“Sleep, baby, sleep.”
Long hours later, Jenna awoke with a start to find Riley gone. She rose and walked to the living room, jerking when she heard his motorcycle start at then roar down the drive and out into the street. He was gone.
Chapter Sixteen
He’d left her without saying good-bye. But maybe he had in his own way. She wished he would have stayed just one more night. If he had waited until Monday to leave, she would have had work to help her deal with the loss of him. Instead, she had all day to think about it—hurt with it.
Jenna lay in bed late into the morning, curled up around his pillow and the fading scent of him there. She traced the faint indention of his head with her fingertips as soft tears slid silently down her face. Nothing could have prepared her for the gut-wrenching pain that filled her heart. Despite knowing he would be leaving, the reality of it was more than she thought she could withstand.
She ignored the ringing of the phone but couldn’t ignore the pounding on the door. Tina. Jenna climbed out of bed and slipped on a robe. She glanced at the sleep shirt on the floor and swallowed convulsively before padding to the door in her bare feet. A glance through the peephole assured her it was her friend. She unlocked the door and let Tina in. It only took one look from Tina for her to burst into tears. Tina wrapped her in her arms and pulled her toward the sofa. She sank into the plush cushions, sobbing as if she would never be able to stop. Her best friend held her, rocking her without saying a word. There was nothing that could be said to stop the pain or ease the ache deep within her.
Finally, long minutes later, she shifted and tried to control the tears. They wouldn’t stop, but she managed to drag in a deep breath to slow them down.
“He left without saying good-bye.”
“Oh, honey.”
“It hurts so much.” Jenna hiccupped.
“I know. I know.” Tina stroked down her back over and over, trying to comfort her, but there was nothing that would help.
Jenna finally pulled herself together enough to extract herself from Tina’s arms. She wiped uselessly at her eyes before standing up and walking toward the kitchen.
“I need some coffee. Do you want some?” Jenna asked.
“Coffee sounds good. Would you like me to make it?” Tina stood up and followed her into the kitchen.
Jenna shook her head no and concentrated on the mechanics of filling the pot with water and measuring the coffee into the filter. The mundane chore helped to calm her—for the time being. She stared at the counter before turning to lean against it. She couldn’t be still. Even waiting for the coffee to make seemed like too much of a chore. Instead, she turned back to watch Tina take a seat on a stool at the bar. She seemed to be waiting patiently for her to speak. What was there to say?
She knew she wasn’t thinking straight. All that seemed to matter right then was that he’d left without saying good-bye. Later it would seep into her that he was gone for good. She had little doubt he would ever return. It would hurt too much, and he wouldn’t want to hurt her. She knew he cared about her. She doubted that he loved her, but he did care. He wouldn’t want to cause her more pain by stopping by for a brief visit. No, he was gone for good.
“Jenna?”
Her attention returned to Tina.
“Hmm?”
“The coffee is ready,” Tina offered.
“Oh, sorry.” Jenna jerked back around and grabbed two coffee cups from the cabinet.
She poured the coffee then crossed to the fridge and pulled out the milk. Tina didn’t take milk or sugar, but Jenna liked a little milk in her coffee. Riley teased her about that. Riley. A stray tear trailed down her cheek. She angrily swiped it away as she splashed the milk into her cup. After returning it to the refrigerator, she stirred absently then dropped the spoon in the sink.
“Mmmm,” Tina hummed her approval. “You and Logan always have the best flavors of coffee.”
“I’m almost out of this. I’m thinking about trying the Southern Pecan…” The memory of Riley suggesting it clogged her throat.
“That’s right. They have it at The Coffee House, don’t they?”
“Yeah. I’ll probably go by there later.” She doubted she would any time soon.
“Why don’t you run take to a shower and dress? We can go there and have brunch,” Tina suggested.
“I really don’t feel like going anywhere, Tina.”
“Which is the very reason you need to.” Tina sipped her coffee and eyed her over the rim of the cup. “Go on. I’m not taking no for an answer.”
Jenna sighed, knowing it would be useless to argue. Tina would win in the end. Instead, she took her coffee with her and proceeded to try to put herself back together, at least as together as was possible. She later realized that no amount of makeup was going to hide the effects of losing Riley. Her eyes remained red rimmed and sunken. Her cheeks appeared hollow, and there seemed to be a fine tremor to her mouth. She couldn’t pull a smile no matter how hard she tried. Finally, she gave up and presented herself to Tina who waited patiently in the living room flipping through a magazine.
When she walked in the room, Tina jumped up and hugged her.
“Ready?”
“I suppose.” She shrugged.
“We’ll take my car. I’m parked behind yours,” she said.
Jenna locked the house behind them and climbed into Jenna’s car. Silence hung heavy in the car between them as Tina maneuvered through Sunday afternoon traffic then negotiated a parking place near The Coffee House. Inside, there were only a few tables empty. They managed to grab one near the back. Once seated, they perused the menu. Tina settled on a roasted-chicken panini. Jenna chose the chicken soup. She doubted she would be able to eat anything else if she managed to swallow at all. Besides, wasn’t chicken soup supposed to cure everything? Could it cure a broken heart? Somehow she doubted it.
Tina chattered about anything and everything, thankfully not expecting her to offer much in the way of conversation. When their food arrived, she stirred the soup more than she actually ate it but did take a few bites at Tina’s urging.
“You need to eat. After all the coffee you drank earlier, you need something decent in your stomach, or you’ll end up sick.”
Jenna nodded and took the cursory bites of soup to please her friend.
Once they finished and started to pay their tabs, Tina stopped her.
“Wait. You were going to get coffee while we’re here.”
“Oh, I’ll wait till another time.”
“No, you won’t do it later. You’ll end up without decent coffee to drink before work. Then I’ll get the brunt of your ill temper,” Tina said with a smile.
Jenna tried not to cringe but placed the order for the three pound bag of whole beans. If she were going to get it, she might as well go for the beans and grind them herself.
One bag of coffee later, they returned to the house. Tina insisted on coming in.
“Just for a little while. I’ll leave you alone after that,” Tina said.
Jenna couldn’t very well tell Tina no. Instead, she closed the door behind her friend and prepared for another hour or two of putting on a brave face.
“You better call Logan and let him know you’re still here,” she told her.
“Good idea. I’m actually surprised he hasn’t already called.”
While Tina talked with Logan in obvious code about her, Jenna put the coffee in the freezer to keep the beans fresh. She would take out just what she needed each morning and grind them, enough for one. Jenna swallowed hard, refusing to cry again around Tina. She would never get rid of her friend if she didn’t hold it together around her. She would end up spending the night.
A little over an hour later, Tina finally left with the promise they would see each other in the morning at work. Jenna had every intention of being there. It was what she needed to get through the relentless emptiness she already felt without Riley.
The days turned to weeks, and she woke
one morning after another restless night sick to her stomach. She barely made it to the toilet before throwing up. Her stomach heaved and rolled when she managed to sit back against the wall. She needed a bath cloth and to rinse her mouth out, but she didn’t feel well enough yet to stand up. God, what time was it? She would have to call in sick. Tina would remind her she wasn’t taking care of herself again.
Finally, she managed to stand. She washed her face and rinsed out her mouth before checking the time. Five thirty. Jenna decided to lie down for a little longer and see how she felt before calling in sick. She dozed for a good forty-five minutes and found she felt better, probably even well enough to go to work. Instead, she called in sick. It wouldn’t hurt to take it easy. She really didn’t want to deal with a stomach virus, and if spending a day in bed would ward it off, she was all for it.
She called Tina next so her friend wouldn’t worry.
“Just wanted to let you know I have a stomach virus so I won’t be in today.”
“Do you need me to pick up some Sprite or something for you?”
“No, thanks. I have Sprite here. I’ll be fine. I just need to try and sleep it off, I think.”
“You call me if you need me. Okay?”
“I will.”
Jenna lazed around in bed until after lunch then on the couch without a repeat episode of illness. She wasn’t going to complain. She really hated to throw up.
Tina called to check on her later that afternoon. Her friend wanted to come by and bring her something to nibble on.
“I’m fine. I’ll be at work tomorrow. Don’t come by in case I’m still contagious.”
Tina wasn’t pleased but agreed and hung up with a promise that if she wasn’t there in the morning, she would stop by and check on her at lunch.
When the same thing happened early the next morning, Jenna began to worry that she had a much bigger problem than a stomach virus. She forced herself past the sickness and managed to get ready for work. By the time she made it in, she felt much better, more like herself. Unfortunately, she must not have looked that well. Tina met her in the office with a frown.
“You’ve lost more weight. Your clothes are hanging on you.”
“Oh, I don’t think I’ve lost that much weight.”
Tina hummed and shook her head. “Are you sure you’re well enough to come back to work?”
Jenna nodded. “I’m fine, just a little weak maybe, but that’s to be expected.”
“If you’re sure.” Tina didn’t look convinced. “Anyway, we need to eat lunch together. I have some gossip you are not going to want to miss. How about Arnolds?”
“Sounds good to me.”
* * * *
Riley swung the hammer, pounding the nails into the boards as fast as he could. The construction job served a twofold purpose. It gave him the money he needed to survive on and offered a means to get rid of some of the guilt building up inside of him. A day didn’t go by that he didn’t think about Jenna and wonder what she was doing, how she was doing. If she thought it hadn’t been hard for him to leave, she was wrong. It was pure hell. The longer they were apart, the worse the ache became.
He’d tried forgetting her with another woman but in the end, had sent her away without being able to even get aroused. And yet, he stayed aroused just thinking about her. His cock knew what it wanted.
He talked to Logan once since leaving but didn’t ask about her. He hadn’t needed to. His friend provided enough to tear at his gut. She’d lost weight and had been sick a few times. Then Logan asked when he was coming back.
“I can’t, Logan. You know that. It will only make things worse if I do.”
“Not if you stay it won’t. She needs you, man.”
“No, she needs someone stable who can provide for her. I pick up odd jobs here and there to make ends meet. That’s not what she needs.”
“I still think you’re a damn fool.”
Riley couldn’t agree with him more, but he had her best interests at heart. If only he could get his heart to agree. Some days he wondered if he would make it until quitting time. Some nights, he lay awake all night thinking about her. There were nights he drank himself into a stupor just to get some rest. When he wasn’t in an alcohol-induced coma, he dreamed about her, erotic dreams that left him hard and hot and hurting. Then, during the days, he worked himself to exhaustion. Aching muscles and weary beyond belief but still he couldn’t get her out of his mind.
“Do you feel like pulling some overtime, Riley?” The foreman for the job he was on walked up to him.
“Yeah, what do you need?” He wiped the sweat from his brow with one arm.
“I’ve got a job over on Tenth Avenue that needs to be finished by the end of the month. Everything is inside, and there’s electricity so you can work as late as you want. I’ve got two others on working it with you,” he said.
“I’m in. Why’d you ask me? I’m not your regular crew.”
“You’re the hardest working son-of-a-bitch I have working for me right now. I need that to get this job done.”
Riley nodded and continued working on his section of wall. The overtime would be good for his pocket and even better for possibly getting some sleep from exhaustion. He’d work all the overtime they wanted if it meant a decent night’s rest. Somehow he doubted it would be enough. What he wouldn’t give to see her one more time, just a glimpse to see him through another few days.
* * * *
Jenna made hot chocolate for her and Tina after they got back from shopping Saturday afternoon. Fall was in full swing, and winter not that far away. The chilly air left both of them cold with rosy red cheeks and chapped lips. The hot chocolate would hit the spot, Jenna was sure. She stirred the warming milk one last time then poured it into the two mugs. Tina dropped in spoons and stirred while Jenna set the boiler aside.
“When are you going to tell him, Jenna?”
“Tell who what?” she asked with her heart in her throat.
“Riley. Logan can get in touch with him for you. He deserves to know.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She swallowed and held her mug with both hands, blowing on the steaming liquid with abject concentration.
“Don’t lie to me. You’re pregnant. How long did you think you could keep it a secret?” Tina asked.
Jenna sighed and set the mug down on the counter. She brushed a stray wisp out of her face. She had hoped to keep it a secret a little while longer. She wanted to hold it close to her. Her little secret.
“I need a little more time, Tina. Just give me a little more time,” she pleaded.
“You are going to tell him, aren’t you?”
“Yes, just not yet. Don’t say anything to Logan, all right? He’ll call him if you do.”
“I don’t like keeping things from him,” Tina said.
“Then pretend you don’t know yet. I’ll tell you in a couple more days.” Jenna was desperate for a little more time.
“Very funny.” Tina sighed. “Look, the other thing is you need to see a doctor. You’re not eating, and you’ve lost a lot of weight. That can’t be good for you or the baby.”
“I’m taking prenatal vitamins. Once I get my appetite back, I’ll gain weight soon enough. I’m still having morning sickness.”
“How far along are you?” Tina asked.
“Three months,” Jenna said.
“I know you were on birth control, so it must have been all the antibiotics you were on after getting out of the hospital.” Tina smiled and hugged her. “Accidents happen. It will be fine. You know I’m going to be the best aunt ever.”
“I’m doomed,” Jenna groused then leaned on the counter and took a sip of her hot chocolate. “I’m worried about what he’s going to say.”
“He’ll be happy. Shocked, but then I’m sure you were, too.”
“Yeah.” She let out a breath. “I’m not sorry. I want the baby. It’s a part of him, and if I can’t have him, I’ll have a little part of him
.”
“Jenna. He’s going to want to settle down with you and take care of you.” Tina touched her arm to get her attention.
“I don’t want him to. He won’t be happy sitting in one place for long. I know that. He’d grow to resent me and the baby. I couldn’t stand that, Tina. It’s better if he just lives his life, and we’ll live ours. He can visit any time he wants to. I’d never keep his child from him, but I know better than to wish for a happy ever after.”
“Oh, Jenna. You don’t know that. Sometimes it takes something like this to make a man realize just how much he wants to settle down. Give him a chance at least.”
“We’ll work it out, Tina. Let us work it out.”
“At least go ahead and make an appointment with a doctor now. You can schedule it for next week sometime. I’d just feel better knowing you had an appointment.”
Jenna shook her head and grinned at her friend. Friend, hell, bulldog was more like it, she thought to herself.
“Fine, I’ll make one for the end of next week if they can fit me in that soon.”
“Tell them you’re three months pregnant and having trouble maintaining your weight. That will get you in quick,” Tina said.
“You’re sneaky.”
“I’m worried.”
Chapter Seventeen
Riley pulled into Logan’s drive a little after three on Friday afternoon. He planned to talk to Logan about Jenna before he actually went over to see her. He wanted to make sure she wasn’t seeing anyone else before he dropped in out of the blue and asked her to forgive him and give him another chance.
He’d spent three damn months trying to live without her before realizing he couldn’t. If she wasn’t already involved with someone else, he wanted another shot at making her happy. He’d find a job and do everything in his power to take care of her. He wanted to hold her right now more than anything, but first he needed to be sure she was still free. If she wasn’t? Well, he didn’t want to think about that.
In The Still of the Night [The Protectors 2] (Siren Publishing Classic) Page 20