Hidden Barriers

by Sara Shirley

  Courtney is due to return from her summer at culinary school shortly. I’m not sure who is more excited to have her home, my mom or Sam. Once everything returned to normal after Stone’s shooting and I went back to work, Sam and I spent a lot of time with my family. Mom has enjoyed bringing another female into the mix.

  My mom is always willing to open her home and her heart to anyone her kids love. What she’s done for Sam has been nothing short of saint-like. The first month after Stone’s shooting, I watched as Sam struggled to sleep soundly. Nightmares constantly woke her, as she would envision him killing me instead. I won’t lie and say I didn’t struggle at first with how to handle her battles. There were nights where I nearly broke down in tears, never knowing what I could do to help her push through and see things were going to be okay.

  It took time for my own injuries to heal, and add in the pressure of determining if I was mentally stable enough to return to work, well, it was a lot to handle, and my relationship with Sam was put to the test. We knew we loved each other, but neither of us could work out how to handle what we both experienced, together. Neither of us wanted to relive that night or talk openly with each other, which made working through the struggle nearly impossible.

  Sam hasn’t returned to the C-Naughtie house, but then again, none of the C-Naughties have. Lucy ended up packing up her VW Beetle and headed west to Colorado. Once she was released from the hospital, her parents felt she should return to the place she grew up and spend the summer there relaxing. After finding out what happened while they were on the derby road trip, Rose and Kim couldn’t stay in the house either, but they still live in town, and Sam sees them constantly. Her mantra Derby Sisters for Life never falters. Although Sam struggled to let Lucy leave, Lucy swore she would call every day and would be coming back before the end of the summer.

  My mom decided to intervene after hearing me talk to Jeremy about my trouble with Sam and how the therapist she and I were seeing wasn’t working out. A month after the attack, she moved Sam into her house, and I stayed at the townhouse with Nick. For two weeks, Mom kept me away from Sam. Two whole freaking weeks. She even made sure Drew was on board with her recovery plan and had him stay with me while she worked her magic with Sam. Fortunately for him, he didn’t have to report for Marine Reserve duty and had the ability to take time out of work.

  With just two weeks left before I went back to work, Drew made sure we stayed busy together and kept me from walking down to Vines to see Sam at work by getting me back into shape at the gym. Cara wasn’t much help either when she’d stop over to see Nick after work. All she’d tell me was Sam was doing fine and keeping busy. I was literally going out of my mind until Drew revealed his life-changing news to me and said I was going to absolutely have to step up and be there in every way, shape, and form for Sam.

  During this time, Drew thought long and hard about his future. Now that Stone was no longer a threat to Sam, he felt his responsibilities had shifted. He loved the Marine Corps life more than becoming a lawyer. He told Sam’s parents and me that he had filed his papers to enlist as a full-time Marine. The only issue was he’d be transferred to the West Coast within six months. I didn’t have any doubt the news would devastate Sam when she found out, and that was why I knew I needed to get my head on straight and sort out anything that stood to alter my ability to see what Sam and I have as anything but a gift.

  I vowed then to always protect her and comfort her whenever she needs it, and I’ll have to learn to always put her needs above everything else and love her with ever fiber in my bones. She’s my past, my present, and my future, and I’ll be damned if I fuck that up after all we’ve been through.

  Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who learned what it meant to see things in an entirely different perspective. Sam explained that Mom had taken her under her wing and made her see how a person’s past can shape them into a stronger individual. A person can love stronger, fight stronger, and change their future if that person just believes they can do it.

  Emily sat with Sam one night as she recounted her story of how she managed to overcome all her obstacles and found her strength through her love for Jeremy, but it took a lot of effort on both sides. Sam knew then she needed to push through and focus on what we had together.

  When Sam and I were finally able to see each other, there was an awkwardness between us at first. It was as if neither of us knew what to say after our time apart. Given it was a nice night, I suggested taking a walk around the neighborhood. We walked hand-in-hand, and after a short time passed, we were finally talking about everything we’d need to work on between us in order to move forward, and that’s when Sam went silent.

  We stopped and stared from the sidewalk on the other side of the wrought iron fence and saw the lights glowing from the dining room as a woman set the table for dinner and the man in the backyard tossed a baseball around with his son. Sam saw the “For Sale” sign out front and looked at me, silently saying, I want all of this.

  And, this is where we are now.

  After I place the old framed photo onto the oak mantle above the fireplace in the living room, I take the next wrapped photo from the box. Unwrapping the tissue from the frame, I glance at a picture I’ve never seen before. Sam must have just had this one framed because it’s from a couple of weeks ago.

  In the picture, our group of fifteen is all huddled around each other, sitting in the backyard at Jeremy’s house during a summer cookout. At the time, Courtney was home for a long weekend, Drew had just told everyone his news about going active duty, Nick had Cara wrapped in a bear hug, and Sue and Dave held Brittany in their arms as Sam and I stood in the center of the group as Lucy, who had just gotten back from Colorado happier than I’d ever seen her, crouched behind Sam and me. Her arms were wrapped around both of us with a goofy smile spreading across her energetic face.

  As I look at this picture, it’s funny to see how much our family has grown. A smile forms at the corner of my mouth as I place the new photo next to the old one on the mantle. My past and my future stare back at me, and I can’t help but wonder how everything has changed for the better in such a short amount of time.

  The creak of the old staircase pulls me away from staring at the photo as I turn to the noise. Sam sleepily makes her way down the stairs while pulling up her hair into a ponytail. Even in the morning, she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. She smiles as she walks up next to me, wrapping her arms around my waist. “Good morning,” she says, still waking up.

  “Morning, I started unpacking.” I lean down to kiss her head as she stares at the photos.

  “I know you’ll probably move them, but I just needed to put them somewhere for now,” I tell her as she continues to stare silently at the pictures on the mantle.

  Sam shakes her head as she turns her stare up to me. “Nah, they’re perfect right where they are. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

  I hug her a little tighter in my arms. “Neither would I.”

  A thought comes to mind as I stand in our new home, and I know Sam would never assume I’d come up with the idea on my own. Although we’ve only just started talking about wedding dates, I have to believe she’ll have no problem going along with it. Shaking her a little to get her attention, I ask, “What do you say about bumping up the wedding date?”

  One Month Later

  The cool, crisp October air settles over Lake Winnipesaukee. Everyone is sitting under the small tent set up at the lake house. White lights twinkle around the edges of the tent as soft music filters down to where I’m standing on the docks watching the sun set across the lake in Josh’s arms.

  “Dance with me?” he whispers into my ear. My head tilts back to stare into his eyes.

  “We can’t dance here now. It’s not time for that yet,” I say, giggling kindheartedly.

  “I know, but the first dance I have with my wife, I only want it to be you and me. This is our moment to remember forever,” Josh says as he turns me around gently,
making sure my dress doesn’t catch on the weathered dock beneath my feet.

  My arms reach up to wrap around his neck as I watch him nod toward the house. Courtney nods back at him. Clearly, the two of them had this all planned out beforehand.

  “May I have this dance, Mrs. Page?” Josh asks as my fingers play with the collar of his suit jacket.

  “You may.”

  The easygoing voice of James Morrison’s “Precious Love” filters down from the tent as Josh begins to sway me within his arms. Happy tears spill from my eyes, and my heart skips a beat as I hear him humming the lyrics into my ear. Nothing else exists except us. This is about us, about all we’ve overcome since we met. This is about us, starting our future together, right here, right now.

  The music slowly fades, and Josh leans in, pulling my face up to meet his before placing his lips on mine. My hands wrap gently over his wrists, keeping his hands on both sides of my face. I have no idea how long the kiss lasts until a flash disturbs the moment. Our lips break, and we turn our heads to see Courtney at the other end of the dock with her camera in her hands.

  The rest of the family watches from the house as Josh takes my hand in his, and we walk back to the party. The rustic wooden tables line the center of the tent while twenty of our closest family and friends sit talking as they join us on this special day. Josh pulls out a wooden chair with a white cushion for me before sitting down next to me.

  Short candles flicker on the tables beside the clear vases filled with sunflowers and red calla lilies. White lace table runners lay over the old tables. A buffet of finger foods on ceramic serving platters and fine wine bottles spread across the rest of the table as Josh and I sit amongst everyone. His arm reaches behind me to rest on the back of my chair as he leans in to my ear. My left hand gently touches his leg as I watch as his hand wraps over mine. The sparkle of his new sterling silver wedding band catches my eye as the fact that we’re married settles in.

  Josh moves in to kiss my cheek. “We did good, didn’t we?” he asks as he looks out at everyone.

  “I’d say it was a surprise. The fact that everyone we wanted here showed up made this even more special,” I reply.

  When we invited everyone to the lake house, we told them we were having an informal gathering of friends and family to thank them for all their love and support over the past several months. Little did they know, Josh and I had actually planned to exchange our wedding vows and be married the same night. The look on everyone’s faces as they arrived to see the small tent in the front yard overlooking the lake was all worth it.

  Once they stopped crying, my mother and Josh’s mom helped prep my dress I bought a few weeks ago. My mom was a little upset with me, but in the end, she understood why I wanted it this way. I’d spent the last few years living such a private closed-off life that a big wedding with all the bells and whistles would never have been my style.

  When Lucy arrived with my old C-Naughtie roommates, I had no reservations in asking her to be my maid of honor. She hugged me as though nothing happened months ago, and yet, she hugged me as if everything happened months ago. After I wiped the tears from her eyes, I swore to her no matter where our futures led, she’d always be my best friend, and nothing would ever change that.

  Now, as I look around at everyone’s smiling faces, I know without a doubt that my future is going to have so many good times waiting to happen. With old friends and new friends joining in our little family, I can’t wait to start making those memories.

  Josh squeezes my hand as I lean back into him to hear him over the chatter and the music. “So, can you think of anything else that would make you happier at this moment?” Josh asks, winking at me. I know exactly what he’s referring to, and he’s trying to get me to cave, but my strength is weakening by the minute as I glance at the table just beyond where we are sitting.

  A full buffet of apples sits alongside warming plates of chocolate and caramel. Glass bowls filled with every topping known to mankind rests next to it. My candy buffet. Josh had it set up while I was getting ready inside. I’ve been aching to start dipping away, but I haven’t been allowed, since everyone has told me my ivory strapless gown with ruffled bottom is to go nowhere near that accident waiting to happen.

  Josh is expecting me to tell him I want to be at that table to make me happier right now. I’m sure it would satisfy my need at the moment, but it’s not a lifetime of happiness. When I lean in to whisper my answer into his ear, his eyes grow wider as he stares at me, never expecting the answer I give him.

  “Are you sure?” Josh clears his throat, clearly shocked at my answer.

  “I’ve never been more sure of anything right now. Not even a buffet of candy could beat that.” I lean in, placing a soft kiss on his lips as he pulls back to push his chair back to stand.

  “Where are we going?” I ask as he pulls me to stand with him.

  “I’m getting started on making you the happiest woman in the world,” he says as my feet struggle to keep up with him. Jeremy, Drew, Nick, and Dave laugh and raise their beer bottles to us as we rush past them and enter the back doors of the lake house. They obviously know exactly where Josh is taking me.

  I blush and chuckle as we make our way into the makeshift honeymoon suite. “Josh, you do know these things take time, right?”

  He turns to face me as he shuts the door to the room. “Sam, I don’t care if it happens tonight or a year from now. If you want a baby of your own to make you the happiest woman in the world, then I’ll spend every day trying until it happens for us, because nothing else matters. You deserve to be happy, and I’ll be the one who makes that happen for you.”

  “I love you, Josh,” I say as my hand cups the side of his face. I gaze into the eyes of my husband, who has no idea that having him in my life has already made me the happiest woman in the world. Without him, I may never have found the strength to survive or ever truly lived. I owe him my life and all the love I have to give.

  Christmas 2015

  Today, everyone gathers at Jeremy and Emily’s house for Christmas dinner. Sam’s parents have already left to return to their hotel before the snow starts falling. Drew also couldn’t make it home on leave from his current duty station at Camp Pendleton, California. He isn’t expected home for another couple of days, which makes Sam happy anyway, since we haven’t seen him in nearly six months.

  Sitting at the dining room table, I talk to Dad about my new position at work. Due to the recent situations surrounding Sam and me, I felt it best to take on a position within the local police department. Within the next month, I’ll be working alongside Nick and closer to home on a more regular basis once I go through all the necessary training.

  I glance over toward the living room to see Sam sitting on a cushion in front of the fireplace, holding the newest addition to the Page family, my nephew, Ben, who was born a few months ago. He’s the spitting image of Emily. Thank God, because if he got any of Jeremy’s looks, I would have felt bad for him. He’s all blonde hair and blue eyes, just like his mom.

  Sam catches me staring at her and hands Ben over to Emily as she heads over to sit with Jeremy on the sofa. Sue lends Sam a hand as she slowly walks in my direction. My dad gets up to give Sam his seat, giving her a kiss on the cheek before she sits down.

  “Everything all right?” I ask as she moves to make herself comfortable.

  “Yeah, just had some heartburn after dinner. No big deal. He’s fine, still kicking away in there,” she says as she runs her hand over her very pregnant belly.

  Our baby boy is due any day now. Dean Jackson Page will undoubtedly be the most spoiled baby we know. If the number of gifts Sam received at her baby shower is any indication of what’s to come, I’ll be putting an expansion on the old Victorian very soon.

  Technically, I’d like to say we started trying to make a baby our wedding night, but we actually decided to wait a little longer after that, once Emily and Jeremy announced they would be having a baby. As you can tell,
I couldn’t hold off Sam much longer after their news.

  She’s keeping busy, even so well into her pregnancy. Until the end of the summer, she was still helping with the C-Naughties, although it was just coaching. She made the conscious decision to retire from derby and focus all her efforts on Vines, which is currently under renovations and expanding in downtown to include the building next door. Sam knew she could manage the bar and handle the baby at the same time. She just couldn’t see getting back on the track with her derby sisters again.

  Sam stirs in her seat as I catch Emily and Jeremy leaving the baby’s room out of the corner of my eye. Her face suddenly pales as she winces in pain.

  “Sam, what is it?” I ask as my heart begins to race, thinking something is wrong. I watch as she reaches out to grab my hand, squeezing the life out of it in the process. “Is it the baby? What’s wrong?” I move out of my seat to stand next to her as her breathing increases, and her hand clutches over her belly.

  “Josh…” Sam exhales deeply through her mouth. “…get the car…now. It’s time.”

  “Wait… You mean…right now?…He’s coming…now?” I quickly sputter off words, not thinking about trying to find my car keys.