Summer Secrets at the Apple Blossom Deli

by Portia MacIntosh

  Alfie squeezes my hand.

  ‘Frankie deserves better. How’s he coping with it?’

  ‘Not well,’ I tell him. ‘The problem is, we were just talking about it when the tree came crashing in. And now we’re here and…he just seems so angry at me.’

  ‘It’s just displaced anger,’ he assures me. ‘Because Nathan isn’t here.’

  ‘I think he thinks I’m the reason he’s gone,’ I say, swallowing hard to fight off whatever emotional outburst is trying to creep up on me.

  ‘Even if that were true,’ Alfie starts, ‘in a few years he’s going to be old enough to understand what a waste of space his dad is, and that he left because he’s selfish. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to protect him, one day he’s going to realise that his dad going off to muck out elephant enclosures – which, I can’t believe is what he’s ditched you guys for – isn’t a very valid reason.’

  I sigh.

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Let’s put dinner in, I’ll show you all where you can sleep and then after dinner, once Frankie is tucked up in bed with Kitty, maybe you can try and talk to him again?’

  ‘Yeah,’ I reply. ‘Maybe that’s for the best.’

  ‘Lucky for you, I have lots of space and lots of guestrooms,’ he says. ‘Although I’m not sure what for. I think the architect who designed the place figured I was more popular than I am.’

  ‘You really don’t need to go to any trouble for us,’ I tell him. ‘It’s just one night.’

  ‘I told you, you can all stay here while the repairs are being done.’

  ‘I know – that’s so kind of you but, you know how we were talking about signs? Well, I think a tree crashing through the window and destroying the cottage is a pretty strong sign that we just shouldn’t be here.’

  ‘Come on, Lily, I wasn’t serious about that,’ he insists, a little worry in his voice. ‘You can’t give up now.’

  ‘I think Kitty needs something,’ Frankie interrupts us.

  ‘Probably some water,’ Alfie says, snapping back to his usual, charming self around Frankie. ‘Come with me, I’ll show you where her things are. She might be ready for her litter tray too.’

  I watch as Alfie leads Frankie and Kitty away. Why couldn’t I have got knocked up by someone more like Alfie, someone who is great with kids, someone caring? Frankie must be so confused. No wonder he thinks I’m the reason his dad has gone – what’s the alternative? That his dad doesn’t love him enough to stay?

  From the drama with the deli to the upset at school to the cottage finally crumbling around us…there really is nothing to stay here for and the sooner we get back to London, the better.

  Chapter 35

  There are so many things that I love about Alfie Barton. I love his passion for cooking, and the way that everything he has cooked for me so far has been incredible. I love the little wrinkles that frame his gorgeous brown eyes, that only become more apparent when he smiles. I love how much he cares about animals, to the point where he is taking in homeless cats and raising them as his own. I love how he is with Frankie – especially today, when he needs it most. I could almost be tempted to say that I just love him…but that would be crazy, right? And even if it weren’t crazy, it’s hugely inconvenient, given that I plan to pack up and head back to London tomorrow.

  Sitting here on the sofa, with Alfie’s arm around me, drinking a nice, warm cup of tea, watching his roaring fire, I couldn’t feel more comfortable. Viv and Frankie have both gone to bed so we can talk more freely now.

  ‘Are you sure moving back to London is the right thing to do?’ he asks, gently massaging my shoulder.

  ‘Coming here was just such a mistake,’ I tell him. ‘I was excited about the idea of a better job so I just uprooted my family – how does that make me any different to Nathan?’

  ‘There’s a difference between moving to India and moving to Yorkshire,’ he says. ‘It’s not that much of a culture change up here, is it?’

  ‘Only that you call dinner, tea,’ I joke. ‘And that you dress up like it’s the Second World War for fun.’

  ‘Er, Yorkshire puddings versus jellied eels? No contest.’

  ‘Well, you’ve got me there,’ I laugh.

  I feel him arm around me tighten, pulling me a little closer.

  ‘We’ve just both had so much to contend with since we got here,’ I say. ‘I think he’ll deal with this better back home, in an environment he’s used to, surrounded by people who love him.’

  ‘Hmm.’

  I know it seems like we’re giving up. But I’m not sure how long I’ll have a job if the deli flops, no one likes us, we’re homeless. It’s not a sign of weakness, to give up. I think it takes strength to know when to fold.

  ‘Well, regardless of whether the deli stays here or not, I spoke to my bosses this morning. They were telling me they’d be granted a licence and it made me think of your drinks…anyway, I pitched them your products and they just loved them, they want to stock them in all of their delis, all over the country.’

  ‘Lily, that’s incredible!’ He beams. ‘I’ve been working so hard on getting the brand out there. It’s easy, here in Marram Bay where everyone knows me, but getting the rest of the world to catch on – well, this is exactly what I need. Someone to take a chance on me. Thank you.’

  ‘You deserve it,’ I tell him. He really does.

  ‘You know, if the locals knew you’d done this for me, their opinion of you would change. That’s such a generous thing to do, it’s great for Marram Bay business.’

  ‘Too little too late,’ I say.

  I realise I’ve placed a hand on his thigh – on some kind of autopilot, I certainly didn’t realise I had – and tense up.

  ‘Sleep on it,’ he suggests. ‘You might see things clearer once the storm is over.’

  ‘I’ve made up my mind, Alfie,’ I say. ‘There’s nothing to stay here for.’

  ‘Not even this?’ he asks, placing a hand on my cheek, turning my head to face his. I can’t help but notice how his touch differs to Nathan’s earlier. Nathan was too rough, too sleazy. Alfie though, has this soft touch that gives me goose bumps on every inch of my body.

  I close my eyes as Alfie’s lips meet mine, but it’s not the eager, passionate kiss we shared before, it’s slow and soft and I can’t get enough of it.

  ‘I don’t want you to go,’ he says between kisses.

  ‘I know,’ I reply.

  ‘I don’t want you to leave me,’ he says, making his intentions even clearer.

  I want to tell him that I don’t want to leave him either, that I want to stay here with him forever, but I just don’t see how we can be happy here.

  ‘Let’s go upstairs,’ I suggest quietly, my eyes still closed, too scared to look at him, in case he says no.

  ‘OK,’ he replies, pulling me to my feet.

  This isn’t me. I don’t do this. But this doesn’t feel like my home or my life and tomorrow it will all just seem like a bad dream. A bad dream with one part worth remembering.

  Chapter 36

  Waking up in Alfie’s bed, cuddled up close to him with my head on his hairy chest, I could almost be tempted to stay here forever – not just in Marram Bay, but here in this bed. I feel so protected and safe with him. He’s still sleeping so I stroke his chest. It’s been so long since I felt this way about anyone and it terrifies me. I would love to give staying another chance, but I promised Frankie that if things didn’t get better, I would take him back to London, and I’m keeping that promise. I haven’t done anything with only me in mind since Frankie was born – even moving here was supposed to be to give him a better life – and I’m not about to start now. What he needs right now is familiarity and stability, and he can’t get that here. Still, it’s nice to lie here, pretending this is my wonderful life. I’ll just drink it up for five more minutes before…

  ‘Lily, Lily!’ I hear my mum screaming.

  Alfie wakes up suddenly, jumping up from under
me. I’d say it was nice while it lasted but I’ve never heard my mum sound so worried, so I grab my dress from the floor and run downstairs to find her.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ I ask, Alfie close behind me, hopping into his trackies.

  ‘It’s Frankie, he’s gone,’ she sobs. ‘And the front door is wide open.’

  ‘Don’t worry, we’ll find him,’ Alfie assures me. ‘Go check the cottage, maybe he went back there.’

  ‘OK,’ I say, dashing back for my shoes. ‘Do you think he’s run away again?’ I call out from the bedroom.

  ‘I think he might have,’ Alfie calls back. ‘And I think he’s taken Kitty with him.’

  I should have known that he’d try and run away again, like he did last time he was upset. Is this going to be his new thing? Just darting from his problems? Just like his dad? I remind myself that I’m just upset and scared, and that I just need to focus on finding him and then everything will be OK.

  I run down the hill from Alfie’s farm to the cottage, with a level of athleticism I never realised I had. It’s amazing, what we’re capable of when we need to be.

  I run into the living room, check the bedrooms and the bathroom – I even check the garden, but there’s no sign of him. Now that the storm has passed, I can see just how damaged the kitchen is. If ever there were a metaphor for my life, this cottage is it. Knackered, beaten, broken and empty.

  I hop into my car, which doesn’t start until my fourth attempt, but I’m just so grateful that it does. I try and think about where he might be going – last time he said he was going back to London, but there are no signposts or anything around here, just country roads and fields. I consider an 8-year-old’s logic – if the way into Marram Bay is this way, then he might think the other way is the way out of town, and the way back home.

  I drive along slowly, terrified he’ll be in the long grass at the side of the road somewhere and I’ll miss him. I keep going – I don’t know how long for – because I don’t know what time he snuck out, so I don’t know how far he could’ve got. I pull over, searching for my phone to call Alfie and see if he’s found him on the farm, but I must have left it there. Shit!

  Maybe it will be like before, he’ll just be out on the farm, looking at the alpacas, showing them to Kitty. It’s a good sign, right? That he has the kitten with him?

  Maybe I should give up searching this road, because there’s no real evidence he went this way. Maybe I should go back to Alfie’s and call the police. Yes, that’s what I’ll do. Eight-year-olds shouldn’t just wander off on their own, I need to call them, we need to get a search going as soon as possible.

  I make a U-turn and head back for the farm and, this time around, the journey feels like it takes much longer than it did in reverse. I cover a bit of ground I haven’t yet, just in case he might have taken a different route, but there’s no sign of him at all.

  I’m about to drive straight past the cottage, when I notice a crowd of people standing outside.

  ‘Alfie?’ I say, getting out of the car. ‘Have you found him?’

  ‘Not yet,’ he says. ‘But everyone has come out to help.’

  I glance around and, despite it being early in the morning, I can account for almost everyone I’ve met since the day I arrived here.

  ‘People have brought you clean clothes, blankets and food. Jeff is out back, patching the back of the cottage up until you can get it fixed. Everyone else is here and ready to search, so come on, let’s go.’

  ‘Why would they do this?’ I ask him quietly. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, it’s just confusing.

  ‘Because you’re one of us,’ he tells me. ‘Because you’re having a hard time, because your kid is missing, and because I asked them to. I don’t think it hurt that I posted all about you getting the delis to sell my products last night either.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I say, squeezing him tightly.

  ‘OK, get in my car,’ he insists. ‘I’ve got a few ideas about where we can look.’

  Alfie, noticing how worried I am, stops in his tracks to comfort me.

  ‘We’re going to find him,’ he insists firmly, holding me by my sides. ‘I promise you, we’re going to find him.’

  I nod, but I’m still terrified. My mind is jumping to all sorts of horrible conclusions.

  As I climb into Alfie’s car I notice another pull up outside the cottage. Avril gets out.

  ‘Wait,’ I say, quickly opening the door again, as I notice her lift something out of the back of her car. It’s Kitty, closely followed by Frankie.

  ‘Alfie, he’s there,’ I squeak, jumping out and running over to him. ‘Frankie, oh my God, Frankie. Shit!’

  ‘Swears,’ he says as I grab him and damn-near squeeze the life out of him.

  ‘My God, it’s so good to hear you tell me off,’ I say, twirling him around.

  ‘Mrs Snowball says that saying “God” like that is just as bad as swearing, that it’s taking the Lord’s name in vain,’ he says.

  I put him down and place my hands on his face.

  ‘You ran away again – you promised me you wouldn’t.’

  I don’t wait for an answer, I turn to Avril and hug her tightly.

  ‘Thank you so much, where did you find him?’

  ‘Outside Clara’s,’ she says. ‘Waiting for them to open, but they were both still in bed. He said they wanted chicken nuggets. I don’t think they were waiting there for long.’

  I realise by ‘they’ she means Frankie and Kitty.

  Frankie may have only been out on his own for an hour, but the time I spent looking for him is easily the most terrified I have ever felt in my life. It’s going to be a long time before I let him out of my sight – and maybe my arms – again.

  ‘I can’t even imagine how scared you must’ve been,’ Avril says. ‘I was just in the right place at the right time. I saw Alfie’s post in the group about Frankie being missing. Maybe we should let you in the group – you know, for security reasons.’

  I hear what she’s saying.

  ‘Thank you,’ I say again. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘You gave us quite a scare, kiddo,’ Alfie says. It touches me, to hear him use my nickname for Frankie.

  ‘Come with me,’ I say, leading him towards Alfie’s car. ‘Do you mind if we have a quick chat?’

  ‘Go for it,’ he says, taking Kitty from Frankie. ‘I’ll look after her while you talk. Give me a wave if you want me.’

  ‘Thank you, everyone. For everything. Thank you so much,’ I say to the crowd of people who all came out just to help us.

  I climb into the back of Alfie’s car with Frankie and take him by the hand.

  ‘I know you’re upset about your dad leaving – I am too. And I’m sorry we didn’t really get to talk about it last night, with everything that happened. The fact is, I could tell you all sorts of stories, about how your dad has important work to do around the world, which is what he wanted me to tell you, but one day you’re going to be old enough to figure out for yourself that that just isn’t true.’

  ‘Doesn’t he love me?’ Frankie asks, his bottom lip quivering. I feel my heart just crumbling to dust inside my chest.

  ‘He does love you,’ I tell him. ‘He just doesn’t show it properly. He has the love, he just lacks things like responsibility and he’s selfish. The truth is, he wasn’t ready to be a dad when you were born, and he’s still not ready now. But that’s a problem with him, not you. You are amazing.’

  He nods.

  ‘One day, when you’re older, if he comes back, you can decide whether or not you want a relationship with him. Maybe he’ll stay longer next time, maybe he won’t. But all you need to remember is that you have a mum who loves you, and a gran who loves you.’ I look outside the car window where I spot Alfie watching us. ‘I think Alfie loves you too.’

  ‘Do you love Alfie?’ Frankie asks. His question takes me aback.

  ‘I do have very strong feelings for him,’ I admit. ‘He’s a very good man.’
<
br />   ‘Then why do we have to leave?’ he asks me.

  ‘Leave? You ran away,’ I remind him. ‘Don’t you want to leave?’

  ‘I heard you, last night. You said we were going back to London. I don’t want to go back, I want to stay here with Alfie and Kitty and all my friends at school.’

  Before I have a chance to say anything, Viv gets in the other side of the car.

  ‘You had us worried sick,’ she tells him, before her anger dissolves and she grabs him and hugs him, holding him tightly.

  ‘I’m sorry, Viv,’ he says, his voice muffled by her body.

  ‘He ran away because he overheard me saying that we were moving back to London,’ I tell her.

  ‘You’re not, are you?’ Viv says. ‘And just when I was thinking of moving here too.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Biagio has asked me if I want to move in with him. I mean, it’s lovely living with you two, but I can’t be sharing a bed with my daughter, not when I’m pushing forty.’

  Frankie and I both giggle at her blatant lie.

  ‘Is it not a bit soon to be moving in with him?’ I ask her.

  ‘Darling, when you know, you know,’ she tells me. ‘You’ll never need convincing of anything that you feel sure of. I know who I care about, I know what I’m comfortable with and I know what I want. Always go with your gut, my girl.’

  I think for a moment, although I’m not sure why. I want Alfie. I want to stay here and I want to make a go of it with him, with the deli – sure, things will be tough while we figure out what to do about the cottage, and the deli…

  I wave at Alfie, beckoning him over.

  ‘Shift up,’ he says, opening my side of the car. I do, and he squashes in the back with us. Well, I say he squashes, it’s not exactly cramped in the back of a Range Rover.

  ‘So, we think we might stay here,’ I tell him. ‘All three of us. Viv is moving in with her fancy man, apparently.’