Children's Doctor, Shy Nurse

by Molly Evans

  “No. The edge of exhaustion. And besides, I want to touch you the way you touched me. The way you helped me.” He knelt beside her and placed his oily hands on her thighs. “Just breathe, Ellie. Just breathe.”

  The gentleness in his voice was nearly her undoing. She couldn’t be weak, especially not in front of him. Tears spilled from her eyes. Where had those come from? She brushed them away. She didn’t cry. Ever. Tears were an indulgence she couldn’t afford. Unable to refute his claim, she remained silent. Unfortunately, he was right. “I just don’t know how to allow myself to enjoy things like that anymore. Not since…well, not in a long time.”

  “Sure you do. Things you don’t think are important for you really are. But I have to tell you from experience that the human touch, connecting with another person, is one of the things that got me through my illness.”

  “Which was so much more serious than my silly problems. What’s a case of fatigue compared to a near-death experience?” It was nothing. She knew that. But the memory of his touch made her want to do exactly as he suggested and surrender to him, to give up the need to be strong all of the time. Honestly, she was simply too tired to fight anymore. A sigh rolled out of her, and the burning in her eyes made her close them for a second.

  “Ellie, quit talking and lie down.”

  Unable to resist him or herself any longer, she gave in. Exhaustion made her weak and tears continued to dribble down her nose and wet the pillow under her head. “I’m sorry.”

  “That’s it,” he said in a soothing voice and touched her with his oil-soaked hands. “That’s my girl. Quiet, slow breathing. Empty your mind. Close your eyes and just enjoy.”

  Strong and sure, his hands began the journey at her bare feet, applying the oil and massaging her tired muscles. She ached everywhere and a groan of pure bliss came out of her throat as he pressed his thumb firmly into the arch of one foot. “Oh, God, Mark. If I had any government secrets, I would give them away right now.”

  He chuckled. “Feel good, eh?”

  “Beyond description,” she said and allowed a long sigh to unfold from somewhere deep inside of her. “I feel so weak admitting that to you.”

  Moving up to her calves, he poured more oil into his hands and began to massage the stressed muscles there. “Why is it weak to admit you enjoy something? The human touch is very important in well-being. You’ve had a tough year. Being an ICU nurse is no easy thing, then to have your dad’s illness piled on top of the fiancé rejection. That is beyond the ability of most people to sanely handle without needing some sort of break.”

  “Until the other night, with you, I haven’t had the human touch, that intimacy, for a long, long time. Alan wasn’t very demonstrative unless he wanted something. For him, intimacy was a means to an end, rather than something you do when you care about someone.” Tears that she thought she’d finishing shedding began to fall again. Sniffing, she tried to hide her reaction from Mark and turned her face away. “I don’t want to think about that part of my life anymore.”

  “I think you need the connection with others more than you realize or that you’ve allowed yourself to have.” He soothed her with his touch and with his voice. “Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with me, Ellie. Don’t be afraid to feel your emotions.”

  “I’ve had to be strong for so long, that I don’t quite know how to do that.”

  “Just let go for a little while. Give yourself a break and lean on me for a little while. It’ll be okay,” he said and pressed a kiss to the back of her head. He straightened her arms by her sides, applied the oil, then stroked her back. No one had offered her such comfort since she’d been a child. After another breath filled with the healing fragrance of lavender, she finally gave in to the exhaustion that overwhelmed her.

  Mark watched as she fell asleep, amazed at the personal strength and sheer stubbornness that had seen her through some troubled times. Though impressed by the things she’d accomplished, there was something else about Ellie that reached into his spirit and made him want to stay by her side for more than the rest of the summer.

  She was lovely, and courageous, and strong, and before the end of the summer he was going to convince her of it. If he left her with nothing else, he would do that for her.

  Voices alerted him to the arrival of a camper. He left the ward room to catch them before they woke Ellie.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  NIGHT fell before Ellie woke. Unable to tell the time from the light, she entered the main room to find it empty and the clock reading well after clinic hours had ended. She’d missed it, and Mark apparently had handled it without her. The thought of that didn’t disturb her as much as it had just a few weeks ago. Maybe she was learning to be more of a team member instead of being the entire team. That was just getting to be too much work.

  The rustle of papers drew her to the screened porch. She stepped out, and Mark looked up. He wore reading glasses perched on his nose, a glass of water sat beside him on a small table and he was reading from a professional journal. The smile that lit up his face stopped her. He was simply the most wonderful man she’d ever known. He was kind, generous, sexy to a fault, had a sense of humor that she enjoyed and he didn’t let her take herself too seriously. Had she fallen in love with him without even knowing it?

  “Hi, there. Have a good rest?” He removed his glasses and tucked them into the collar of his shirt.

  “The best in a long, long time.” Admitting that wasn’t as scary as it might have been a few weeks ago. Maybe she was finally healing from the rigors of her job and the lingering grief of the past year. Life moved on, and she had to move along with it.

  “Must have been the aromatherapy oils. Good combination you made.” He patted the seat beside him.

  “Yes,” she said and moved to the swing and sat with him. What would it be like to enjoy the same sort of relationship that Sam and Vicki did? They’d been through their tough times, and she knew every relationship had them. Finding the right person was something that happened to people, but so far hadn’t happened to her. She’d begun to think that the relationship fairy had skipped over her. Perhaps that fairy had returned now with an unexpected gift. After Alan, she had some making up to do.

  “Where are you?” he asked and closed the journal.

  “What?” She blinked several times and peered at him. What had he said?

  “I asked where you were,” he said and tapped her temple with one finger. “You were miles away there for a minute.”

  “I think I was.” There was no harm in admitting that, was there?

  “There’s something I want to ask you,” he said and turned more closely to face her.

  Without verbally answering, she raised her brows.

  “The kids will be heading out for a long day trip in a few days.”

  “Yes, I know. It’s going to be a project getting everything ready.” She was just glad the medical team didn’t have to go along. One whole day to themselves was going to be pure bliss.

  “I was wondering if you’d consider going somewhere with me.” He uncrossed, then recrossed, his legs and shuffled the magazines in his lap.

  “Sure, where?”

  “How about a date?” He hadn’t really intended to ask her like that, but the second she appeared, warm and sleepy, on the threshold of the porch, he knew he’d had to ask. He wanted time with her, away from the camp, away from everything that represented any sort of illness or work. Just for one day, he wanted to forget his own limitations, his own potential life limits, and just be a man out on a date with a woman.

  “What did you have in mind?” she asked and gave him a crooked smile.

  “I didn’t really have much in mind other than to spend the day together.” Yes, he was Mr. Spontaneity.

  “Sounds good to me. By the way, what’s the word on Skinny?”

  “Bear took him home, but he stayed out of camp because of the bug. Three days in the hospital was about to do him in. Not a man that takes life lying d
own.”

  “I’m just glad he did so well,” she said. Settling against the back of the swing, she allowed the motion of it soothe her, though right now she didn’t seem to need much in the way of soothing. Problems and stress were remarkably absent. All seemed to be right in the world. For now. “Thank you for the treatment. I thoroughly enjoyed it.”

  “Any excuse to touch a beautiful woman works for me,” he said.

  “You’re a beast, you know that?” she said, but grinned. He was taking all the starch right out of her, and she hadn’t even been aware of it. Giving a small kick against the floor, she set the swing into higher motion and tucked her feet beneath her.

  “I do,” he said and laughed, then pulled her closer. “It’s a status I thoroughly enjoy.”

  The campers left on their day-long trip, and the grounds of the camp were thoroughly, eerily, silent. Mark approached Ellie with a medium-size box in his hands. “Come on, time’s a-wasting.”

  “What are we doing?” she asked.

  “It’s a surprise, but you’ll need your bug spray, a hat and a bottle of water. Swimsuit’s optional.”

  “Optional, eh?” She narrowed her eyes at him, but his playful attitude drew out the lighter side of her. This was going to be fun, whatever it was. “I’ll be right back.” She returned in minutes with a beach bag slung over one shoulder and sunglasses perched on her nose.

  “Let’s go.” He put on his backpack, then led the way down to the lake. “I thought we could take one of the canoes and have lunch across the lake.”

  “Oh, that sounds fun.”

  After securing their items in the bottom of the canoe, they paddled quietly out onto the stillness of the water. Ellie sat in front, Mark in the back. They moved around the lake for a while, watching birds and other wildlife at the edge of the water. The fragrance of her custom bug spray drifted back to him and the mosquitoes were remarkably absent.

  They eased into a quiet cove away from the busy activity farther down the lake and pulled the canoe out onto the rocky shore. Mark opened a bottle of wine he’d brought along, poured a plastic cup full for each of them and handed Ellie one. She sipped and savored the sharp taste on her tongue. Then, without preamble, Mark leaned toward her and kissed her. It began as a quiet exploration, but soon turned hot and demanding. His arms moved around her, and she didn’t resist. She’d somehow lost the will to resist him and her own natural needs that blossomed around him. The day seemed to be a time somehow out of time. They had no responsibilities for the moment, no place to be, nothing urgent required their attention. They needed the break, and they were wildly attracted to each other. Who could argue with long, slow kisses on a day like this?

  “Ellie, you drive me crazy,” Mark said and ran his tongue from the lobe of her ear down to her neck and nibbled his way across the sensitive skin exposed there. She’d removed her shirt to reveal the pink bikini beneath, and he cupped her breast, thumb stroking the peak of her nipple through the clingy fabric.

  “Then I know exactly what we need to do,” she said and eased back from him.

  “What’s that?”

  Standing, she removed her sandals and eased her shorts down, then kicked them aside. “Have a cold swim! I’ll beat you to the water,” she said. Picking her way over the few feet to the water’s edge, she stumbled into the frigid lake with a squeal.

  The chase was on, and Mark dashed after her. She was a few strokes ahead of him, but he swiftly caught her. His daily swims in the lake had begun to pay off.

  Catching up to her as she struggled to swim while giggling was easy. In seconds he grabbed her ankle and held on. It was like holding onto a slippery mermaid. Reeling her in, he caught her under the knees, then hauled her closer and clasped her hips to his.

  The second their bodies touched, all play ended. Looking down into her dark brown eyes that changed from playful and startled to heavy with desire, Mark knew he was lost to her. He loved this woman with every breath he had in him. Life just wasn’t fair. He’d found the woman he would have chosen for himself had he met her under any other circumstances. She was strong and proud, but compassionate and kind as well. She didn’t deserve to have a death sentence hanging over her head the way he did. Dammit. The joy of the day fogged over as surely as the afternoon clouds ranging in from overhead.

  He pulled away from her and released her legs. She floated away onto her back, uncertainty on her face. Though he wanted her, had wanted to make love to her again, he didn’t dare. One chance at intimacy was all they had, and he’d do well to leave her alone now. She didn’t deserve the heartache he could bring to her, especially after her previous fiancé had hurt her.

  “I’m sorry, Ellie.” Releasing her, he swam away, leaving her staring after him as she treaded water.

  “Mark? What’s wrong?”

  The sound of her voice echoed off of the rocks and through his heart. He owed her an explanation, but couldn’t form the words in his mind, let alone speak them aloud. This wasn’t what he wanted, but he had no choice. He’d never put her or any woman through his illness again. Until his five years were up, he had no choice, and he’d never ask her to put her life on hold for that long. She deserved any chance at happiness that came her way, whether he was in it or not. She’d suffered in the romance department already.

  “I think I’m ready to go,” he said and hauled himself out of the water onto a rock to dry. The picnic box remained untouched. What a waste. “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.”

  “What?” She swam over and climbed onto the rock beside him. “What’s wrong? One second we’re having a good time, then the next second you’re acting as if I’ve developed leprosy. What’s up?” She pushed her wet hair up and away from her face.

  What could he do, lie to her? She’d felt his touch; she knew the depth of the passion between them when they’d made love. Ellie was not someone he could easily turn his back on, even though he knew he had to. She was smart and vibrant and that’s what had attracted him to her in the first place. He wanted to kick himself for allowing himself to touch her, even once. But he would cherish that memory forever.

  “I’m simply ready to go back to camp. The water’s colder than I thought.” The chill in him wasn’t due to the temperature of the lake water, but the cold that had lived inside of him for too long.

  “Well, we’re out of the water and up on a nice warm rock sitting in the sunshine.” She crossed her arms and stared at him. “I’m not leaving until you spill whatever it is that’s bugging you.”

  “Me, spill?” he asked. “I have nothing to spill.”

  “Mark. Just because we’ve been intimate once doesn’t give me the right to tell you what to do, but maybe you could share a little more of yourself with me. It might do you good to talk about it.”

  “It?” Was he so damned shallow?

  “Yeah. Whatever it is that’s bothering you.” Reaching out, she put the lunch box onto her lap and opened it. “Oh, this looks good. My mouth’s watering already.”

  Unable to resist the aroma, his mouth began to water and his stomach actually growled. His appetite knew no shame. He glanced at her from the side. She was smarter than he thought. Sneaky, too. “You knew I would respond to that food, didn’t you?”

  “Pavlov ring a bell?” She grinned and held out a cold chicken leg to him and waved it back and forth. “If you want it, you have to answer one question.”

  “Does that go for you, too? Fair’s fair.”

  For a second she looked as if she would reconsider participating in this game. “I guess. But I go first.”

  As long as he got that piece of chicken, he’d answer just about anything. He was too easy. “Go ahead.”

  “What changed your mind back there?” she asked and held the chicken out in front of him.

  Sighing, he didn’t know if this was a good idea. Then his stomach growled again, and he knew he had to answer her or he was going to starve to death right here and now. “You did.”

>   At her gasp, he grabbed the leg from her, then tore off a bite. Oh, this was good. Bear was a magician, not a cook.

  “Me? What did I do?” Stunned surprise remained on her face and her hand lingered in the air with no chicken in it.

  “You didn’t do anything.”

  “Then how can you blame your change in behavior on me?” Reaching into the box, she retrieved another chicken leg, but held it without taking a bite. “You’re a very confusing man.”

  He chewed a minute as he thought about how to answer that. “It’s because I care about you, Ellie. That’s why I stopped.” He finished the chicken before she spoke again, and it turned to a cold lump in his gut instead of the nourishment he’d anticipated.

  “I don’t understand.” Tears formed in her eyes and his insides cramped at the sight. “I truly hadn’t expected to find a friend here, let alone someone to…care for, but I have. Are you telling me you don’t want to take our relationship any further than it already has gone?”

  “I’m telling you, Ellie, that I can’t.” His voice had grown gruff with emotion, and he heard it himself, so he knew that she heard it, too. Damn. He hadn’t expected this out of today. Selfishly, he’d just wanted to spend some time with her, and now he saw what a big, fat, bad idea that had been. “I didn’t mean to mislead you—”

  “Then why the hell did you even ask me out if you didn’t want to get to know me? What was the point in this? Just something to do so you wouldn’t be bored?”

  “No. It was nothing like that.” Running a hand over his head, he closed his eyes. “It was an impulse, nothing more.”

  “An impulse?”

  Anger snapped in her eyes, and he knew he deserved all of it.

  “I’m not buying that. There were days between when you asked me out and now. Why not just cancel the date?” She leaned forward and narrowed her eyes at him. “I know there’s something else going on, Mark. Now, tell me.”

  “We’re simply not right for each other.” That sounded so lame. “I’m sorry, Ellie.”