Let Love Be

by Melissa Collins

  “Listen, Lucy…I−” Her cold hand falling to my forearm stops my words.

  “Can we sit?” She eyes the couch in front of us. “There are some things that I need to say and I don’t know if I can do them standing up.” Her words punch me in the gut. I’ve wasted two weeks − in almost complete radio silence − over something so fucking stupid. It’s my staying away that’s pissing her off, not this non-issue of kids.

  I let her step in front of me, placing my hand on the small of her back. I try to ignore the feeling of her tensing under my hand, but I fail horribly. When we sit next to each other, Lucy is more than careful not to touch me, which hurts more than I want to say, because usually there’s not much space between us.

  Knowing that I have to say something first, I stumble over my words, not sure of what the best starting point is. With Joe’s words of advice echoing in my head, I decide on clarity; we need to get right to the heart of the matter.

  “I don’t want kids.” I let those words, said with brutal honesty, settle in before saying anything else.

  Sitting silently beside me, she takes in my words, carefully rolling them around in her brain, I’m sure. “Good, neither do I,” she responds bluntly, but there’s still something there, some emotion simmering below the surface.

  “Then what−”

  She cuts me off and finishes my sentence at the same time. “Then why am I so upset?” I nod, feeling like a fool being scolded. “It’s easy, Evan. I’m upset because we lost out on two weeks because you couldn’t just tell me how you felt.” Her hands fly between us animatedly as her emotions rise.

  “I−I wasn’t sure. I−I didn’t know,” I stammer.

  “I get that.” She lets her flailing arms settle to her side. “I understand you didn’t know how I felt, but you also didn’t ask.” Her deep puff of frustration settles between us. “I don’t want kids either. I’ll go on the pill,” she says decidedly and her words settle the anxiety I’ve been feeling since this whole misunderstanding began.

  She takes a deep breath and holds my stare. “If we’re going to keep seeing each other−”

  I slice through her words now. “There is no if. I want you. I want to be with you. I fucked up because I was scared, but I promise never to shut you out again.” I pull her hands up to my lips. Pressing against them with so much tenderness, I mutter, “I’m so sorry…” A tense silence starts to fill the space between us. “Are we okay, Lucy?” I pull her chin in between my fingers, angling her face toward me when she won’t look at me.

  “Yes and no.” Well that answer clarifies nothing.

  “You’re going to have to help me out here, love. Are we okay?”

  “No,” she answers quietly.

  Fuck. I fucked up real good this time.

  “But we can be,” she adds softly, leaning into my touch. “We can be better than good if you just promise to be open with me. You can’t shut me out just because you’re unsure of something. That’s not fair to me.”

  “You’re right. It’s not fair and I was an ass. Say you’ll forgive me.” She laughs at my last words.

  “You’re a piece of work. Demanding things from me now, are you?” She angles her head to the side, pointing an accusing, but joking finger in my face. We both let out a chuckle as some of the tension fades away. “When you stopped calling, I got really scared you were leaving me,” she admits after the laughter subsides.

  “Not if I have anything to do with it, love.” She visibly relaxes as I pull her into my arms.

  “Now, I just need to know one thing.” My stomach twists with a touch of nervousness. “I need to know that even though you don’t want kids,” looking me directly in the eyes once again to avoid any kind of miscommunication, “which is exactly what I don’t want either…” My lips quirk up thinking about how well this beautifully breathtaking woman before me already understands me. “If you want me, if you want to be an us, then Melanie has to be part of that equation.”

  “Of course,” I answer her instantly, without any hesitation. I squeeze her tightly, hoping to wring out any doubts she may have. “She was always a part of what I hope to be with you.” Combing my fingers through her hair helps her relax against my chest. “I just hope she’ll be as open to the idea as we are.”

  “She has no choice, really. You’re a good man and she’ll see that we’re happy. I’d love for you to meet her, officially if you’re up for it. She comes home this Friday and I was thinking about having Maddy and Reid over for dinner.”

  “Wait. You were going to cook? I don’t think your microwave can handle that kind of volume.” I raise an eyebrow and she slaps my chest playfully before caressing it tenderly.

  “I’ve been getting better, actually. You’ve inspired me to try harder. Besides, I wasn’t a terrible cook when Melanie was younger.” Pride swells in my chest at seeing how willing she is to move beyond her comfort zone.

  “What I was going to suggest, before you openly mocked me,” now she raises an eyebrow, “was for you to come over. You already know Reid from the ball and I’ve never met anyone who didn’t immediately like Maddy. And you know Linda, too. I think it could be a really great night. What do you think?”

  “I think I would like nothing more than to meet the person you love most in the world. I would be honored, love. Under one condition,” I add quickly and she just stares me down, not even bothering to ask what the condition is. “You let me cook.”

  Her lips pressing softly up against mine, through a huge smile, let me know that she is more than happy to agree to my terms.

  “She’s here!” Maddy squeals as Melanie and her roommate pull into the driveway. She jumps out of her chair at the kitchen table and races out the front door.

  “You ready for this?” I ask Evan, who’s standing next to me as I chop the veggies for the salad - well, supervising me is more like it.

  Tossing a dishtowel carelessly over his shoulder after drying his hands, he smiles lazily at me. “About as ready as I’ll ever be.” He leans down as I stretch up on my toes, kissing me sweetly before the girls make their way back inside.

  Maddy already knew about us - not like it had to be a big secret or anything like that. But when Evan called Reid earlier in the month − after many assurances from Katie that he would definitely say yes, to see if he was up for playing Prince Charming for the night, Maddy developed a soft spot in her already mushy heart for Evan.

  Linda steps in from the garage, carrying a few groceries from the extra fridge out there, when she sees Melanie walk through the door. She shoves the bags into my hands, totally ignoring me as she barrels toward Melanie. If there’s ever anyone who loves Melanie remotely as much as I do, it would be Linda.

  When Linda steps to the side, I catch sight of my baby girl. Thoughts of Chloe and how precarious life can be, and how lucky I am to have her here with me, swim in my head. Wrapping my arms around her, I revel in the feel of my daughter’s arms holding me back just as tightly as I’m holding onto her. “Oh, Melly Belly! I missed you, baby.” When I try to step back, and hold her at arm’s length in front of me, she doesn’t let me go, whispering softly into the close space between us, “I missed you too, Mom.”

  We say the rest of our hellos at the front door with Linda carrying on about how Melanie hasn’t been home nearly enough. She introduces us to her new roommate, Peyton, who I can already tell is a little firecracker. I like her instantly. Melanie and I share a knowing look, one of sadness. We’ve talked a few times in the months since dropping her back off at school. I know that something’s been going on, but I haven’t pushed. This is her time to shine, her time to figure out who she is.

  Funny how we’re suddenly leading very parallel lives.

  Evan’s kept his distance, maintaining the pot of bubbling sauce in the kitchen. I think he stayed inside partly to calm his nerves, but mostly to give Melanie and me some space. Reaching down between us, I pull Melanie’s hand into mine just as she catches a glimpse of Evan. Her br
ows knot together in confusion, trying to place him I’m sure.

  We both stand before him as he casually drapes the towel over his shoulder, his eyes twinkling at the both of us. Squeezing Melanie’s hand, I take a deep breath and dive right in. “Melanie, I’d like you to meet Evan.”

  She stares dumbly, still not completely getting the whole picture. He offers her his hand in a cordial greeting and I almost laugh out loud at the formality of it. Keeping in mind that he’s trying his damned best to make a great impression, I bite my tongue as he introduces himself. “Hi, Melanie. It’s good to see you, again.” He grins goofily at her as she looks like she’s rolling the word “again” around in her head, hoping that it’ll stick.

  “Hi, Evan,” she questions, still not placing him.

  Unable to watch this ship sink any further, I jump in. “Evan is Reid’s stepdad’s brother. You met him back in December, remember?” It’s crazy to think only a few months have passed, and the way in which the recognition slides slowly over her face, I can’t help but wonder exactly what’s been going on in Melanie’s life in the same span of time.

  Sliding next to Evan, I snake my arm around his waist, hoping to lessen his unease. Melanie looks on as if the whole thing is happening in slow motion, before blurting out, “Oh, my God!” She flails her arms between us rapidly. “Are you two…?”

  Her tone is more than shocked − maybe a little angry if I’m reading her correctly, but I hope I’m wrong. Man, this girl needs to adopt some kind of social filter.

  Hooking my thumb into Evan’s belt loop, I calm myself, hoping that she’s not mad. “Yes, we are, Melanie,” I mutter quietly, but sternly at the same time. Looking up at Evan, I hope to reassure him that everything will be just fine.

  Her face splits into a huge smile a moment later and her lack of a social filter rears its ugly head again. “Well, it’s about freaking time,” she shrieks excitedly, pulling both Evan and me into a warm and loving embrace. There’s the girl I know.

  Reid walks in just as she’s letting go of us, giving Evan and me a moment to debrief, I guess you could say. “That wasn’t horrible, right?” I sneak a quick kiss, willing him to be okay.

  “She’s feisty,” he says in a very matter of fact tone, before softening to the Evan I know and love, adding, “just like you.” His eyes are a stormy grey, a mixture of tension and easiness.

  As Reid walks over to us, greeting me with a warm hug and kiss to the cheek and Evan with a handshake and backslap, I stumble over what I just said in my head.

  Wait a hot second, the Evan I know and love! Do I love him?

  Watching on as he talks animatedly with Reid, catching up on the start of the baseball season, I have an epiphany, one that I was too afraid to allow myself to realize before this very second.

  I love him.

  Who knows how long I’ve been staring dreamily over at him because when Reid steps back inside, Evan raises an eyebrow at me.

  “What?” he asks self-consciously.

  “Oh, nothing. Just taking this all in, that’s all.” He pulls me up in his strong arms for another stolen kiss before it’s time to eat the meal he’s cooked for us.

  Evan keeps his hand on my thigh through the meal, seductively tracing light circles over my jeans, skittering thrill bumps along my skin. Melanie eyes us from time to time, alternating between smiling warmly at us and raising an eyebrow. I can only imagine the list of questions she’s compiling in that pretty little brain of hers. Having only just been able to admit that I love him to myself, I’ll have to avoid the rather deep conversation she’ll try to drag out of me later.

  “So what’d you think about Harvey? You think he’ll finally pull the Mets out of this rut?” Reid’s been engaged in baseball conversation with Evan since the meal started and I love him to death for making Evan feel at home. Though, I guess it wasn’t too long ago that Reid was “the new guy” around here.

  “The Mets are gonna need a hope and a prayer to pull them out of what they’ve dug themselves into the last few years, but yeah, I like Harvey. Kid’s got some major talent,” Evan spouts off his sports knowledge, losing me and everyone besides Reid in the process.

  Rolling her eyes skyward, Melanie pretty much hates all things sport related, but at least she waits for a break in their conversation before chiming in. “This is really great, Mom.” Melanie raises a forkful of the baked ziti. “It’s good to see you cooking again. I know how much you enjoy it.”

  Evan shoots me a wry look, his eyes mockingly screaming, “Oh really!”

  “I haven’t had a home-cooked meal like this in months.” She continues, totally blowing up my spot, as she would say.

  “Yeah, Momma. You’re going to cook for us when this little sucker gets here, right?” Reid rubs Maddy’s protruding belly lovingly, before throwing her under the rug. “Because you know this one,” he kisses Maddy’s temple softly to ward off the sting of his playful dig, “she can’t cook to save her life.”

  “I agree, Melanie,” Evan plays along. “This puts any meal I could cook to shame,” he winks, grinning smugly at me. Leaning down to pop a kiss to my cheek, his hot breath tickles my skin, and I feel the smile pulling at his soft, full lips and they press against the burning hot apple of my cheek. “Can’t cook, huh? Nice one, love. You had me fooled.” His words are mumbled softly; no one else is able to hear them over the lively chatter of the multiple dinner conversations going on.

  Evan and I exchange a broad smile as he gently squeezes my thigh, his hand calming my jitters of being outed by my wonderful daughter. Evan lets Maddy, Melanie, Linda, and me get to know Peyton, pulling Reid into the kitchen to help him with the dishes. He says that it’s all about letting the girls chat, but I know he could use some guy time, or maybe he’s doing some digging of his own. Who knows? Either way, I appreciate it more than he knows.

  While I’ve always loved every square inch of the place in which I’ve lived, it hasn’t felt like much of a home since Maddy and Melanie left. But now, with everyone I love in the same room, my heart feels like it’s bursting at the seams.

  So as evening falls, and everyone gets ready to leave, I feel a tinge of sadness as the night comes to an end.

  Melanie and Peyton are sitting on the couch, lost in idle chitchat about God-knows-what as I walk Evan to the front door. As he grabs his coat from the rack, he says a bit too loudly, “All right, Lucy, I think I’m going to head home too. I’ll let you girls catch up.” Melanie hears him over the too-loud noise of the rerun sitcom and stands to say goodbye. He speaks before she can get a word in. “It was really great to see you, Melanie. Hopefully, the three of us can get together before you have to go back.”

  “I would love to, Evan.” Melanie’s voice is sincere and happy.

  Melanie sinks back into the sofa, returning to her conversation with Peyton, but I catch her stealing glimpses of me saying goodbye to Evan; honestly, I don’t care what she sees.

  He strokes my cheek with his knuckles, and then tucks a lose strand of hair behind my ear. He kisses me quickly, not wanting to draw too much attention to our moment. “Goodnight, love.” His lips dance along my jawline. “Oh, and Friday night, you’re cooking for me.” His chest vibrates with a hearty laugh as his lips pull into that lopsided grin that, before meeting Evan, I was sure was only fictional.

  By the time he leaves, Melanie is not so patiently waiting for me at the kitchen table. She asks, “Can I make you some tea, Mom?” But I know what she really means is, “sit your butt down and fill me in on every single detail.”

  Reaching under the cabinet to get a dishwasher tablet, I laugh at her transparency. “I think I’ll pass on the inquisition for tonight, Mel.” Since the dishwasher is just about as old as Melanie, any kind of conversation would be pointless anyway. Mission accomplished: score one for Mom.

  I guess transparency is genetic, because she sees right through my plan. She loops her arm around my waist and we walk up the stairs together. Squeezing me tightly one la
st time before heading to her room, she quips, “Fine. You’re off the hook for tonight, but tomorrow, I want to know everything.”

  I can’t stifle the snicker of laughter that bubbles past my lips. “You got it. Love you.”

  “I love you too, Mom.”

  I walk toward my room, feeling as if a cloud of happiness is buoying my weight. A sense of completeness glows around me, and even though he’s not here next to me, the “goodnight, love” text, followed by a winky face lulls me to sleep, just as his strong and secure arms would.

  Melanie is practically vibrating with anticipation the next morning. She’s just dying to get the scoop on my love life. And it’s not that I don’t want to share, it’s just that talking about romance with my daughter is just…well, it’s just a bit weird. I don’t in any way want her to ever think that loving someone else diminishes how much I loved − and still, in so many ways, love her father. My willingness to fight, as fiercely as I possibly can, for my newfound happiness, takes over and I give her the dirt for which she’s digging.

  “He’s cute,” she smirks as the words fall from her wryly-smiling mouth.

  Flashes of Evan’s chorded muscles moving smoothly above me, dance in my head. The hot sensuality of everything he does plays back in my mind like some kind of erotic instant replay.

  “Who?” I play dumb, trying to cool the heated images of Evan making love to me.

  “Evan. Besides, Reid was the only other guy here last night and that would just be weird.” Melanie shivers and mocks a gagging noise. The giggles bubble in my chest easily as she reaches out to grasp my hand. “I’m really happy for you, Mom,” she adds sincerely.

  Giddiness fills my chest as I finally let myself share how I feel about him with Melanie. “He is pretty cute, huh?”

  “Well, sure. If you like salt and pepper hair, a chiseled face and a muscular body, I’d say so!” Melanie quirks an eyebrow and smirks at me.

  After we recover from our fit of girlish laughter, I fill her in on mine and Evan’s rather brief history − leaving out our recent “break” of sorts and conversation about kids.