She threw her head back and laughed. "What can I say? Your mom loves me. She thinks we belong together, and so do I." She was now standing directly in front of me. Her arms reached up as she attempted to wrap them around my neck. I instantly brought my hands up and pushed them away.
"Don't touch me," I spat. "Did you not get my message before? Even if you hadn't been a cheating whore, I would've broken up with you. We are not good together, and being with Lacey even just this short time has proven that beyond a doubt."
I walked away, taking a seat on the couch, needing to process everything that was happening. Marissa huffed, following me.
"No, you need to go. I don't want you here."
"I'm not leaving." She crossed her arms, staring me down.
My attention was suddenly pulled to the sound of the front door being unlocked. Panic washed over me as I realized Lacey was about to walk in. What else would she think, seeing Marissa here? I wanted to run to her, but I was literally frozen in my seat. I watched as her bright blue eyes turned the corner, going from full of happiness, to confusion, to anger.
********
Lacey
I struggled to find the right words to say as I tried to recover from the blow of finding Ben with his ex. Think, Lacey, think!
"Hi honey," I said sweetly, stepping toward Ben. I saw uncertainty flash across his face. I bent down over him, kissing him, caressing his stubble with my hand.
"Hi, babe," he answered quietly, trying to decipher me with his eyes.
"Who is this?" I asked, turning my attention toward Marissa. I knew exactly who it was, but there was no way I was going to show any weakness right now, as much as I wanted to run from the room balling.
"This is Marissa, my ex girlfriend. She was actually just leaving."
I looked her square in the eye. "Hi Marissa, I'm Lacey. I've heard a lot about you." I extended my hand to her, not breaking my stare.
She took it, visibly uncomfortable. "Nice to meet you."
I turned my attention to Ben. "Well I'm beat after the day we had, you want to order dinner tonight? Take it easy?" My heart was thudding in my chest, adrenaline coursing through my veins. Keep it up, Lacey!
"Yeah, that sounds great," he answered, giving me a small smile.
"Perfect! Well I'm gonna go shower. I'll let you say goodbye. Nice to meet you, Melissa."
I turned quickly toward the bedroom, leaving the two of them without looking back. I shut the bedroom door behind me, running into the bathroom. I started the shower, with no intention of actually showering. I needed something to drown out the sound of my tears. I leaned up against the double vanity sink, trying to catch my breath. What the hell was she doing here? Obviously I hadn't interrupted anything sexual, but were they headed in that direction? Had it already happened? I couldn't believe how quick witted I had been. Calling her Melissa was a nice touch, I thought.
And what was Ben thinking? Would he come in here? Or had he wanted her here and not me? My mind raced as the bravery I had felt now turned to pain, tears spilling down my face. I jumped, hearing a soft knock at the door.
"Lacey."
"I'm busy," I sobbed, unable to control my voice. Damn it, I didn't want him to see me like this.
The door flew open, and Ben came storming in, pulling me to him. I let him hold me, barely able to stand upright. It felt so good, just being in his arms. I continued crying into his chest, soaking his button up shirt.
"Honey, I'm so sorry. She just showed up, I had no idea she would be here. I swear, nothing happened." He was smoothing my hair and kissing the top of my head. I couldn't bring myself to respond. I just continued crying, letting all the emotions of the day spill over. How is it that we could go from utter happiness to this in the span of a day?
I wasn't sure how much time went by, but Ben didn't say anything else. He just held me until I finally felt my tears subsiding. As much as I wanted to yell at him, demand answers, I just let him hold me. I literally felt drained of all energy.
After several more moments, I pulled back slowly, wiping my eyes. I looked to the right, eyeing myself in the mirror. My eyes were puffy and my cheeks, red. God, I hated this. I looked up at Ben, his chestnut eyes full of fear and concern.
"So what was that?" I asked quietly, the words barely escaping my mouth.
"I'm so sorry. After you went home, I went back to Johnny's to keep myself occupied, because all I wanted to do was run down to your apartment and be with you. After a few drinks, I came home, and she was here, in my apartment. Apparently my mother had given her a key. I had only been home about ten minutes when you came, I swear. Nothing happened or would have happened. She's nothing to me." He pulled me back into his chest, squeezing me as if I would disappear if he let go.
I stood quietly, trying to take in his words. I realized I definitely believed him. "So your mother gave her a key? Why?"
"I don't know, because she's awful. Maybe she thought I'd change my mind or something."
I paused before responding. "This is exactly what I was talking about earlier. Marissa is still a part of your life, whether you like it or not. And your mother is just too much for me to handle. I don't have the energy to fight off someone who despises me."
"What are you saying?" he asked.
I sighed, pulling away from him. "I just don't think I can do this. It's too much." I crossed my arms, looking down. I felt him pull his arms away from me, breathing deeply.
"Lacey. Please. I've never been happier than I am with you. Please. We can work through this, I know we can."
I ached, hearing the desperation in his voice. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I knew if I did, I would want to kiss him. I needed distance. I needed to get myself out of here.
"I'm sorry. I really do love you, but this is all just too much." I wiped the fresh falling tears from my eyes as I brushed past him, running to the front door. I didn't stop moving forward until I hit the elevator, desperately pushing the call button. Here I am again, running into an elevator, I thought. I rode down quickly and sprinted down the hallway to my apartment, slamming the door behind me. I took two steps into the entryway before collapsing into a puddle of tears.
Chapter 23
Ben
I watched her run from me for the second time, unable to do anything to stop her. She wasn't willing or able to deal with my baggage. My chest ached, seeing her leave. All I wanted to do was comfort her, convince her to stay. I walked toward the shower, turning off the water. I instantly felt even more alone without the white noise in the background.
I felt lost, unsure of what to do. I thought about what I had said to Marissa before she left:
"Don't you see? You are nothing to me. Nothing to Lacey. I don't want you
anymore." I stood, staring down at her.
She brushed her hair behind her ears, quickly rising. "Fine. I get it. Here's your fucking key." She tossed it on the coffee table, the shrill sound of metal grating my ears. She stamped off toward the door and out of sight.
I just wished the message about how I felt could've been so clear to Lacey. And my mother. That's what I need to do next, I thought, go see her. I was fueled on enough martinis to embolden me to go see her in person. I quickly grabbed my keys and wallet, rode the elevator to the ground floor, bypassing the garage. I knew I wasn't in any position to drive. I ran to the front of the building and hopped in a waiting cab.
I stared out the window, willing the car to move faster. I had so much to say, I was having a hard time getting it all straight in my head. I thought back to the last time I had been in a cab, on my way to meet Marissa and her parents for dinner after I had seen Lacey working at the bar. How much has changed since then, I thought.
We finally turned into the familiar neighborhood, and pulled in the circle driveway.
"Actually, can you keep the meter going? I know I won't be long." I wanted to say what I needed to say and then get the fuck out of there.
"Sure thing," responded the driver
, nodding his head.
I quickly climbed out, taking the steps up to the front door two at a time. I raced into the house. "Mother!" I boomed. I stood in the entryway, waiting for her to appear.
"Ben, is that you?" My father walked out of the living room, newspaper in hand.
"Yes, where's mom?" I fumed.
He motioned his head toward the living room. "In here." Concern etched on his face.
I walked purposefully toward him, trying to contain my anger. As I turned the corner, I saw my mother perched in a chair, reading. "Oh hi honey," she said sweetly, looking up at me through her glasses on her nose.
I stopped midway through the room. "How could you? What were you thinking?" I had to use every ounce of restraint to keep my hands clenched at my sides.
She took off her glasses, a fake look of concern on her face. "What are you talking about?"
"Cut the shit."
"Hey, that's enough. I'm tired of being your referee. You both need to settle down and tell me what's going on here," shouted my father.
I stood, staring at my mother. "Are you going to tell him what you did? Or do I have to?"
We both looked at her, waiting for a response. She finally huffed and set her book down, standing up. "Is this about Marissa?"
"You know damn well what this is about."
"Paula, what happened?"
She rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. "Yes, I gave Marissa a key. I stopped by her mother's this afternoon and she was there. She told me how much she loved you and missed you. I still don't know why you ended your relationship with her. And how you ended up with that other one, I'll never understand." I felt like I could smash through the window.
"Don't you see what you've done? You have completely ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me. But it seems like that was your goal, so congratulations, you succeeded." I started to gain my composure. It felt good to let it out. "And what do you find so offensive about Lacey anyway? She's beautiful, smart, and makes me happy! I don't know how else to make you see. Marissa made me miserable! Lacey makes me happy. Or made me happy, that is." My chest ached, thinking about her running away from me.
"How on earth did Marissa make you miserable?" she scoffed, throwing her hands up in the air.
How could she be so dense? That's all she retained out of everything I had just said? "You're missing the point! Why are you siding with this person over your own son?" I shouted.
She stood quietly for a moment, then answered, "I do want you to be happy son, but there are certain obligations we have, being a part of this family in this town." She crossed her arms in front of her, her nose in the air.
"I'm sorry, but that's bullshit. I have always done what you wanted from me, and it lead me down this path. I strayed from it, and for the first time in my life, I felt whole and excited. I was excited about getting married, having a family, all that you want me to have."
I saw her eyes soften. "Really?"
"Yes. Really." My voice reflected the change in tone of the conversation.
Her arms dropped to her sides. "I guess I didn't realize you felt that way, or that you could feel that way about someone so soon. I was pushing Marissa because you had the time in already. I thought you'd be closer to settling down with her than anyone else."
"Here, let's all sit down," interrupted my father, leading us to take seats on the sofa. I felt weight slowly lifting off my shoulders. This conversation was a long time coming.
"Marissa cheated on me," I blurted out.
I heard my mother gasp and my father tisk.
"But regardless of that, I didn't want to be with her anymore." I didn't want to meet their eyes, embarrassed of what I had just told them.
"Ben, I'm so sorry." My mother's voice was barely audible. I kept my stare straight ahead. "What can I do? What happened with Lacey?"
I sighed, the pain of her leaving all coming back to me. "Nothing. She was upset about this morning, then when Marissa showed up, it was all too much. She said she couldn't handle all of it." I rubbed my head in my hand. "And I just want her to be happy. She deserves better than this."
We all sat quietly. Suddenly I remembered the cab out front. "Well I'm going to go. I said everything I needed to say." I stood up, my parents following me.
"I'm so sorry Ben. I love you." My mother reached up and kissed me on the cheek. I gave her a meek smile in return. My father walked with me to the front door.
"Son, you have always made me very proud, I want you to know that. I'm sorry about Lacey. Don't give up. Everything will work out the way it should." He pulled me in for a hug, patting me tightly on the back.
"Thanks dad. I'll see you tomorrow," I muttered, heading back out to the waiting cab. I knew his words were feeble. I didn't know how Lacey would be able to get passed all this.
The drive home was a blur, and suddenly I was back at my building with a much lighter wallet after the cab fare. I rode the elevator up to my apartment, a shooting pain in my chest as I passed the twelfth floor. I walked in, went straight for the bedroom, curled up, and went to sleep.
********
Lacey
It was seven a.m. Monday morning. I had gone to sleep before nine the night before, so I felt well rested, but dreaded the fact that I now had the whole day ahead of me. I couldn't help but think, what is Ben doing right now? Probably getting out of the shower, maybe fixing his tie. If it had been a work night for me, he'd be brewing coffee for us. I flopped back down on my pillow, trying to stop the tears from rolling down. It really hurt, trying not to cry.
You did this to yourself, Lacey, I thought. Ben wanted to be with me, and I'm the one who ran out. But getting involved with a man whose ex girlfriend can just show up out of the blue, and whose mother openly despised me, was a mistake. I rubbed my face in my pillow, effectively stopping the tears from continuing.
What could I do to fill my time? I didn't work at the hospital or Johnny's today, and going to Johnny's was iffy now. Would Ben come in when I was working? Would he find a new place? And what about us living in the same building. Why did I shit where I eat?
I rolled out of bed and just took a seat in the living room. Ugh, even my couch reminded me of him. I searched between the cushions and found the remote, and turned on some mindless TV. I grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch, wrapping myself in it. The weather was changing. It wasn't cold enough to turn on the heat, but I was definitely chilly. I sunk down, curling my legs up underneath me, and tried to lose myself in the TV.
One o'clock rolled around, and I decided I should at least shower. I walked into the bathroom, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Oh god, I looked like hell. My eyes were still puffy from all the crying and my hair looked like a rat's nest. I realized I seemed worse off after ending things with Ben than I had with Mark. I brought my fingers up, poking the bags under my eyes. I needed to get a grip.
The shower was hot, almost too hot, but felt good. I got dressed, and fixed my makeup and hair. The person looking back in the mirror looked better, but still sad. I walked aimlessly back out into the living room, still unsure of what to do. My stomach started to growl. Oh yeah, I guess I haven't eaten yet today.
Pulling open the refrigerator door, I found it practically empty. I spun the milk carton around, one week past the sell by date. I grimaced as I poured the remainder down the sink.
"I guess I'll go grocery shopping," I mused.
I grabbed my purse and headed down the elevator. As I walked through the garage, I spotted Ben's empty parking space. The sight of it made me ache. Keep walking, Lacey.
The grocery store was just around the corner, so I didn't bother driving. That's how Ben got the waffle ingredients so quickly, I thought. A familiar sting threatened my eyes with the memory, but I stopped it before it could start. I grabbed a cart, and walked lazily down the aisles. Nothing even looked good, and I hated the fact that half of what I would buy would spoil. I ended up in the frozen food section, piling Lean Cuis
ines in my basket. Here we go again.
I pushed the cart up to an open register. A middle aged woman with fuchsia lipstick started checking my items.
"Ah, I love the shrimp scampi one, have you tried it?" Her perkiness irritated me.
"Yeah, it's pretty good," I replied, dully. Did I have a sign on my head that said, I'd love to have a conversation with you?
"This is the single gal's best meal buddy!" she laughed.
I dug through my purse trying to act like I didn't hear her. What the fuck kind of comment was that? What was it with people?
I hurried up and paid and walked quickly back to my apartment. I kept my eyes fixed forward, trying not to look at his space. I popped one of the new purchases in the microwave, leaning up against the counter until I heard it ding. I brought the dish with me to the couch, wrapped back up in my blanket, and tried to lose myself again.
********
I woke with a start, confused where I was at. Apparently I had fallen asleep on the couch. It was still light out at least. I clicked the remote to check the time. Five p.m. What was I going to do the rest of the night? I needed human interaction, and the checkout lady at the grocery didn't count. And I was too embarrassed to call my mom or any of my friends. Maybe if I waited til six, I could go to Johnny's. If Ben did go after work, he usually left by then to go back to the office, I thought.
At six I walked out the door, relieved to finally have something to do. A part of me was anxious though, what if Ben was there? What would I do? What would he do?
I walked in, quickly looking around for any sign of him. I exhaled as I realized there was only one other person up at the bar. Johnny was working tonight. He smiled as he saw me walk up.
"Hey Lacey, how's it going?" He swung a towel over his shoulder.
I suddenly felt a wave of emotion hit me. It was one thing, being by myself all day with my thoughts, but another trying to talk to someone about them. I felt the tears pooling up in my eyes.
Finally, For Me Page 21