Hidden Barriers

by Sara Shirley

  Plus, I’m still not ready for my family to meet Sam yet. I need a little more time with her alone before my mom sweeps in to marry me off. Right now, she has her hands full with Jeremy and his relationship with Emily, which is apparently also a topic of conversation today. Jeremy sent me a text yesterday saying he had something he needed to talk to me about that involved her.

  As I make my way up the front walk, Jeremy catches me before I hit the steps. “Hey, Josh. It’s about time you showed up for a Sunday dinner. You got a minute before you head in there?” he asks as he zips up his hoodie sweatshirt. The March sun is still not warm enough to really enjoy being outside.

  “Yeah, let’s talk in the garage. I need to check on my baby anyway,” I say as I blow hot air into my hands.

  Josh heads into the garage before me, and the minute my eyes land on her, the memories come flushing back. I bought my 1967 Chevy Impala SS right after I graduated from the police academy. She was my gift to myself and was in decent condition when I bought her. I’ve taken one ride in her. It was the same day I broke up with Sue, and ever since, she has been sitting in my parents’ garage. My dad is basically the only one who takes her out for a spin these days.

  Running my hands over her pristine, shiny hood, I contemplate the idea of finally taking her out myself this summer. I picture driving with Sam in the passenger seat as we take a road trip to the Lakes Region of New Hampshire or the beaches of Cape Cod.

  Sam.

  A deep chuckle rumbles through my chest at the thought of her in my life, my future. God, I really have fallen hard for that girl.

  “Dude! Are you even listening to me?” Jeremy asks, trying to get my attention.

  “What? Sorry, I wasn’t listening,” I say, keeping my thoughts of Sam to myself.

  Jeremy starts laughing as he sits on Dad’s workbench. “What’s going on with you lately? You’ve been acting odd, even on the phone. Anyway, I need a favor from you, and you have to keep it a secret. Only those in that house know, but you can’t say anything to Emily. Got it?”

  “Okay?” I draw out, wondering what he’s got going on. “What’s the favor?”

  “I need you to go on a little family weekend trip to Savannah in May with me. I’m asking Emily to marry me, and if Mom can get it arranged, I am hoping to marry her there the same weekend.”

  I hold onto the car to balance myself, as I never thought that would be the reason why he needed to talk to me. I can understand the proposing to Emily. She is right for my brother in every single way, and I have no doubt she will marry him, someday. I’m just not sure she’ll agree to do it the same weekend he proposes.

  “So, is that a yes? Hello? Earth to Josh?”

  “Yeah, sure. I mean, I don’t see why I would have any issues getting the time off from work.”

  “You could be a little excited for me, asshole. Are you worried about the whole Sue thing? She won’t be there, if that’s what’s bothering you.”

  “Nah, it’s got nothing to do with Sue. I’m happy for you, Jeremy. I really am. Emily is perfect, and I’m sure she’ll say yes.”

  What concerns me more is leaving Sam behind alone, without me being nearby, in case her ex is released from prison on Tuesday. What if something happens, and I’m not here to help her? I know I’d hold that guilt for as long as I live.

  Jeremy’s laughter breaks my deep thoughts, again. “Seriously, what’s going on with you these days? I haven’t seen you like this since…nah…there’s no way.” He laughs all the way to the garage door just as it swings open, and my very pregnant ex-girlfriend walks through it. Jeremy excuses himself before making his way back to the house with the rest of the family.

  Sue walks over to me as she continues to run her hands over her belly. My gaze never leaves where her hands are soothing. The last time I actually saw her was the night of the accident just over two months ago. Glancing back at her face, she’s glowing and appears happy with the way her life has turned out.

  Silence floods the garage until she clears her throat. “Listen, Josh. I know we have kind of grown distant since last year, but I need to know you don’t hate me for all of this. It seems like since Dave and I got together, you’ve disappeared.” I begin pacing until her hand reaches out to stop me dead in my tracks. “Talk to me, Josh. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

  I realize my time for holding this all in has come to an end. I need to put my past behind me, so I can focus on my future. My relationship with Sam. Squeezing my eyes shut, I muster the courage to finally explain to her what’s been going on. “Sue, you have to know I could never hate you. It’s me I’ve hated for nearly ten years. It wasn’t until you hooked up with Dave that I realized I still had feelings for you all these years. But, something happened recently, and I knew I needed to move forward with my life. A part of me will always love you, but I’m no longer in love with you. Putting my career before you back then was my choice, and as wrong as that might have been, if I had chosen another path, I wouldn’t be where I am right now. I hope we can still stay friends, because honestly, I miss everyone.”

  After a much-needed cry, Sue finally pulls her emotions back together. Damn those pregnancy hormones. She and I are finally back on the same page, and although it was a little awkward to finally admit my feelings to her, we seem to be laughing again like old times. She tells me about Jeremy’s big Savannah plans and how she and Dave can’t make the trip because of her pregnancy, so it will be up to me to provide her with the wedding video and lots of pictures.

  Seriously, am I the only one who thinks there is no way Emily will agree to marry Jeremy a day after he proposes? Don’t all women want the big wedding, the dress, the flowers, and shit like that to make them all go ooohhh and aaahhh?

  Sue and I walk back over to the main house and find everyone already around the dinner table. Mom shoots up from her chair to hug me as if she hasn’t seen me in a year. It’s not as though she hasn’t seen me. I was just over the house a few weeks ago.

  I find my seat next to Courtney as I watch the entire family engage in friendly conversation. Emily and Jeremy are affectionately touching each other, Dave and Sue are actively entranced by the baby kicking, and Mom and Dad are sharing a silent conversation only a couple married as long as them could have. Then, there is me, sitting with my sister. What I wouldn’t give to have Sam next to me, joining in my family traditions and allowing them to show her the love that I so quickly offered her.

  Courtney nudges my leg under the table. “So, what happened with Sam this week?” she whispers. Looking around to ensure nobody heard her, I lean over and quietly tell her thanks for helping sort out Sam’s thoughts last week. If it weren’t for my sister, Sam and I probably wouldn’t be together right now. Courtney, being her usual self, can gloat over another match made in heaven. She swears she helped push Emily and Jeremy together after her birthday party last year when Emily was too hammered to drive home. Then again, she also takes credit for the Sue and Dave love connection as well. Again, same night, and I really have to wonder where the hell was I this so-called night back in September.

  Oh, right. I was probably banging some random chick. Still, it doesn’t matter at this point. I’ve finally found someone who is worth putting past transgressions behind me.

  It’s Tuesday. Need I say more? Drew and my dad are currently in the Boston office, making sure they do everything they can to keep Stone behind bars. I’m not sure what I’m expecting to feel today. Fear. Panic. Guilt. I don’t know, but calm is not one of them.

  I put Brian on the bar today, so I could stay home and wait for the news. Drew already talked to Josh last night about today. Those two together scream trouble. I know Drew feels the need to overprotect me at times, so I was a little thrown back when after a couple of minutes on the phone with Josh, their conversation turned to sports. I just sat there thinking, Hello? Did you forget about me? When Josh finally hung up the phone, he plugged Drew’s cell number into his phone, just in case. Yeah, just in c
ase something happens to me is what he wanted to say.

  Mom had called me last night as well. She kept the conversation light and didn’t even touch on Stone’s parole hearing. She was more interested in how everything was progressing with Josh and when she would finally get to meet him. Apparently, Drew, the big mouth he is, went home before a drill weekend and spread the word about Josh last month. Since then, my phone has blown up with text messages asking about him and if we are “serious”.

  I’m sitting in the living room watching a Supernatural marathon on television, drinking my coffee and still wondering about her question. Well, during commercials, I’m thinking about her question. When the show is on, all I’m thinking about is that fine ass of Jensen Ackles. His smile alone is deadly, but her question still remains. Are Josh and I serious?

  I would think so.

  He did vow to put his life on the line should I ever be in danger, but isn’t that what he’s trained to do on the job? Our feelings for each other are loud and clear, both of us falling hard for the other. At some point, we will need to have this talk, but today is not that day.

  The front door opens, and Josh strides in with a baby blue box in his hand. He sees me curled up on the sofa. After kicking off his shoes, he makes his way over to me. Placing the box onto the coffee table, he turns to me. Resting a knee on the cushion, he grabs the coffee mug from my hands and places it onto the table next to the box.

  His hands move to pin himself above me as he searches my narrowed eyes. “Good morning, sugar. I missed you last night,” he says before slowly trailing his lips over my collarbone. Shivers run up my back and down my arms at his touch. He knows the effect he has on my body, and he’s certainly become quite familiar with the places that make me yelp and the ones that tickle me to no end. The collarbone, well, that one causes things in my stomach to yearn for a deeper connection than what we’ve got going on right now.

  As he continues to kiss my neck, my head drops to the side, and the blue box catches my eye. “What’s in the box?” I ask as I try to push Josh away from my neck. A deep growl sounds from his throat, and I know he was hoping for something more to happen between us. I give him my best puppy dog eyes and say, “Sorry, but you can’t bring a box in like that and not expect it to get my attention.”

  Rising to his feet, he adjusts himself and makes his way into the kitchen to grab a plate and utensils. He returns and hands them to me with a sigh of defeat. “I was hoping to avoid opening this until after we had our playtime. Because once I open it, I’ll be long forgotten.”

  My curiosity is piqued, as my eyes grow larger in excitement. “What could possibly be better than sex with you? Hmmm…it’s got to be something sweet,” I say, clapping my hands in anticipation.

  “Seriously? How much better do I need to be in bed to rank above dessert?” he asks, laughing as he cuts the tape on the box.

  “Oh, babe, you’ve got a long way to go there,” I taunt him, but he knows sex with him is absolutely incredible, and sweets don’t stand a chance.

  Josh shoots me a devilish grin as he opens the top on the box. “I guess we’ll have to spend some extra time working on that challenge later, won’t we?” He opens the box all the way and slides it over to me. Handing me a fork, he says, “Your chocolate peanut butter cake with chocolate shavings, my dear.”

  My eyes bug out of my head as I stare at the delectable chocolate creation sitting in front of me. My mouth salivates as I imagine the smooth, fluffy, peanut butter filling hitting my tongue. “Come to Momma.” I reach out to grab the small piece of heaven. My fork sinks into the side to pull a large piece of cake away and up to my mouth. Then, the euphoric sensations settle in as all the flavors mix together, and a low moan seeps from my throat before I swallow it. Josh pulls another fork from his pocket and moves to grab his own bite, but I quickly snatch the box away from him. “What do you think you are doing?” I snap. Does he not realize this is mine? All mine!

  Josh snickers at me as he leans back on the sofa. “What? I don’t get to taste the one thing that tops me in sex and makes you moan like a goddess?”

  “Not a chance.” Quickly grabbing the box away from my hands, he runs for the stairs, taking them two at a time. “Where are you going with my cake?” I shout as I chase after him in my pajamas.

  The minute I enter my bedroom, I see him pulling back all my blankets before rushing me, throwing me over his shoulder, and making his way to my bed again. Tossing me onto my back on the bed, he seductively crawls toward me. “I’m going to see what it tastes like to lick every inch of that cake off your body.”

  I reach for the pillowcase beside my fingers, grab it, and whack him on the side of the head with it. “I will never allow you to waste cake in that fashion.” I laugh as I continue to playfully hit him with my pillow while I regain my position above him.

  “Is that so? Well, I’ll tell you what,” he says as he wets his lips and begins running his hands under my shirt. “You let me lick some of that cake off you.” He looks up into my eyes before he leans forward and kisses my stomach, his tongue circling my belly button before he pulls back to finish his sentence. “And, I will take you to do whatever it is you want to do today.”

  I ponder the thought. “Anything?” I ask with a curious pitch in my voice. His hand slowly makes its way below my waistband and begins running over my heated core. A slight moan escapes my lips before he flips me on my back and crushes his lips to mine. I raise my hips to meet his hand again before he pulls back to look me in the eyes.

  “Anything you want,” he says without hesitation.

  I continue to eye him suspiciously, but I have some ideas that can be serious payback for ruining my cake. So, I agree and take my chances, allowing him to indulge in my chocolaty heaven. “Fine. Grab the freakin’ cake, but if you so much as rescind on your deal, I will punish you severely!”

  Gripping the hem of my shirt, he makes quick work of removing my top, followed by my flannel pants before reaching for the cake. After watching him cut through it, I shut my eyes as he begins smearing it all over my breasts and down to my core. I cannot watch this.

  Then, I feel his tongue licking and his lips moving over my skin as my body shudders with ecstasy. “Holy shit,” I groan. I reach out to run my hands through his hair to direct him toward my breasts where he eagerly begins licking off the chocolate and peanut butter mess. My stomach is doing somersaults as he continues to feast upon my body.

  My eyes narrow as his head retreats from my breasts and moves lower until his chocolate-covered lips begin placing kisses on my inner thighs, and his mouth finds my throbbing wetness. I hear him moaning in pleasure as he runs his tongue along my folds. He looks up at my face. “I’m pretty sure you taste better than any cake I’ve ever had.”

  My head slams back onto the pillow as his tongue continues to make quick, torturous motions. He’s driving me crazy. Never have I ever had a guy go down on me, but Josh’s tongue is probably the closest thing to heaven that I can imagine. His tongue makes swift circles around my clit as his fingers slide inside me. “Come for me, Sam. I need to taste all of you.”

  “Oh. My. God!” I scream as I pull his head so his mouth is flush against my core. My hips begin to rise as I feel the tightening within my core. Josh sucks a little harder as his fingers move rapidly within me, and I finally feel the release I have been climbing toward. My core throbs around Josh’s fingers before he pulls them out and licks the juices from my entrance.

  A chuckle releases from his mouth that’s still wrapped around the fingers he just had inside me. “Yep, you definitely taste better than cake,” he says after pulling his fingers from his mouth with a popping sound. I playfully kick him in the stomach, and he grabs my ankle, pulling me closer. “I believe we need to get into the shower.”

  “We?”

  “Yeah, well, I kind of have an issue going on down below, and it’s not going to get resolved unless one of us miraculously produces a condom right now,” he says
as he adjusts his pants to accommodate his erection. Laughing, I jump off the bed and start heading for the door toward the bathroom. Stopping midway, I turn to see Josh staring at my ass. “What’s so funny?” he questions.

  “Oh, nothing.” I shrug my shoulders, still gazing at him over my shoulder. “Just the fact that I’ve been on the pill for years. I guess we could do something to resolve your problem,” I imply as I move for the door. Josh is quick off the bed and at my back in an instant. Twisting me around, I wrap my legs around him as he quickly carries me toward the shower.

  Once he shuts the bathroom door with his foot, he lowers me and immediately sheds his clothes. I eye him in amazement at the pace in which he undresses. I turn to the shower and twist on the warm water. I feel Josh’s hardened body at my backside moments later.

  He pulls the band from my messy ponytail, and my hair falls against my back. I tilt my head to the side and feel his warm breath behind my ear. Josh moves to my ear as he whispers, “Sam, are you sure about this? I can wait, really.”

  I hesitate my response as I think about his random hookups in the past, and most recently, the redhead who caused more harm than good. Without looking at him, I ask the question for my own sanity. “Josh, I need to know you were safe with all those other women. I mean, you did wear a condom with them, right?”

  Josh turns me in his arms, resting his hands just above the small of my back. I feel his fingers softly stroke my skin. Regret seems to spread across his face as seconds pass without an answer. I slowly start to bow my head to avoid looking him in the eyes as he tells me he hasn’t. “Sam, look at me,” Josh demands. “Do you really think I’d be that careless? Okay, there might have been one night back in high school when I just wanted to see what it felt like for a second, but other than that, it’s been wrapped up ever since.”

  I cock my head to the side and raise an eyebrow, wondering if he’s really being honest. “Honest?” I ask.