Wife, Mother...Lover?

by Sally Tyler Hayes

  And then he was kissing her again, tasting her, teasing her, until her breasts felt swollen and heavy, aching for his touch. She loved the taste of him, the strength and the solidness of him, the firm pressure of his mouth on hers as she offered herself to him.

  Leanne wasn’t sure where that kiss would have led them if someone behind them hadn’t called out, “Would you two like us to leave you alone?”

  There was good-natured laughter and a few other teasing comments from the crowd. Leanne’s face was flaming, she knew, and Mitch was staring at her in a way that left her totally unsettled.

  She’d cast a spell over him?

  Exactly how did a woman go about casting a spell over a man? She was certain she’d never done anything like that in her life. Men simply didn’t go crazy over Leanne Hathaway. She doubted anyone was going to start now when she was thirty-two.

  But it had been wonderful to hear that from him.

  She would never have his heart, Leanne knew, but maybe she could have everything else.

  Could she live like that? As a second mother to his children? As his lover, but without his love?

  “What are you thinking?” Mitch asked once the noise of the crowd settled down and people’s attention drifted away from the two of them.

  Feeling uncharacteristically bold and in the mood to talk—probably because she’d. had two glasses of champagne on an empty stomach—Leanne said, “I’m thinking this isn’t going to be as simple as we believed.”

  Mitch’s chest rose and fell as he took a long, slow breath. “And I’d say you’re right.”

  “What are we going to do?” she wanted to know, scared now.

  He must have known she was afraid, because, as he always did when he came to understand her fear, he took her hand in his and held on tight. “I don’t know.”

  But he stayed by her side, kept right on holding her hand, and soon she wasn’t so scared anymore. Soon she came to realize that whatever happened, Mitch was going to be by her side. Considering the life she’d led, there was no greater gift he could have given her.

  Finally, people started drifting toward the door. There was more handshaking, more kisses on the cheek, more congratulations that sounded sincere.

  Mitch’s parents were among the last to leave. They said some things to Mitch that Leanne couldn’t hear. Then Mitch’s mother gave Leanne a hug.

  “Take good care of him for me,” she whispered.

  “I will,” Leanne said cautiously, wondering just how much her feelings for Mitch showed on her face.

  “I worried for a while that he would be alone for the rest of his life.”

  “So did I.”

  Her new mother-in-law smiled. “I’m glad he won’t be.”

  And then Mitch’s parents slipped away. Leanne and Mitch were alone with Ginny and Marc. The boys had left earlier with Ginny’s sister-in-law, who’d come to take Hannah home after the ceremony.

  Marc had his arm around Ginny, who was smiling broadly as she told them, “The suite’s paid for until Monday morning, and we’re not giving the boys back until then. So you might as well stay.”

  “Ginny!” Leanne protested.

  “How would it look if you two didn’t have a honeymoon?”

  Beside her Mitch stiffened, but said nothing.

  “I packed you a bag,” Ginny continued. “It’s in the bedroom. You—” she turned to Mitch “—are on your own, although I’m sure the concierge can help with some of the basics. And there’s a department store next door. Don’t worry about the boys. They’ll be fine.”

  Marc looked a little contrite, but merely shrugged and stuck out a hand to Mitch. “What can I say? I have no control over my wife.”

  Ginny laughed, kissed Mitch goodbye and murmured “Good luck” to Leanne.

  And then the two of them were alone.

  Leanne shook her head and looked around the room in something of a daze. Darkness had fallen in the time they’d been inside, and someone had opened the blinds to show off a stunning view of the city skyline and the river.

  She was so tired she wasn’t sure how she could still be on her feet. And she was more nervous than she’d been the night she’d finally surrendered her virginity to a fellow photography major she’d met during her freshman year in college.

  Of course, nothing was going to happen tonight, Leanne reasoned.

  Just because she and Mitch were staying, it didn’t mean anything would happen. Just because they’d kissed like people who were ready to absolutely devour each other, it didn’t mean that anything would ever happen between the two of them.

  Still, Leanne was nervous. Looking around, she saw the bar that had been set up in the corner, chairs all around, a sofa pushed back against the wall and, behind that, a door to the right that must lead to the bedroom.

  One she was expected to share with Mitch?

  “I—I” she stammered, then had to start over. “I think I need to sit down.”

  Mitch turned with her toward the sofa, but a knock at the door had them both turning back that way instead. A unformed waiter pushing a service cart asked if they were ready for him to clear the room.

  “Of course,” Mitch said.

  “Congratulations.” The man smiled. “I’ll be out of your way in no time at all.”

  And then they had no choice but to head through the connecting door to the bedroom. Leanne saw her bag on the luggage stand in the corner, flowers on the bedside table, a bottle of champagne on ice on the vanity.

  “I can’t believe they did this,” Leanne said. And she had to wonder—had Ginny done this before or after Leanne had confessed her feelings for Mitch? Surely she’d done it before. It had taken some planning, after all.

  So, had Leanne given herself away even before this? Was it obvious for anyone to see? Even Mitch? The thought was so embarrassing she wished she could just disappear.

  If that wasn’t an option, she’d probably have to face Mitch. Soon. She heard his footsteps. As he stopped behind her and settled his hands lightly on her shoulders, Leanne tensed. Those big, warm hands of his started kneading the knots of tension in her neck and arms.

  “I have no idea what to say to you right now. Or what to do,” he admitted.

  He was so close she felt his breath stirring the hairs at her nape, could imagine his mouth following the path of his hands in a soft, sensual trail.

  “This is a good start,” she told him, willing herself to relax.

  “You look beautiful today.”

  The words seemed to have been wrenched from him, sincere, but not easily shared. Leanne hadn’t realized how much she longed to please him, even in the smallest of ways.

  “Thank you,” she said, wondering what she’d do if he eased her back against him and started kissing his way down her shoulder. She shivered at the thought.

  “Cold?” he asked.

  “No.” She’d answered too quickly.

  “Tired?”

  Leanne shook her head, because she simply couldn’t say any more. One of his thumbs was making a slow circle on the part of her neck left bare by the dress.

  “I never anticipated this,” he confessed.

  His words, his voice, his touch set her whole body on fire. What had he not anticipated? she wondered. Wanting her? Wanting anyone? Or doing anything about the wanting?

  Was he going to do anything? Was he waiting for some sign from her? Hoping she would give him one? Hoping she’d push him away? What?

  She felt his face pressed against her hair, which she’d worn in a loose topknot today, felt her hair fall as he removed the pins one by one. His arms slid around her waist as he fit his body to hers. Leaning back against him, she knew instantly that he was painfully aroused. She gasped as she felt him pressed hard against her back. Then her legs turned to mush. The only reason she stayed on her feet was that he wouldn’t let her go.

  Glancing over at the big bed, she thought it would be so easy. A few steps, and they’d be on that bed. The way they�
�d responded to each other the three times they’d kissed, the whole thing would be over in seconds.

  And it had been so long since Leanne had let any man touch her, so long since she’d felt this way, if she ever really had.

  “You’re going to have to help me here, Leanne,” he whispered into her ear. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  She went with her gut reaction, her deepest fear. “I don’t want you to hate yourself for this in the morning. Or me. I really couldn’t stand it, Mitch, if you hated me again.”

  She felt him take a long, shuddering breath, then step away from her, which she took to mean that he might well hate one of them by morning if he spent this night with her.

  She bit down hard on her bottom lip and tried with everything in her not to cry. The last thing she wanted was for Mitch to see her cry.

  Finally, he said, “Leanne, will you look at me?”

  Closing her eyes, praying for strength, she turned around. Tilting up her chin, she made herself look at him, still dressed in his wedding suit. Warily, she met his gaze, hoping that he couldn’t read anything more in hers than she saw in his.

  Life just wasn’t fair, she decided with more certainty than ever. How could he look this good to her? Feel this wonderful? How could she find herself married to this man, unable to have him, yet unable to leave?

  He took her chin in his hand, and she cursed the newfound ease and frequency with which he touched her. Willing herself to show no reaction, to give nothing away, she waited.

  “I honestly don’t know how I’d feel in the morning,” he said. “But one thing is certain. I don’t want to hurt you, and I think it’s probably far too easy for me or for anyone to hurt you.”

  And then he closed his eyes and kissed her softly on the lips, his touch exquisitely gentle, with none of the heat of his previous kisses.

  Leanne found this one just as devastating and decided she loved him even more at that moment than she had this afternoon when he’d made her his wife.

  “You know, it’s a gorgeous night,” he said, still holding her chin in his hand. “How would you like to take a walk on the lake?”

  And get out of this room and away from this bed?

  “Let’s go,” she said.

  Although it was unseasonably warm for September in Chicago, the wind off the lake was still cold. Mitch took off his jacket and bundled Leanne into it a few moments after they got to the walkway along the lake.

  There seemed to be a million stars out that night, a million lights from the city behind them.

  “I’d forgotten how beautiful this place is,” she said, quite content just to walk arm in arm with him.

  They hadn’t said much on their way downstairs, and Leanne would have given anything to know just what Mitch was thinking. Did he regret already what had almost happened? Was he relieved that she’d stopped him?

  Would she ever get that same chance with him again?

  Her doubts plagued her. Still, she was Mitch McCarthy’s wife; his diamond was on her finger, his suit jacket wrapped around her, his arm encircling her waist as they walked side by side beneath the million stars.

  It was a moment to savor, to treasure, and she was happier than she’d been in ages, regardless of how precariously her entire life was balanced at this moment.

  “Did you really miss Chicago?” he asked.

  “I ached for it,” she said, the heartfelt reply reminding her of just how far she’d come from her ordinary life.

  Or maybe this was her ordinary life; maybe all those years away were the aberration. Maybe she was meant to be right here.

  “You’re not missing your work?” Mitch asked. “Or the travel?”

  “I miss having a camera in my hand and taking pictures, but I’m sick to death of the travel. All those planes, the airports, the suitcases, the cramped hotel rooms and the strange food. Some of the places were interesting. A lot of the people were, too. But I’ve seen all I need to see of the world.”

  Because he waited, because he seemed to sense there was more, she found herself wanting to tell him, wanting to make him understand. “It was something I did because I couldn’t be here. I thought if I kept myself busy enough, I wouldn’t miss my home and my family.”

  “But it didn’t work?”

  She shook her head sadly. “I should have come back a long time ago.”

  Mitch stopped walking, and she stopped, too, and turned to him. He slid his hand along the side of her neck and then into her hair. His other hand captured a strand of hair fluttering across her face and pushed it back into place. Then he held her face in his hands.

  “I’m glad you came back when you did. I don’t know what I would have done without you,” he said.

  Lowering his mouth to hers, he kissed her softly, then let his lips linger against hers.

  “I don’t want you to be sad anymore,” he whispered.

  The next kiss was just as soft, just as leisurely. But there was something utterly seductive about it. It was a tasting and a testing, an exploration of her mouth that started a slow fire simmering inside her. one that burned hotter and higher with each kiss.

  It was as if he wanted to know her mouth completely, to commit the shape of it to memory. And he acted as if they had all the time in the world, when she knew there was a limit on everything they did together.

  A year, he’d said. A year was what she’d promised. And then she was supposed to walk away.

  Leanne let go of his jacket and it slid down her back as her arms wound around his neck. She tried hard to keep her hold light, when she desperately longed never to let him go. She tried to temper her response to his kiss, to hide how very much she wanted him. But she probably failed miserably.

  When they finally broke apart, she was gasping for breath. She was grateful to notice that he was, as well. Looking through the darkness at him, she couldn’t be sure what she saw. Wariness? Surprise? A flicker of anger?

  “You can’t stand the fact that you want me, can you?” she asked because she believed it and because it hurt her so much to think that.

  “No. It’s not that.” He put a finger to her lips to silence her when she might have called him a liar on that point. Taking in a deep breath, he said, “I’m...surprised.”

  “Surprised?”

  “Okay, more than surprised. I didn’t think I was going to be celibate for the rest of my life, but I didn’t expect to want anyone quite this much. Of course, it’s been a long time, and...”

  “I know. Maybe you just need to be with someone. Maybe it doesn’t matter that it’s me, just that I’m the one who’s here with you right now.” And the one who was going to share his life and his home for the next year. Maybe she was simply a convenience to him.

  “I don’t think it’s that,” he said, then swore softly. “It would be so much easier if it was that.”

  Leanne froze. It was more than she expected from him—that he would want her for herself, that he would admit it. Yet she knew where this was headed. “You feel guilty?”

  “Don’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  With his hand at her chin, he made her look at him. “Funny thing about this guilt of mine—it hasn’t managed to stop me from wanting you. Neither has feeling that I’m taking advantage of the fact that you’re doing me and the boys a tremendous favor by spending the next year here. Nothing yet has managed to make me want you any less.”

  Her heart tripping over itself, hope springing to life inside her, Leanne decided it just wasn’t fair that a man could be this gorgeous, this seductive. She’d fallen for him without his ever having shown the least bit of interest in her. And now that he had, he was simply devastating and breathtaking, mind-numbingly sexy. How was she supposed to resist this?

  Drawing up her courage, she asked, “So, what do we do now?”

  “You tell me,” he said.

  He was close enough that she could easily reach up and take his mouth with hers. She could seduce him, she thought headil
y. He wouldn’t stop her, although he might be sorry in the morning.

  Of course, she wanted the impossible. She wanted him with no regrets, and she wanted his love. Leanne wondered if Mitch McCarthy would ever love another woman. She wondered if she could be that woman.

  “Look, we don’t have to settle this tonight,” he said, rubbing his hands up and down her upper arms. “Especially not while you’re freezing out here.”

  Mitch bent over and picked up his jacket, settled it around her once again, then pulled her close as they walked back to their hotel.

  She shut her eyes and let herself enjoy the experience of simply being with him, of feeling safe and protected and cared for. She realized it had been weeks since she’d felt the first twinge of loneliness—that he and the boys had taken that away.

  Looking down, she saw his ring on her hand, saw the diamonds sparkling in the glow from one of the overhead lights along the path by the lake.

  She decided it was the most beautiful ring she’d ever seen, and the man who’d put it on her finger wanted her in that wonderful way a man wants a woman.

  For the moment, that was enough.

  Chapter 11

  Because he felt like torturing himself, Mitch gave her one more steamy kiss at the door to the bedroom before he told her good-night.

  Then he walked into the suite’s living room and pulled out the convertible sofa. As he lay in bed, he absolutely . ached. For her.

  At some point when he closed his eyes, he expected to find Kelly’s face superimposed over Leanne’s, some wretched guilt-induced image. But it didn’t happen.

  In fact, he had trouble bringing Kelly’s image to mind at all.

  It frightened him a little, angered him, as well, because he seemed to find himself forced along the whole grieving process by powers that were simply out of his control. At each step along the way, he always seemed to be shoved forward, whether he wanted to be or not.

  Well, this was one step that was proving more difficult than most. Honestly, he’d never anticipated this when he’d asked Leanne to marry him. Oh, he liked having her close, liked holding her in his arms, but he’d thought he was simply lonely.