by Zack Zombie
I actually lied. We had plenty of extra Zombie parts. Except lips. For some reason, we haven’t had those in years.
Then my Mom called me downstairs for something.
“Zombie!” Mom yelled.
“Hey Mom,” I said as I walked downstairs.
“How’s Zven doing?” Mom asked. “Is he getting settled in?”
“He’s great. Zven and Piggy really hit it off. They’re in my room playing with my booger collection right now.”
“OK… well, we’re having dinner soon, so please tell Piggy and Zven to get ready,” she said.
“Oh, Ok. I will Mom.”
“Oh, and can you tell Zven to freshen up a little bit… He smells kind of funny.”
Sunday
We went to the minecart train station today to leave for our reunion, and I got to see a minecart train for the first time.
It was really cool.
It looked like about one hundred minecarts that were linked together.
There were a lot of mob families that got on the minecart train. I saw a lot of Zombies, some Creepers, and Skeletons, and I even saw a Slime family try to get on.
Though I think they had trouble squeezing in the small doorway.
Dad told me that most minecart trains aren’t covered, but we needed a roof so we wouldn’t get burned by the sun on our long trip. We were going across the country, so it would take a few days.
Dad also told me that when they built the first cross country minecart trains, nobody thought about adding a cover. It was one of the worst disasters in mob history.
Dad says that mobs aren’t all that smart.
I was looking at all of the minecarts and wondering how they all stuck together.
“Hey Dad,” I asked him, “What keeps all of the minecarts together?”
“That’s a good question, son,” he said. “They’re usually joined by a pin that connects the cars together. You know, one time, a kid accidentally pulled one of the pins, and when the train left the station, some of the cars were left behind.”
“Whoa.”
So we boarded the minecart train and went to the back two cars.
Steve, Piggy, my little brother Wesley and I were all in the last car, and Mom and Dad were in the car next to us.
It was already late, so we all got into our bunk bed body bags.
Steve was a little taller than the rest of us, so we had to cut a hole in the bottom of his body bag so he could fit. His feet were sticking out of the bottom and dangling over his bunk.
His feet were kind of smelly too, so the minecart train car smelled like pickles and pig’s feet.
I’m so looking forward to getting to our Zombie family reunion. I never knew that we had so many cool mobs in my family.
Well, we get there tomorrow, so I’m going to sleep.
This is turning out to be the best summer ever…
Special Sunday Entry
THUD!
We all woke up because it felt like we ran into something.
I looked out the window and it was a little after sundown. All the other guys had woken up too.
Then I saw everybody getting off the train, so we got off the train too.
“What is it?” I asked my Dad.
“Oh, it’s OK, son. We just made a stop in the desert before we make it to the Mesa Biome,” Dad said. “People are getting a little stretch and a bit of fresh desert air.”
I could sure use some fresh desert air after being in the minecart with Steve and Piggy. There’s only so much pickles and bacon I can take.
So everybody in the minecart train got out and just wandered about for a while.
When it was time to leave, I noticed that my little brother Wesley was missing, so I went looking for him.
When I found him, he was waving a gold stick that looked like Piggy’s sword.
“Shiny!” Wesley said.
“Wesley, don’t play with Piggy’s sword,” I said. “He’s not going to like it.”
Plus I’m not sure we brought any extra body parts… What if Wesley cut off his hand or something? And I’d probably get blamed for it.
So I picked up Wesley and Piggy’s sword, and we got on the Minecart train right when it was about to leave.
I put Wesley in his body bag bunk and I thought, Wesley is such a pest! Why do Mom and Dad have to bring him everywhere?
So then I jumped into my body bag and decided to get some more sleep.
I really hate waking up early…
early Monday entry
YAWN!
Man it felt great to get some sleep.
The train wasn’t moving so I thought we probably arrived.
I wonder why Mom and Dad didn’t wake us up?
Well, I was just glad to be here.
“Wake up, fellas, we’re here!” I said.
“Whuzzat?” Steve said.
“Ruyeek, ruyeek, ruyeeek” Piggy said while swinging his sword.
I think I woke Piggy up from a bad dream.
“You OK, Piggy?”
“I just had the weirdest dream that we were attacked by brain eating humans, with giant pumpkin heads!” he said.
“Don’t worry, it was just a dream.”
Then I noticed that Wesley was sleeping with Piggy’s sword. But Piggy had his sword in his hand.
If Piggy has his sword in his hand, then what was Wesley holding?
Oh, no…
So I jumped out of the bunk bed and ran outside.
We were still in the desert, and the rest of the train was gone!
Wesley had pulled the pin that held the train cars together!
I thought, UUUURRRGGGHHHH!!!! LITTLE BROTHERS ARE SUCH A PEST! I WISH WESLEY HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!
Then Steve, Piggy and my little brother came out of the car and watched me jump up and down.
“Whoa, you OK there, Zombie?” Steve asked.
Piggy thought I was attacking imaginary brain eating humans so he started jumping along with me and swinging his gold sword.
Wesley got into it too, and started swinging the gold minecart pin like a sword.
UUURRRGGGHHHH!!!
“So where’s the rest of the train?” Piggy asked.
It took me a while to calm down so I could explain what happened.
“Wesley pulled the minecart pin, so the rest of the minecart train left without us,” I said. “We’re stuck here!”
“Shiny,” Wesley said as he kept jumping around and waving the minecart pin in my face.
UUURRRGGGHHHH!!!
“Calm down there, buddy,” Steve said. “I guess we’ll just have to figure out a way to get there. But right now we have bigger problems.”
Steve pointed to the horizon, and the sun was rising. We had slept straight till daybreak. So, we had to get into a cave quick.
We saw a big rock cliff far away, so we ran for it.
Steve put Wesley on his shoulders, because I was too mad at him to help him. We picked up anything we could carry and ran as fast as we could.
“Shiny, shiny, shiny, shiny…”was all we heard as we ran toward the hills.
All of a sudden, I smelled that bacon smell again, except this time I heard sizzling too.
Piggy had fallen behind because he was a slow runner. So I ran back to get him.
I gave him a piggyback ride all the way to the hills.
“Can’t you throw that sword away?” I told Piggy. “It’s making you really heavy.”
“We may need it to fight off brain eating humans,” he said.
UUURRRGGGHHHH!!!
We made it to the hills and saw a cave in front of us.
We made it into the cave just in time, as the sun came out full blast.
We were stuck in that cave for a long time.
After a while we got really tired. So we all decided to get some sleep.
So we all fell asleep to the smell of crispy bacon.
Monday Entry
“Hey Zombie, I think somebody’s outside,” Steve said as he woke me up.
“Uurrghwhuzzwhat?”
“Crackle!”
Then I heard it too.
It was dark out, so we could go out of the cave, but none of us wanted to.
It was the first time I saw Steve scared of anything, so I knew we were in trouble.
“What do you think it is?” I asked Steve.
“I don’t know. But the people in my village have been telling stories lately, about wild green creatures in the desert that sneak up on you and blow you up if you’re not looking,” he said.
“Whoa,” I said.
“Crackle!”
“It’s coming closer!” I said.
“We’re gonna have to get ready for battle.” Steve picked up a rock.
“Piggy, are you ready to fight some brain eating humans?” Steve said to Piggy.
“Ready for duty, Sir!” Piggy gave a salute.
“How about you, little bro,” Steve said to Wesley. “Are you ready for battle?”
“Shiny,” Wesley said, holding up the minecart pin.
So me and Steve looked at each other and gave each other a nod.
Then we rushed out all at once, yelling, “AAAAAHHHHH!!!!”
But nobody was outside.
Steve and I looked at each other and started giggling and laughing. Then all of us started laughing.
All of a sudden, all of these monsters jumped out from the bushes around us.
“UUURRRGGHHH!!!”
“AAAAHHHHHHH!” we said as we cowered together into a ball.
Then one of the monsters reached out its claw to sink into us and I just closed my eyes.
“Piggy, izzat you?” The beast said. “Whatcha dering so far from home?”
“Uncle Rufus?” Piggy said surprised. “Zombie, it’s uncle Rufus, my Dad’s second uncle’s son’s, cousin’s brother, twice removed.”
“Hey everyberdy, it’s Lionel’s son Piggy!” Rufus said, with a weird accent I could hardly understand.
“Heerrraayyyy!!!” the group yelled as more Zombies came out of the bushes.
“Watcha doing out here by yer lonesome?” Rufus asked.
“We were on our way to the Zombie family reunion and our minecart got separated from the others,” I said.
Rufus looked me over and then smiled, “You must be Francis’ son, Zombie!”
“Hey everyberdy, it’s Francis’s son Zombie!”
“Heerrraayyyy!!!” they all yelled.
Hey, I didn’t mind the introductions, but what I really wanted to know was how to get to the Mesa Biome.
“And hurz this little guy?” Rufus asked looking at Wesley.
“That’s my little brother, Wesley, but what we want to know is how to get to the Mesa…”
“Hey everyberdy, it’s Francis’s son Wesley!”
“Heerrraayyyy!!!” they all yelled.
“And hurz this smelly young Zombie?” Rufus asked pointing to Steve.
“That’s my friend Ste…uh Zven from Zveden, but how do we get to the…”
“Hey everyberdy, it’s Zombie’s friend Zven from Zveden!”
“Heerrraayyyy!!!” they all yelled.
Man we were getting nowhere with these guys.
Uncle Rufus started introducing all of our relatives to us, but there were like a thousand of them so I knew we were going to be there for a few hours.
“And this is Zeke, and Billy-Bob, and Billy-Ray, and Mabel, and Cletus, and Clyde, and Eustuce, and Floyd and Otis, and Roscoe, and Betty-Lou and…”
I couldn’t take it anymore!
“CAN ANYBODY TELL US HOW TO GET TO THE MESA BIOME?!!!” I yelled. “WE NEED TO GET TO OUR ZOMBIE FAMILY REUNION!!!”
Then everybody got quiet.
“Why didn’t yer say yer going to the Zombie family reunion?” Rufus said smiling.
“Hey everyberdy, they’re going to the Zombie family reunion!”
“Heerrraayyyy!!!” they all said.
“It’s a night’s walk in that direction,” Uncle Rufus said pointing to the desert. “We would walk yer, but it’s mining season, and we need to go scare some miners silly, right boys?!!”
“Heerrraayyyy!!!” they all yelled.
“Thank you, Uncle Rufus,” I said, glad to get out of there.
“We’ll join yer at the family reunion in a few days after we scare some miners!” Rufus said as we walked away. “Right boys?!!!”
“Heerrraayyyy!!!” they all yelled.
Late Monday Entry
After leaving Uncle Rufus and our Zillbilly family, we started walking toward the Mesa Biome.
We walked for hours, and it was really hot and really scary.
We were all still scared after Steve told us about the strange green creatures that blow people up.
At first, I thought he was talking about Creepers. But Creepers only blow up by accident.
Actually, I’m really surprised my friend Creepy back home hasn’t blown up yet. He’s kind of clumsy sometimes.
But I think Creepy said that they’ve made so many advances in science that by using a liquid Nitrogen inhaler, a Creeper can go explosion free for a long time.
Well, I’m just glad Creepy is not here, I thought. Knowing him he would probably forget his inhaler. And Creepers and desert cactus don’t mix very well.
I was lost in my thoughts until Steve took out his harmonica and broke out into a song:
“Home, Home on the raaaange…
Where the spiders and silverfish plaaaay.
Where seldom is seeeeen,
An exploding-monster that’s greeeeen,
And the sun…oops, sorry…and the mooooon glows brightly all day!”
We all laughed at Steve’s singing, but I think Piggy was still scared. He was holding onto his gold sword really tight.
Then we heard, BOOM!
We turned around and looked to the left and looked to right to see where it came from.
Piggy was swinging his sword wildly in every direction with his eyes closed. “Take that, and that, and that, and that!”
“Piggy!” I said. “Whatever it was, I think it’s gone now.”
“I think you spoke too soon,” Steve said pointing. “Look!”
We saw a shadow of the weirdest creature far away, but it looked like it was coming toward us.
“Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man,” Piggy said.
Then it crept out of the shadows and it was… a Creeper! But a weird looking Creeper. It looked like it had been out here for a long time.
Weirdest thing was that it had a Hawaiian shirt on.
“What arrrr you guysssss doing heeere?” the Creeper said, slurring his words really slowly. “Are yoooo trying to get my berrrrrieesss?
“Berries?” I said, “No we’re just trying to get to the Mesa Biome.”
“Oh, thasss gooood because I would prooooobably have to get tough with yooooou guyssss, if you were.” The Creeper could barely stand up.
Steve bent down to look at the plants next to him with berries on them. “You mean these berries?”
“Yeah, thoooose are my berrrrriiiiesss, so don’t tusssh them, OK?”
Then Steve whispered to me, “Hey Zombie, these are Ender Berries. You eat enough of these, they make you really loopy.”
“How long have you’ve been eating these?” S
teve asked the Creeper.
“We’ve been eattttting theeezzz for the past few munths, since our tour bussss got losssst out heeeere,” he said.
“Where are the rest of the Creepers from the tour bus?”
BOOOOMMM!
“Theressss one of them now,” the Creeper said.
All of a sudden, we knew we were in trouble. The Creeper was standing right next to a cactus, and by the look of things, he was about to fall over.
Steve picked up my little brother Wesley, and yelled, “RUN!!!”
Piggy and I jumped into the bushes and then…
BOOOOOOMM!
“Is everybody OK?” Steve said.
“Yeah, we’re good. But look at that!” I looked down at the big crater the Creeper made.
The Creeper’s explosion made an opening in the ground that revealed an underground tunnel.
“Whoa, that must be an underground mineshaft or something,” Steve said.
Then Wesley said, “Shiny,” as he pointed to the horizon.
“Oh man, the sun’s rising,” I said. “Let’s jump into the mineshaft quick.”
So all of us jumped into the mineshaft to keep from getting burned.
It was really dark in there.
But none of us cared, because we were all really tired from walking.
Piggy, Wesley and Steve flopped on the ground and fell asleep.
I stayed up a bit just thinking.
Are we ever going to get to my Zombie family reunion? I thought. Or are we going to be stuck out here forever?
I really hope we make it. I really want to meet Grandpa Methuselah.
His birthday cake must be huge…
Tuesday