Rod came out in a semi-dressy outfit. Black dress pants paired with a loose white button-up. His sleeves were rolled to quarter length and he was wearing his normal every day black loafers. His choice would barely pass her smell test, but it would pass and the fact that Rod was like the youngest son she always wanted made it easier for him to skirt by.
“You look good.” It was a weak compliment and he deserved far better. He gave me a toothy grin anyways. “Your loafers really set the entire look off,” I teased. I hated those damn shoes and he knew it.
“I wore them just for you, baby,” he shot back.
“You always do,” I said, just as I chugged the cold Corona.
We were both joking but I could feel the growing tension that had been building between us for some time now. I knew eventually we were going to hit an inevitable crossroads and I would lose my best friend.
I ran my fingers across the car that would make my mother happy, once again choosing the motorcycle. They didn’t care what I had to say and I really didn’t want to do anything to make them happy. Going to this fucking dinner was about as far as I could go.
Nobody would even listen to what I had to say about Jon. Somehow I had taken on the label of an immature liar, so why not embrace it?
“You really don’t want to make amends with your family, do you?” Rod said through a smile.
He loved my bike and wouldn’t argue with my choice of transportation. Especially with the ability to be on my ass.
“It’s just a motorcycle,” I said. I don’t think I would ever understand my family’s dislike of me driving something other than what they deemed appropriate transport for a CEO of the most lucrative company this decade.
**********************
Rod’s erection was thick and hard against my back. It was an every time we rode my bike occurrence, and it was torture for the both of us. I think he secretly enjoyed it, though, because he wasn’t above arguing or taking his own car.
His strong arms were wrapped tightly around my midsection, evidence that he worked out almost daily. We zoomed out of town. The traffic was less of a pain in the ass the further we got from the city. This is how it should be with life, with us, but my tendency to fuck shit up wasn’t going to let that happen. I had tried so hard to be faithful in the past, but somehow I kept fucking around one way or the other. Another reason I was like my father and another reason I hated myself.
CHAPTER FOUR
“Did you really need to bring that bike?” my mother complained, even as relief washed over her.
Her small arms engulfed my waist and I couldn’t help but hug her back, no matter how stupid it was that she was going through with this. I loved my mother, even if she was being a love struck fool.
“Of course,” I said to the space just above her head.
I had gotten my height from my father because my mother barely cleared five foot, but she used her short stature well. She was a force to be reckoned with.
“And you let him,” she chided, turning toward Rod with the same relief in her warm eyes.
“Do you think I could have swayed him to take something else?” he said, giving her the same hunched over hug that I had.
She had met us on the porch the same as she had since we were small. It had always been we, Rod and me.
“You couldn’t do anything about the clothes either, I suppose?” she said as we stood on the porch. “There are very important people here, Jackson Steele, and you look like you are going to the grocery store rather than a nice dinner,” she scolded, taking in the clothes I knew she would hate.
“Mom, I don’t need a keeper and whoever you invited over already knows that I am far from proper,” I said as I swept my eyes over her black bell skirt and deep red and black top. Her ears drooped from the weight of large square black and red earrings.
“One of these days you are going to do something to make your old mother happy,” she sighed.
Her dark blue eyes held a mix of emotions that made absolutely no sense to me.
“One of these days you will be happy with just how I am,” I shot back, trying to stop from assessing whatever she was thinking.
“You know I love you, son,” she said, grabbing hold of my hand. “Now let’s go, everyone is waiting,” she finished, tugging me toward the front door.
I looked back at Rod, who was watching our interaction with a familiar look on his face. It was the same look he had every time he could see things going from normal to awkward.
He followed us through the door, where I was met with groups of people dressed for a black tie event. Most I only knew as business associates. I purposely let out a long exaggerated sigh, I wanted my mother to hear as well as see my irritation. For once, it would be nice to do something as a family rather than making it a spectacle.
“Hey,” I said to the crowded space as I gave them all my usual two finger salute.
My mother shot me a seething look, ignoring my irritation completely. Rod began shaking hands and quietly saying hello to the room’s occupants. I scanned the faces, but didn’t see Jon or my siblings anywhere.
“Where are the only people that should be here?” I whispered, leaning over and making sure she was the only one who heard. I could only push so far before her irritation turned to anger.
“They are in the dining room with Jon’s parents, as well as your grandma,” she whispered back.
Rod gulped loudly at my side. “Fuck” is how it translated. My grandma, the patriarch of this family, had taken a six hour flight out here to watch her daughter and Jon announce their engagement. She had been leery of Jon’s intentions when my mother first told her about him. She was the only one that was semi on my side. She didn’t believe he’d rather suck a dick than fuck a girl, but she thought something inky was going down. This night may go better than I thought.
**********************
“Nana,” I was thrilled to see her. Not under these circumstances, but thrilled none the less.
“Jackson Michael Steele. You look handsome, as usual,” her voice was calm and quiet. My nana never raised her voice, though I could tell she wasn’t the least bit happy with me.
I shot my siblings, as well as Jon a seething look. They had been talking about me and now I was going to have to deal with my grandmother’s wrath.
“Thank you,” I said, leaning down to give her a hug. She smelled like bread and spice. That was her usual scent. “Sit, Nana,” I said, pulling her chair out. “I am so happy to see you.” I couldn’t fake sincerity. She was going to rip me a new one, but I loved my grandmother and would take her any way I could get her.
She had risen as soon as we came through the entryway, prompt as always. Even pushing eighty she wouldn’t let her manners slack off for anyone.
“Thank you, dear,” her tone reminded me where my mother got her own skills. This time it was her turn to give everyone a look, but her deadpan glare gave me the chills. “Your brother and sister tell me you are having issues with the engagement.”
Rod choked on air at my side and I bit back a laugh. Leave it to my nana to get straight to the point.
“Mother, can we at least get past the introductions and announcement before you start?”
Looking from my mother to my grandmother at this very moment, someone that didn’t know better would never be able to tell they came from the same blood. Grace Brookshire, my grandmother, was an aged firecracker. One hand was braced under her chin while the other sat semi-folded on the table. The look that she wore wasn’t anything more than frank.
But, looking to Jeanine Steele, she looked horrified. I could tell she was trying to mask her reaction and was doing a damn fine job of it. The only thing that was a dead giveaway was her rounded eyes. My mother’s eyes only ever got like that when she was nothing but embarrassed.
“Fine, fine. If that is how you want to play it. It is your night, after all,” she scoffed, sliding her eyes toward Jon. “I guess it is yours as well,” she finished
, her blasé tone giving little truth to the statement.
The tension was enormous and mounting by the second as the two women that I loved most in the world stared each other down. Jon and his family were shoved to the wayside by more of my family’s fucked up drama.
“Hi, I’m Rod. I work with both Jon and Jackson. I am more of a family friend,” Rod’s cool voice cut through the metaphoric spot light that had been beamed at the two women.
CHAPTER FIVE
“We are both happy to have our closest friends and family here tonight,” Jon said, standing at the front of the room.
He stood next to my mother, hand in hand, a blank smile plastered on his face. I could tell he was faking every word that fell out of his fucking mouth. I looked around at a few of the lawyers that were in attendance. They had to see what I saw - a lying bastard.
They also carried the same uncaring look. Shit like this always amazed me. People were assholes when it came to anything. Most of these people didn’t come because they cared that Jon and my mother were announcing their engagement. They came to form business connections and to make sure they held on to some fucking spot high up the ladder.
My eyes drifted to my mother, who stared up at Jon with a look of utter admiration. The smile that touched her eyes, the tears that laid ready and waiting, spoke of how real all of this was to her. All I could do was hope that when she met the real Jon that her heart wouldn’t be permanently broken. That one day I would see that same look again.
I shifted my attention to my siblings that had chosen to stand with the beaming bride-to-be. My nana was the only one that stood at my defense when I had refused. They both smiled happily, nodding with whatever Jon was babbling about.
Tuning him out was the only way to remain sitting here, amongst people who didn’t care. My nana had chosen to sit as well, though she had used her age as reasoning. I knew it was bullshit and so did my mother, but that was a fight she would pick another night. She didn’t want those in attendance to see how much more defective her family was. Having one son who made it a point to go against the grain was enough.
Rod sat next to me. Not because he didn’t care or because he couldn’t stand for such a short period, but because he was my friend. The only person that would stay at my side no matter what. Another reason I couldn’t be who he wanted me to be.
“Now we ask that you all raise your glasses,” Declan’s booming voice broke through my thoughts.
I kept my glass put as everyone, including Rod, raised theirs.
“May you all spend the rest of your lives happy and in love.” At that, I launched myself from my seat, heading toward the kitchen as everyone clapped.
I needed a beer. Champagne was not strong enough for what I just had to sit through. Rod stood to follow and I raised my hand to let him know that I wanted to be alone. I needed to be alone. I had no idea why I had even come. My mother was the only viable reason that made any of this tolerable.
I downed more than one beer before another round of clapping commenced. Just as the sound died down, Jon pushed his way through the double doors.
“Turning into your father, I see,” Jon said through a large, cheesy green. It was the only truthful look I had seen all evening.
"Go eat a dick and stay away from my mom." My words came hard and barely understandable, even to my own ears. I was working double time to keep my anger in check.
"Pussy looks to be on the menu tonight," the last of Jon's sneer burst from his chest as my fist connected with his face.
The impact sent him careening into the china cabinet. Small cups and whatever else that suffered my wrath echoed through the kitchen, acting as an added alarm signaling that, once again, I was going to ruin everything. Yet satisfaction was the only emotion that I was willing to admit to.
"You will fucking pay for that," he bellowed from the floor as he pawed at the blood flowing from his face.
I felt nothing but utter relief, even as people poured in from the double doors and Jon screamed whatever the fuck he was saying. I just stared down at the man that was currently at the end of my current form of release.
"What are you doing?" My mother's wail echoed in some far off place in my mind. Nothing registered but the slight smile that was blooming through his pain. He had followed me in here for a reason. I could see the wheels turning and knew he had fucked me harder, and I didn’t like it.
The world shook as it took more than my mother to jerk me from the room. Still my eyes stayed glued to the man that played a better game than me.
“Let go of me,” I demanded, shaking my arms.
Ripped from my target, I was left standing in the living room as the entire party stared at me. I could see the many questions and obvious looks that they all held. They all wondered what the hell was going on, but seemed more or less placated with the realization that I was the cause of the party’s disruption.
“Can you not control yourself for one night?” Declan hissed as his hand remained on my shoulder.
“I said, LET. GO. OF. ME.” I forced each word out in an ever-growing fit of anger. Seeing how little shock anyone had that Jackson Steele was bloody and enraged was the last straw.
Jon and his stupid games, I could deal with. Seeing how I felt about myself as though I was in a room of mirrors was too much. Selfish, I know. I had just ruined my mother’s evening, which should have been perfect, and turned it into another one of my spectacles, but as I spun my eyes from face to face, they all turned into a blur of myself and how fucked up I truly was.
“I suggest you go. Go home, sleep whatever this is off and maybe take the day off. You need to get your shit together,” Declan hissed, trying to keep his voice low and ignoring my loud, angry demand.
My brother thought I was drunk. I really didn’t feel like correcting him. If he paid that little attention to me that he didn’t notice I purposely stayed away from anything harder than a beer or two so as not to do anything while belligerent and drunk, it didn’t need to be pointed out after the fact.
“Hey, I got this. I will get him out of here,” Rod chimed in. I passed over my friend’s face, looking for Nana. I really didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye, or at least not getting my end of the story in, but it seemed it was only myself, Rod and Declan still out in the living area. Everyone else had retreated to the kitchen to be nosey bastards, all of them giving Jon the attention his whoring ass craved.
“I can get myself out,” I said, ignoring whatever else they were saying. “If you would have heard what Jon said about Mom, you would have punched him, too,” I said as both Declan and Rod escorted me out the door. The door I was heading toward anyway but once again, the absurdity that was having an escort out of my family home sober and completely in the right was again beyond words. From the look that my brother wore, whatever I said wouldn’t matter.
Rod followed me silently out into the lawn. I turned toward my bike and paused. I needed to leave, I wanted to leave, but not just yet. The ocean had always been a safe place for me. A place that understood me. I turned toward the sandy beach without any objection from my follower. Rod was acting as weird as me. It worried me and I really wanted him to say something snarky and completely out of line.
The night was a complete contradiction to the turmoil that grew within me. Even the waves seemed at peace. I took in a deep breath, feeling the ocean’s effects work its way through my tense body. I had missed this more than anything. The water’s soft slaps began to erase the errors that had sent me to the ocean’s door from my mind.
I looked toward the night’s downfall - this house. My mother let my father get away with a lot of stupid shit but when it came to this house, the home she raised her kids in, she had put her foot down. I remember when she had flat out told him that if he sold this house, he would be signing divorce papers the next day. That man was far too smart to believe it a bluff.
Instead of getting out of here, as I was so bluntly told, I headed toward the beach. Public prop
erty where I could think. My hand throbbed and my mind kept flashing to my nana’s face and my mother, whose soft cries carried through the doorway Jon hid behind. He wasn’t as hurt as I really wished so unless he was an even larger pussy than I had pinned him for, he was milking the encounter as far as it would take him.
I rolled my shoulders and flexed my knuckles while watching the clear night sky. Every now and again, a plane would blink its way across the cloudless expanse. The city sat at my back, just far enough away for the ocean’s noise to drown out the life that I wanted to fall away completely. Jon had fucking played a hell of a hand. He had used my already rising irritation at their wedding announcement to ignite a reaction that was sure to help with his ploy to gain the company.
“Do you wanna get out of here?” Rod’s voice was deep and swollen with worry. He had been designated to make sure I made it home, but made himself silent while he followed me to the sandy shore.
“Does it look like I want to get out of here?” I snapped, immediately regretting my reaction. He wasn’t the reason I had just been kicked out of my childhood home, or the reason my life had fallen apart, piece by piece, sliding off into the land of those who I never wanted to be like.
“Look,” he began before I cut him off with a wave.
He wouldn’t get an apology. I didn’t do those very well. All I could do was hope that he knew enough about me to know that an explanation would be as close to an apology as he would get.
“I just needed some fresh air. I bet Mom is breaking out her famous pecan pie right about now,” I said, trying to clear away my irritation.
“Yeah, I’d put money on that. I can picture her heading straight to the kitchen, mumbling about how everyone just needed some pie,” he chuckled with the last part. I did, too, picturing my mother, who was huge on hospitality, trying to recover from one of her own acting like an idiot.
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