Just Rules

by Anna Casanovas

  “I can’t tell you, Kev. I’m sorry.”

  Mac paced nervously from one end of the stable to the other.

  “So you didn’t come here because you got in a fight with some woman,” he suggested.

  “Oh yes, I sure have fought with a woman, and I assure you that what she did to me hurts much more than the bullet wound,” explained Harrison.

  “You have to tell me what happened, Harry. Maybe I can help you.”

  Harrison grabbed the reins of the horses he had just saddled up and began to pull on them.

  “I can’t tell you, Kev, not yet. But I promise that I’m not in danger.” He saw how his brother raised both eyebrows and added: “It’s OK, if I need help, you’ll be the first person I call, alright?”

  “OK,” agreed Mac, through clenched teeth.

  The two men got on the horses and rode in silence for a while. They stopped next to a lake so that the horses could drink a little, and they talked about the women who, apparently, had broken their hearts. Harrison didn’t give much detail, but he did say that Mac would be an idiot if he didn’t try to fix things with Susan. At least you can fix things, he said to him.

  And Mac didn’t stop asking himself what the hell had happened to Harrison.

  The next morning, Harrison took Mac to the airport just like he had promised, and he spent the entire flight thinking about Susana, about what he felt for her and about the ridiculous argument they had had in that restaurant the night they ran into Quin and his wife.

  He couldn’t lose the woman he loved over something like that, and it would be absurd if he didn’t talk to her about it because of his damn pride. He had pressured her too much; she had just gotten out of a serious relationship, and he was asking her to jump right back into another one. It made sense that she wanted to take things slowly. The only thing he needed to do was to be patient, stick by her side, and show her that he would never do to her what Tim did…Susana already had feelings for him. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t kiss him like that. He just needed to be patient.

  And be with her again.

  Exhausted from his own stupidity, as soon as he arrived home he went straight for the kitchen where he had left his cell phone. Surely she had called him.

  He had two missed calls from Tim, who had left a voicemail asking where he was and explaining that he was on his way back to Boston. Then there was a message from Mike, reminding him that he expected to see him at practice and another message from his lawyer in reference to the latest project of the foundation.

  There weren’t any missed calls from Susana.

  He was tired, and not only from the trip, so he laid down his bed and fell asleep. Tim woke him up with a demanding and persistent phone call, and didn’t leave him alone until Mac agreed to go have lunch with them at his house.

  It wasn’t that Mac didn’t feel like seeing his best friend, it was that he wasn’t sure if he was ready to come face to face with the man who, without meaning to, had made Susana afraid of falling in love.

  He sighed, feeling beaten down, and he stood up. It wasn’t Tim’s fault, Mac thought, while he took a shower. And he repeated it to himself on the way to Tim’s house, which was in a residential area of the city. Tim was so happy that Mac found it difficult, if not impossible, to stay depressed, but that all changed quickly when Tim began talking about Susana.

  “The other day I spoke to her on the phone —began Tim— and she seemed sad.”

  “When?” Mac needed to know.

  “A few days ago,” Tim answered, half-closing his eyes. “I called her to let her know that I was coming back.”

  After a delicious meal, of course prepared by Amanda, she and Jeremy had gone to rest a little. Mother and son weren’t so used to transatlantic trips like Tim was.

  “I am glad Amanda and Jeremy came back with you. He is great and she looks happy,” said Mac.

  Mac and Tim were sitting on the stairs in the back yard with a beer in hand.

  Tim scanned Mac’s face and raised his eyebrows suddenly.

  “Something happened between you and Susan,” he said, sure of himself.

  Mac could barely swallow.

  “Why do you say that?” He didn’t take his eyes off a tree that was in the corner.

  “Because of the way you reacted when I mentioned her name.” He drank a little and let his friend take his time. “What happened, Mac?”

  “Do you remember the day you met Susana? We had gone to the T.V. station to do an interview and you bumped into her in the hallway.”

  “I remember.”

  “I think I fell in love with her that day,” he confessed sadly. The consequences of that first day weighed heavy on his heart.

  “Shit, Mac. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because I didn’t know. The two of you started seeing each other and I…—he cleared his throat— I swear that when you were together I never thought about coming between the two of you.”

  “I know, Mac. Don’t insult us by saying otherwise.” Tim gave him a slap on the back of the neck and drank a little beer.

  “Susana came to see me one day at the cabin. I had given her a box of her favorite chocolates and she was furious with me.”

  “Susan has favorite chocolates?” He looked at Mac. “I didn’t know.”

  Mac shrugged and drank a little more beer..

  “I thought that we could be together,” he continued, because he didn’t think he was capable of giving Tim the rest of the details. “But Susana doesn’t feel the same.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure.”

  “I’m sorry, Mac” said Tim. “Besides Amanda and Jeremy, you and Susan are the people I love the most in this world, and in my opinion, the two of you make a great couple.”

  Mac finished his drink before looking at his friend.

  “Aren’t you taking it too well, Tim? You were going to marry her, and I just told you that I’ve been in love with your ex-fiance for a year.”

  Tim didn’t look away.

  “Losing Amanda was the worst thing that happened in my life and these past few days I’ve learned a lot of things about myself, things that I’m not especially proud of. I know that if I had married Susan you would have never done anything with her. And I know neither of you would have been happy. And neither would I’ve been. You have to fight for your happiness, Mac.”

  “Where did you get that from?”

  “Jeremy.”

  Mac smiled and they were quiet again.

  Chapter 17

  Seventeenth rule of American football:

  Huddle: when the offensive team gets together on the field and one of the players (usually the quarterback) explains to his teammates what the coach has decided they are going to do.

  The first day of practice was really hard. Mike made them pay for all the weeks of vacation they’d had, and the Coach didn’t stop torturing them for four hours. When he finally felt sorry for them, he told them that they could go take a shower. Mac was thankful to still be alive, and walked across the field toward the locker room.

  Several of his teammates were laughing and chatting as if they hadn’t just spent the last few hours running, and Tim was quickly taking off his gear so that he could shower and get out of there as soon as possible. He was anxious to see Amanda and his son. He admitted it several times during practice and it was more than obvious. Mac envied that kind of happiness; now that he saw it on his friend’s face he had no doubt that Tim would have never felt such anticipation or such need with Susana.

  But he did.

  Even the night they lost the Super Bowl Mac thought about Susan before going to the dinner at L’Escalier. He thought about her while he showered, while he got dressed, and while he drove to the restaurant.

  He’d been so stupid.

  He hadn’t seen her again, but he didn’t stop thinking about her. Going to the ranch and talking to his brother Harrison helped him realize that he couldn’t give up without tryin
g to talk to her one last time. It was true that she hadn’t called him, or gone to beg for forgiveness but he hadn’t either. Both of them had reacted on impulse, which is why he decided that it was better to give them both a little time. He was going wait it out to see what happened, just like he did in a game. The press had already lost interest in her. Now, unfortunately for Tim and Amanda, they were obsessed with the story of their long lost love.

  So Mac decided to wait. He hadn’t become the best captain in the history of the Patriots for nothing, and he cared about Susan much more than any game. He waited until he couldn’t wait any longer.

  It wasn’t very long, and considering the fact that he would have gone to see her the first day he got back to Boston, he had showed just great restrain.

  But he couldn’t wait anymore.

  He was going to go see her today. He would wait for her at the T.V. station and ask her out on a date. This time he’d do it right. Although he’d never regret how things had happened between him and Susana, this time he would follow the rules and show her that she could trust in their relationship and that she should at least give them a chance. They had done everything backwards. They had started out hating each other and then they had turned into lovers, but their feelings for one another had been so intense and so exposed that they couldn’t control them.

  They had forgotten to become friends, to fall in love slowly.

  He was already completely and utterly in love, so he was going to wait for her to catch up. He would take her to dinner and a movie; he would invite her to spend a weekend at his grandfather’s ranch. He would woo her and she wouldn’t have any other choice but to let him into her heart. And when that happened he would lock himself inside and never come out.

  The day was finally here. He was going to see Susana again, and he was going to fix things. He started taking his clothes off as quickly as he could. She was the only thing on his mind and he was impatient to touch her. He showered, got dressed in a matter of minutes, and walked toward the locker room exit. However, he stopped for a second next to Tim.

  “Wish me luck,” he said to his friend.

  Tim smiled, realizing whom he was going to see.

  “Good luck.”

  It took Mac half an hour to get to the set of CBT, the T.V. channel that Susana worked for, and he went right up to her floor.

  I’m going to see Susana. I’m going to kiss her.

  With his hands in his pockets, he was whistling as he stepped out of the elevator.

  He stopped in the hallway, unable to move.

  Susana was standing there a few feet away. She had her back against the wall and in front of her was the idiot who she had gone to the opera with. Parker. Susana was smiling and greeted a girl who had walked up to her to give her some papers. Her hair fell in her face, and Parker brushed it off.

  Susana kept talking to the other girl as if nothing had happened. That man, Parker, had touched her in such an intimate way in front of everyone and she didn’t mind.

  Mac died a little inside, and he felt like an idiot for having spent all those days thinking about her, about how to fix things between them.

  Susana wasn’t even capable of holding his hand in front of Quin and Patricia, but she didn’t have any problem with Parker touching her in front of her colleagues.

  How many more times would that woman have to walk all over his heart for him to give up?

  An elevator behind him opened and the bell caught Susana’s attention.

  Their eyes met and he thought that hers had filled up with tears. Mac turned around got in the elevator.

  “Kev, wait!” shouted Susana, running after him.

  The steel doors started to shut and Mac held his breath. Just before they closed Susana jumped in the elevator and landed on Kev’s chest.

  And then he could breathe. After spending all those days without air he finally could be alive again.

  She tightly wrapped herself around his waist, and Kev had to remind himself that he had just seen her with another man to make him want to let go of her.

  “I missed you, Kev,” she whispered.

  “I wouldn’t know,” he said furiously. “Parker seems to keep you busy.”

  Susana stepped back and looked him in the eye.

  “Parker?”

  “Oh, come on Susana. I just saw you. Don’t worry. I get it. You can be seen with Parker because he’s not going to leave you or turn you into a laughingstock. Oh —he raised his hands— and he wouldn’t harm your career either.”

  “There is nothing between me and Parker.”

  “Well when there is, what are you going to do? Will you let him screw you in the middle of the hall? Because you went to the opera with that guy when you wouldn’t even hold my hand in a restaurant.”

  He saw Susana raise a hand to slap him.

  “Oh, yeah, —he dared her— hit me. You don’t have a problem doing that.” Susana bent her fingers. “Just like you don’t have any problem wanting me, isn’t that right, Susana?”

  He closed in on her like a wild animal and trapped her against the wall in the elevator. With his right hand he blocked the buttons so that no one could interrupt them.

  “I can hear your heart beating from here,” he said pressing his body against her. “And your pupils are dilated. And right now you want to kiss me so bad you’re going to lick your bottom lip. But I’m tired of you using me.”

  He tried to move back but Susana grabbed him by the neck and pulled him toward her to kiss him. Mac allowed himself to feel her breath in his lips and to remember her taste for a second, and then he moved back furiously.

  “No.”

  “I know I made a mistake, Kev. And, I’m sorry.”

  “I don’t believe you.” He ran his fingers through his hair and then he pushed the button so that the elevator would go. “If I hadn’t come here today like an idiot, you would have never tried to contact me.”

  “That’s not true.” She moved off the wall and got closer to him, but he dodged her. “I went to your house a few days ago, and you weren’t there.”

  “That’s a lie.”

  “No it’s not. I needed —she swallowed and dried a tear on her cheek— I need to talk to you.”

  “Ha! And that’s why you’ve been blowing up my phone, right?”

  The elevator stopped.

  “Don’t go, Kev.”

  “Go back to Parker, Susana.”

  The bell on the elevator announced that the doors were opening.

  “I’m not with Parker! Damn it, Kev, why don’t you listen to me?”

  The door opened and Mac stepped out into the lobby.

  “You haven’t said anything that is worth listening to.”

  She pressed her lips together, breathed deeply, and looked nervously at her watch.

  Mac noticed it and became more furious. If she was in such a hurry to go he wasn’t going to hold her up any longer.

  “Kev, we don’t have time now, you have to…”

  “I don’t have to do anything, Susana.”

  “Please,” she repeated. “Get in the elevator and come up with me.”

  “Do you think I’m that stupid?” He rubbed his face. “Look, just forget about everything. Chalk it up to mid-life crisis or whatever.”

  She looked at her watch again.

  “Kev, please, come up with me.”

  A few executives came through security at the front entrance and walked toward the elevator. Mac either had to get in the elevator or leave. He couldn’t stay there all day, and it wasn’t going to get him anywhere.

  “Go back to Parker, Susana. It’s best for both of us.”

  “Yes, I should have gone after you. I should have called you. As soon as you left the restaurant I knew I had made a mistake.”

  “So, why didn’t you?”

  Susana bit her bottom lip so he couldn’t see it trembling.

  “I…” Why the hell couldn’t she tell him the truth? Why couldn’t she tell him that
she hadn’t gone after him because she was afraid that he would reject her? Or that she had spent all those days thinking about him and trying to figure out how to fix things, to show him everything she felt for him? Susana was convinced that if she flat out told Mac that she loved him —and she loved him like she never thought she would be capable of loving anyone— that he wouldn’t believe her, and that’s why she needed him to come up, to show him what she had done for him.

  “Forget it, Susana,” he sighed. “Look, the truth is that I just came to see you to tell you that I was back in town and that, although we are not together, I told Tim what happened.”

  Susana couldn’t breathe.

  “Why?”

  Mac misinterpreted her question. Susana meant why did you tell him we aren’t together, she couldn’t have cared less that he told Tim.

  “Because he is my best friend,” answered Kev. “Don’t worry, he won’t tell anyone, so don’t worry about your career at all.”

  Susana had to swallow several times before being able to speak.

  “Really, you only came here to tell me that?”

  “Really.” He put his hands in his pockets, letting go of the button that stopped the elevator doors from closing. “It’s as if what we had, whatever it was, never existed.”

  “And what if I want it to exist?” she was able to ask him.

  Mac took another step away from the elevator and looked at her.

  “Why?”

  Get out of the elevator and come after me. Don’t let me go. Stop me.

  Part of him wanted to tell her that he too wanted them to be together, he even wanted to tell her that they could be together like they were before, but he couldn’t get the image of her leaning against the wall smiling at Parker while he brushed her hair out of her face out of his head. What would have happened if he hadn’t shown up at that precise moment? Would Susana date Parker and have the same kind of relationship that she had had with Tim ? Apparently, Susana had two types of men: those who she went out with officially and could hold her hand in public, and then there was him, who couldn’t touch her unless they were in bed. Even now Mac never doubted for a second that she wanted him, but he was so very tired of being the only one in the second category that he no longer could stand it. That wasn’t good enough for him.