Hog Butcher: 2nd Edition

by Andrew Sutherland

  There was a barn-like structure ahead and on the left. Shrek said, “Hey, Team Al, we are in sight of the location. I must have driven a little faster than I planned. Nerves, what can I say? So do I drive past, then come back like I missed it, or do I pull in? What is your status, over?”

  Al answered quietly, “You don’t have to say ‘over’ when you finish talking. I’ll get when you’re done saying what you have to say. It’s cool. Yeah, you beat us, but just. Pull in and let’s start this shit-show. Edith and I are close. As soon as we get there, Edith is going to start doing her thing, and I’ll start looking for a shot I can take. Just leave the phone on speaker. He’ll keep it short, cuz he’ll expect we are tracking him. He might even split the call into two or three different smaller calls. Stay cool. I think having everything happen at once may work to our advantage. You all cool?”

  Sheena, to everyone’s surprise, said, “Cool like Fonzie. Ayyyy…”

  “Sheena? Did you just make a Pulp Fiction joke?” Edith’s mouth was hanging open.

  “Yep. Feeling good we’re getting this taken care of.”

  “OK, you two. I’m pulling in. Sixty seconds, and I’ll be parked in front of the gate.”

  “OK. We’ll be at the structure in a little less than that.”

  “Hey, Al. I’m sorry, man. I just wanted to get that out. I wouldn’t want anything to happen without saying that.” Gill’s voice sounded tight with emotion and resolve.

  “Gill? Clean slate. Now concentrate on the task at hand. When we’re done here, I’m buying.”

  “You got a deal.”

  “OK. We’re gonna shut up. If you need to say anything, say it. We’ll hear you. Luck to ya all. Let’s get Bud home.”

  74

  Eric watched the sedan pull into the driveway. He’d give them a couple of minutes to sweat it out. This was the good part. He didn’t want to rush anything. He zoomed in as much as he could. That fucker Al was driving. Gill was in the passenger seat, and there was a girl in the back seat. Must be Sheena. Full house. Eric sat and watched. He wanted to make sure there was no other traffic on the road, not that he gave much of a shit. Everyone would die before any type of rescue could happen.

  He checked his remote devices and marveled at the great lengths that internet communication had changed and grown in the time he was away in Joliet. He was surveilling, and was going to kill, four people remotely, from twenty-five miles away. It was really amazing. He saw no suspicious activity. He’d watch another minute, then turn on the spotlight next to the camera. The next remote activity would be the barn, then the car. After that, he’d go hang out in the barn here, in Freeport, and do some sword work before packing his weapons away for a rainy day.

  75

  Edith and Al reached the barn a little out of breath, but no worse for wear. Al peeked around the corner and saw the sedan parked outside the gate, idling. He said quietly into the Bluetooth, “If he has contacted you, cough. If he hasn’t, flash your lights. The light flash will look like you’re trying to initiate conversation; a cough will sound like a cough. Go for it.”

  The lights flashed twice. Al gestured for Edith to start climbing, but also pointed at the sniffer. He leaned close to her, his breath tickling her ear, “Take it, use it on the roof. He may have the fucker monitored. I don’t know the extent of this guy’s craziness.” She nodded, then turned and kissed him on the mouth. It was a fast, firm kiss with the hope of more to come.

  There were plenty of natural hand-and foot-holds. She climbed effortlessly and quickly. He was mesmerized by her speed and the confident way she moved on to the next hand-or foot-hold. He could see why if she went any faster, she might fall. Her climb was just short of reckless.

  It was then that he heard the phone ringing in the sedan through his earpiece. Someone in the car picked it up, and he heard Eric’s voice from the phone. “My, but we’re impatient. I was going to wait a little longer, but I saw you lights flash, so here I am.”

  The spotlight Eric had installed came on and Shrek, doing a very passible Al imitation said, “Marvelous. I’m happy you can see us, now what?”

  “First, I need you to throw the guns you brought out the windows and out of reach. I know you brought guns, even though I said no guns.”

  “I don’t have a gun.” said Sheena. “You two, throw your guns. I told you it was useless to bring them.”

  “Fuck, Sheena!” yelled Gill, doing a decent ad-lib of someone pissed off at another person’s idiocy. They threw the guns. It looked good, unplanned.

  “I need to know who’s in the back seat. I can see you, Al. I can see Gill, and he even looks sober. What a treat. I heard the person in the back seat, but I need the person in the back seat to poke their head out and let me see who it is. If you’re worried I’ll shoot you, well, I could shoot the two in the front seat right now if I wanted.”

  Gill started momentarily when the dome light went on. He heard the back door open and Sheena stepped partially out of the car. She was surprised how soft the earth was. She had thought, being the driveway to this place, it would be more compact. She half-stood, extended her arm, her hand, and, in turn, her middle finger. When she was done expressing herself, she sat back down and closed the car door.

  “Sheena. That one is free. Just wait to see what I have planned for you. Wait till you feel it.”

  Al was looking up at Edith. She was about four feet from the top and was out of places to hold or grab. Al thought she would climb down six feet and traverse. It would take time.

  As Al was thinking this, to his horror, he saw Edith check all four hand and foot holds, bend her legs so that she looked like a frog on the wall of the barn, then she catapulted her body straight up to the roof above her. For a brief moment, she wasn’t holding onto anything. She was a feisty little projectile, putting all her money on a guess that the roof’s edge would hold. She hit the edge of the roof, grabbed tightly to it, and there was a tremendous crash from the barn. It sounded as if something structural had given way. Al thought at first Edith had broken the barn. It was a silly thought, but it came unbidden and in full Technicolor. He saw her pause a moment, the moment before the inevitable fall; then she scrambled up and out of sight onto the roof.

  Al whispered into the headset, “Are you OK? Goddamnit! You scared the shit out of me.”

  “You? I thought I was gonna fill my pants. I didn’t make that noise. I don’t think it was the barn settling, either.”

  “This feels bad. I think we should…”

  Al started to say he thought they should get out of there; then he heard Eric from the car phone through the headset. “You’re all doing very well. Now, Gill, get out of the car and unlock the gate. There’s a padlock on the gate. You’ll find a key hanging on the inside of the gate from a small piece of string. Unlock the lock, leave the key in it, and push the gate open. It opens inward. Do it now, please.” Gill got out of the car.

  Al said into the headset. “Hey, E. I don’t think he heard that. How could he not hear that? I don’t think the fucker’s here. I’m gonna move a little faster down here. You do the same. Be careful. If he has surveillance, it’ll be up high. Doubt he has a mic though. If this place is wired for sound, Bannerman’s deaf.” Edith proceeded across the roof, and Al continued around the back of the barn.

  Gill finished unlocking the gate and walked back to the car. Bannerman’s voice came back on the phone. Gill could hear it in his headset, but, to his credit, he pretended he didn’t hear it. “Now, Al, tell Gill to come to your window and take the car keys. He is to throw them off to the left into the weeds.” Shrek did as he was bidden.

  Gill took the keys and threw them into the weeds. “Now what? And where’s that detective?”

  “I’ll trot him out once you’re out of your car. Gill, stay put. Al, stand next to him, Sheena, get out on the other side. All of you stay put, hands in the air. Go.” They got out. Shrek stood next to Gill, and Sheena stood alone.

  Right at that moment,
there was a loud “whomp” from the barn. Al heard it and caught the glow of a fire coming from inside the old structure. “Edith, you need to get the fuck off there. The place is gonna go up like a candle. I bet fucking Bud is in there. Fuck!” He was running around to the front end of the barn now to see if he could get in and check for people inside.

  “What the fuck is going on?” yelled Gill.

  “Hey! Just so you know, I’ve been posing as Lenny the janitor at the theatre. When you’re all dead, I’ll kill Marty, then I’m getting away scot-free. As you sow, so shall you reap. Bud’s cooking in the barn, I’m not there, and you three are dead.”

  There was a loud belching sound from under their feet. Gill reacted quickly. He spun, grabbed Shrek, threw him into the grass, and fell on top of him. Shrek hit a moment before Gill. The belch was the initial explosive in the fertilizer bomb. As Gill was still falling in an effort to shield Shrek, the rest of the bomb went off.

  Edith’s hand was around the neck of the camera she’d found when the car exploded. It didn’t look like the car exploded; it looked like the ground had exploded. There was so much shit flying through the air, she couldn’t see anything. She looked in her hand and was holding a remote camera. She’d yanked it from its mooring when the sound of the blast hit her. She quickly flipped the manual off switch.

  Al had been rounding the front of the barn when the earth blew up. He almost broke and ran to the car, but stayed his single-minded course. There was a normal house door cut into the larger barn door. Al kicked it once, hard. It cracked but hung partially connected like a tooth in a bar fight. He kicked a second time, and the door ripped completely free of its hinges. He crouched down, and there was a body on the ground in a heap with a barn beam on top of it. He ran in, staying low. The barn was becoming fully engulfed by the hungry flames. He got to the body and saw that it was Bud. His leg was bent at an unrealistic angle, and he seemed to be swimming in and out of consciousness. He was lying under a barn beam that had a heavy chain-fall attached to it. Al saw the hook that was stuck through the duct-tape harness. He pulled out the Bowie knife. The edge was sharp and cut through the offending duct tape with ease. He pulled the heavy beam off of Bud and tossed it to the side.

  Al was coughing now. He grabbed Bud’s shoulders and started to pull. Edith showed up behind him and began tugging on his waist. They were out of the barn and thirty feet away before they heard the barn begin to sag and buckle. The structure was a total loss.

  Al got up and yelled over his shoulder to Edith, “Make sure he’s OK.” Edith tried to protest, but Al was already sprinting to the remains of the car. It had blown straight up in the air, side-rolled once, and landed on its roof. The roof was cushioned slightly when it landed. Sheena’s left side had been mostly ripped away and up in the air. The push of the explosion had been cancelled by the vacuum the car made when it went up. The right side of Sheena’s corpse was now firmly pressed under the burning car. It would be two days before she was conclusively identified.

  Al thought he saw movement in the grass to the driver’s side of the car. He got there, and Gill was lying on top of Shrek. The driver’s side mirror and housing had embedded itself in the back of Gill’s head. He was semi-decapitated and definitely dead. Shrek was face-down in three inches of water, too disoriented to get his face out of it. Al unceremoniously flipped his old friend off of Shrek. When he grabbed Shrek’s shoulder to roll him over, Shrek managed to throw a rather effective right to the left side of Al’s head from a laying position after absorbing partial impact from a large explosive. Al was impressed in spite of the horror surrounding him.

  “Shrek, man! It’s me, Al! I’m gonna move you before the car blows up.” He got Shrek’s arm around his neck and managed to get him up to where Edith was sitting with Bud.

  He sat Shrek down next to Bud as the car’s gas tank went with a final thunderous explosion. The only sounds for a moment were the crackle of the car, the blaze of the barn, and the moaning of Shrek and Bud, who were both gaining coherency. He expected Edith to be weeping, but she was all business.

  Al began to cut the tape off of Bud. Shrek was laying on the ground, pulling at the tattered remains of his Al mask. She went over and spoke soothing words as she helped strip the mask from his face. Al had cut Bud mostly free. Bud’s eyes were open but filled with pain. “Are you OK, man?”

  “You were right, Al. Eric’s a fucking psycho. He’s killed everyone. It was Eric.”

  Shrek, who was lying in Edith’s lap with the mask finally removed said, “No. Yes. No, not alone.”

  “Shrek, honey. Stay still. You might be hurt.” Edith soothed.

  Shrek opened his eyes and managed a sitting position. “I’ve been blown up before. In the war. I ain’t dead. He said, right before he blew us all to shit, he’s also Lenny, the fucking janitor. I can’t remember everything, but now that you guys are dead, he’s going back to work as Lenny and he’s gonna kill Marty.” He swayed a bit and Edith encouraged him to lay back down.

  “Bud. Your leg’s busted. We’re gonna have police and a bus out here in a little bit to get you two and see to the others.”

  “What others, Al?”

  “Two other actors on the list. Sheena and Gill.”

  Shrek from the ground said, “The last thing Gill did was get between me and that car. He saved my ass. He’s a hero.”

  “Fuck.” Al said. He was looking at the barn burning. It was nothing compared to the noise in his head.

  “What are we gonna do?” Edith asked Al.

  “How’d you get to me so fast? You fly?”

  She pointed to an area next to the barn that looked like the world’s biggest lump of coal. “That was a hay stack a little while ago. I dropped the remote camera I found, flipped over the edge of the roof, and dropped into the haystack from a hanging position. I’m glad I’d taken off my little back pack or the move would have been impossible. Shitty thing is, I just lost a bunch of my fancy portable tech. But, Al what are…”

  “Finish this. Now. For good. Shrek? Can you help Edith keep an eye on Bud?”

  “Shrek, Al misspoke. What he meant was, ‘Can you keep an eye on Bud while the cops come?’” She was glaring at Al. “You need a navigator, someone on communications, and you might need a hand, so I’m coming with you. We’re wasting time, and I’m not changing my mind.”

  “Shrek, can you do it?”

  “Yeah, man. Just call them for me. I don’t think I can understand a phone right now.”

  “We’ll do it while we hoof it to the car. I still have the phone that our headsets were connected to in my pocket.” Al felt around. “Aw, shit.”

  “What?”

  “I lost my gun. Probably dragging mayor McCheese here out of the barn. I have the phone and a knife, but we have no guns.”

  “Let’s go to the car. I’ll call Sunny while we run. You think.”

  “Yeah. We’ll see you two later.” Al turned to leave.

  “Make it back safe, Al. You owe me a drink.” Bud said with a little smile.

  “And you owe me some motherfuckin’ bacon…uncircumcised.” Shrek was babbling. He was definitely suffering from a concussion.

  “We’ll do our best. Come on Edith. It’s time for someone to end that fucker. I’ve got dibs.”

  “We’ll see.” Edith turned and started to move at a pace that was just short of a fast run. Al followed and started to figure out how not to be the guy who brought a knife to a gun fight.

  76

  Eric had put away most of his weapons. He was now working through a series of movements with a broadsword. It was a little kata he had worked out. A kata is a dance with prescribed movements to help strengthen and quicken, while working on complex blade control. He was absolutely consistent about practicing with the blade. Every day, for at least thirty minutes, he lived with the blade. He knew it. He knew its balance, the timing required to use it, and the heft. He had the blades custom-made, and he liked a heavier blade. He could easily us
e it one handed, and often practiced with it this way. Right now, he was using two hands.

  He stopped and drank some water. He switched to the other of his two broadswords and began again. He was now on automatic pilot. He had performed these movements so many times, he really didn’t need to think about them. It was like Al and his Tai Chi. He had overheard the cheap fake talking to someone at the theatre about his Tai Chi. He was acting humble, but Eric knew he was corrupt and ego-driven. He was one of them. Just like the other fuckers he had taken care of. Well, now here he was. You are all dead but one. One little Indian left, and things aren’t looking good for him.

  He stopped, went over some foot-work that he had done well but could have done better. He had messed it up because he was thinking about how he was better than those he had dispatched. It was prideful and it would lead to no good. He quietly chided himself for the sin and started that part of the dance again. He figured he could start over as many times as he wanted or needed to. He had nothing pressing. Business was over for today, and business had been good.

  77

  Al and Edith got to the Boxster in under five minutes. She was a little out of breath. She looked at the big man next to her and knew he must be out of breath, but when studied his chest, he was breathing deeply and steadily. He was meditating as he ran. This fucker is inhuman. It wasn’t as frightening as it could be, but it was a little unsettling. She’d never encountered someone so completely single-minded about “going to get” someone, let alone “end them.” A tiny shudder ran through her like the vibration of a crystal glass. She thought suddenly of a glass harmonica she’d seen played when she was a little girl. She felt like this night, the actions, the activities, the violence, all of it was like a big, living glass harmonica. Hugely querulous, magnificently futile, senselessly violent, yet absolutely necessary. If she could have talked to Al about it, he would have just nodded at her and said, “Now you get it. Sometimes defending people, even the dead, isn’t just necessary, it’s imperative. Balance must be provided in some situations, or we’re just savages, and I can’t live that way.”