The Lies That Define Us

by Micalea Smeltzer

  Rolling to my back, I stared up at the ceiling.

  “Dear Sleep, it’s me, Liam, and I kind of miss you,” I mumbled beneath my breath. I sounded like an idiot, but I didn’t really care. My body couldn’t keep running on so little sleep. Eventually, it’d give out.

  I began to count sheep like a total loser.

  What felt like forever later, I finally drifted off to sleep, but it was a fitful, restless kind of sleep, and I awoke a few hours later feeling more tired than I had when I dove into bed.

  My alarm was blaring loudly from my phone, and I quickly swiped my finger over the screen to stop the obnoxious noise.

  It was only six in the morning. I’d probably only had two-and-a-half hours of sleep if I was lucky.

  I stumbled from my bed over to my dresser and pulled out the first pair of board-shorts my fingers landed on. I changed into them quickly and grabbed a t-shirt and sweatshirt. Something I learned pretty quickly while surfing was how cold you could get out in the water, hence the need for a sweatshirt. A lot of times I wore a wetsuit out in the water, since I could be in it for hours at a time, but I knew that today I wouldn’t be there long.

  I glanced briefly at the closed door at the end of the hall when I left my room. I didn’t know why I found myself worried about Ari. I didn’t worry or care about most things or people, but there was something so fragile about her, while at the same time there was a quiet strength that told me she’d been through a lot. I couldn’t allow myself to care, though. Caring equated to a pain in the ass later. It was better to walk through the world with blinders. Few people ever broke through my walls, and that’s why I had so few friends.

  Downstairs I grabbed my keys from their designated dish on the kitchen counter and headed out to the garage.

  I loaded my board onto the top of my Jeep and slid behind the wheel. Before I could back out of the garage my phone was beeping with a text from Ollie making sure I wasn’t flaking.

  I’d like to say that I didn’t bail on my friends often, but that’d be a lie. I texted him back that I was on my way, and tossed my phone onto the empty seat beside me.

  Thirty minutes later, I turned onto a gravel road, leading back into what felt like the middle of nowhere. There wasn’t a designated place to park, so you had to make it work. Ollie’s van was already there, as was Jeremiah’s truck, but Brady’s SUV was missing, and I did an internal fist pump that I’d at least beaten one person to our spot.

  We all preferred this spot for surfing and hanging out. I didn’t know why, but for some reason this place had remained hidden from tourists. Only locals knew about it, and we wanted to keep it that way.

  I took off my shoes and shirt, leaving them in the car before getting out to retrieve my board from the top of the Jeep, and started toward the beach.

  Sand kicked up behind me as I headed out to the water. I saw Ollie and Jeremiah already out there, their boards bobbing up and down from the wake.

  Ollie happened to glance over his shoulder as my feet hit the water. “Oi. Look. There’s some dude that looks like Liam here, only the real Liam always bails on us.”

  “First off,” I called out as I settled on my board and began to paddle toward them, “did you really just say oi? Secondly, I don’t always bail.”

  “I did, and you do.” He laughed as I neared.

  I finally reached them and sat up on my board, floating a few feet away from Ollie with Jeremiah on his other side.

  “We’re getting breakfast after this, right?” Ollie asked, glancing ahead at the small wave that formed. “’Cause the Ollster is hungry.”

  “Dude, it’s fucking weird when you refer to yourself in the third person. Even weirder when you give yourself a nickname.” Jeremiah shook his head.

  “Yes, we’re getting breakfast,” I said, before Ollie could get defensive.

  “Yo.”

  We all turned around at the sound of someone calling out.

  “Brady,” Ollie crowed, waving his arms wildly.

  I shook my head, silently wondering how I’d ever ended up friends with him. Brady paddled out to join us and ended up beside me.

  “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever, Wade.” He grinned broadly and held out his fist.

  I bumped mine against it. “I’ve had a lot going on.”

  “Yeah,” Ollie piped in. “Like his hot cousin showing up.”

  “Hot cousin?” Brady’s grin widened further and he waggled his brows. “Care to introduce me?”

  I glared at Ollie first and then Brady. “Fuck no. I’d never let you around her. Besides, she’s already gone.”

  “And she has a boyfriend,” Ollie added. “He’s a bit of a dork, though.”

  “Hey, Dean is cool,” I defended.

  Ollie snorted. “Funny you say that considering all the death glares you gave him.”

  I groaned and scrubbed my hands roughly down my face. “That’s only because he’s banging her, and she’s practically my sister. Of course I’m going to give him the third degree.”

  Jeremiah chortled. “You guys gossip more than girls.”

  I leaned forward on my board to see him. “Coming from you, that means very little, Dreaded Wonder.”

  “You know, when you guys call me that,” he chuckled, his legs kicking at the water, “it sounds like you’re jealous.”

  “Of course we’re jealous.” Ollie reached over to tug on one of his dreads, but Jeremiah moved his board further away. “Come back, snookums, I want to pet you.”

  Jeremiah roared with laughter. “If that’s how you talk to Talia I don’t know how you ever get laid.”

  Ollie grinned and rubbed a hand over his stomach and down to his crotch where he grabbed his dick. “I have a big dick. ‘Nuff said.”

  I’d already tuned him out, because in front of us the perfect wave was forming.

  “You snooze, you lose, assholes.” I laughed raucously as I paddled toward the wave.

  “Come on,” Ollie groaned. “Why does Liam always get the first good wave?”

  “Because I pay attention,” I called back.

  Nothing in the world compared to paddling out in the ocean, heading straight for a giant ass wave. It was my high, and I craved it more than anything else. Those moments, when I was up on my board, cruising along on the water, I forgot everything.

  The wave began to close in, and I commanded my board forward, toward the opening. I heard my friends catcalling and being overall ridiculous, but I ignored them, keeping my eyes set on the prize of finishing out the wave. I made it, and swerved my board before dismounting into the water.

  That moment, right then, had made it worth getting up early on the small amount of sleep I’d gotten.

  But like a druggie, my high was short-lived, and I already found myself searching for the next wave.

  I climbed back on my board and paddled back to the guys.

  Brady whistled. “Hells yeah, man, now that was amazing. No wonder you’re a legend.”

  “I wouldn’t say I’m a legend.” I sat up and crossed my arms over my chest with my eyes narrowed on the horizon.

  “That’s what all legends say,” Brady jested, reaching over to punch my arm.

  I shrugged him off. I’d never taken compliments well.

  Before I could catch another wave, we ended up heading back to shore due to Ollie’s continuous complaints about his hunger. It was irritating because Ollie was always hungry. The guy was rarely without some sort of snack in his hands. I didn’t think he ever got full.

  As much as I would’ve rather gone home and been by myself, I knew all the guys would’ve given me a hard time for that, so I sucked it up.

  We met at a local restaurant that had some of the best pancakes in town. The pancakes sort of made up for having to endure actual socialization.

  I’d always been a bit of a hermit, but it’d gotten worse since I moved to California. I didn’t do well with people I didn’t know, and it’d taken a while for me to warm up to Olli
e, Jeremiah, and Brady. Even then, I was closest with Ollie out of the three, and he was kept at arm’s-length.

  Nobody really knew me.

  And that was because I didn’t even know myself.

  Ari

  My day was not going according to plan.

  First, I overslept, and from there everything spiraled out of control.

  I discovered that while Liam had gotten me clothes, he hadn’t thought about shampoo or conditioner. Not that it was his responsibility, but it was my first day at the restaurant, and I couldn’t show up with greasy hair. That certainly wouldn’t score me any points.

  I took a deep breath.

  Maybe I could borrow Liam’s shampoo. That would be better than nothing, right?

  The thought of asking him for it made me sick, though. He’d probably be all pissy, and I didn’t really want to deal with that, but I had no choice.

  I always seemed to have no choice.

  I eased open my bedroom door and peered out into the hallway. Sunlight streamed into the loft area from the big window above the front door.

  “Liam?” I called hesitantly.

  Nothing.

  I eased down the hall to his room.

  The door was wide open, and his bed was made. His room looked as neat as the rest of the house. He was probably the type to walk around with a white glove on to see if he could pick up any dust off the furniture.

  I tiptoed into the carpeted space. “Liam?” I asked again, searching for a bathroom.

  Still, there was no response. I figured he was out on the beach again.

  I hoped, at least.

  I glanced to my right at a closed door and held my breath.

  “Please don’t let him be in there,” I muttered under my breath.

  I pressed my ear to the closed door, searching for any sound. After a moment, when I heard nothing, I wrapped my hand around the knob and turned it.

  It swung open, and my eyes squished closed, prepared for harsh words and maybe a slap to the face. That’s what Blaise would’ve done at least.

  Silence greeted me still, and I cracked one eye open. The bathroom was empty, and I was freaking out for nothing.

  My bare feet padded across the cold marble tiles before I stepped into the sleek glass shower. I grabbed the black bottles of shampoo and body wash and went to turn around.

  “What the fuck are you doing?”

  I screamed and dropped the bottles, one landing roughly on my big toe.

  “You scared me.” My heart thundered in an out-of-control beat. I took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure.

  “I scared you? You’re the one snooping in my bathroom.” He narrowed his icy-blue eyes on me and crossed his arms over his chest. His lips were pursed in distaste, and a muscle in his jaw ticked.

  “I wasn’t snooping,” I defended, steeling my shoulders. “I was borrowing your shampoo. I have none, and I need to get ready for work.”

  His lips twitched slightly with amusement. “Did you look in the cabinet under the sink?”

  “No,” I drew out the word. “I didn’t.”

  He stepped forward, so close to me that our chests brushed. He bent slightly, closer to my height, and pinched a piece of my hair between his fingers. “Look there,” he whispered, like he was letting me in on one of the world’s greatest secrets.

  “Oh.” I stood dumbfounded as he took a step back. I couldn’t seem to move, though—I was completely frozen by the intensity of his gaze. It was so similar to Blaise’s, but while his eyes held an intense danger, Liam’s seemed to come from a deeply imbedded hurt. I wondered what could’ve possibly happened to him to make him that way.

  A sly grin lifted his lips and he wagged a finger between us. “You’re still standing there… Does that mean you want to shower together?”

  I knew from the teasing glimmer in his eyes that he was only kidding, but I jumped anyway.

  “No, no, definitely not,” I rambled as I scrambled past him.

  His chuckle carried after me as I sprinted from his room.

  Back in the safety of my room, I closed the door and leaned against it, pressing a hand to my racing heart. With a shake of my head, I dismissed the incident like I was erasing an etch-a-sketch. I was good at that—at forgetting uncomfortable situations.

  I padded into the bathroom and looked in the cabinet under the sink.

  There was a plethora of towels, washcloths, and the shampoo and conditioner Liam had said was there. I set the things in the shower alcove, turned it on, and removed my clothes. Under the steaming spray, I let out an audible sigh of relief. The hot water relaxed my tightly coiled muscles, and for a moment, I could relax.

  It was short-lived, though, because once I got out and saw the time on the clock, I was cursing everything.

  I searched frantically through the bags, looking for something work-appropriate, and ended up finding a whole bag of khaki shorts and brightly-colored polo shirts. I’d noticed the waitresses at Mo’s wearing them yesterday, and figured Ollie had told Liam to get them.

  Once I was dressed, I tried my best to tame my hair into a sleek ponytail, but it wasn’t cooperating and little curls escaped to frame my face.

  Glancing at the clock again, I groaned.

  I was going to be late.

  On my first day.

  And I didn’t even have a ride there.

  I felt on the verge of tears, but I dammed them back, reminding myself that I was free and that’s all that really mattered.

  I hurried downstairs and nearly collided with Liam when I rounded the corner. I stumbled, but he didn’t reach out to help me regain my balance. I ended up bumping my thigh into the corner of a side table and air hissed between my teeth.

  That hurt like hell.

  “Ollie told me I needed to give you a ride to work. He’s working out something for you to have transportation, but for now you’re stuck with me.” He shoved his hands in his jeans pockets and leaned forward slightly. There was an awkwardness to him, almost like he didn’t know the right way to communicate with people.

  “You’re going to drive me to work?” I looked at him dubiously.

  He raised one shoulder in a half-shrug. “I mean, unless you’d rather walk.”

  “A ride would be nice, thank you,” I said hastily, before he changed his mind.

  “Just don’t expect this to become an everyday thing.” He leveled me with a glare before turning and heading down the other hall. “I have a life, and I’m not stopping it for some girl I don’t know.”

  “Understood.” I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me.

  He opened the door leading into the garage, and I was forced to follow. Being stuck in a car with Liam for even ten minutes was not on my list of fun things to do.

  He let me pass him and then he shut and locked the door behind us.

  I took a deep breath before opening the passenger door to the white Jeep Cherokee. Liam slid effortlessly into the driver’s seat, and a moment later the engine purred to life. He reached up and adjusted the beanie he wore. He went to put the car in reverse, but stopped suddenly and glanced at me in confusion.

  “Did you eat breakfast?”

  “Uh…”

  “You didn’t, did you?” He glared at me, like the fact that I’d skipped breakfast was the most offensive thing on the planet.

  “No,” I said softly, ducking my head.

  He mumbled something unintelligible under his breath and stormed from the car into the house.

  A minute later he returned with an orange and a paper towel. He slid into the car and plopped the items in my lap.

  “There. Eat that.”

  My nose wrinkled with distaste. “You’re so bossy.”

  I hadn’t left one controlling man to end up with another.

  “I prefer the term concerned.” He grabbed a pair of sunglasses from the cup holder and put them on.

  “Concerned, huh?” I laughed, raising a brow. “If that’s what you call concerned,
then…” I trailed off, letting him fill in the blanks.

  He shook his head and ignored me.

  “Thanks, though.” I held up the orange. “I am hungry, but I was running behind, and—”

  He held up a hand to silence me. “Just eat.”

  I sighed. Not even a simple thank you could crack his icy exterior.

  I felt that he’d been hurt, a deep soul-crushing kind of hurt, but I didn’t know him well enough to ask, and I wouldn’t be sticking around long enough to find out.

  Liam reached over and turned the radio on loud enough to drown out any chances of a conversation, and I was okay with that.

  I ate my orange in silence, careful not to let any juice drip on my clothes. The last thing I wanted to do was show up for work with stains on my clothes; my morning had already been enough of a disaster.

  Liam pulled into the parking lot of Mo’s ten minutes later.

  I gathered up the paper towel and orange peel before getting out of the car.

  “Thanks for the ride.” I smiled politely at him.

  He grunted in response.

  I tried to hide the roll of my eyes, but I was sure he caught it. I closed the car door and he sped away. I rolled my eyes again.

  I couldn’t let his behavior get to me, though. I had a job to do.

  Throwing away my trash in the outside dumpster, I headed inside.

  The restaurant was already insanely busy and panic rose up my throat, nearly strangling me. I hadn’t worked anywhere…Ever.

  Movement from the corner of my eye caught my attention, and I turned to see Darren heading toward me. His smile was huge, and the corners of his eyes crinkled.

  “Ari,” he greeted me, “you’re right on time.” Continuing without pause, he ushered me toward the bar. “This is Rebecca; she’ll be training you.”

  “Hi,” a perky blond greeted me. Her hair was so light it was nearly white and pulled back into a straight ponytail. Like me, she was dressed in khaki shorts, but while my shirt was purple, hers was yellow.