One Song Away

by Molli Moran

  Time turns inside out during the movie. I laugh at all the right places and even tear up once toward the middle, but I’m thinking less about the film, and more about Jake. This was us on a normal night four years ago, and somehow, despite the fact we both left, something pulled us both home…and back to one another. Does that mean anything? Or am I looking for significance in something that’s nothing more than a random chain of events?

  Dragging my focus back to the movie, I try to lose myself entirely in it, and for a while, I do. One of my favorite actresses is playing the lead role. I love her because she’s outspoken and down to earth. She’s plus-sized and very vocal about her love for herself. Even though I’m not overweight, I’ve always been a bit self-conscious, so it’s amazing to have a role model like Jessa Taylor.

  I finish my popcorn and lean down to set the bucket at my feet. When I straighten, I’m suddenly unsure of what I should do. Did Jake like my head on his shoulder? Did it make him feel awkward? Turning, I study his profile. His gaze is fixed on the screen, but he feels me staring after a few seconds, and turns his head toward me. He doesn’t look away, so I don’t either. I feel my face go hot. It takes everything in me to hold his gaze.

  “You’re missing the movie, Claire.” His eyes are impossibly warm. Warm enough to get lost in, if I wanted. And I do want to.

  His gaze drops to my mouth, and the heat in my cheeks travels lower. I feel my lips part, as if in anticipation of a kiss. It’s been four days since our last one, and I’m willing to sacrifice my dignity for another taste of him. I know I could make the first move and kiss him. It wouldn’t be the first time I went first with a guy. Yet… I’m pretending to be cool and in control, but I’m not. I’m definitely not.

  “Oh.” I feel the smile on my lips and I know I can’t quell it. Unlike so many other times since we started this, I don’t back down from Jake. I meet him head-on and watch his eyes brighten. “I guess I got distracted.” His scrutiny drops to my mouth again, so I lick my lips. Then I turn back to the movie, but I feel like I’m humming with energy. I may not be ready to kiss him, but I can at least step on the playing field with him.

  I’m just immersed in the plot again when he shifts in his seat. I assume he’s going to the bathroom, but then I feel him moving closer. His arm winds around my shoulders, and he pulls me against him. I tense, but he seems totally at ease. Then he takes my free hand with his and shoots a wink my way. Not to be outdone, I rest my head on his shoulder.

  Shit. I’m in more trouble than I realized.

  Somehow, I survive the movie, but I feel weak-kneed when I stand. I take my time gathering my trash, but I can’t avoid Jake forever now that the lights are up, so I join him at the door eventually. We walk outside to his car in, silent. He opens my door for me, but I don’t speak until he starts the engine.

  “I don’t feel like going home just yet.” I’m either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid. Right now, I’m not sure which it is.

  Jake’s eyes are more chocolate than honey in this light. “What do you want to do?”

  I jut out my chin. “Whatever you’re up for.”

  Instead of answering, Jake takes his phone out of his pocket and sends a quick text. As soon as he gets a response, he reads it, then chuckles. When he meets my eyes, his smile is the definition of mischievous.

  “What?” I glare at him with narrowed eyes.

  “You were in Nashville for a long time,” he says, putting a hand on my knee. “I think maybe you need a reminder of how Southerners throw down. What do you say, Claire? Are you up for a real party?”

  I feel light-headed at the thought of going to a party with Jake, and what that will mean, but I force myself to stay calm. I remind myself that I can do anything he can do, and then I put my hand over his.

  “Ready.”

  Chapter Ten

  I don’t say much as Jake cruises down the highway. I’m not sure where he’s taking us, but I trust him. I’m more focused on not passing out than on making conversation. I’ve already said enough to land me in hot water. Flirting with Jake Cooper has never ended in anything but disappointment for me, and part of me wonders if I’m insane to believe it will go any differently this time just because we’re pretending to date.

  As I twist my hands together in my lap, I think of how he stared at me in the movie theater. Of how close he pulled me, as if he didn’t want any space between us. If this is all just an act, I’m apparently good enough at it to inspire him.

  “You okay over there?” He turns off the highway onto a road I know all too well.

  My stomach rolls. We’re going to the Hay Loft. I should know the way by heart; when I was in high school, Jake, Sloane, and I partied there enough nights. It’s a three-acre plot of land Jake’s family owns, but they’ve never done anything with it. There’s an old barn still standing, but no one ever goes in it. The rumor is it’s haunted, and as far as I know, no one has ever dared to find out if it really is.

  “Sure,” I say, too brightly. “I just realize where we were headed.”

  As long as I can remember, the Hay Loft has been the gathering spot for the Cooper boys to throw parties. Jake’s older brothers tore up this town before he did. I heard Graham threw legendary bonfires. Jake used to sneak me into Nolan’s shindigs. I had my first beer at one of Ben’s parties, and I proceeded to throw it up a few minutes later. By the time I was in high school and old enough to get invited to Jake’s gatherings, I’d learned how to hold my liquor and hide my feelings for my best friend.

  Jake flashes me a quick grin. “No better place. Figured you might be getting tired of the coffeehouse. And I seem to remember you challenging me the day we met again.”

  “I did?” I draw a total blank on that horrible, babbling conversation. I mostly remember wishing the Earth would swallow me, and wailing internally when it didn’t.

  “You did. You asked if I was still the fun-loving, charming troublemaker you remembered.”

  “I wouldn’t have used those words. At least not ‘charming’,” I say, snorting.

  “Alright, so I paraphrased for you.”

  Letting out a laugh, I relax. He smiles as he makes the final turn for the Hay Loft, and I stare out into the darkness. I love his willingness to look silly for me. I’m selfishly glad he hasn’t changed in all this time.

  Jake rounds the bend and the road turns into gravel. We crunch over it and start passing the vehicles parked on every side. I know he’s headed for the “reserved” parking. It sounds ridiculous, but everyone knows to save a few spots for the Cooper brothers. Sure enough, there’s a space for us tonight. At one point, there was usually one here for me, too. The brothers are all grown now, but their cousin is Cassidy’s age. I can’t even fathom little Logan being old enough to drive, let alone throw a party the size of this one, but it has been four years.

  After parking, Jake kills the engine. “Come on, Claire.” Hopping out, he opens my door for me, and I climb out of the car.

  I’m probably overdressed for the Hay Loft, in a red sundress and sandals, but I start walking that way anyway. Jake surprises me by taking my hand, so I let my fingers tangle with his. I wasn’t sure he’d want us to go public, but I guess he’s as all in as I am. His commitment to this role is making it harder to remember we have to end this soon.

  “Let’s do it.” I squeeze his hand, and tell myself this won’t be the nightmare I’m imagining. It’s been a long time since I cared what people here think of me, but being associated with Jake as part of a couple is going to bring a new sort of attention.

  We might as well have a spotlight shining down on us as we arrive. Everyone sees Jake first. People who are a year or two older than we are, former classmates, people a year or so younger. Jake fist-bumps the guys, and shakes hands with a few others. I say hello to a few acquaintances from high school, but that life already feels so long ago.

  “Coop!” A striking brunette walks over to us. She attaches to Jake’s arm like a tick.
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br />   I feel my lips peeling back in a snarl. I just barely contain it in time for Jake to wink at me. The girl is going on and on about how much she’s missed him, how much she wants to take him to dinner to catch up, and blah blah blah.

  “Actually, Valerie, I’m here with someone.” Jake brings our joined hands to his lips, kissing the back of mine. I’m glad he’s holding onto me, because I’m fairly sure my legs aren’t up for the job right now. “My girlfriend.”

  My heart thumps enthusiastically in my chest at his announcement. We haven’t used monogamous terms yet. I suppose I didn’t think our fake relationship would last that long, but things seem to be changing, at least for me. I definitely don’t mind him calling me his girlfriend.

  “Oh.” Valerie smiles tightly and then leaves as quickly as she arrived, which is fine with me.

  Jake focuses his full attention on me, unleashing one of those mega-watt smiles, leaving me dazed. “Sorry it took me a few seconds to get rid of her.” He shakes his head. “It’s too bad, really. I think I could have gotten a free dinner.”

  “Yeah, but I think she was after your virtue,” I say. He roars a laugh, and we draw a few curious gazes. I can see Valerie whispering to several other women, so I put my arms around Jake’s neck and lean into him. If he’s surprised, he doesn’t show it.

  My eyes close as soon as his lips touch mine, and for a moment, I forget where we are. I feel like I’ve waited forever for this kiss. There’s nothing but the feel of his lips moving against mine, urging my mouth open for him. His arms lazily easing around my waist. His tongue sweeping over mine in gentle strokes. I’m drowning in him, in this moment—and I don’t want to be saved.

  Jake kisses me as though he has all night. His mouth moves to my jaw, and I sigh as he kisses his way slowly toward my throat. When his hands drop to my hips, I vaguely hear a smattering of whistles and catcalls. I’m the first to pull away. I want nothing more than to stay close to him, but I force myself to remember we’re in public.

  “Day-um!” Something big barrels into Jake, and he stumbles back a step. “Get a room, you two.”

  Jake turns. Then he and someone who resembles the Logan I remember, but is taller and more muscled, engage in some sort of fist-bump/chest-smack/hand-shake thing. Jake’s grinning when he faces me and puts his cousin in a headlock. They both have the same brown-gold eyes, but Logan’s hair is several shades lighter. I study him, unable to reconcile the preteen I remember with this guy.

  His mouth drops open when he really looks at me. “Sophie? How in the hell did I forget how beautiful you are?” He shakes his head, meeting my gaze. And oh, the girls in this town are in trouble. He inherited Jake’s smile.

  “Thank you for the compliment.” I smile at him, but glare playfully at Jake. “Hey Coop, you wanted to be called charming? Take some lessons from your cousin.”

  Logan beams. “It’s a little known secret that I’m the best guy in the family.” He shoves his hands in his pockets, winking at me.

  I pat his shoulder. “I bet you are. Let’s go get a drink, Jake.” Tugging at Jake’s hand, I give Logan a wink of my own. “Don’t get into too much trouble.”

  “Sophie, save me a dance later!”

  Logan’s words trail off behind us as Jake and I move toward the bonfire and the keg sitting on a tailgate. I’m still giggling, but I finally notice a tall guy a few feet away from the keg, sipping something out of a Solo cup. Jake grabs us each a cup while I study the guy. It could be the firelight but isn’t he…

  “Nolan?” I say.

  “Sophie-Claire Wright, the most fearless girl in Wayne County.” Nolan’s drawl is even thicker than I remembered if that’s possible, but it’s home. He’s home. I spent too many nights to count at the lake fishing with him and Jake, or in detention with the both of them. He’s another part of Martinville I left behind, and as I stare at him, wondering what he thinks of me now, a pang hits me in the chest. I missed him. Them. This. Nolan and I emailed a few times, but nothing compares to being here in person.

  I grin. “Oh stop.”

  The next thing I know, I’m being swept off the ground and into Nolan’s arms. His blond hair spills into his eyes as he swings me in a small circle. I giggle and hold on tight to Jake’s brother. I’ve never been afraid of losing my heart to Nolan, so our friendship isn’t complicated like mine with Jake. I let him hold me as close as he wants, and I stay in his arms when he finally sets me on the ground.

  “Whoa.” Jake scowls at us. “You’re stealin’ my girl.”

  Nolan laughs his booming laugh. His blue eyes shine in the firelight as he plants a kiss on my cheek. “You don’t have to be too worried, little brother.”

  “Not unless a cute guy walks by, anyway,” I joke. I poke Nolan’s arm. He and I grin at each other; his sexuality is old news to this town. Nolan and Sloane don’t know each other well, but I always thought they’d be great friends. They both have a “give ‘em hell” attitude when it comes to their convictions. Who they love is no one’s business. I’ve always admired them because of it.

  I give Nolan another hug, and we talk for a few minutes while couples and individuals have their turn at the keg. I drink my beer plus another while Nolan and Jake chat. While Jake was off traveling, his closest-in-age brother was finishing college and managing a hotel in town. Now he’s ready to go into business for himself. I listen to him and Jake talk about the possibilities, but I’m content to be quiet and just let the boys have their time. They act as if they haven’t seen each other in weeks, even though it’s probably only been a few days. Graham and Ben both moved away, but Nolan is still local.

  Finally, Jake pulls me away, and I wave to Nolan. We’re swallowed up in the crowd right away, and as the minutes pass, I catch more than one female glaring at me. They always turn it into a smile, but I let it bounce off me as I drink my third beer. Tomorrow, I’ll be worried. Tonight? I’m Jake’s girl, even if it will all end at midnight. Our temporary relationship gives me the confidence to circulate, because I can feel his eyes on me. Sure enough, every time I look his way, he’s staring at me, a new light in his eyes.

  We both dance with other people, and I catch up with more acquaintances from high school. I walk into conversations that end as soon as I arrive, but I don’t give it a second thought. I’m too happy. Too floaty.

  Mina is here, and so are Adam and Brenna from Freshly Ground. Mina winks at me when she sees Jake holding my hand, and Brenna seems surprised but happy. We talk for a while, but ultimately, Jake and I drift back to each other like magnets. We dance together in a slow, sweet circle, and the firelight kindles the gold in his eyes. I let him hold me, and I let the moment surround me. I lose track of how long we dance, of how many drinks I have.

  When Jake suggests walking to the river, a notorious spot for couples, I go without a second thought. We pass Brenna and her boyfriend coming back, and I give her a thumbs-up that I try to hide from Jake.

  Once we break through the trees that border the river, we can see the sky, which looks like someone sprinkled stars everywhere. Jake’s holding my hand, which is good, because I don’t feel very steady. My head is swimming when he stops and moves me so I’m standing in front of him. I let my head rest on his shoulder, and he puts both arms around my waist.

  “This is nice.”

  I giggle. Part of me feels like I’m standing apart from this whole scene, watching it all unfold. I feel bold. I feel as big as the sky, and as bright as the stars. “You’re nice.” Jake chuckles, and I feel the vibrations. I turn in his arms so that I’m facing him. I can be brave. I can be the kind of girl who takes what she wants.

  “Kiss me.” I put a hand on the side of his face. Am I wobbling? He’s still holding me, but I want to be closer to him. I don’t want any space between us. I press my chest against his and he inhales sharply. “You want to, don’t you?”

  “Claire…”

  I stand on my tiptoes and brush my lips across Jake’s mouth. “Kiss me, Coop.” He
looks like he’s starting to waver, and I know he’ll do what I demanded. But at the last minute, he lets me go, and moves a few feet away. “Coooooop.” Even though I pout at him, he shakes his head. I start toward him, but I weave, so I stop.

  “I can’t.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “You’ve had too much to drink. And Claire, when I kiss you, I want you to remember it.”

  “That’s not fair.” I stumble when I try to walk. He takes a step closer to me, and I laugh loudly. “That’s good. My hero.” I move forward again, and everything spins. I close my eyes just as I collapse into Jake’s waiting arms, and the world goes dark.

  Chapter Eleven

  When my alarm goes off at eight the next morning, I groan and manage to half-blindly push the snooze button. I’m just drifting into a wonderful dream that involves Jake, me, and last night’s kiss at the Hay Loft when my phone once again cheerfully trills another alarm. Seriously, was I drunk when I programmed that as my wake-up call? Oh, wait…

  I throw my blanket off, then swing my feet over the bed. I step into my slippers and zombie-shuffle into the kitchen. Catching a fleeting glimpse of myself in the mirror, I wince. My hair is a rat’s nest, and my mascara apparently spent the whole night fleeing my eyelashes. I’ve broken my mother’s cardinal rule. She once told me that the difference between being a girl and being a woman was that a woman always washes her face before she goes to bed, no matter how shitty a day she’s had.

  Well, my mama never fell in love with Jake Cooper, and he certainly never kissed her in a way that made her toes curl. Jake is basically the exception to all my rules, as evidenced by the fact that I’m a hot mess this morning.

  Someone knocks on my door while I’m still trying to make coffee. I ignore it the first time, but when it happens again in a loud series of four, I stomp over to my door and open it for whomever is brave enough to intrude on my morning.