Ashlinn, Mia - Bound by Love's Gravity [The Doms of Kinky, Kansas 1] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting)

by Mia Ashlinn

Adam groaned. “Oh God, sweet pea, I’m not saying no. I just can’t say yes. I have to talk to Deke.”

  Oh. “Well, I–I, um, was speaking hypothetically, of course.”

  Adam smiled at her, his love shining in his eyes like a bright star in the night sky. “You don’t have to hide from me. I know what you want. I’ve always known. And you know what I want. But Deke…he’s…”

  “Not ready.”

  Adam nodded. “Let me talk to him. Maybe I can change his mind.”

  Sarah smiled. Only she didn’t feel it. She was simply putting on a façade for Adam. She knew that things weren’t going to change, not overnight. Deke was going to say no. Unless something drastic happened, she was going to be waiting. The question was, just how long?

  Chapter 6

  At The Edge, Deke sat in his office staring at the dove-white ceiling with his cell phone attached to his ear. To most people, he probably looked like the picture of ease as he leaned back in his executive chair with his feet propped on top of his desk. He’d shed his suit jacket and loosened his tie long ago. At some point, his sleeves had been rolled up and the top button of his dress shirt had been unbuttoned. But he had no clue when he’d done it.

  The past two hours were sketchy, hazier than he wanted to admit. His slight impairment could’ve been due to the decanter of exceedingly rare Rémy Martin cognac lying on his desk, staring back at him. Or it could’ve been because he was consumed with thoughts of Sarah, her face firmly fixed in his mind, her words replaying in his head over and over again until he felt like screaming.

  You’re wrong, Deke. You are what I want. I know that. And deep down, you know it too, just like you know that love is like gravity. You can’t see it, but you can feel it. In the end, you can’t fight the undeniable pull, no matter what you do. We’re bound by it, and one of these days, you won’t be able to walk away from me, Adam, or our love.

  What if she was right and he was wrong? It wouldn’t surprise him. When it came to Sarah, he was usually wrong in every way that counted. Or at least, he always felt that way—unsure and out of his depth. Not to mention confused and frustrated.

  God, she has me going around like a damn dog chasing his fucking tail. Deke had to stop tormenting himself or he was going to go insane. Although, at the moment, he had to admit that insanity held a wealth of appeal. Then he wouldn’t be sitting around worrying about Sarah. He wouldn’t be thinking of her or how she’d felt in his arms. And he wouldn’t be imagining her between his and Adam’s bodies as they explored her from head to toe.

  They’d touch her satiny skin, inhale her intoxicating scent, taste every flawless inch of her flesh, and listen to her husky cries. Then they’d fuck her. One of them thrusting into her tiny pussy as the other took her ass. They’d push her up, propelling her toward the heavens, until she reached the orgasmic bliss she deserved.

  Deke held back his groan and dropped his feet to the floor with a distinct thunk. He shifted in his leather seat, hoping to ease the lust pounding through his hard cock. When that didn’t work, he rubbed his face with his available hand and cursed viciously under his breath.

  “Earth to Deke,” Sam Carrington yelled into the phone. “Are you in there? Or does E.T. need to phone home?”

  “I’m here, Sam,” Deke muttered.

  “Sure you are,” he retorted. The annoyance was evident in his tone. “Shit, I have to go. The Slave Driver is coming.” Predictably, the other man didn’t hang up or stop talking. “Damn Deke, I needed to get away from all the emotional garbage in my life and you stuck me with Rafe? Are you insane? He’s all drama, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.” He growled. “God, I would love to just wrap my fingers around his neck and throttle him. But Brooklyn would get pissed, and I try to stay on her good side. I’m not stupid or masochistic so…” He trailed off then the line went dead.

  Deke rolled his eyes then locked his phone and tossed it on top of his desk. The heavy thump that followed annoyed him, but he didn’t dwell on it as he stood up and stretched.

  God, he was tired. First, he’d had the disastrous meeting with Sarah that he couldn’t get out of his mind. Then as he’d grabbed his jacket on his way out of her apartment, Adam had said he would rather stay with her than return to the club with him. He’d claimed he would have one of the other guys pick him up. But as of ten minutes ago, neither Hale nor Wyatt had heard from Adam. And when he’d called Kylia, she hadn’t picked up the phone. Basically, Deke had no clue what the fuck was going on, and he had no way to find out. He just had to wait it out.

  Prowling across the room, Deke did the only thing he could. He paced. When that didn’t help in the slightest, he stalked around his desk to the floor-to-ceiling bookshelf and grabbed his collection of Robert Frost’s poems. Thumbing through the pages, he found “The Road Not Taken,” but before he could read through his favorite poem, someone knocked on the door.

  “It’s open,” Deke called out through gritted teeth. Irritated, he shoved the book back into its spot on the shelf then spun around. He held his breath in anticipation, expecting Adam to charge through the door and start bitching at him. But Adam didn’t walk in. His older brother, Declan, did.

  The two siblings looked eerily alike. All of the Stantons did. Declan was tall and built like a masterpiece of the gods, just as Adam was. His hair was the same gorgeous shade of chestnut as his brother’s, and he had a smile that could stop anyone in their tracks. And damn, his blue eyes were as clear and pure as Adam’s. But he didn’t do a thing for Deke.

  Deke figured it had to do with the siblings’ personalities. Where Adam was charming and suave, Declan was aloof and brusque. He was a straight shooter with no patience for bullshit. And games only served to piss him off.

  “Trouble in paradise?” Declan asked sharply, the cold question capturing Deke’s attention instantly.

  Deke shrugged noncommittally. “No more than usual.”

  “Bullshit,” Declan growled. “Adam just called. He wants me to pick him up at Sarah’s. We both know that he only asks for my help when he’s pissed at you. So what did you do this time?”

  Declan’s assumption grated Deke’s nerves. “What makes you think I did something?”

  Declan barked a harsh laugh as he crossed the threshold to Deke’s office then shut the door behind him. The soft click of the latch sounded like a gun going off in the thick silence that followed Declan’s burst of cynical humor. But the stillness didn’t last long before Declan answered Deke. “Because I know my brother, and I know you, my friend. You did something stupid, and you’re being too stubborn to fix it.”

  Deke hated it when his friends were so close to the mark, especially Declan. He was a pain in the neck normally. But when he was right, he was unbearable. “Kiss my ass,” Deke sneered.

  “That’s my brother’s job, not mine,” Declan said before taking a seat on Deke’s leather sofa. “And thank God for that.”

  Deke rolled his eyes. “No shit.”

  “So are you going to tell me or are you going to make me drag it out of you?”

  Shaking his head, Deke snapped, “Leave it alone.”

  “No,” Declan countered. “We’ve been friends too long for this. I know the signs, and I know how you think.”

  “Oh really?”

  “Yes, really,” Declan replied, throwing his arm over the back of the couch and appearing to get comfortable. “You’re pushing Adam and Sarah away. Hell, you’re doing the same shit to all of our friends. But I’m not them, and I won’t let you.”

  Deke pinned Declan with a frigid glare. “I’m really scared.”

  Extending his legs out in front of him, Declan crossed one foot over the other. “I don’t give a fuck whether you’re scared or not,” he declared with a shrug. “Be scared. Hate me. Whatever. But you’re not going to hurt yourself or my brother.”

  Deke flipped Declan the bird. “Fuck off.”

  Declan arched a dark eyebrow. “Do you really think that will work on me?”
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  No, Deke didn’t. He was no fool. His friend was a persistent bastard. If he wanted something, there was no stopping him, which meant Deke was up shit creek without a paddle or a boat.

  “Fine,” Deke snapped. “You want to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong? Why don’t you talk to your brother?”

  “Is that the best you’ve got?” Declan chuckled. “I can talk to Adam whenever I want, but he’s not the one with the problem. You are.”

  Tired of standing by his bookshelf like a moron, Deke stalked back to his desk and lowered himself into his chair. Feigning disinterest, he shuffled through the stack of papers in front of him and pretended to organize his desk. But of course, Declan wasn’t affected a bit by Deke’s cold shoulder. He simply continued to stare, his eyes piercing through Deke with every minute that ticked by.

  Giving up, Deke sighed. “Fine. I’m fucked, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “Well, that’s a start.”

  “You think that’s a start?” Deke asked incredulously as he thrust aside the stack of papers he’d just arranged a second ago. Several of the sheets went flying, but he didn’t make a move to pick them up. “You’ve been hanging around Dr. Katz just a little too long.”

  Declan didn’t respond to Deke’s reference to his on-again, off-again girlfriend Kylia. Instead, he said snarkily, “I’ve always heard that admitting your problem is the first step.”

  “Well, I admitted it all right. Now I feel like an idiot.”

  “Why?” Declan chuckled. “Can’t you stand the thought of me seeing that the Ice Man has a heart?”

  Deke growled. “I have a heart.”

  “I know you do. You just like to hide it.”

  Deke didn’t like to hide his heart. It just happened naturally for him. And he was rather grateful for small favors. Life was much easier, and less painful, when he didn’t have to care. “It doesn’t matter,” he muttered. “I just want to—” What? What did he want to do?

  When Deke didn’t finish, Declan grinned. “Cat got your tongue?”

  “No,” Deke snapped. “I just don’t know what I want. Okay?”

  Declan smirked. “Do you want me to tell you what you want? Or do you want to hide from the truth a little longer?”

  Reclining back, Deke crossed his arms defensively. “If I don’t know what I want, why the hell do you think you do?”

  “Because, dumbass, everyone knows what you want,” Declan replied. The ease of his friend’s response annoyed Deke. “You want Adam and Sarah. But you don’t want to take the risk because of—”

  Deke cut Declan off with a snarled, “Don’t you dare say her name.”

  “Megan.” Declan went on as though Deke hadn’t spoken. “You don’t want to get hurt like that bitch hurt you.”

  Deke growled. “She wasn’t a bitch.”

  “Oh, really?” Declan snorted. “I was there. I know what that psycho was like. She manipulated you, and you let her. Don’t fool yourself. If she’d lived, she would have destroyed you and Adam without a second thought. She was only out for herself.”

  Sometimes, Deke agreed with Declan. Meg had been a troublemaker, but she had been his and Adam’s troublemaker. Then again, had she really been Adam’s? They’d been on the rocks before she’d died, and Deke had been the glue that had kept them the three of them together. Look where it got her. Six feet under.

  “Shut up,” Deke demanded, his voice growing icy, as he got to his feet and slapped his hand on his desk. The sting of his palm connecting with the hardwood was uncomfortable but bearable. He leaned across the desk, his stance challenging and preferably intimidating. “You shouldn’t talk about her like that. You didn’t know her.”

  “No shit,” Declan retorted with a contemptuous smile. “I didn’t know her, and I didn’t want to.”

  Deke had always wondered what happened to make Declan despise Meg so much, but he’d never actually come out and asked. Now was as good a time as any. “Why did you hate Meg so much, Declan?”

  “Ah,” Declan breathed, his smile transforming from disdain to triumph. “You finally ask. Maybe we are making progress after all.”

  Deke refused to rise to Declan’s words. He sat back down with a grunt and waited.

  Thankfully, Declan didn’t make Deke wait long before he said, “She crawled out of your and Adam’s bed then into mine the week before she killed herself. She actually thought I would fuck her.” He made a disgusted sound that said more than his words ever could. “It would be a cold day in hell before I touched my brother’s and best friend’s girlfriend. Apparently, I pissed her off by not taking her up on her offer because she went straight to Kylia and shared all the gruesome details of how I fucked her in the room next to yours. I’ll bet you know how well that went over.”

  Fuck. Kylia had dumped Declan, but she’d never said why. Until today, Declan hadn’t either. Shit. The two of them had spent years apart over something Meg did. And Deke could have stopped it.

  “Don’t,” Declan barked. “It wasn’t your fault. She was responsible for herself.”

  Deke wasn’t convinced of that. She’d been his and Adam’s sub. They should have been able to take care of her. But, they’d failed. No, Deke had failed. He hadn’t protected her, not from his desires, not from Adam’s withdrawal, and not from herself. Now she was dead, and he couldn’t forget her or what had happened, just like he couldn’t forget the legacy of the suicide letter she’d left behind.

  Even after all these years, her final words were still etched into his mind. He didn’t need the paper he’d burned in his fireplace on the first anniversary of her suicide to remember what she’d written. He could see the message as clearly as if the letter were lying in front of him. He could hear each and every syllable echoing through his mind as though she were whispering them in his ear. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t wipe the words or the message from his memory.

  Deke,

  I know you’ll be the one to read this note, and I’m glad because I want you to know why I killed myself. You have the right to blame someone for my loss, and I want you to know who that person is.

  It’s you. I killed myself because of you. Your wants and needs always came before mine. The things you did and said, they revolted me. But I always felt trapped. I thought I loved you. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. So I did what you wanted.

  But now, here I am writing you my final note because I can’t bear to live with myself, knowing the person you made me into. And that is on you and you alone. I’m the one and only innocent in this. I just hope that my death will change the beast inside you or save one woman from your vile perversions. If it does, then my death will have been worth it because no one deserves a monster like you in her life, her bed, or her heart.

  May God have mercy on your soul. I know I won’t.

  Megan

  Rage choked Deke. But somehow, he managed to grit through clenched teeth, “You’re wrong, Declan. Meg was my responsibility, and I fucked everything up. She died because of me.”

  Declan curled his lip in undisguised contempt. “She didn’t die. She killed herself. When will you get that through your thick head? You didn’t do a damn thing to her. She did it to herself.” He growled. “She was messed up. She needed help, and she didn’t get it. Stop blaming yourself. You did everything you could.”

  “Did I? Really?” Deke shot back. “Because I don’t think I did. I should have—”

  “You should have what?” Declan snapped. “Walked away? Is that what has you on the run from Sarah? Are you being some self-sacrificing hero out to save the girl? Do you really think you’re going to hurt her? Or do you think she’s going to hurt herself because of you?” He scoffed. “All of those are total bullshit. Sarah isn’t like that. And neither are you.”

  Deke felt his temper explode. “Goddamn it, Declan. I know what Sarah’s like. No one knows her better than I do, except maybe Adam. And I know I can’t be what she needs. She needs a m
an who is soft and gentle, a man who is sweet and kind and loving. I’m too fucking selfish and too damn hard for her. She deserves someone so much better than I am. And I’ll be damned before I let her settle for less than what she deserves, even if that means I can’t have her in my life.”

  Obviously not intimidated, Declan sneered, “There’s no one better for her than you and Adam. If you believe otherwise, then you’re a fucking fool. Now get your act together before you lose Sarah and Adam.”

  * * * *

  Adam was fucked, totally and completely and unbelievably fucked. He knew it the moment he opened the front door to Sarah’s apartment and saw Kylia standing in the hallway, not his brother. Just looking at Kylia, he could tell she was not here for a social visit. She had the I’m a doctor. You’re a patient look she got sometimes. Her appearance wasn’t comforting either. She had worn one of her conservative business suits and her hair was swept up in a French twist. Her whole demeanor screamed, Don’t touch. I’m working here.

  This was exactly what Adam needed after his fight with Deke and his long heart-to-heart talk with Sarah. Hell no. He needed to go for a run, preferably a long one, to clear his mind. But that wasn’t likely. He had to deal with the good doctor, and then, once he got back to The Edge, he had piles of work to do. Helping Sarah had taken more time than he’d really had to give, but he’d given it anyway.

  “Hi there,” Kylia said. “Declan was running late, so he sent me to get you.”

  I’ll just bet he was. Adam knew better. If Declan had sent Kylia for him, he was doing something he shouldn’t be doing. Adam held no illusions about that. His brother was protective, overly so in Adam’s opinion. They were barely a year apart, yet Declan had some strange notions about having to take care of Adam and the rest of the Stanton clan.

  Normally, Declan’s interference irritated Adam. But today, it pissed him off. He knew exactly where Declan was. He was with Deke, trying to patch things between them or whatever he thought was best.