Heirs and Graces (A Royal Spyness Mystery)

by Rhys Bowen

“Yeah. She said he was a bonza bloke. Not at all toffee nosed like his relatives. He promised to come back after the war, and she didn’t hear for years that he’d been killed so she kept hoping. She said you lot wouldn’t want anything to do with us so she never wrote to you.”

  “And where is your mother now?”

  Jack had been working his way through the plate of sandwiches. “She died when I was a nipper. I went to live with my gran, who was cook on a station.”

  “On the railway, you mean?”

  “No. A sheep station.”

  Darcy leaned forward. “It’s the Australian word for a ranch,” he said.

  “So you lived on this sheep station?” Cedric asked.

  “Yeah. When I was fourteen, my gran died and I went to work riding the boundary fence, until I got crook and had to give it up.”

  “Crook? You mean you went to jail?”

  Jack laughed. “No. Crook. In bed with a bad wog.”

  Edwina actually choked on her macaroon. “With what?”

  “A wog. You know. I caught diphtheria. I was really crook for a while there. But I recovered.”

  “So you’ve had very little education?” Cedric said. His voice sounded tight and clipped like his mother’s.

  “Not much. I know how to read and write. That’s about it. And sums. I can do sums all right.”

  “We must see if Mr. Carter can devote some time to him,” Edwina said, then turned to me. “And Georgiana, maybe you can help too.”

  Jack looked amused. “Do you need education to be a duke? I heard you had servants to do everything for you.”

  “One needs an education to move freely through the highest levels of society,” Edwina said. “All of this will seem very strange to you at first, but you will have to learn to take your rightful place here. We will naturally give you time to settle in, won’t we, Cedric?”

  Cedric gave a grunt.

  “And after tea,” the duchess went on, “I’ll have Frederick show you to your rooms. He was my late husband’s valet, and will help you dress.”

  “Help me dress?” The boy looked amused. “I’ve been dressing myself since I was knee-high to a grasshopper.”

  “Help you dress in a correct manner,” she said.

  “Is there a pub nearby?” Jack asked.

  “I think there is a public house in the village,” Edwina said.

  Jack turned to Darcy. “So how’s about us blokes go down to the pub in time for the six o’clock swill then?”

  Edwina picked up the copy of Horse and Hound and fanned herself.

  “I’m afraid I have to drive back to London,” the solicitor said hurriedly.

  “Jack, our class of person does not frequent public houses,” Cedric said.

  “Crikey. You don’t drink?”

  “We have sherry, and then wine with dinner,” Cedric said.

  Jack gave Darcy a despairing glance.

  “More tea, John?” Edwina asked.

  Jack regarded the pot and shook his head. “No, thanks. I’m right.”

  “Then we’ll have you shown to your quarters. Frederick, would you take Viscount Farningham to his room?”

  “Viscount Farningham—who is he?” Jack asked.

  “You are. It is the title given to the heir to this dukedom. You are now a viscount, Jack. Please try to behave like one.”

  “Blow me down,” Jack said. He followed the valet out of the Long Gallery. Edwina and Cedric sat in stony silence.

  “Now you’ve done it, Mother,” Cedric said at last. “Now do you see where your interfering has got us? It’s like having Tarzan in the house.”

  “I do admit that he’s a little rough around the edges at the moment,” Edwina said.

  “Rough around the edges? He couldn’t be less civilized if he was a chimpanzee. Hopeless. Clearly untrainable. He’ll have to go.”

  “He is the only heir we have, Cedric. This would not have been necessary if you had done your duty and married.”

  “Don’t start that again.” Cedric stood up. “You should have ignored that blasted letter when it arrived from Australia. You were so set on finding darling Johnnie’s offspring.”

  “I was doing my duty—unlike my son, who has neglected his,” she said stiffly. “We had to find an heir.”

  “You had to find an heir. I’d have been quite content to let the title die and have the estate sold off.”

  “We will work with the boy,” Edwina said firmly. “Educate him in our ways. Georgiana is here. She can help make him see what is required of him. And maybe Mr. O’Mara can stay for a while too?”

  “I’m afraid I’m due back in town,” Darcy said, “but I’ll try to come down whenever I can.”

  Cedric started to walk away then turned back. “My young friends were joking that I should adopt one of them and save us all a lot of trouble,” he said. “We laughed at the time. Now it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.”

  With that, he strode from the room.

  Chapter 10

  Edwina stood up too. “Oh, dear,” she said. “How trying. Still, the boy will learn, won’t he? He’ll have to learn. He does look so like Johnnie.” And with that she also walked away, leaving Darcy and me alone.

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” I said, taking in every inch of that beloved face—those alarming blue eyes and roguish smile. “What an amazing coincidence.”

  “Not really. It was I who suggested you might be the person to help the lad settle in.”

  “But how did you get involved in this?”

  “I was asked to go and find this boy right after I left you at Christmas. I couldn’t tell you, as I was sworn to secrecy.”

  “You went all the way to Australia to find Jack?”

  “I did.”

  “But how did you get to Australia and back in three months?”

  He grinned. “I flew.”

  For a moment I thought he was teasing me. “In an aeroplane?” I asked.

  “In a series of aeroplanes. London to Basel, train to Genoa, flying boat to Alexandria, another plane to Karachi, then stops along the way to Singapore, over to Darwin and a couple of puddle-jumpers to the sheep station in South Queensland. All in all, it took eighteen uncomfortable yet fascinating days, but was much quicker than a boat.”

  “Golly,” I said. “And did you come back by aeroplane too?”

  “No. Too dangerous. Planes have a habit of crashing. On the flight out, we had to put down in the Arabian Desert in a sandstorm, which was a bit unpleasant.”

  “Darcy.” I put my hand over his. “I wish you wouldn’t always do such dangerous things.”

  He took my hands and held them. “A fellow has to make a bit of money any way he can,” he said. “And I rather enjoy it.” Then he added, “God, you’re a sight for sore eyes.” Then his arms came around me and he was kissing me passionately. A small voice in the back of my consciousness was whispering that it wasn’t wise to be found making love in the Long Gallery of someone else’s house, but I couldn’t help myself. I found myself responding to his kisses with a fervor and urgency equal to his own. When we finally broke apart, his eyes were smiling into mine. “I must go away more often. You’ve turned into a hot little piece. I hope someone else hasn’t been giving you lessons.”

  “I have been living a life of absolute purity and boredom, if you must know,” I said. “But it is so wonderful that you’re here. I do hope you can stay for a while. I have a feeling this won’t be a very comfortable place. Poor Jack. None of them wants him here.”

  “He didn’t want to come, either. He’s not at all keen to be a duke. He suggested I impersonate him and take over the role instead.”

  “I wonder what will happen if he turns them down?”

  “He’s still the heir, whether anyone likes it or not. He’ll get the mone
y, the title and the estate. It’s up to him what he does with it.”

  He stood up, taking my hand. “Come on. Let’s go for a stroll before it gets dark. Somewhere a little more private.”

  And we went to explore the interesting scenery of the glen. As to what went on there—modesty forbids a description. But let me just say that it was worth the months of waiting.

  * * *

  MY LOST EVENING slipper had still not arrived from London. I had now written to Belinda asking her to collect it from Mrs. Tombs, but I wasn’t hopeful. So I came down to dinner in my town shoes again, knowing that nobody would be paying any attention to me. They would all be looking at Jack. When I arrived in the antechamber, the three elderly sisters and Irene were already present and knocking back the sherry. Cedric and his cronies strolled in soon after me.

  “God, I could do with a cocktail,” one of them said. “Ceddy, you’ll have to install a proper bartender for us. We simply cannot exist on sherry.”

  “If you’d learn to make the bally things yourself, I could hire you as my bartender, Julian,” Cedric said. “Perhaps I could train Marcel. He’s such a bright young lad. I’m sure he’d pick it up quickly.”

  “I’m sure he’d pick anything up quickly,” I heard one of the Starlings mutter to another as they came to stand close to me. I don’t think Cedric overheard.

  Anyway, this topic of conversation was broken off by the arrival of Darcy and Jack, both wearing proper dinner jackets and both looking rather handsome. Jack’s red-blonde hair had been slicked into submission, and he looked highly uncomfortable in his new attire.

  “Here they are at last,” Edwina said. “Come and meet your aunt and your great-aunts, John.” It was clear that Edwina was not going to give up calling him by her son’s name.

  Irene glowered. Princess Charlotte held out her hand in regal fashion but Virginia almost fell upon Darcy and Jack. “Two divine young men,” she said. “What fun! If I’d been a few years younger, I’d have given you both the key to my room and had you both at the same time.”

  Edwina raised her lorgnette. “Really, Virginia, you go too far,” she said.

  “Edwina. You’re such a prude.” Virginia grinned at her sister’s face. “Look at this gorgeous, dark-haired boy. He wouldn’t mind a roll in the hay, I can tell. One can see that he’s had his share of thrilling encounters with the opposite sex.”

  Darcy simply looked amused. “If I had, I wouldn’t mention them in present company,” he said.

  Virginia had seized his hand in her own claw-like ones. “Isn’t he a gem?” she said. “So is this the new heir?”

  “No, Virginia. He is Mr. O’Mara—the one who escorted John from Australia.” She went over to Jack, who was standing as if he wished the floor would open and swallow him. “This is your great-nephew John. Isn’t he like his father?”

  “One can see a likeness, I suppose,” Princess Charlotte said dubiously. “We should have a séance, young man, to see whether your father wishes to contact you. Also to find out if you’re the one the spirits warned us about. And for whom there is danger.”

  “You and your spirits, Charlotte. Such rubbish,” Edwina said. “You’ll have the boy thinking we’re all mad.”

  The second gong rang, and Huxstep announced, “Dinner is served, your graces.”

  “Isn’t he marvelous?” Adrian whispered to me. “Like a butler in a West End farce.”

  “This whole thing feels a little like a farce to me,” I replied.

  “As long as it stays amusing and doesn’t turn into melodrama,” Adrian said. “Ceddy is absolutely at boiling point, I can tell you. Personally, I think the boy has potential, don’t you?”

  Darcy had taken the arm of Princess Charlotte, so Adrian escorted me into dinner. I sat beside Jack, thinking he might need some help. Sure enough, he looked down at the lines of cutlery then glanced up at me. “What’s all this in aid of?” he muttered.

  “Different knives and forks for each course. The round one is the soup spoon. The oddly shaped knife and fork are for fish. One works from the outside inward. Just watch what I do.”

  “You mean we’re going to eat all this food? It’s a wonder you folks don’t explode.”

  “We only take a few mouthfuls of each course,” I said.

  Jack shook his head. “Stone the flaming crows,” he said. “Tucker at home starts when someone throws a dead sheep on the back porch, then someone skins it, cuts it up and puts in on the barbie. And we eat it with our fingers, mostly.”

  Soup arrived. Everyone tipped soup plates away from them except Jack, who also slurped loudly.

  “I don’t see the rolls. Frederick?” Edwina looked in annoyance.

  “They’re down here. You want a roll?” Jack said amiably. “Here you go then.” And to my utter amazement he threw one down the table in her directions. “You want butter with that?”

  “No, thank you!” Edwina said hastily, clearly expecting the butter dish to be lobbed in her direction.

  Whitebait followed and Jack was intrigued about eating little fishes whole. “They should let them grow bigger before they catch them,” he said. “More meat on them then.”

  When the spring chickens came, one to each person, Jack immediately pulled it apart with his hands and picked up a leg to gnaw. I tapped him gently. “We don’t use our fingers,” I whispered.

  “How do you get the meat off the bones then?” He looked perplexed.

  “We don’t, really.”

  “What a waste.”

  “I don’t think this family worries about waste,” I said.

  “John—do you ride?” the dowager duchess asked from the head of the table.

  “A horse, you mean? My word—I’ve been riding horses since I could walk.”

  Edwina looked pleased that there was something they might actually have in common. “Then we’ll have to take you to the hunt that’s coming up,” she said.

  “What do you hunt here?”

  “Foxes.”

  “With guns or what?”

  “Certainly not with guns,” she said. “We chase them on horseback. It’s a sport.”

  “A barbaric sport, chasing defenseless foxes,” Cedric said. The Starlings shuddered.

  “It is part of your heritage, Cedric,” Edwina said. “You let the whole family down when you say such ridiculous things. Georgiana will no doubt want to hunt, and she can take John with her. I may even join in myself, although I fear my hedge-jumping days are over.”

  “I’d be happy to take Jack hunting and show him the ropes,” I said. I looked across at Darcy. “Will you come down and join us?”

  “I’ll do my best,” he said.

  “It’s time Nicholas and Katherine learned how to hunt,” Irene said, “but since they don’t have their own ponies, they obviously can’t join you.” And she gave a meaningful glare at Cedric.

  The meal ended and Edwina led the ladies to the drawing room. I didn’t somehow think that the men would linger over their port and, true enough, Darcy and Jack came to join us before we’d had our first cup of coffee. When the party broke up, Darcy waited for me by the stairs and drew me into the alcove behind the staircase. “Since they’ve put me way over in the bachelor wing and I have to catch an early train tomorrow, I’d better say good-bye now,” he said. “I’ll come down to see you as soon as I can.”

  “I’m so glad you’re safely home,” I said.

  “You don’t have to worry, you know.” He stroked my cheek. “I’ve got my lucky charm, remember?” And he reached inside his shirt and produced the silver pixie I had given him for Christmas. “I wore it all the way to Australia and back.”

  “Oh, Darcy.” I flung my arms around his neck and kissed him.

  “I think the dowager duchess might ship you straight back to London if she witnessed such wanton behavior,” he said, laug
hing. “But don’t stop.”

  I floated into my room on a cloud. Even the sight of Queenie, lying on my bed, snoring, could not dampen my mood. Whatever turmoil there was in the Altringham household, Darcy was home and that was all that mattered.

  Chapter 11

  KINGSDOWNE PLACE

  I awoke early next morning, hoping to catch a glimpse of Darcy as he left for the station. Mist swirled around the lake and hung over the shrubbery. I stiffened as I spied a figure walking in the mist then saw from the hat that it was Jack Altringham. I dressed hurriedly and went downstairs to join him. I found him at the stables, stroking the nose of one of the horses.

  “Got some bonza-looking horses here, haven’t they?” he said. “No expense spared, although I doubt these could go all day through the bush the way our horses do.”

  “That’s a hunter,” I said. “They are bred for stamina. You’ll find out when you come on the hunt.”

  He nodded then turned to stare up at the house. “None of it makes sense, does it?” he asked. “I suppose you take it for granted, but to me it all seems bloody silly. This dressing up for dinner and using one fork for this and another for that. What’s it all for?”

  “Tradition, I suppose. We behave in a way that sets us apart from ordinary people, to remind us that we’re special. And you’re right. It really is silly.”

  “If my gran could see me now.” He looked up at the house and laughed. “My old gran in Australia, I mean. The one who used to skin the sheep for tucker. Not the one who wants me to call her Grandmama.”

  “I have the same experience,” I said. “I had one grandmother who was a princess and one who was a London policeman’s wife. I never met either, unfortunately. But I’ve always felt suspended between two worlds and never wholly belonging in either of them.”

  “But you’re a real toff,” he said. “Anyone can tell that by looking at you. But I’m glad you’ve got a common side too. You’re the only one who hasn’t talked to me as if I was a piece of dirt. You and Darcy. He’s all right too, even though he is a toff.”

  “I’ll show you around the grounds, if you like,” I said.