eyes as I nod. “I’m so scared, Mamma … What if he doesn’t feel the same as I do, that it’s just a crush? What then?”
Mamma continues to scrub at the plates while she contemplates her answer. “You obviously don’t see what we do, amore. The way he looks at you is just like your father did to me when I was young. So part of me is thrilled, and the other part wants to smack him at the back of the head as I remember what your father was like.”
I laugh and twig on to what she is referring to, cringing at the thought of my parents being smitten young adults, though her words do soothe my doubts slightly.
“I’m so unlucky, though, just like Dante’s Beatrice. I’m confused and don’t know if this is right. ”
Mamma stops washing and turns sharply to me. “How? She found love. It was Dante who declared his love for her. Yes, he loved someone who wasn’t his, but he immortalised his love for her through his poetry. He gave us the beauty that many dream to feel. You are not unlucky in love. She got married, and her heart was fulfilled. You can have that intense love, but at least it won’t be from afar.”
I dry the plate in my hand while considering her point. She is right. He is only a short jog away.
Later that night, I stand by the window and stare in the direction of Alex’s place. Zipping up my hoodie over my nightgown, I slip my sneakers onto my feet and pull up the window. I don’t like the thought of him alone with his mother. I am sure that the hurtful memories of his past will be playing Russian roulette with his mind. Reaching into my pocket, I send him a quick text to test the waters.
Me: Hope you’re okay, over there. X
His house is too distant for me to see any lights, so I have to go and see. I feel my phone vibrate and see his reply.
A: Don’t worry about me; your family needs you right now. Mum is doped up anyway, so it’s fine.
My heart clenches in my chest. No, it is not fine, Alex. You should at least have a supportive mother who gives a care. I quickly fire back a text that says:
Me: Wish I was there. Sweet dreams, okay? X
He soon replies:
A: Me too, my dreams are always sweet when you run through them.
As corny as that is, it makes me smile. Trust him to make a joke out of a volatile situation. I climb all the way through the window and make a quick but silent trip down the stairs. If this is going to work, I need to let the barriers down entirely. No more one-sided chasing.
Drawing closer to his house, it occurs to me that I don’t know which window is his—I have been in his lounge room a long time ago, but I haven’t been in his bedroom, ever. A faint light illuminates the room in front of me, and as I creep forward, it becomes clear that it is a bathroom. The light from it flows into the next room and I can make out a figure moving around. Tentatively, I shuffle forward until I see the muscular back of Alex facing away from the window as he undresses. It seems that I have arrived at the right time. He turns towards the bathroom, with his hand on his belt and for a moment, I take in his beautiful torso. I itch to touch it and taste it. As I slide my eyes back to his face, I freeze. He gleams a mischievous grin while staring back at me.
I raise my hand in a whimsical wave as he shakes he head and marches over to the window. Drawing it up quietly, we spend a moment of silence until I can’t take his smirk anymore and say,
“Well, if you aren’t going to let me in …” before he reaches out under my armpits and lifts me up and through the window.
His chest vibrates against mine as he chuckles. “You don’t need an invite, Bea. You can crawl through my window anytime.”
I smack his shoulder lightly in a huff as he releases me. Already he has the upper hand, but my frustration soon dissipates as he smiles widely at me. I draw my hand up and cup his cheek and vehemently say, “I am so glad to see you smile. I was worried that being over here …”
He turns and kisses my hand. “It’s hard, Bea, but I have things in my life now that I didn’t have back then. My job, freedom, and most importantly, I have you … don’t I?”
I lean up on tiptoes and kiss him gently while whispering against his lips, “You do. See? No need to chase me.”
His arms fold around me and he kisses me back briefly before saying, “But I love to chase … I especially like to catch.”
He lifts me up and I wrap my legs around him while moulding his lips with mine. This time, we kiss languidly and even though the ferocity is not here, the love certainly is. Walking me to his bed, he turns and sits while I continue to straddle his hips, kissing and holding him close to me. His arms rub up and down my back while I tilt my pelvis into his crotch. He groans and shifts to position me slightly back on his legs. Breaking the kiss for a moment, without taking his eyes off me, he unzips my hoodie and I grab his hand to stop him. Confused, he looks at me in question, but I shake my head and indicate with my finger to give me a moment. Sliding off his legs, I stand and face him. Ever so slowly, I continue to unzip my hoodie until the zip is fully opened and then I peel it off my shoulders. I am left there in a thin, strapped tank and short black shorts. Then, in a repeat performance, I slowly, slowly slide the shorts down my legs, which un-tucks my tank that folds down to show me standing there in my blue silk nightgown. The one he wanted me to wear.
His eyes flash with lust as he takes in my curves. The silk shines against my skin. I smile coyly, and using my index finger, I curl it and gesture for him to come to me. He stands and with a sexy swagger, makes his way over, all the while undressing me with his feverish eyes. I grab onto the elastic of his boxer shorts and pull him closer to me,
“I was hoping it was going to rain, as I want to recreate that night. You and rain are my favourite things to think about.” I raise my eyebrows to him in suggestion. “But, seeing as it’s not, let’s make a new memory. I’m in that nightgown. So … show me what you’re going to do.”
With a cheeky wink, I run my fingers across the elastic of his boxers and feel his erection strain against the cool satin. Without a word, he leans forward and begins placing gentle kisses beneath my ear that trail down my neck to the strap of my nightgown. Gently, he pushes it over my shoulder as he continues to kiss and use his tongue to flick against my skin. I pant at the back of his head while my body begs for him to keep touching me.
“Bea …” He kisses along the top of my breast as his hand moves to cup it through the silk. “I would like nothing better than to tear this in half and pound into you, but tonight, you will be shown how much you mean to me.”
Then he takes the hem of my nightgown and slowly edges it up and over my body. His fingertips lightly trace my skin as he weaves them down my chest and watches the goosebumps that follow. His touch is like a slow burn; I’m eager for it to light me up, yet I want to stand here in his heated gaze forever. Weaving his hands down to my hips, he moves them to his waistband and peels his boxers off. His erection stands thick and pulsing, and I can’t help but reach out and touch the tip of it with my finger and trace the head. He hisses, then grabs my hand and draws me back over to the bed. I lay down on the cool sheets, and my nerves take flight as I desperately want him to ease the ache between my legs. He leans over me, and kisses one breast then sucks onto my nipple, while massaging the other. My body arches into his mouth and I let out a long groan.
Running his hands over my breasts, he continues to kiss my body like I’m a precious gift, but I then decide it’s his turn to be cherished. I tenderly place my hands on his shoulders and push to lift him. He looks into my eyes in puzzlement until I shift from under him, and lean into his hips, shoving him against his dark sheets. He stares up at me while I cra
wl up his body and lay gentle kisses on his forehead, jaw, cheek, and finally his lips. Searing his lips into mine, I passionately kiss him until he’s panting, and then I break free and wink. Giving his hip a light squeeze, I kiss under his chin and trail down his neck, and lick along the grooves of his pecs to his nipples. Looking up into his eyes, I draw my tongue out and lick his nipple, and then I lean down, open-mouthed, and suck. He hisses as the hot sensation rockets through him, tilting his hips up and off the bed.
My lips continue to caress him as I make my way along his stomach and lick around his navel. Massaging the side of his hips, I continue kissing my way down while my arms go between his legs and I push his thighs out wider for better access. Without hesitation, my lips meet the tip of his erection, and for a moment, I stare up into his pleading eyes. His head tilts in anticipation while I curve my tongue and lick the head. He hisses and closes his eyes, and I use that moment to draw the head of his cock into my mouth while sucking tightly. With my hand, I immediately begin to work him as my mouth goes up and down his erection. My movements increase as I hear the escalation in his breaths. His panting intensifies as he grips the sheets on either side of his hips. My lips tighten around him while I trace my tongue down his shaft and sense him getting closer to his release. I increase my pace, but a hand appears at the side of my face, gently nudging me away.
“Bea,” he growls. “I need you … up here … now.”
I waste no time releasing him from my lips and crawl up his body, pleased with the cheeky grin on my face. I love making him feel out of his depth. He reaches over to his nightstand and pulls out a condom, while I raise my eyebrows at him.
“Prepared, are we?”
He flips it over and checks the date. “I’ve never taken any girls home, Bea … but these are supplies from when I lived here.”
He blushes at his admission, and I pluck the condom from his hand.
“Well, it’s a good thing you were such a good boy scout.” I tear it open and quickly roll it down, eager to feel him inside of me.
I flip my leg over his waist and line him up at my entrance. I gaze into his eyes and smile while I begin to lower myself down slowly, taking him in, inch by inch. We both simultaneously gasp at the contact. This feels different from all the other times. My hips begin to move up and down as I feel him glide within me. My hands clench his shoulders as I move with him, while not breaking eye contact.
His eyes darken with lust, and as my pace quickens, his hands tighten on my hips, as our hips naturally move together. This is the most intense moment I have ever experienced, and from the look on Alex’s face, he feels it, too. The heat slowly unfurls in my core as it twists up into my body in a delicious wave, inundating my senses as I climb to my peak. Alex’s breathing intensifies as each thrust surges into me, sending me closer to my climax. He then tilts his upper body up until he is almost sitting up and grabs the back of my head, and slams his mouth into mine. In between kisses, he pants, licks, and nibbles at my lips and with one final hard thrust, sends me right into my climax as I gasp and groan deeply into his mouth. He then continues to pump into me and shortly after, tenses, and I watch his face tighten. I kiss him passionately on the lips as he, too, groans into my lips.
For a moment, our bodies continue to pant as the rush of endorphins fills our blood until we are somnolent. Clutching my face, we kiss until I slowly roll and we are side by side. Our bodies intertwine as we lie there together. I am exhausted, satiated and alive.
Alex breaks free of the kiss to go to the bathroom, and I reach down to draw the sheets above me and up under my neck. After I hear the tap turn off, Alex returns and crawls into bed, drawing me close and staring into my eyes.
“There you are,” he whispers. “You understand me now.”
I smile and kiss his lips tenderly and snuggle into his smooth chest. Wrapping an arm around him, I sigh and mutter, “I feel at home now, Alex.”
He kisses the top of my head as he runs his fingers down my hair.
“Sleep, Bea. I will wake you in time to sneak back.”
I chuckle as I mumble, “Funny, how now it’s me who is doing the sneaking. I remember being the one to wake you up.”
His chest vibrates on a low chuckle as he continues to stroke my head.
“Yes, I remember. The best sleeping I ever did was with you.”
I squeeze his chest as I feel my eyelids lower. My barriers collapse down and my heart is feeling full, lulling me into a contented, deep sleep.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“For you I will”
Teddy Geiger
Alex
The sun creeps in the gaps of my bedroom curtains, and I smile contentedly, as for once, we’ve woken up together with our bodies intertwined and happy. Bea snuggles into my chest, and I don’t think we moved from this position all night. I begin stretching my legs out without moving her too much; I’m not ready to let go, but I know she’ll have to do a sneaky before her parents notice. Not like they’d care too much; I just don’t want them to be peeved before we’ve had a chance to properly begin.
I sweep her hair from her forehead and kiss it while her fingers trace up and down my chest. It’s borderline ticklish but a quick turn-on. Not like she needs to do it; if she moves any closer to my waist, she’ll see that I’m ready.
“Mmm …” she muses. “How much fun would it be—” Her voice croaks as she continues to play with my chest, clearing her throat before she continues, “—if I just traced my hand up and down for the rest of the morning?”
I kiss her forehead again and snuggle my face against her. “It all depends, on what your ulterior motive is.”
“No motive.” I hear the grin in her voice and wonder what she is up to. “Oh, unless you mean watching you get turned on.”
The cheeky minx. Of course, she knew what she was doing.
“Baby, if you want to experiment, by all means, I would love to go for another round. I think we were on an odd number anyway, but your folks will be up soon …”
She flinches for a moment then begins to trace lower down under the sheet.
“Um, Bea …” I tease, not sure what she’s thinking. She sits up and leans in, and kisses my mouth softly.
“Shhh,” she coos as her hand travels lower. “We finished on an uneven number last night. Time to make it even.” I chuckle as her eyes light up as she clasps me. I dare her to make a choice, and she strokes me until I can’t take it anymore.
“Alrighty then.” I sit up quickly and swing her body down against the cool sheets. “Let’s make it even.”
Giggling, she kisses me as we begin exploring each other, but she doesn’t leave on an even number—we make it uneven again.
After regretfully taking a shower solo, I make my way into the kitchen for breakfast. The sense of dread that I used to feel walking along the carpet is no longer heavy on my chest. I can walk through at a casual pace without fearing any conflict.
Mum still has his picture around, but not as obsessively as before. Instead, she has chosen to have a few family photos framed of the four of us, and these line the faded painted walls.
I flick the kettle on and begin to get my cereal ready when the shuffle of footsteps nears. Turning, I see my mother enter, dressed in her dressing gown and looking tired. She smiles at me, and heads towards the fridge.
“Morning.” I crunch my cereal, holding my bowl up under my chin.
“Morning, Alex.” She smiles while getting her own breakfast ready. We both make our way to the kitchen table and eat in a comfortable silence, and I reflect how moments like these barely happened for us in the past. Neither of us has to be on the lookout, or attempt to predict the sobriety of Dad. Here we are, actually using the kitchen table together and it’s … nice.
I continue to eat my cereal until I hear my mother’s throat clear. Looking up from my bowl, she bites her lip as she makes eye contact with me. Her face is drawn into concern and I can’t help but ask, “You all right?”
She clutches her coffee mug in both hands and takes a sip. “I also can’t remember the last time you smiled … It might have been your graduation, but the last few years have been a blur.” Her cheeks tinge with embarrassment.
“I don’t remember being happy here very much,” I admit. “If it was graduation, well that would be because I was keen to get away, to get out of here.”
Her spine stiffens at my admission.
“I know,” she whispers, staring out into space. She glances back over to me and reaches her hand out to touch mine. I freeze, unsure about the contact. My mother has never been a tactile person. If she notices, she doesn’t show it as she continues. “Alex, we had a terrible life in this house. Some times were great, but those men and their bad influences on your father …”
“He was old enough to make his own decisions,” I interject angrily. “He was not influenced; he gladly led the pack.” I refuse to hear any bullshit reasons as to why liquor was more important.
“Alex.” She squeezes my hand. “I know. He was old enough. I guess I am trying to air out our dirty laundry. Get it all out in the open so you can move on.”
My jaw clenches as this conversation takes a turn for the worse. “Why do I need to move on? There’s nothing to air out. He was a prick. That is all.”
“He was your father, though.”
“Yeah, for about five fucking seconds. You know—when he wasn’t beating the shit out of us. He was still a prick most times. End of story. ” Was it completely un-fucking-reasonable to want
to have a quiet moment in this house that wasn’t full of bullshit? Her hand tenses but I don’t care.
“But, Alex …” she tries again. Flicking my spoon, I lean in and stare directly into her eyes.