The Experiment

by HelenKay Dimon, Foreword by James Patterson

  “Spill it.”

  At the sound of his voice she jerked. The water bottle in her hands went flying. She bounced it off one hand then the other before catching it. “What?”

  Playing confused. Great.

  “There’s something wrong here.” When she started to talk, he held up a hand. “And don’t bullshit me.”

  She twisted the cap off, then tightened it again. Repeated the process a second time.

  He started a ten-second countdown in his head because there was only so much of her fidgeting he could stand. He was a practical guy. If something was wrong, he’d fix it, but he needed to identify the problem first.

  “Annie?”

  She sat down hard on the barstool at the kitchen counter and somehow she managed to hold her body perfectly still. “I need to ask you something.”

  About time. “Whatever it is, just say it.”

  “I don’t want you to get angry.”

  He stepped up to her, getting right between her legs so she could feel his presence and remember that it took a lot to shake him. Maybe that would give her some sort of reassurance. “Not knowing information is more likely to tick me off.”

  She nodded but still she didn’t talk. More than a minute ticked by before she made those little growly sounds at the back of her throat that suggested she was searching for the right words. Finally, she just shook her head. “Let me see your phone.”

  What the hell? “Are you serious?”

  She held out her hand. “Please.”

  He didn’t have anything to hide. She knew his PIN. She could check the phone anytime. The question was why she felt the need to do it right now.

  He slipped it out of his back pocket and handed it to her. “Here.”

  A few swipes and presses later she turned the phone around to him. He didn’t need to study it. She landed on an old photo, the only one he kept of Dave Hunter, who had preferred to go by his middle name, Matthew. The shot, from years ago, always sent a mix of happiness and loss racing through him. This time, the feeling was no different.

  He hit the Home button and the photo disappeared. “Tell me what this is about.”

  “Do you miss him?”

  “Sometimes.” Jasper searched his mind, trying to figure out why Annie would be focusing on the one other person he ever loved. “Are you not agreeing to marry me because you think I still love him?”

  “Have you ever…”

  The trailing-off thing was kind of new. So was the fact she hadn’t actually answered his question.

  Jasper balanced his palms against the edge of the counter. “I need more information before I can answer your question.”

  “Do you want to be with him?”

  “I’m with you.”

  “I mean with us…together?”

  “You’re asking about a threesome with a man who has refused to talk to me for years?” He could feel his head snap back. She could have recited the alphabet backward and he would have been less surprised.

  “I met this guy and—”

  “Wait, stop.” Jasper’s head exploded. He actually felt the heat build up and shatter. The crashing sound was deafening inside his head.

  She reached out and put a hand on his arm. “Jasper, listen.”

  The conversation jumped all around. He didn’t know if this was her way of avoiding the real question hanging between them or something else. He could barely follow, and the mention of some random guy had Jasper’s temper spiking. “‘This guy’ as in your client?”

  “Yes, I have a new client and he’s…God, I don’t even know how to explain this.”

  “Use any words that fit.” Jasper took a step back. Hell, he’d put an entire room between them if it stopped the churning in his gut. He had a sinking feeling she was about to dump him for some guy he hadn’t even known existed until five seconds ago.

  “We like to try different things. We’ve always been open in our sex life and—”

  “You want to sleep with someone else.” The words sliced through him as he said them.

  The idea of her with someone else made him want to rip the walls down with his bare hands. He couldn’t imagine being with anyone but her. Hell, he loved her and wanted to build a future with her. He didn’t want to do that if she had some random dude she banged behind his back.

  She shook her head. “That’s not it.”

  He barely heard her. When she repeated herself, the words sunk in.

  “Then what is it, Annie? Help me understand what’s happening here.”

  He could hear the pleading in his voice. Panic overwhelmed him. He’d fight for her, but he had to know what the hell he was up against.

  She jumped off the stool and came rushing toward him. When he tried to back away, she wouldn’t be put off. She grabbed his biceps and held on. “You once had this thing for…Matthew.”

  “Yeah. So?” Jasper had no idea why she was bringing up Matthew now.

  In his childhood home, growing up being bisexual or gay just wasn’t an option. Being attracted to anyone other than the virgin he was supposed to marry was forbidden. There were so many rules that they piled up on him, buried him. So, he left.

  When Matthew came along…hell, when the two guys before that came along, Jasper knew the answer about his sexuality was not as black and white as he’d been raised to believe. He’d panicked and pushed Matthew away. By the time he’d accepted who he was, Matthew was long gone.

  Annie knew about these other attractions, serious attractions, because they shared everything. He never guessed this would become a wall between them.

  “Are you doubting my fidelity or debating yours? Because I want you, not anyone else.” He really didn’t know how to be clearer on that point.

  “We’ve tried so many things that I thought this one…”

  He tried to make sense of what she was saying. He’d had a threesome before her with two women. She knew about it. They talked about trying it in their relationship with two men but it had only been talk. Neither of them had made a move to see it happen.

  “Are you asking about this for me or for you?” He wasn’t clear on that point at all. She might be acting the role of the martyr, but he really doubted it. “And what the hell are you even asking? Why bring up Matthew?”

  “I think there’s this side of you—”

  That struck too close.

  “No.” Jasper knew he kept cutting her off, but this was so unexpected. So out of his range. “If you found someone else, you need to own that.”

  “God, no.” She rubbed her hands up and down his arms. “I want you.”

  He couldn’t feel her touch and her words sounded muffled. It was as if his brain had shut down. All he could hear was that she wanted someone else. It was unfair of him to think that. They’d always been open about what they needed and wanted to try. They never shut each other down, but his brain refused to reboot.

  “But you like some new guy.”

  “I do.” She swallowed. “And you know him.”

  He broke out of her grasp. He could barely understand her words and wasn’t sure how to react to it. “I need a few minutes.”

  She frowned at him. “For what?”

  “Maybe I’m being a dick. But this is coming out of nowhere. I can’t figure out if you’re running scared or…damn it, I don’t know.”

  They had a deal and he was the one violating it. They were supposed to talk these things through without judgment, and that’s what she was trying to do.

  Pain showed in every line of her face. “I’m not running away from you.”

  “I love you.” He needed to say that right then.

  “And I love you.”

  But it sounded as if she wanted someone else. Not in a fantasy or role-playing way. Not as a harmless “he’s hot” kind of thing. This felt deeper, bigger.

  He had no idea how to process it. He hadn’t been expecting the suggestion and his brain refused to adapt.

  “Let’s table this.” The wor
ds sounded lame, like something one of his rich and annoying clients might say.

  She frowned. “What?”

  “I have to get up tomorrow and—”

  “But…” The color left her face. “You’re evading.”

  “I didn’t expect you to be off during the day, finding someone else.” It shot out before he could stop it.

  “That’s not what this is.” Anger edged her tone.

  They were headed for an apocalyptic fight. It brewed and bubbled around them. Energy pinged and tension had him caught in a stranglehold. He didn’t want any part of it.

  And Matthew…Jasper didn’t want to think about him.

  “I need to step out.” He broke away from her and headed for the door.

  “You’re leaving? But I haven’t even explained everything.” Shock mixed with her obvious frustration.

  But he couldn’t comfort her now. Not while bile raced up his throat. “I’ll be back.” That was the point. He didn’t want to go anywhere. He just wanted her. “I need some air.”

  “Fine.” She crossed her arms in front of her.

  She didn’t get to be furious.

  He knew better than to say that. His control ran the edge. One tiny push and this would turn into a yelling match.

  He reached down and grabbed his keys. “Give me a few minutes.”

  “I’m going to sleep.” Her tone flattened and she didn’t show any signs of telling him not to go.

  Part of him appreciated the space. The other part was furious that she found it so easy to give him that. “I’ll take the couch tonight.”

  “Do whatever you want.”

  She walked away.

  And for the second time in a few days, he had the sinking feeling he’d blown it with her.

  Chapter 18

  The thumping music was giving Annie a headache. She’d wanted to rush home from work and talk with Jasper the next day, but ended up at a Dupont Circle bar instead. It might be emotionally safer but it sure wasn’t quieter.

  She and Jasper usually texted a few times a day. He’d check in and flirt with her. They’d talk about dinner and argue about who would cook.

  But today she got exactly one message. He told her he had to work late.

  Oh, she knew all about avoidance. She’d perfected her skills a long time ago. She’d survived an entire first marriage based on the concept of ignoring real problems and pretending everything was fine. So, he could not beat her at this game.

  Manda ordered two drinks, then turned to Annie. “This seems like a bad sign.”

  “What?” Annie was too busy playing with the small drink napkin and worrying about the implosion of her relationship to really listen.

  “We talked about a threesome. You and Jasper and Dave…any of this sound familiar?” Manda snapped her fingers in front of Annie’s face. “You’re here and not with them, so either you panicked and didn’t talk with Jasper or he didn’t take the suggestion well.”

  If only I’d kept quiet, Annie thought for the hundredth time. Then I’d be cuddled up on the couch with Jasper right now. Instead, they were both in their respective corners, staying out of the home they shared.

  “I babbled. I didn’t tell him about Dave but mentioned a threesome. It was not my finest moment of communication.” She shuddered, remembering his expression and confusion. “Or his.”

  “I admit I don’t get couple stuff, but how did you talk about a threesome without telling him about his ex being back in town?”

  “Honestly, I switched from nonsense and half-sentences to getting angry when he talked about sleeping on the couch. He shut down and wouldn’t communicate.”

  “Damn.” Manda reached for a handful of peanuts and popped one into her mouth.

  Annie shook her head. “I managed to tell him I had a client I was attracted to, then…who knows.”

  “This sounds like quite a conversation.”

  “At first he assumed I was looking to sleep with other people just because. Then…” Annie reached over for the bowl and dragged it closer to her. She didn’t eat any of the nuts because the idea of food made her want to double over, but she pushed them around, listening to them clink against the glass bowl. “It’s hard to tell what happened next since he stormed out of the room.”

  “I’m disappointed in you.”

  “Me?” Annie’s hand froze at the unexpected response. “Why me?”

  “You let that man leave instead of forcing him to talk? He’s not your ex. Jasper is someone you can talk to.”

  “I was giving him time.”

  Jasper had talked about that sort of nonsense. She borrowed the comment even though she thought it sounded silly.

  “You were wallowing, feeling guilty about both bringing up the subject, which you had every right to do, and hanging out with Dave as more than his agent.”

  Annie sighed and her shoulders slouched. “I’m worried that Jasper could see Dave again, who he once thought was the love of his life, and decide he was wrong to let Dave go.”

  “Not buying it. Jasper is a big boy with a full bank account. If he really wanted Dave, he could have found him.” Manda shoved the bowl out of the way of both of them. “Jasper’s happy. He wants you.”

  “What if I’m the consolation prize?” That was the fear. Annie already worried about the sustainability of marriage and being a couple long-term. Add to that her mixed-up feelings and Jasper’s past relationship, and the one thing in her life that had been clear—Jasper—grew foggy.

  “Look, you guys enjoy sex. You like to try new things. You take risks, like having sex in a park where anyone could see you. You guys have gone to clubs to watch other people have sex. You’ve talked about having a threesome. This isn’t about you being unsure about your sexuality or even about what you want.”

  When the bartender put the glasses down, Annie pointed at one. “How many of those have you had?”

  Manda talked right over her. “You love Jasper. You want Dave. You might be able to have both.”

  “And if we try this and Jasper ultimately picks Dave and dumps me?”

  “Wouldn’t you rather know that sooner than later?”

  Annie lowered her head and let it rest against the bar for a second.

  “Hey.” Manda moved in closer and put a hand on Annie’s arm. “Stop thinking that love and sex only comes in one package. Stop thinking that you can freeze your relationship with Jasper where it is right now. That’s static, not healthy.”

  “I don’t want to lose him.” She’d been fighting against a bigger commitment and now that option might be off the table. Annie couldn’t take the idea of that wrenching loss.

  “That’s funny, because your excuse for not getting married has been that you don’t want to lose yourself and become like your parents.” Manda smiled. “I’m thinking you’re a bit confused about what you want.”

  This was the problem with having smart female friends. They didn’t let her get away with anything.

  “Another drink.” Annie reached for it.

  “Good. Let’s start there.” Manda signaled for the bartender. “Then we’ll go for another round and keep drinking until you find clarity.”

  “I’m not sure that’s how drinking works.”

  Manda snorted. “Trust me.”

  Chapter 19

  The words blurred on the report in front of Jasper. He’d stayed at the office to avoid going home. That was a first. He usually rushed back to Annie. Now he was sitting in the construction trailer on the job site, long after the sun had gone down. Everyone else had left.

  This might be his life now. If she was ready to move on, he’d be stuck trying to forget her, and he couldn’t imagine that.

  The door creaked and then shut again. “You are not an easy man to find.”

  At the sound of the familiar voice, Jasper looked up. “Matthew?”

  David Matthew Hunter. The one who got away. The one who made him question…then understand…who he was and what he needed. It was
as if thinking about him had conjured him up.

  Jasper’s gaze wandered all over the guy. He looked the same, all put together and in charge in his fancy suit. His face was perfect and almost model pretty. The outer package was 100 percent Tall, Dark, and Smoking Hot, but Matthew was so much more than that underneath. He was charming and smart, sexy and fun.

  Attraction had sparked between them from the start. Jasper initially wrote it off as friendship, or even a fling, but his feelings ran much deeper. And then on one snowy evening, he stopped fighting it.

  “I actually go by Dave now.” He shrugged. “At some point I had to stop blaming my father’s notoriety for my lack of drive. I stepped up.”

  Jasper’s brain remained locked in a daze that kept everything around him hazy and unclear. “Okay.”

  “This is impressive,” he said as he walked around the makeshift office, staring at the plans on the walls. He rested a hand on a stack of files before turning around to face Jasper again. “When we were together, you talked about running your own company. It didn’t take you long.”

  “I’m surprised you’re back in DC.” That fact got stuck in Jasper’s head and he couldn’t seem to kick it out. Jasper couldn’t get over seeing Matthew—Dave, he reminded himself—in person again.

  It was easier to focus on that than the confident, seductive way Dave walked. He’d never been cocky but always moved in a manner that commanded attention. He was the guy people naturally gravitated to and wanted as a friend. People accepted and admired him. Almost everyone who met him loved him within a day, Jasper included.

  The coincidence of Annie talking about Dave and him magically appearing the next day threw Jasper for a loop. It was just so improbable. Life didn’t work that way.

  He finally came to a stop in front of Jasper’s desk. “I made partner and moved back to the DC office.”

  “But didn’t bother to call and tell me.” Jasper regretted the comment as soon as it was out there. They hadn’t talked since the night their relationship ended. It hit Jasper that Dave probably wanted to pretend “they” were never a they.

  Dave let out a long exhale as he sat on the corner of Jasper’s desk. “We didn’t exactly end on a great note.”