“Damn,” I said, just that small amount of laughter loosening the tension that tore through my body. I bent down, washing Jon’s blood that had begun to dry from my hand and letting the waves take that memory away in one quick motion.
I hadn’t given Rod even an ounce of attention since I had been shoved onto the porch. I hadn’t even seen Nana or been given the opportunity to say bye. I was falling apart, day by day, and I couldn’t put my finger on one reason in particular. It wasn’t just Jon and my mother’s announcement, I was fucking up in every aspect. The company, my personal life, as well as my family life. It was all a jumbled mess.
I had narrowed my focus on the brightest star in the sky just as Rod’s body stopped directly in front of me. He had grown quiet, no longer offering up any light chit chat or even calling me on my bullshit.
“I lost the contract,” I huffed out. The confession had surprised me. I couldn’t remember even thinking about that particular fuck up within the last ten minutes. My focus should have been on the repercussions of knocking my mother’s fiancé on his ass, breaking the family’s china or how any of this would affect the company.
He remained silent. Nothing that I would normally associate with my best friend happened. No criticism or questions came from the man that practically word-vomited whatever came to mind. His face was soft and my entire body tensed as a warm smile bloomed across his face. This wasn’t the Rod that I was used to or expecting.
“I know,” he whispered.
“Are you fucking kidding me? How?” I practically stumbled on each word like a blubbering idiot. I felt hollow and sick. Bile slid up my throat as my eyes began to water. Pain tore through my heart. “Why are you laughing?” As I was going through a quick-acting panic attack, Rod had practically buckled over with a full-on laugh.
“Final rejections have always been e-mailed to all shareholders. If you would take time to check your e-mails, you’d know that,” he said through quieting snorts.
“Fuck, no wonder Jon was in a scheming mood tonight,” I groaned.
“That was stupid. You know, what you did tonight, no matter what the dick face said about your mom,” Rod said. He knew as well as I did that Jon didn’t truly love my mom. He didn’t need to know what he had said, and probably wouldn’t ask.
“Trust me, man. I wish you were there. You would have made sure to get a shot in as well,” I said as Rod stood extremely close, his usual musk swirling through the sea’s breeze.
“It was that bad?” His eyebrow rose. He wasn’t someone to use his anger to lash out and the thought that it was something foul enough to invoke his hard to obtain anger was surprising to him.
“I don’t want to talk about it. When I go back to the office, I will have to do enough talking to last me a lifetime.”
“You need to let me in,” Rod said, changing the subject as per my request. He didn’t like Jon any more than I did, but he was good at steering clear of topics that didn’t need to be touched.
A strong wave crashed against a rock as though it was just as unnerved about the calm as I was. The sudden knowledge that my failures were being e-mailed to every person that I wanted to keep them from had me itching to go back up there and end the fight I had started exactly how it needed to be ended.
“When have I ever kept you out? If you and everyone else in the meeting knew that I had fucked us out of millions then why wasn’t it brought up? I could ask you the same thing. Why act like we are on two different sides?” I said, letting it all roll out in one gigantic pile of stupid.
I watched the darkening waves crash and slide across the sand. Seagulls tore through the night with a high-pitched song that seemed to come in time with each crash. The world could entertain itself. I needed a vacation. I needed the world to entertain me for once.
“Walk with me?” I questioned, trying to slide past the man who had stopped me in my tracks.
“Sure,” his voice shook as it tried to level itself out.
I took off my shoes, wanting to feel the sand between my toes.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I finally admitted as we made our way to the water’s edge.
I kept my eyes pinned on the nearing water, though I could feel his assessing eyes on me.
“You are spontaneous, reckless and cocky as hell, but never have I seen you stupid or confused,” he said, finally deciding on a very Rod-like way of stating the same.
The ocean’s song grew louder as we came right up to its edge. A seagull caught my attention as he plucked a small fish from the wave’s offering hands. The cooling sand squished between my toes and I couldn’t help but wish that I had brought my board along. Night surfing would get me arrested, but I’d take that chance in order to feel as free as the bird that had just took off into the dark sky with his catch.
“Shut up. If you wanted us to know, you would have said something your damn self. Jackson, you are the big cheese in this company. You are slipping, man,” he said as we came to the water’s edge.
I watched the water lap at my toes as Rod kept his distance. Those nice expensive business shoes wouldn’t look so nice after the salty water had its way with them.
“I know why my mother is marrying that douchebag but for the life of me, I cannot figure out why she or any of my other family members can’t see why he is marrying her,” I mumbled.
My brain was so fried that I couldn’t hold onto one thought for long. We walked for a bit, saying nothing. Nothing really needed to be said. We didn’t have heart to hearts. If we had been thinking, beer would have worked in this situation.
“Your mother is blind and Jon will get his day. He is smart, otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to get past your dad for so many years,” Rod finally responded.
All I could do was shake my head. I wanted to believe that what he said was true. He had been saying it for months now. I’ve thought about recording the fucktard getting a blow job by his favorite dancer at Erotica, but breaking my mother’s heart wasn’t my job.
I stopped once again and turned toward my friend.
“Let’s get a beer,” I suggested.
“Sure,” he said with a smile and shake of his head. He wasn’t exactly fond of where I wanted to go because he never got what he wanted any time we ended up there. Without another word, we headed back toward the house, where my bike waited for use.
I made sure to make the bike scream out of the driveway. Childish as it may be, I wanted them to know I was gone in the most dramatic fashion I could muster. Aside from punching out the fiancé.
“You are such an ass,” Rod yelled over the engine as it came back down to its low purr.
On that note, I shoved my ass into his growing boner. I was an ass. This would not help anything but thinking about Erotica and every way that place could get me off was helping already to shove Jon and his bullshit out of my head. Knowing that he wouldn’t be there tonight was even better.
Rod held on tighter, keeping my ass right where it was. He was gorgeous, and hung like a horse. I knew he wanted me and made no move to hide it. Every time I looked at him, really looked at him, I saw hope in his eyes.
That was why I was wrong for him and why this was wrong.
CHAPTER SIX
The next town over was where I always ended up when I needed a beer. The club was the perfect place to get off on my warped needs after a day of irritation and family feuds.
The bike’s engine quieted as we pulled into the club’s parking lot. It appeared empty and not very busy, even for a Friday night, but Rod and I knew better. This club was elite. Other than the name, it was membership only and most of the members couldn’t afford the rest of the world to know about their little foray into the dark side. I, on the other hand, didn’t care one bit.
“When will getting a beer ever just mean getting a beer?” Rod asked the same question he asked every time we ended up here. It was the same question I never answered.
“Come on,” I said, grabbing ahold of his h
and and pulling him toward the low thrum of the music.
I could do that here. Nobody was allowed to say a word. In order to be admitted, a very strict contract had to be signed. Rod let me hold his hand but he was stiff¸ reluctant, and I couldn’t blame him. I always brought him here, drank and then left him to go do my own thing.
The doorman knew each and every club goer. Names never needed to be exchanged. Anyone new was invite only and a meeting before entering the club always took place.
With a short nod, we were both through and standing in the entrance of a very masculine entryway. This wasn’t like any club. Its wooden, dark décor was geared more toward a men’s club, but what really set this place apart from any regular club was the large amounts of sex. Rooms separated by one-sided glass, rooms that were invite only.
The short brunette in a tight business suit stood patiently waiting for our coats. Her eyes focused downward, drawing my own attention in the same direction.
Rod and I were still holding hands. I immediately let go, Rod letting out a laugh under his breath. I shot him a look, knowing he had been hyper aware that we were still holding hands. The thing that bothered me the most was how just for that short period, it was so natural that I hadn’t even noticed until someone pointed it out.
I shook off whatever that thought was leading to. Shucking off my jacket, I handed it to the woman that hadn’t spoken a word. I took in a deep breath of cigar smoke and the always present scent of sex, clapping Rod on the back.
“This time, you are going to see what I do,” I said.
He needed to see why we could never be together. I needed to be reminded why anything more than just friends would be a really bad idea. We had been here together a dozen or more times, but we had never enjoyed the same things. I didn’t know what he did and he didn’t know what I did.
“Oh really,” he said, handing his own jacket to the woman. She smiled at us both before disappearing into the small room that held coats and bags.
“Are you sure?” he asked as we made our way through small tables where people talked, flirted and struck deals for a more intimate occasion.
Very little was done out in public. Privacy was key in keeping those who held high ranking offices happy.
We stopped at the bar and ordered gin on the rocks.
“Why?” Rod asked, swirling around the ice that floated in his glass.
“Why what?” I asked, taking a small sip of my own glass.
“Why now? Why do you want to open up now?” he asked, scanning the room.
It was odd that he hadn’t once looked straight in my eyes.
“I need you to understand why back there,” I said, pointing toward the entryway where we had been standing, holding hands as though we were a normal couple. “Can never happen,” I finished.
“What-,” he began before I shut him down with a shake of my head.
I didn’t care what he was going to say. If he was going to argue his case. Tell me that we were different. I didn’t care.
“You don’t know what gets me off. You couldn’t handle it and before you try and argue, I am telling you right now, I know you. I know you couldn’t handle what I need,” I finished, downing the rest of my glass and tapping the bar to let the bartender know I really needed another refill.
“You have no idea what I can handle,” he sneered, finally turning toward me.
I opened my mouth to say something, but was cut off sharply by Rod punching me lightly in the shoulder. The bartender gave me a questioning look and I waived his concern away. Rod wouldn’t hurt me. He waited for a second, deciding if he would let it slide. Finally looking between us once more, he shook his head and walked away.
“Just like me, you have no clue what gets me off. What I need in a partner. You don’t know what goes on behind my door or here, for that matter,” he said, flinging his arm through the air. “You want to protect me, protect us, but you want me just as I want you.” He was angry. A night that had begun sliding down hill was now racing at lightning speed.
We stared each other down, the smooth, rhythmic beat of the club helping to speed up the pounding of my heart. Pissing him off was one thing, but causing his anger was another. I knew I was right. I was wrong for him on so many levels. I had fucked away every other meaningful relationship in one way or another.
I slammed down my refill, throwing a wad of bills on the bar. Without thinking I stood, pulling Rod up with me.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he belted, clearly not expecting such a rapid turn of events.
“I’m going to show you what I do behind that door,” I said, jerking him along with me. I could feel some of the occupants’ eyes glued on the show that had unfolded before them.
A bouncer waited at the mouth of the hallway that I spent a large amount of time in.
“Room Twenty-four,” I said, still holding onto Rod’s upper arm.
Normally the bouncer wouldn’t hesitate, but this time he ran his cold eyes over where I held tightly onto my friend, stopping on Rod.
“Is this what you want?” he asked in a tone that suggested if he gave any other answer besides yes, I was going to get my ass kicked out of the club.
My body shook with anger at how I had reacted. My heart beat violently as I worried about how he would react. Getting off on watching wasn’t the worst of some of these people’s kinks and Rod was right, I had no idea what he did while we were here.
“More than anything,” Rod answered, sarcasm oozing from each word.
I let go, knowing that forcing him was wrong. I had to remember my rules. If he didn’t want this, he didn’t have to tag along, no matter how badly I wanted to push his interest away.
“You are aware of the red button you can push if you no longer feel comfortable,” the bouncer reminded us before stepping aside.
Did I really look that crazed or out of it that he would think I would hurt Rod? I pushed my fingers through my hair and blew out a breath, trying to calm my frantic nerves.
We made our way past several sound proof doors before stopping in front of my brand of kink.
“He was right, you know. You don’t have to do this,” I said, nerves causing small tremors to roll in waves through my body.
“Jackson,” he said, his anger already gone from his voice. In one move, he turned me toward him. We stood face to face in front of a door I had spent way too much time behind. “I want you to show me whatever it is you think is so wrong. Not so you can prove a fucking point, not so you can try and push me further away, but because this is the only thing that is hidden between us,” he finished, his hand softly resting on my shoulder.
I shook my head, unwilling to believe that he understood what he was saying. Before I had my own reasons to back out, Rod reached out and opened the door, letting us into the room. The small space held nothing but a couch and chair, both facing what looked like a window.
I jumped as the door clicked shut behind me and Rod laughed. This was not me. Showing Rod what I paid a pretty penny to hide from the world had fucked with me.
I slowly flipped a light switch. A light illuminated a dungeon x-shaped table, black leather straps open and hanging loose, ready and waiting for the night’s events. Even through the anxiety, my blood pumped quickly toward my cock and without further prompting, I made my way toward the leather couch.
As soon as my ass hit the leather seat, Rod laughed, hard. I had fully expected him to walk out, to tell me how much of a sicko I was or something like that, but laughing wasn’t anywhere on the list of expectation.
“What the hell are you laughing at?” I asked as Rod took a seat in the chair, his own eyes glued to the table that would soon be filled with a man or woman any second. They knew I preferred men to be the main show so when a muscular redhead came through the door on the other side of the glass, I wasn’t surprised.
The man was a regular and enjoyed not knowing who or if anyone was on the other side of the glass. He was completely naked, his flacci
d cock waiting and ready for whatever his master had in store.
“You thought this would detour me? You thought this was so horrible to push me away,” he said, still silently chuckling.
While I sat staring up at the man I had tried to push away, the master came through the door. He watched just as I would and I watched him, unable to understand. I still kept an eye on the master, his head covered in a black leather mask, smiling as the redhead looked toward the ground in submission.
I waited for Rod to say something else but he just watched, so I turned my attention to the show. I tried to watch the show as I normally did, but I kept turning back toward Rod, who sat watching intently. He was leaning forward, his legs spread open.
His eyes flashed each time the leather-clad master tightened the redhead’s restraints. Watching his reaction turned me on more than any show had ever before. My hard-on was instant, no need to grow or be stroked. Watching him watch this was my drug, just as I was a drug to so many others.
“I didn’t know,” I said, my words shaking with the need that this knowledge stoked.
“You still don’t,” he responded, turning to give me a sly grin, his eyes partially closed from lust.
“What?” I said, blinking away the look on his face. I couldn’t handle lust right now, especially when the whole point of this was to detour anything else from happening.
“Let’s just finish watching and please don’t refrain from doing what you do while you watch, because I know I won’t,” he said, causing his smile to grow wider.
Rod clicked the speaker to order us some drinks. I wanted to turn and run, but I had already showed just how much of a jackass I could be.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The master whipped the flogger once more between the redhead’s legs, causing him to arch upward. Most of his chest and legs now held light red to angry marks from each of the punishing whips. This dynamic was a give and take relationship.
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