Grey: A Life Unraveled (Tapestry of Life Book 1)

by Lee Miller

  These days were marked by the darkest of acts. The most evil of humanities abilities to hurt one another, yet, they were also marked by the profound love that Sara knew Beth had for her. If Tommy was the darkest of the dark, then his ex-fiancé was the polar opposite in light. Sara had seen the extreme of both sides of the human condition. She learned from both and now both were center stage in her life fighting to claim her it seemed. Give into the darkness or keep fighting for the light? Sara knew what her answer was; she knew what Chris would expect of her. She knew what Beth wanted. She knew what she wanted. Getting there however, was proving to be a real challenge. Part of her wanted to give up the fight, but Beth’s presence wouldn’t allow that part of her to do what it wanted. No matter how great the weight on her ankles pulling her down was, Beth and Chris’s memory were up to the task and kept ahold of her hand and pulled right back in almost equal measure. This tug-of-war couldn’t continue forever. At some point, one side or the other would win. Sara didn’t necessarily like the fact it felt like she had no say in the decision, but in truth, she had all the say, she just wasn’t strong enough to make her voice heard yet. It felt like she was a solo voice screaming into the raging abyssal storm. The day would come, and Sara knew it, that she would have to quiet that storm and aid in one side or the other. She couldn’t expect someone to save her without her help. For as long as she had the strength, she would fight for what was right and it began today by going and seeing a shrink. If this is what it took to help her getting her footing back in her own life, then so be it. If it meant she got labeled as ‘crazy’, so be it. Each day, with the dawning sun, life began anew. Each day as the darkness crept over the world, it was the ending to the beginning only for a new beginning to come. For the last couple of months, she had seen only night, now the dawn was breaking and she gained strength from the possibilities that lay before her. Her new day was on the horizon, she just had to go out and meet it. Sara contemplated the choices that lay before her as she went about doing her morning chores in silence. Her own mind was busy enough to keep her occupied with all the questions that spun in and out of it. She had scarcely realized the encroaching time of her appointment until Beth brought it to her attention. “Hey Sara? You ready? We really need to get going.” Sara snapped out of her reverie and looked at the clock on the wall. “Give me 15 minutes, I’ll be ready.” She ran to her bedroom and got her self fixed up, she didn’t need to look formal, but she also didn’t want to leave the house in her raggedy sweats she had been bumming around in since getting out of bed. As they reached the door to the hallway that led to the elevators, Sara stopped and turned towards her friend. “Beth, thank you. For everything. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here.” Beth looked at her rather sheepishly, Sara could tell she wasn’t use to complements. “Meh, you’d probably go stark raving looney and you’d be found with 50 cats, sitting on the sofa and eating bonbons.” Beth thought about that for a minute then added “Or you’d have done a half pike with 4 twist and a gainer off the building’s roof. One of the two. Let’s not find out shall we?” Sara looked at her in a state of surprise. No matter how long she knew this chick, she always surprised her with how her quirky brain worked. “Well, that’s rather dark and foreboding Beth. Seriously? 50 cats? I’m allergic to cats, so that would be most miserable.” Sara said as she was locking the door. “With more than 40 stories at my disposal, I’m sure I could pull off a much more spectacular dive than that.” She added. Beth looked at her with one eyebrow raised. “Do you remember when we had the great idea to take dance lessons?” How could Sara forget, she always went back to the dorm with a new set of bruises because of falling. “I remember.” She said. A long pregnant pause went between the two friends. “I was being nice with the dive I gave you.” Sara would have been offended, but she knew Beth was right. Outside of martial arts, Sara was clumsy and a danger as much to herself as anyone who shared a dance floor with her. Beth on the other hand, was extremely graceful. Sara had been surprised at how fast she had taken to dancing, and the girl was insanely good at it.

  The drive across town went much better than expected. The midday traffic was minimal and they took the expressway. Sara again opted for taking Chris’s truck out and stretching its legs. Beth was enamored with the high-tech U-connect system in the vehicle. She blue-toothed her phone to it and played Pandora radio all the way to the doctor’s office, they listened to Carter Burwell songs, which Sara knew a lot of what she played, he was her favorite score composer. The office was situated in a large medical complex that also housed the main offices of almost every doctor that worked in the hospital, a surgery scheduling office, a few dentists and a large coffee house. Across the street was the main city hospital itself, a place where had already spent too much time and cared less if she saw the inside ever again. The parking lot around Dr. Morgan’s office was largely vacant except for a small handful of cars; Sara assumed these must be mostly employee’s vehicles. She parked the truck at the curb and they sat a few minutes and listened to more of the music, both lost in their own thoughts. “Penny for your thoughts Beth.” Sara looked across the truck’s cab at her companion. Beth turned her gaze from the outside world and to Sara, for a moment Sara saw grief fill her eyes, then she blinked and the grief seemed to fade. “Whatcha thinking?” Sara gently pushed. “Nothing, just...I was wondering if things had been different and he was still alive and none of that happen, where would we all be right now? How much of the wedding would you and I have planned? What kind of life would you and Chris have? Would you be pregnant now? I’m sorry. But I can’t help but wonder sometimes the big ‘What if?’ question.” Beth turned back towards her window and Sara thought she saw a tear streak down her face. “Beth. It’s normal to wonder those things. I wonder sometimes too. I’m sorry that you’re hurting. I’m sorry any of this happen. I’m sorry most because you had found who you thought was the right one and he turned out to be who he was. I’m sorry for everything that has happen over. I’m sorry both of our lives have been turned completely upside down and I’m sorry things aren’t the way they could have been. We are left to pick up the pieces. To live and move on. Grow stronger and see this winter until its end. The sun will come out again someday and you’ll find a new love. Perhaps one who is worthy of your devotion and your time. God knows I’m going to be there to make sure he is and box his ears if he hurts you. We both have our fair share of grief to deal with, but happiness will return one day.” Sara looked at the clock in the truck. “Come on, we’re going to be late. Maybe it would do you some good to talk to this Dr. Morgan too, you think?” Beth wiped the tears from her eyes. “Nah. I’m hurting, I’m not crazy. I’ll get over this; we got to get you better though. I don’t want to witness your clumsy attempt at a dive off the roof or have to contend with living with you and your 50 cats.” Beth opened the door and a cold arctic blast filled the cab of the truck, Sara got out and met her friend at the front of it. “Let’s go see what the quack has to say” Beth said as she reached for the door. “I don’t think they like being called ‘quacks’ Beth.” “Head shrinker? Nut doctor?” “Don’t think so sweetie. You can ask though.” Sara walked up to the receptionist desk and was greeted by the overly cheerful lady from the phone earlier. “Hi! You must be Sara Connelly!” the overly enthusiastic young lady behind the desk almost shouted as if Sara was a long lost friend. Sara couldn’t help but think at any other point in her life she would have liked this lady, but she wasn’t in the mood for overly cheerful and loud people. “Great! Fill out the registry and there are some forms you’ll need to fill out and we’ll get you right in on the road to better mental health! Just have a seat over there, Great! Thanks!” Sara read the name on the desk plate, it said ‘Candie’. “Of course that would be your name.” she thought as she retreated to the chairs and Candie the Cheerful answered her office phone. “Well, isn’t she just a ball of energy” Beth remarked as she took the seat next to Sara. “Oh yeah, I’m already feeling a lot saner ju
st having had met her.” Sara quipped back. Beth picked up a magazine from the table next to her. It was the latest edition of ‘Field & Stream”. “Planning on taking up hunting are you?” Sara asked when she saw what she had selected. “Nah. I just flip through them so I can ogle the guns. Plus, you never know when we both may get tired of city life and went to move to the top of a mountain. Then we’ll have to fend for ourselves.” Beth began flipping through the pages. “Beth, no matter how much I get sick of city life, I’ll never have the desire to move to the top of a mountain.” Sara said as she began filling out the paperwork in front of her. “Oh ya? What about the upcoming zombie apocalypse? I can totally see myself being the Rick Grimes type.” Beth then contorted her mouth and adjusted her voice to try to pull off the proper scowl as she shouted “Carl! Stay back!” Sara stopped working on the paperwork and looked at her friend. “Leave the Rick Grimes thing to Andrew Lincoln. Trust me, you don’t want to try and run a Ricktatorship.” “What? You don’t think I could do it? You could be my Daryl, or Glenn.” Beth seemed hurt that Sara didn’t think she could be a good leader. “Beth, I’d follow you anywhere, but if you expect me to wear a biker’s vest with angel wings on the back and eat possum, then you got another thing coming. Not happening chica.” Sara went back to working on the paperwork as Beth continued to mull over the possibilities of the upcoming zombie apocalypse and her version of a Ricktatorship and quietly mumbled to herself with different tones and voice inflections until she felt she had it right “Carl! Stay back!” Sara had to laugh and shake her head. “You really are one of a kind Beth.” Beth looked over to her and held up the magazine she was perusing and in her best Rick Grimes voice said, “I’m doing stuff. You know. Thangs.” then scowled at her.

  Sara finished the paperwork and took it back to the ever so cheerful Candie. “Here you go. Not sure why my last menstrual cycle matters, but I answered all the questions.” She notified the receptionist. “Well, believe it or not miss, your menstrual cycle can affect your mood!” Candie looked at her like she just revealed the secrets of the world. “Yes, I know that.” Sara wanted to add, “So does your husband being brutally murdered in front of you.” but refrained. No point in digging on the poor girl for things not in her control. “Okay! Great! Thanks! I’ll notify Dr. Morgan you’re ready. Just have a seat, he’ll be right out!” Sara returned to her seat by Beth who was still working on her impression of Mr. Grimes. “You know, you remind me more of carol than Daryl or Glenn.” Beth notified her once she was seated again. Sara didn’t exactly know how to take that. “Which version of Carol?” she asked. “The abused housewife version from early on or the raging badass from the later seasons?” Beth didn’t look up from her magazine when she answered, “I was referring to the ‘Miss Polly perfect’ she portrays to the Alexandrians.” Sara knew she was screwing with her now. “You know that’s just an act right?” She asked. Beth finally looked at her like she had a third eyeball. Before they could delve deeper into who was who from the show, Candie called over to tell her the Doctor was ready for her and instructed her to go in the door behind the desk. Sara and Beth got up and Beth tossed the Field & Stream magazine back on the table as they walked away. Candie called to Beth “Umm…Miss, you know we keep those in a particular order?” Beth gave her a blank look like what the young receptionist just said completely escaped her. Beth turned around and walked back over to the table, picked up all the magazines and shuffled them around until she felt they were all good and properly mixed up. She walked back to the desk area where Sara was standing and waiting then stopped. “There, now I’ve given you something to do with the rest of your day, haven’t I?” Beth walked past Sara and into the doctor’s office. Sara tried to stifle a laugh at the look of sheer shock and devastation on Candie’s face. The poor girl looked as if she had just been told Santa wasn’t real. Sara walked into the Doctor’s office behind Beth. “That was really missed up Beth.” She said under her breath. Dr. Morgan’s office was nicely appointed. There were white, thick drapes pulled over the window. The desk was nice size, but was the exact right size for the office space. Sara noticed everything in the office was symmetrical. It all fit together like one big giant puzzle. The floors were the same kind of polished hardwood she had in the apartment. The office was decorated with toys and knickknacks from the 70’s and 80’s. Shelves were loaded with old G.I. Joe figures and vehicles, Transformers and even a old Stretch Armstrong. Sara was Impressed with the collection of vintage toys. On a separate shelf Sara saw somethings that were all too familiar; it was the Dr. Who shelf. There was a TARDIS and the sonic screwdriver from the 9th, 10th and 11th Doctors, Sara herself had the sonic screwdriver from the 10th Doctor, played by David Tenet, it was a universal remote. Chris got it for her last Christmas. Sara fixed on the man sitting at the other side of the desk, he got up to come and greet them. His smile was warm and his eyes were kind. He was dressed in a dark colored suit. Sara judged he was in his early 40’s. That would explain the collection of toys.

  He approached the two women with his handout. Sara couldn’t help but feel the calming vibe he put off. She almost immediately trusted this man and didn’t know why. “Hello, I’m Dr. Chase Morgan.” He said by way of introduction. “Which of you is Sara?” he asked, presumably confused by the two woman in his office when he expected one. “The tall pretty one is Sara.” Beth said. “Yes, and the shorter pretty one is Beth.” Sara added. “Well, pleasure to meet you both.” The Dr. Morgan said as he showed them to chairs in front of his desk. I must say “Mrs. Connelly, usually these sessions are held in the strictest confidence and generally only patient and doctor are allowed to attend.” He cast a sideways glance to Beth. “Beth is my best friend and someone I trust explicitly. I need her here Dr. Morgan.” Dr. Morgan sized up the depth of the statement and decided that if his patient was alright with the other young lady being present, he had no qualms. Changing the subject, Sara brought up his collection on the shelves. “Yes. Those were toys I played with as a kid.” Dr. Morgan’s eyes lit up like a little boy at Christmas when she asked about his collection. “I’ve given most away over the years to children who come in here seeking help. If they are good, I reward them when their choice from that shelf. I replace any missing toys with my stock at the house.” Sara felt more and more at ease with this man. To take such dedication to help kids as to give away priceless items like that, he must really care about what he does. “How long have you been in practice doctor?” Sara asked, trying to ascertain his level of experience. “Some would say too long, others would say not long enough, but roughly 10 years I guess.” He had an infectious smile that Sara was drawn to. He was very much like a fatherly figure and she couldn’t understand how she could trust him already, but she needed to trust him if she was going to get the help she needed. “So, Sara, why don’t you start by telling me a bit about yourself? Keep in mind; this therapy only works if we are completely honest with each other. If at any time you feel you can’t trust me, you need to let me know immediately. Trust is paramount. I have an honest and earnest desire to see you get better.”

  Sara relayed the events of what happen on New Year’s Eve Night and what she had been feeling since. “I can’t explain it Doctor. I have had a few disturbing ‘visions’ since that night and at least one very disturbing dream. On the way to see Chris’s boss, as we approached the front doors, I saw a figure standing at the corner of the building, it was Chris. He was so real. So lifelike. I honestly thought if I reached out, I would feel him standing there, but Beth didn’t see anything and that was what finally convinced me that I may be losing my mind. The other night I had a nightmare where the guy who I killed after he killed Chris, came back for me, yet it wasn’t the Tommy from that night, this version of him was, well, dead. Like he was coming at me from the grave. I tried to fight him but he knocked me down and wrapped his hand around my throat. That’s when I woke up. Then there was the other night, standing at the window in the living room, the clouds seemed to come down and tu
rn into a face that threatened to come through the window and eat me. Beth had to pull me back, she said I was beating on the glass so hard she thought it would break.” Sara stopped and took a breath. Putting these things into words made her feel like she was even crazier than before. She looked over at Beth who looked very unhappy. “You told me you couldn’t remember that dream.” She accused. “I’m sorry Beth. I just didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want you to know he was haunting me. I didn’t want to scare you.” Sara pleaded with her friend for understanding. “I’m a big girl Sara. I can handle it. I can’t help you if you don’t trust me.” Beth’s chagrin was palatable. Sara looked back towards the Doctor, she would smooth things over with Beth later, and she didn’t want to take up the doctor’s time with their differences. Dr. Morgan was watching her thoughtfully. He got up and walked to one of the windows in his office, she could tell he was working on how to phrase what he wanted to say next. She sat there quietly and waited for him. “Sara. I want you to imagine something for me if you can.” He finally said. “Imagine if you will Life. Life is white. It’s pure, it’s clean, and it’s there. Death. Well, death is black. It lacks. It holds nothing. It’s solid and completely absence of light. There are at least three types of people in this world. Those who embrace the white and embrace life and live. Then there are those who are more or less walking corpses. They get up every day, they do what they have to and they exist. Nothing more. They simply go through life waiting for a hole to fall into. They embrace the black. Then there are the rare ones. The ones in the gray. Neither alive nor dead. They ride the thin fine boundary of both life and death. Often times they are the ones who embraced life but a terrible and tragic event occurred that knocked them down towards the black, but not completely. They want to go back to living again, they just don’t know how to get passed were they are. They don’t know how to deal with what they were dealt. They don’t know how to get passed their extreme hurt, and sometimes give into it and that defines whom they are. Our first step is to teach you how to get out of the gray and back into living life. To do that, we need to get you to start healing. I dare say your friend Beth here has been some great medicine for you. She’s just as tied up in this as you are. You both lost something very valuable to you on that night. I’m not going to prescribe drugs for you; I don’t think they will help. Instead, what I want you to do, because time is the great thief of memories, I want you to write down everything that happens to you as soon as you can. The quicker you do it after the event, the more likely the details will be there. We need those details. They will give us some great insight into what part of you is creating them or what activities spawn them. I’m sure your friend Beth here has already said it, but I’m going to tell you again…You. Are. Not. Alone. I’m here with you Sara. I will be here till you can embrace life again.