Hotbox

by Delia Delaney

  “It’s not something you want to talk about,” he stated.

  “What’s that?”

  “Your life before Jayden.”

  Right. Why would I? I could hardly deal with what I had come from myself. I hadn’t answered yet, hoping he’d realize how uncomfortable I was, but he still seemed to be waiting.

  With a sigh I asked, “Are you talking about my alcoholic, abusive father?”

  He raised his eyes and seemed very surprised. I had assumed he was asking because he already knew, and because of my background, I was sure he didn’t think much of me.

  He paused for a long time, and finally he said, “I know that your father is an alcoholic; I know of his different troubles with the law. But domestic violence was something I did not know. There were no reports,” he added.

  “Well… I kept it quiet. Jayden is the only person that knows.”

  He raised an eyebrow and was silent for a moment. “Except for your aunt,” he finally guessed. “That must be why you lived with her so much.”

  I cautiously nodded to confirm.

  He thought for another moment before saying, “She should have reported it.”

  I was becoming even more uncomfortable with the conversation. I cursed myself for even bringing it up. After a careful moment of deliberation, Joe continued.

  “Is your father a pretty mean drunk?”

  I briefly paused before replying, “If you’re asking if he hurt me pretty badly, then no, not really. He mostly just yelled a lot, and broke things. He’d push me around occasionally.”

  He slowly nodded. “Do you see him often?”

  “No, not really. Only when he needs bailed out of trouble.”

  He seemed to think about that for a few seconds, but he didn’t ask me to expound. He eyed me carefully when he asked, “Has Jayden been around him?”

  My pulse quickened. I knew where this was heading and I wished for something dramatic to happen—an earthquake, maybe—just so we didn’t have to have this discussion.

  “Uh, she’s met him once at a baseball game. But I don’t want her around him, if that’s what you’re getting at. And I’ve recently…separated myself from my father until he decides to change.”

  He paused. “What happens when your father wants to see his grandkids?”

  I was surprised by the mention of children. Apparently Joe had accepted that Jayden and I really were going to stay together.

  I swallowed and replied, “It’s not going to happen unless he’s clean and sober. I’ve already warned him about that.”

  “And what did he say?”

  “Uh…he asked about Jayden, actually. He, uh, really likes her. Look,” I sighed. “I don’t know what to say. I’ve tried to help my dad, I really have, but nothing seems to work. After that last time I saw him, I’ve heard that he’s been cleaning up his act. But I’m not holding my breath. For now I just want to stay away so he knows I’m serious. If I feel…inspired to do something that might help him, then maybe I’ll reconsider, but for now, I just want to focus on something happier for once. I don’t want to subject Jayden to any of that. Or…any kids we might have,” I added almost cautiously.

  It was silent for a few seconds before he said, “I’d be careful about what choices you make for Jayden.” He appeared to have the tiniest hint of a smile. “When she has her mind set on something, there’s hardly any point in arguing. She’s pretty stubborn. I have no idea where she gets it.” His look told me he was being sarcastic.

  I smiled, already knowing it to be true, but I said, “Yeah, she’s pretty strong-willed. But she’s also very patient and very respectful. She seems to know just when to push, and when not to.”

  “Very true, but…I actually agree that your father needs to remain out of the equation for now. Until, like you said, he makes some changes. I feel very strongly about that. I’ve seen it all in my line of work.”

  He was staring at me intensely, and I didn’t like it. What did he expect me to say? I was sure that my father was going to come between me and my new happy life.

  “Ty,” Joe said softly, taking on a completely warmer appearance. “You know I’m from New York?”

  I nodded.

  “I had a brother growing up. He was two years older than me. For as many years as I can remember, Ronny and I would take turns taking the brunt of our father’s violent temper.”

  I couldn’t help but raise my eyebrows. Joe Adams came from an abusive home?

  “When my brother was fifteen, he died in an accidental shooting. It was a terrible time for me. Not only had I lost my brother, but every other time my father got angry I would think, ‘This should be Ronny’s turn.’ I was angry at myself for even feeling that way.” He sighed. “My father wasn’t an alcoholic, so I didn’t go through everything that brings. But he became violent all on his own, which I feel is even worse. The police came to our house several times that I can remember. The neighbors would call them when my dad’s voice got out of control—or probably when they heard things breaking.

  “Anyways, the police came into our home a couple of times. My father was very upset that they were even there, telling them nothing was wrong and that the neighbors should mind their own business. One time I was actually bleeding, and an officer asked, ‘Did your father do that?’ I’d been asked in the past if my father had hurt me and I had always answered ‘no, sir.’ My father was pretty confidant that would be my answer this particular time, but that officer had such a look to him…like I could tell him anything and it would be okay. Before I knew it I was nodding my head, and answered yes. My father hit the ceiling, shouting that I was a liar…” He took a long breath. “The problem wasn’t quickly and easily taken care of; it was still a long, rocky road. But I decided my father could hate me for turning him in; I could live with that. He was in and out of jail after that, but he wasn’t supposed to be around me anymore, and he never hit me again.

  “As a young adult I still never wanted to be around him. Any girls I dated weren’t told anything about my dad. I basically said I didn’t have one. I wasn’t even interested in having a family. I had such a horrible family life. But then I met Jayden’s mother.” He waited for me to see the parallel. “I was so in love with her, but I was…so scared. I wanted to marry her, but I didn’t know if I could. I had my father’s temper, you see. I had never acted on it, but sometimes I could feel myself…wanting to. I didn’t want Collette to ever be subjected to that. But,” he sighed, “to make a long story short, Collette convinced me that I wasn’t like my father. She actually said that I was an ‘emotional person,’ ” he chuckled. “She said that I was just passionate about certain things, and although I had a short fuse, I didn’t inherit my father’s violence. Through her support I realized I was a better person than my father. When Jayden was born… I think I changed even more. I didn’t let my father into her life at all. I didn’t feel he deserved it because he wasn’t willing to change. I didn’t want anything to do with him, and my mother didn’t even seem to care. We moved to Washington when Jayden was just a baby, and I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt about starting a new life.”

  I quietly took everything in. For the first time I felt Joe and I had something in common besides Jayden, and as unpleasant as that common thread was, it was sort of…binding.

  Something caught Joe’s eye and he glanced away, so I followed his smile. Jayden was standing just outside the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe.

  “Sorry,” she smiled. “I was just eavesdropping.”

  Her dad shook his head to disagree. “Is dinner ready?”

  “Yes, it’s all yours,” she gestured, entering the living room. While Joe made his way into the kitchen, Jayden sat down and cuddled against me. “My dad eats fast, so we only have about ten minutes to make out.”

  I laughed as she kissed me. It felt good to hold her again even though I’d had her all weekend. I couldn’t get enough of her.

  Later that night I spent two hours awake in my b
ed, laying out my options and forming a plan. Jayden had accepted who I was and where I came from before I even did. She had been supportive and patient, wanting me to understand she loved me no matter what. Joe’s openness about his own life had also encouraged me to move forward.

  One thing was crystal clear: Jayden was the love of my life, and there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to be with her.

  The following two weeks were normal when it came to work: I made it to the shop at seven-thirty every morning, and I left around five-thirty—Monday through Friday, and usually Saturdays. A ten-hour workday was typical for me. However, there was one day that I decided to do differently. Since things were slow, I finished work around noon on Friday, went home to shower, and headed down to Portland.

  I was going ring shopping.

  It didn’t mean that I was ready to officially propose to Jayden yet, but I wanted to start looking. Maybe if I found just what I wanted it might inspire me with some courage. It was silly, but I told myself it would be a sign if I could find exactly what was in my mind on my first try.

  I entered the store with trepidation and was spotted right away by a saleslady. I almost groaned because I feared she was ready to make a sale no matter what. But all she asked was if she could point me the right direction.

  “Engagement rings,” I told her.

  She nodded and guided me to an entire wall of rings—a tremendous assortment. I was a little overwhelmed, but remained silent. She briefly explained each section of rings, encouraged me to look as long as I wanted, and offered her help if I had any questions.

  Then she left me alone.

  I moved myself to a particular section and began scanning the rings, row by row. Within thirty seconds I saw it, and I couldn’t even believe it. I stared at it for a long time, and my heart seemed to offer a thump of approval. But my head told me to keep looking. I looked at every single engagement ring in that store, but some time later—I wasn’t even sure how long it had been—I went back to my first choice. I looked it over and my heart thumped again. It was an odd moment because I knew right then and there that Jayden would be wearing that ring, but I couldn’t even fathom the reality of it. I got such a good feeling when I thought about her being officially engaged to me—it seemed to make sense—but I was still a little scared to make the change in my life. Marriage and a family wasn’t in my cards before, but since Jayden… Life had taken on a completely different meaning to me.

  I waited until the saleslady was available and caught her attention.

  “Did you find something you’d like to look at?” she smiled. She unlocked the glass encasement and reached inside for the ring I pointed at, setting in on the counter in its black case. I guess I was just staring at it because she finally said, “You can examine it closer.” She removed the ring and handed it to me. “Would you like to know more about it?”

  “Sure,” I agreed. While she described all the details I held the ring in between my fingers and stared at it. It was exactly what I wanted, and when she finished I said, “I’ll take it.”

  With a smile she said, “Okay, but this is the only one, so unless she’s a size six, we may need to resize it. You’ll have to wait until Monday when our jeweler—”

  “She’s a six,” I almost chuckled. “She made sure I knew that. Several times.”

  “Oh,” she laughed, “so this won’t be a surprise?”

  I thought about that for a moment. “Yeah, actually it will be a surprise.”

  When I got back into town it was almost four-thirty. I made a quick trip home to put away my purchase, and headed to City Hall to see Jayden.

  “Hey!” she smiled when I entered her office. I had only been in her place of employment two other times during baseball season, so it was no wonder she was stunned to see me. “You’re done early today,” she said, giving me a hug and kiss. “What’s the occasion?”

  I shrugged. “I just wanted to surprise you.”

  “I’m very surprised. And perfect timing. I was just about to leave,” she said, looking at the clock.

  “Good. Are you hungry? I’d like to take you to dinner. Maybe a movie if you’re not sick of me by then,” I smiled.

  She scoffed. “Sick of you. Yeah, right.”

  “Do you need to go home to change or anything?”

  “Only to drop my car off, I guess.”

  “No need. I walked here.”

  “Oh,” she replied happily. “You thought ahead.”

  “Yes, I did,” I answered, taking her hand as we headed out.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Jayden had a big show she and Shawn were doing the first Saturday in August. They had been invited to play the final act of an all day outdoor festival at the lake. It wasn’t the first time they’d scored a spot in the event, but this year they were practically begged to be the headliner. They were scheduled to cover an array of classic rock beginning at seven p.m., but a week before the show, Shawn received a call to see if they could possibly do something a little different. They were still desired to do the show at seven, but it was also requested that they do a second show at nine, playing current, popular music, and some of their own stuff.

  Shawn was very excited and instantly said yes. Jayden was a little apprehensive and joked that she was too freaked out to be on stage that long. He didn’t give her a choice, though; he claimed she was the only reason everybody wanted them twice.

  “I have an idea,” Jayden said to me the Monday before the festival. “And tell me what you think.”

  “Okay, what is it?”

  “Well… You know how badly Shawn wants to make it in the music industry? Well, I have no doubt that he could do it on his own, but I have a couple of friends that might be able to…get some people to see him perform on Saturday night.”

  “Yeah?” I asked slowly, not understanding the question.

  “Well… Do you think Shawn would be offended?”

  “Offended?”

  “Yeah, for pulling some strings for him? You know his ego. Would he be mad at me?”

  “Oh. Honestly? Yeah, he probably might,” I chuckled. “But I think he’d forgive you.”

  We talked about it for a while longer while we walked down at the river that evening. When I finally coaxed Jayden into telling me who her “friends” in the industry were, I was a little shocked. They were prominent musicians, both with very successful bands. Apparently she had actually worked with both of them on some music “projects.” I teased her about mingling with celebrities and such and was surprised when she very adamantly assured me that fame was not something she ever wanted. Shawn did, but she did not.

  My “other life” didn’t disappear like I was hoping it magically would. I was still carefully considering what I should do. As much as I loved Jayden, I couldn’t marry her if I was mixed up in such a life. Dean called me a few times; I swear just to rub me the wrong way. Sometimes he’d wonder where my father was lately, or imply that he was keeping close tabs on me. Each time I insisted that I needed to meet with Olevsky. He took the request flippantly, like I had no say in the matter whatsoever.

  I hated Dean. He didn’t seem trustworthy—not that any criminal is—but there was something about him that gave me a strange vibe, almost like he wanted to seal my fate himself. I didn’t know why he would feel that way. I’d never done anything to him.

  The final time I told him I wanted the boss to call me, he laughed snidely and said, “You don’t meet with him whenever you want, Ty. Get a clue. You’re a nobody. You’re in no position to make demands.”

  “Have you even told him I want to speak with him?” I finally asked outright.

  After a short pause he answered, “You honestly think I should pass along your messages, Ty? Who do you think you are?”

  “I think you should pass along the message. I’d hate for him to get upset with you.”

  He scoffed. “Are you kidding me? Do you know who you’re—”?

  “Pass along the message, Dean. Y
ou know he likes to be informed with what’s going on, and I have some things to tell him. Give him the message.”

  I hung up the phone and groaned.

  That Friday I finally got results. Lou was closing up the shop at four o’clock because of a family reunion he was heading to for the weekend, so I was looking forward to surprising Jayden at work again. And I loved the weekends. I got to be with her every Sunday, and sometimes Saturdays if I took it off. The next day was the festival at the park and we planned on spending some of the day there to listen to a couple of the bands.

  And I was very excited to see her perform two entire shows.

  After getting into my truck to head for home, my phone rang. Olevsky must have had someone watching me to know I was done early for the day, but he told me to meet him at Perdita’s again.

  I glanced at the clock, sure that the last minute meeting would interfere with surprising my girlfriend, but I decided it was better to get it over with and not be late meeting up with her later. I met him in the same place and manner as the last time, and sat down across from him.

  “So I got your message,” he smiled kindly.

  “Finally.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Meaning…?”

  “Meaning I asked Dean four different times to have you call me.”

  He looked genuinely surprised. “I wasn’t aware of that,” he replied. “And why would he refuse your request?”

  I shrugged. “I assume he doesn’t like to be told what to do.”

  After a momentary pause he smiled. “Well, I’m sure I can get to the bottom of it. Anyways, what can I do for you, Tyler?”

  I had been through this a dozen times in my mind, deciding the best way to approach the matter. As disgusting as it was, I knew the only way I might even have a chance was to grovel.

  “I’m going to ask Jayden to marry me.”

  His face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. “Oh, Tyler! How wonderful! Congratulations, I’m very happy for you.” He continued to smile as he looked me over and added, “It’s very kind of you to share such news with me.”