Shattered Hearts ePub

by Pen Name

  “Sorry about that.”

  “Don’t apologize! I needed that hug. Thanks.”

  I’d quickly come to understand why Nate seemed so fiercely protective of his little sister. She was a sweet, vulnerable girl you couldn’t help but immediately like. And she was still reeling from her parents’ tragic death, the poor thing. I was glad she had a devoted big brother who was there to shield her from the world’s ugliness as best he could.

  As I headed downstairs to get cleaned up, a question nagged at me. Nate was looking after Maggie, but who was looking after him?

  Chapter 05

  The whole time I was in the shower, I kept thinking about Nate outside working himself half to death in the hot sun. As soon as I’d thrown on some clean clothes, I went upstairs to make sandwiches as I’d promised. I saw that Maggie had already prepared a plate piled high with sandwiches – peanut butter and jelly, to be exact.

  I also saw that she was fast asleep on the couch with a handmade afghan draped over her.

  Moving as quietly as I could so as to not wake her, I packed a few of the sandwiches into a plastic freezer bag I found in the drawer. Then I took a large bottle of water from the fridge and set out to find Nate before he collapsed from dehydration. If he wouldn’t come in to eat, then I’d take lunch out to him, I decided. Maybe it could be a sort of peace offering.

  Nate wasn’t over by the barn. I spotted the tractor out in the field and headed in that direction, but I never made it that far. A splash from a nearby dugout caught my attention and I looked over just in time to see Nate. He was shirtless and submerged waist-deep in the water.

  I walked over to him, trying not to gawk at the sight of him shirtless. His muscles rippled in the searing afternoon sun. His skin was tanned and I couldn’t help but think he reminded me of a Greek god, strong, powerful and completely gorgeous.

  “Hi!” I called when I got closer. I didn’t think Nate had seen me yet and I didn’t want to sneak up on him, so thought it best to announce my presence.

  He’d chosen that moment to get out of the dugout. He shook the water droplets from his hair and raised his head. Our eyes locked and I waved, smiling brightly. It was my chance to win Nate over, to make him warm up to me. After all, who could hate a girl who brought peanut butter and jelly offerings?

  Then my gaze moved lower.

  That was when I saw that Nate was stark naked!

  It took me a moment to react. I wasn’t trying to be a pervert, I swear! But it was like my body froze and for a few seconds – which felt like several hundred years – I couldn’t do anything but stare. Then, abruptly, I tore my gaze away, dropped the sandwiches and spun around.

  “I’m so sorry!” I stuttered as I hastily covered my eyes. My face was burning. I briefly contemplated getting down on my belly right there in the field and crawling away, or maybe digging myself a hole in the dirt to crawl into...I was so mortified I just wanted to disappear!

  Behind me, I could hear Nate chuckling. “You can turn around now,” he advised, not sounding the least bit embarrassed despite having just been caught in the nude.

  “Are you wearing pants now?” I asked suspiciously.

  “Yes.”

  I turned around to see him doing up his jeans. My eyes lustfully took in the dark patch of pubic hair that ran from his navel down to...well, you know. I’d heard it referred to as a happy trail and I got it now. The sight of it made me very happy indeed. Then, coming to my senses, I forced my gaze upward.

  Nate was watching me and he seemed thoroughly amused. He was still shirtless and I could see his broad shoulders shaking as he quietly laughed to himself.

  “It’s not funny,” I said indignantly.

  He shrugged, still smirking. “Your reaction was pretty funny. You’re still blushing.”

  “Well you weren’t wearing any pants!” I said accusingly. “You caught me off guard!”

  “And you caught me off guard! I wasn’t exactly expecting anyone to come along while I was taking a swim,” he replied. Then he looked down at the plastic bag I’d dropped in my haste to avert my eyes. “Are those sandwiches for me?”

  Still feeling rattled, I nodded. “Peanut butter and jelly,” I told him, bending down to get the bag. He stooped down to pick it up himself at the same time and our fingers brushed. I pulled away quickly, jumping backwards as though I’d been burned.

  Nate gave me a curious look but said nothing. Instead he opened the bag, took a sandwich out and ravenously took a big bite. Then he held the bag out to me. “Here. Have one.”

  I shook my head. “I already ate.”

  “You’re not going to make me eat alone, are you?” he asked, his mouth full. He sat down right there at the edge of the dugout and patted the ground beside him. “Sit,” he said in case I didn’t get the message.

  Deep down I knew he wasn’t trying to be rude or domineering, but I couldn’t help but feel like a dog being ordered around by its master. It wasn’t a good feeling. And yet I did as he wanted, tentatively sitting down there in the dirt next to him. I hated myself a little bit for folding so easily. That was who I had been, not who I was.

  Nate still hadn’t put his shirt back on. I supposed I couldn’t blame him; the afternoon sun was beating down on us relentlessly. It felt more like summer than spring. Being from California it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, but I was nonetheless surprised it got so hot in Minnesota.

  “I’m not going to bite, you know,” Nate said, looking at me with bewilderment. That was when I realized I’d sat down a good several feet away from him, careful to keep plenty of distance between us. Maybe I’d overdone it just a bit.

  “I know,” I retorted somewhat defensively.

  “Well okay then. In case you forgot, I’m wearing pants now.”

  “I know that,” I snapped.

  “Okay. I just thought...” He trailed off. “You can look at me, you know,” he said. Until then I hadn’t even been aware that I was averting my eyes as though looking in his direction might blind me. Slowly, I raised my head until our eyes locked. It felt like a jolt of electricity had shot down from the sky and shocked me.

  “I’m sorry I’ve been a jerk,” Nate said simply. “I’ve been exhausted and stressed lately – really stressed. But that’s no excuse. And for what it’s worth, you did a really fantastic job with Penny today. I was impressed. I think you’re going to be a good fit here.”

  My head was spinning. Nate was drop dead gorgeous and sexy and even that attitude of his was a turn on in a strange, strange way. And to top it off, now he was even being nice. But he also had a way of putting me on edge, making me want to tear him down a notch or two when that temper of his flared...or hide from him. In short, I didn’t know how to feel about him.

  All I knew was he was staring at me.

  “What?” I demanded, suddenly self-conscious.

  “I can’t figure you out,” he murmured contemplatively. “You’re so quiet, so soft spoken...and yet you’re looking at me right now like you’d love nothing more than to tear my head off. At first I thought you were shy. But you’re not shy, are you?”

  “No, I’m not shy,” I confirmed, surprised that Nate had picked up on that. Most people made incorrect assumptions about me and I let them. But Nate hadn’t fallen for it. “And I don’t want to tear your head off,” I added defensively. “What are you even talking about?”

  “I don’t know,” he replied. “You’re hard to read.”

  In that instant I appreciated how honest and to-the-point he was. When I’d met Maggie, I’d noticed right away how open she was. Nate wasn’t the same way – he was much more closed off, wound so tightly it sometimes seemed he was on the verge of snapping. He was quiet, too, a man of few words. But when he did speak, he said exactly what was on his mind.

  “So are you,” I informed him.

  “I’m not hard to read,” he insisted, shaking his head. “I’m a simple guy. I work hard and like to kick back and have a beer on the porch
in the evenings while I look at the stars. There’s nothing complicated about that. Oh, and,” he added, holding up his half-eaten sandwich, “I also like peanut butter and jelly. Thank you for bringing me this.”

  For reasons I couldn’t quite explain, my face felt like it was on fire.

  And later that night when I was in my bedroom drifting off to sleep, I couldn’t get the image of Nate standing there by the dugout completely naked out of my head. His body was magnificent, hard and chiseled and strong. And down below...whoa. He was all man – that was for sure. I’d never seen a penis that big! It made my ex’s seem pitiful and miniscule in comparison. I hugged my pillow tightly as I squeezed my thighs together in longing imagining what it would feel like to have that inside me.

  Biting my lip, my hand crept down beneath the sheets. Pushing my nightgown up out of the way, my fingers gently stroked the soft fleshy mound between my legs. I wondered what it would feel like to be intimate with Nate. There was something so primal and masculine about him that I assumed he’d be rough and animalistic. The sex would be urgent and frenzied, but it would also be satisfying.

  Maybe Nate wasn’t the sort of guy who’d be tender and sweet – I wasn’t sure. But I wasn’t used to tender and sweet anyway, so it didn’t matter. I’d only ever been with one man: my ex. And after the indignities he’d put me through, I was fairly certain that sex with anyone else would be better. It had to be.

  As much as I hated to admit it, I was developing quite the crush on Nate Avery. The wetness between my thighs was proof of that.

  But I still wasn’t sure what to make of him. A little voice in the back of my head told me he was bad news and I should steer clear. It felt like I had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, each one whispering suggestions in my ear.

  “Give him a chance!” one begged, knowing my heart was aflutter.

  “Run!” the other one advised, knowing the fear that lived inside me.

  The only problem was I couldn’t tell who was saying what. At some point I’d stopped trusting myself. I was wary of my instincts, wary of the false beliefs that had been so cruelly planted in my head. And so I found myself on the figurative fence, off balance and with neither foot on the ground. It was disconcerting, to say the least.

  Chapter 06

  Every day was the same, but I liked the routine. Get up, do chores and work with Penny. Rinse, lather and repeat. It was straightforward and simple. Something about the predictability of it all put me at ease.

  So did spending time with Penny.

  I’d been at the Avery farm for nearly a month now, and in that time I’d become the feisty white mare’s primary caregiver so that Nate could tend to other matters. I felt a deep connection to the animal, almost like we were joined on a spiritual level. If you’ve never experienced that yourself it will sound crazy, but if you know the kind of love that can exist between a human and an animal, then you’ll understand exactly what I mean.

  Animals are safer than men. They act on instinct and have no capacity for evil. Dogs can bite you. Cats can scratch you. And horses can certainly cause injury. But they don’t try to get inside your head, chip away at the very essence of who you are and destroy you for their own twisted amusement. Animals have an amazing capacity for love and they have limited vocabularies. They don’t know the meaning of words like betrayal, control or domination. That’s why I like them.

  And that’s why Penny and I got along so well. I’d begun spending nearly all my free time with her. To me, caring for her wasn’t work. It was like second nature. She’d been horribly mistreated and cast aside like she was worth nothing at all. On some level, I could relate.

  “Oh hey, there you are!”

  Maggie was jogging toward me as I made my way back from the barn.

  “I’ve been looking all over for you – I should have known you’d be with Penny! We’re going into town!” Maggie exclaimed. “Nate needs a part for the tractor. Come on, it will be fun!”

  “Really, you think hanging out at the place Nate buys tractor parts will be fun?” I teased, raising an eyebrow.

  “Well no, that sounds super boring,” Maggie conceded. “But we’re not going there. We’re going to have Nate drop us off on Main Street so we can go shopping while he does his lame equipment run,” she informed me excitedly. “You do like to shop, right?”

  It was a simple enough question, but I had to think on it for a moment. In my former life, frivolous shopping had been a regular occurrence. My mother had seen to that. It was as though she believe that one is only as good as one’s wardrobe. But my former life felt like it was a million years ago...in some ways, anyhow.

  “I, uh...yeah,” I replied, forcing a bright smile to match Maggie’s. “Shopping sounds great.” I couldn’t bear to dull her enthusiasm with any answer other than that one.

  “Great!” She lowered her voice then. “I really shouldn’t be shopping...money’s kind of tight I think. But a flyer came in the mail the other day and there are a bunch of great sales right now. I’d love to get some new clothes before I move to campus in the fall!”

  A short while later, the three of us were crammed into Nate’s beat up old pickup. Nate drove in silence. Next to him, Maggie chattered incessantly. I stared out the window watching the rolling landscape pass us by. I was still no farm girl but looking at the luscious fields, I could tell that spring was rapidly turning into summer. Everything looked healthy and luscious.

  I was happy to be there.

  The realization was a startling one because I hadn’t been sure I could feel happiness anymore. For a time, I thought joy had been beaten out of me. But there was something healing about being out there day after day working hard in the sunshine. If Penny could find pleasure in galloping around in her pasture all day, then there was still hope for me after all.

  Looking Nate in the eye was difficult. Maggie and I had become fast friends, but I’d been mindful to keep my distance from her sexy, angry older brother. I watched him from afar, often pausing to admire the way his muscles gleamed in the midafternoon sun as he worked.

  Most men made me nervous, and guys who were close to my ex’s age gave me knots in my stomach. But despite my anxiety, I found myself deeply attracted to Nate Avery. What would those strong arms feel like wrapped around me?

  Nate worked shirtless when it was hot and I lived for those high temperatures. Just yesterday, I’d witnessed him pouring a bottle of water over his body. The water had splashed down the side of his handsome face, kissing his neck and dribbling over his well-defined torso before pooling on the ground beneath him. I’d relived that moment countless times since, replaying it over and over in slow motion. I’d wished I could be that water.

  Now I was grateful Maggie was talking a mile a minute, the perfect buffer between us. I’d spent much of the previous night lying awake thanks to my insomnia, and I’d ended up keeping myself rather “occupied” with thoughts of Nate’s glorious naked body. The best part was I didn’t even have to imagine what he looked like naked because I’d already seen it for myself – and reality far surpassed anything I could have dreamed up!

  Though I knew it was silly, I felt like if Nate took one look at me he’d know exactly what I’d done. He’d somehow sense the way my fingers had been flying beneath the sheets as I’d laid in bed, my hips rocking and my back arched as I pictured his face...and certain other parts. Maybe he’d even know that I’d moaned his name as my climax had hit, rocking my body with pleasure.

  Now every time Nate so much as spoke or even cleared his throat, I found myself flushed with desire. It was awful and wonderful all at once. My relief when Maggie and I got out of the truck on Main Street and Nate drove away was immense.

  “Come on!” she urged, taking my arm and practically pulling me into a ladies’ clothing shop. “This place has great stuff!”

  As a kid, I suppose I’d been stylish. But that was mostly because my mother picked out my clothes and she was all about keeping up appearan
ces. These days I didn’t have much of a sense of style at all. I didn’t even know what I liked or disliked. I just wore what was comfortable, non-descript and kept my body covered. If it let me blend in, then I wore it.

  When we’d gone into the store, I’d expected to trail after Maggie smiling and nodding as she gushed about this, that and the other thing. But that wasn’t what she had in mind.

  As it turned out, she was every bit as interested in making me try clothes on as she was in playing dress-up herself. She even convinced me to buy a pale blue halter neck sundress. I absolutely didn’t need it, but it was on sale and fit me like a glove, so, as Maggie said, why not?

  And when we found out the store was offering free makeovers as a part of its week long special promotion, Maggie was thrilled. She insisted we had to do it together, and once Maggie got an idea in her head, well, it was easiest to go along with it!

  So I sat down in a chair and let the saleslady apply smoky grey eye makeup, black mascara and shimmery nude lip gloss. I even let her curl my hair, which had lightened up considerably thanks to all my time spent outdoors almost as though I had highlights. To top the look off, she painted my fingernails a pale shade of pink.

  “You look great!” I told Maggie when we turned our chairs back around to face each other. She was a cute girl and always looked pretty, but now she was all polished and sophisticated looking with a fancy up-do hairstyle and bright red lipstick. It made her look mature and put together.

  “Me?” Maggie’s eyes were wide. “Amanda, you’re drop dead gorgeous, oh my goodness!”

  I turned to scrutinize my appearance in the nearest mirror and had to admit, I looked like a totally different person. It was funny. I felt the same inside but I looked nothing like the girl who’d walked into the shop. Given my painful past, it was difficult to think of myself as beautiful. But Maggie’s reaction said it all.

  As it turned out, Maggie’s reaction was nothing compared to Nate’s. He was parked down the street waiting for us and when we approached the truck, he casually glanced in my direction. Then he did a visible double take. At that moment, Maggie let out a screech, jumped back onto the sidewalk and took off running toward a young redhead coming out of a shop.