by Zack Zombie
I woke up to a really bright light.
“Wake up, Zombie,” Steve said. “I found something.”
“Uuurggghhhyyyaawwwnn! What time is it?”
“I don’t know,” Steve said. “But check this out.”
Steve had a torch that he brought with him, and he held it up against the wall.
On the wall were all of kinds of Egyptian Zombie pictures.
“Whoa,” Piggy said. “I know what those are. Those are Egyptian Zombie hieroglyphics.”
“Hiro-what?”
“Hieroglyphics,” Piggy said. “They’re ancient Egyptian Zombie writing. There’s a museum of Mob Natural History in the Nether Fortress that my Mom takes me to sometimes. They have a whole exhibit with a bunch of these on the walls. My Mom even got me a book on how to translate them.”
“Do you think you can read these?” Steve asked.
“Maybe… Let’s see. Here lies the river…no, no… Here lies the path…right! Here lies the path to the ancient Egyptian Zombie treasure. Be wary…no… Beware… Beware all who enter here. Only the most noble will survive.”
“Really? That’s what it says? It doesn’t say ‘here is the fluffy minecart that will take you safely to your Zombie family reunion?’” I said, annoyed at another deathtrap.
“Nope, that’s what it says,” Piggy said.
“Where’s your spirit of adventure?” Steve asked me.
“I left it on the minecart train with Mom and Dad,” I said sarcastically.
“Well, that’s the direction toward the Mesa Biome,” Steve said pointing down the dark tunnel. “So we might as well see if we can find some Egyptian Zombie treasure along the way.”
Oh, man, we’re dead, I thought.
So, as we walked down the tunnel, Piggy kept talking.
“You know, Mummies were some of the original Zombies thousands of years ago,” Piggy said. “They were really smart. They were great engineers and scientists.”
“If they were so smart, why did they look so dumb?” I said, make-believing that I was an Egyptian Zombie. “Look at me, I’m an Egyptian Dummy.”
“That’s Mummy,” Piggy said.
An Egyptian mummy
Steve started laughing. “Hey Piggy, what did the Egyptian Zombie engineers and scientists specialize in, anyway?”
“Booby traps,” Piggy said.
Steve and I stopped dead in our tracks and looked at each other.
“Shiny!” Wesley said.
We turned his way, yelling, “NO!”
It was too late. He pulled a gold lever on the wall.
Suddenly, the entire floor caved in and we all fell through it.
“AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!”
THUD!
THUD!
THUD!
We all landed in a strange room lit with torches.
“Cough, cough… Where’s Wesley?” Steve asked.
THUD! Then Wesley landed right on top of me.
“Zumbie,” Wesley said smiling.
UUUUURRGGHH!!!! Wesley makes me so mad!!!!!!
“Wesley, don’t touch anything!” I yelled.
Then Wesley turned from green to blue, to red and… “WAAAAHHHH!!!!” Wesley started crying.
“Zombie, he’s just a little kid, you know,” Steve said. “Give him a break.”
How is it that Wesley causes all the trouble, and I’m the bad guy! UUUURRGGHH!!!! I wish I never had a little brother!
Steve put Wesley on his shoulders. “Let’s just find a way out of here. Where are we anyway?”
“I know where we are,” Piggy said. “The orange and blue tiles and the large pillars means… We must be in the main chamber of the desert temple!”
The main chamber
“Really? I’ve heard of the desert temple,” Steve said. “Isn’t there supposed to be a really big treasure in here?”
“Yes. But it’s also supposed to be booby trapped,” Piggy said. “If you step on the wrong floor block, the entire room will explode.”
All of us looked at each other, and we froze in place.
“So what do we do?” I asked Piggy.
“I don’t know,” he said shrugging his shoulders.
“I got an idea,” Steve said. “Let’s dig through the blocks we’re standing on now. They’re not booby trapped. And I bet there’s another room under this one.”
“Great idea,” I told Steve.
So we started digging. Since I was standing over the blue clay block in the middle of the room, I knew it probably meant something.
Maybe I’ll find the treasure, I thought as I kept digging. If I find the treasure, I’m going to use it to buy a year’s supply of cake and video games… Maybe I can buy a new little brother too.
All of a sudden we heard a CLICK! The floor collapsed again!
“AAAHHHHHHH!!!!”
THUD!
THUD!
THUD!
THUD!
Oh man, that hurt.
I felt like somebody was sitting on me, so when I opened my eyes I wasn’t surprised to find Steve, Piggy and Wesley all piled on top of me.
I guess it’s good that they did, because I don’t know if Steve could’ve survived that fall. Humans are real fragile, you know. On the other hand, Zombies are really tough. We can fall from a really high distance and be OK.
Especially little Zombies. One time Wesley fell out of my second floor bedroom window and he just bounced around like a rubber ball.
Actually, when I was little, Dad and I used to jump off the roof just for fun. Except one time Dad landed on a rake, and it took Mom a few hours to get it out of him. Every time Dad turned around he would hit Mom on the back of the head. It was classic!
All the other guys were moaning and saying how tired they were. I don’t know how they could be so tired after that fall, but they just fell asleep.
Funny, I was tired too. Maybe I should take a nap too.
It’s really hard to write this journal entry being so tired. But I have to.
Who knows, if we never make it out of here, this may be my last words, ever…
Wednesday, I think…
I woke up to the taste of bacon in my mouth.
Urrrghhhblechhh!
Somehow, Piggy’s foot ended up in my mouth! Yeecchhh!!!
Then Steve woke up.
“Oh my head,” Steve said. “How long were we out?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe a few hours.”
Then Piggy and Wesley woke up.
“I had the weirdest dream that a fish was sucking on my toes,” Piggy said.
I didn’t say anything about that.
“Where are we?” Steve said.
“Whoa,” Piggy said looking around at all of the chests on the wall. “I think this is the treasure room.”
“Treasure?!!” Steve said all excited.
“Yeah, but I bet they all have booby traps,” I said, not quite as excited as everyone else.
We looked around, and the only thing that looked weird was a gray plate in the middle of the room, right next to my foot.
“What’s this gray plate in the middle of the room?” I carefully backed away from it.
“It’s a pressure plate,” Steve said, “And I bet it’s connected to a booby trap.”
So everybody stepped really gently away from it.
Then we heard a creaking noise. We turned around and Wesley had opened one of the chests and was looking inside.
“Well, at least we know that chest isn’t booby trapped,” Steve said.
We looked and there was a book inside.
“We better not touch it,” I said, “it’s probably booby trapped.”
I looked at t
he other guys to make sure they agreed with me, when I heard, “Shiny!”
Wesley had moved the book and there was a big fat diamond under it.
“Oooooohhhhh… Shiny!” Steve said, as his eyes grew really big.
Piggy picked up the book and started reading it. A minute later, he said, “Hey guys, I think this book can show us a way out of here.”
“Really?” I went over to look at the book with Piggy.
“Yeah, it shows pictures of an underground minecart system that the Egyptian Zombies used to transport supplies.”
“What’s that?” I pointed to the picture of the floor collapsing under an Egyptian guy who was holding a big diamond.
“It just says the same warning as before: ‘Beware, all who enter here. Only the noble will survive.’”
“Hey Steve, come check this out… Steve?”
“Oooooohhhhh… Shiny!” Steve said.
The picture suddenly made sense. “Oh no.”
Steve picked up the diamond, and the floor collapsed under us again!
“AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!”
THUD!
THUD!
THUD!
THUD!
Except this time, we all landed in a minecart.
The minecart was on a rail on a very steep hill. So when we landed, the impact made the minecart move and start going down the hill like a roller coaster.
“AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!”
We were going faster and faster through all kinds of underground tunnels and hills.
“WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE, RUYEEKK!!!!” Piggy squealed.
Then I noticed that the walls were changing from sandy white to clay red.
“Hey! I think we’re in the Mesa Biome!” I said.
But the guys didn’t care. We were all just worried about how we were going to stop.
Then we saw it.
Ahead of us, we could see the end of the line. It was just one big, solid clay wall. We were going like a hundred miles an hour, so we were either going to go through it, or we were going to be splattered against it.
“EVERYBODY GET DOWN AND HOLD ON!!!” Steve said.
BOOOOOMMM!
We went right through the wall, and landed in a big cavern.
The minecart flipped over and we all crashed against the other wall.
I thought Steve was dead for sure, but when I looked over at him, Wesley and Piggy had grabbed onto him so tight that they had protected him from the impact.
I realized I grabbed onto him too, at least my body was still holding onto him. My head was looking at my body from the other side of the cave, so I knew I had issues.
Perfect time for another nap, I thought.
Thursday?
I woke up to my head swinging around.
“Don’t worry, buddy,” Steve said. “I’ll put you back together.”
So Steve put my head back on my body, and everything was right with the world.
Except when I looked down and saw my Zombie butt, I knew something wasn’t right.
Steve, Piggy, and Wesley were laughing at me so I knew they did it on purpose.
“Guys, come on!” I said.
“Sorry, we thought we could use a good laugh right now,” Steve said as he put my head on right.
Then far away in the cavern, we could see a light that was slowly fading.
“That must be the way out!” Steve said.
We picked up all of our stuff and headed toward the light.
When we got to the edge of the cave, we saw that the sun was going down. When it finally went down we went outside and looked around.
Everything was made of bright red clay.
We made it!
“We made it to the Mesa Biome!” I said excitedly. “Now we just need to figure out how to get to the Grand Zombie Canyon.”
“Yeah, except we don’t know which way to go,” Steve said.
We looked over the horizon and saw some smoke coming from down the hill. So we decided to walk over there to see if we can ask for directions.
When we got there, we found the strangest looking Zombie making some stew over a fire.
“Excuse me, sir,” I said. “Can you help us find the Grand Zombie Canyon?”
All of a sudden he jumped up like something had bit him on the butt.
“Whoa! What you fellers trying to do, sneaking up on me like that?” he said.
“Sorry sir, we’re just trying to find our way to the Grand Zombie Canyon.”
“You’re lost, are ye?” he said. “Well, I reckon it’s a full two night’s walk in that direction.” He pointed toward the horizon.
“Two nights?!!”
“Yep, but you know, there’s a town a few miles ahead, where yez can get a good night sleep and some food, for yer long journey.”
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Steve said. “So which way is it?”
“Oh, it’s down the road, over the hill, through the mountains, around the creek, under the rock that looks like a big carrot, and up the path… Can’t miss it.”
“Thank you, Mr…?”
“Call me Prospector Joe,” he said spitting. “Been prospecting this land for 30 years, searching for diamonds. This is my land, it is… SPIT!”
“Oh, Ok. Thanks Prospector Joe,” I said as we walked toward the town.
There was something weird about that guy, I thought.
I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
Late Thursday I think…
“We’ve been walking around for hours,” I said. “Where is this place?”
“Well, we went down the road, over the hill, through the mountains, around the creek, under the rock that looks like a big carrot, and up the path,” Steve said. “I wonder if we missed something.”
I was thinking, we’d better find it fast because the sun will be rising soon.
“There it is!” Piggy said
We looked down a steep cavern, and on the bottom we could see a small town.
“Oh man, I got a bad feeling about this,” I said to Steve.
A shady looking town…
We got to the bottom of the cavern and walked into the town. Only problem was that the place was totally deserted. There were no mobs around: no Zombies, no Skeletons, no Creepers, no Slimes; not even an Enderman moving stuff around.
“This place gives me the creeps,” Piggy said.
“What is this place?” I asked Steve.
Then we saw it, a wanted poster that looked like it’d been posted up years ago.
“Hey, isn’t that...?”
“You mean the weird Zombie we met before?” Steve said, finishing my sentence.
“Why do I get the feeling that we’re in trouble?” I said.
“Hey guys…” Piggy said, in a trembling voice, “Look.”
We all looked up, and there was a gang of rough looking Zombies on Zombie horses, with prospector Joe leading the bunch. We turned around and there was another group behind us.
“Where do yer think yer going?” Prospector Joe called out in a smug voice.
“Uh… Mr. Prospector Joe sir… We were just going to our Zombie family reunion, he, he,” I said.
“I know what you’re up to. You’re trying to get me diamonds, you is.” He spat again. “Well, it ain’t gonna happen… Get’em, boys!”
All of a sudden, the Zombies got off their horses and jumped at us.
Before they could grab us, Steve put Wesley down and yelled, “Run, Wesley, Run!”
Wesley ran around the gang of Zombies so fast they couldn’t catch him. He bit them on the ankles and they started hopping around.
One thing about little Zombies is that they’re really hard to catch.
We weren’t so fast or so lucky.
“Run, Wesley, Run!!!” We all yelled as they put us in some sacks and took us to who knows where.
By now I’m not sure what day it is…
We travelled for a while. They wouldn’t tell us where we were going. I heard us get on some minecarts so I know we went really far. I’m starting to think that not only will I miss the Zombie family reunion, I won’t make it out of this alive!
Finally, we arrived somewhere that was really hot.
They carried us on their shoulders for a while and it got hotter and hotter.
I was really worried about little Wesley, though. I hope he got away, I thought. Even though he’s my pesky little brother, I wouldn’t want anything to happen to him.
Then they dumped us all on the ground:
THUD!
THUD!
THUD!
They took us out of the sacks and we were in a cave next to a pool full of lava.
“Let’s just see if staying here fer a while will loosen your tongues up a bit,” Prospector Joe said laughing. “Come on, boys, if they’re not ready to talk when we get back, we’ll just have to throw’em in. Heya, heya, heya!”
When they walked out, I saw the cave wasn’t just a cave—it had bars to keep us in. Then they slammed the jail cell door of the cave and locked it behind them.
“Man, it’s really hot down here,” Steve said.
The Lava Pool
“You’re not kidding,” I said, “Zombies don’t sweat, you know.”
“It’s not so bad. It kind of reminds me of home.” Piggy shrugged, looking around.
“Well, we need to find a way out of here,” Steve said. “What’s the plan?”