Cassie

by deMora, MariaLisa

  An uncomfortable ache set up again in her chest, growing with every thought of how many women he’d probably brought just here, set to sing the praises of the sunset and beauty of the week in his arms. Stupid. Why would you think you were the only one since his wife?

  Cassie sat up and scooted sideways. Hoss gave her shoulders a pull she resisted, his hold easing when she wouldn’t come back to rest against him.

  “What’s wrong?” He ducked slightly, looking into her face. “Cassie?”

  Tightlipped, she shook her head, staring fixedly at the lake to hide the stinging wet in her eyes. “Isn’t the sunset reflecting off the water pretty?”

  “Babe.” Now he was frowning, gaze tracking across her face. He gave her a tiny shake, asking again, “What’s wrong? I can’t fix what I don’t know.”

  In for a penny. She twisted to stare at him. “You come to the park a lot, Hoss?”

  “Yeah. During the summer, sure.” His brows arched, then bunched together again. “Why?”

  “You knew the ranger, and just the right table for the best view of the sunset.” Cassie rolled her lips, biting down lightly to still the threatening quiver. “I just realized you must come here a lot.”

  He studied her for a minute, then slowly his features eased, the furrows between his brows smoothing out. “My daughter loves to fish, something she learned from her brother, who I taught. I might live in Indiana now, but I grew up in the backwoods of Alabama and never quite lost the country boy in me.”

  Cassie’s head jerked back slightly. “What does that…?” Her words trailed off as she realized what he wasn’t saying. Ah, God. “I’m an idiot.” Chin to her throat, she turned to stare over the water again, lungs tight as she tried to pull in air that had ceased to exist. No. Not now. She swallowed deliberately, trying to prove to herself she still could, that her throat hadn’t closed, then dragged in a quavering breath to convince her mind she wasn’t suffocating. Please, no. Tight and small, her voice was scarcely audible when she whispered, “Sorry.”

  “Hey.” His fingers trailed down her arm, following the racing blood just underneath her too hot skin. “I’m flattered, Cassie. Not upset.” Blunt strength wedged between her fingers, heat and comfort folding around her hand. “I’ve never brought a woman here. Not one.” His tone grew wistful when he said the name she’d been avoiding, his voice pained but affectionate. “Not even Hope, way back when. We talked about it, bringing Sammy down, but it just didn’t work out. I’d never even been here until Sammy’s junior high leadership group had a party here. He fell in love with the place, and Faynez wasn’t far behind him. Finding something they enjoyed meant I’d turn myself upside down giving it to them, so we’ve spent a lot of summer days parked at this table.” He gave her hand a squeeze that eased the tightness in her chest. “It’s a beautiful place, so when I was trying to come up with somewhere you and me could ride to that might impress you, it was one of the first I thought about.” His shoulder bumped hers and she leaned against him, not quite assuming her previous position, but close. He supported her, not seeming to notice how close they were. “I wanted whatever we did to set the tone for all the dates that follow this one. Wanted to make it special. So, do you like it?” She nodded, gaze on the darkening water, watching the fleeing colors as the sun fell below the rim of the earth. “Are you impressed?”

  “Yes.” Her whisper clearly met his approval, and he gave that to her when he hummed happily in response.

  She went willingly when he lifted her chin and pulled her close, his mouth descending to brush across hers in a quick peck, then a second one, then a longer kiss, more demanding, lips working against hers as the deepening kiss made her shudder. “I’m impressed too, honey. Everything I learn about you makes me want to know more.”

  “Why?” Cassie kept her eyes closed, face still aimed towards him. Questions were sometimes easier to ask when you couldn’t see the other person’s reactions. She exhaled slowly, and asked again, “Why me?”

  “You’re complicated. Sweet. Creative.” Hot pressure against her mouth, then the wet swipe of his tongue across her bottom lip made her gasp, letting him inside to stroke her tongue with his for a moment, the slow glide burning through her like a wildfire. “Beautiful. Cute. Intense.” Another slow kiss, another sweet slide into her mouth, the taste of him filling her senses. “Did I say cute?” He chuckled, the sound moving across her skin leaving goose bumps behind. “You’re like nothing I’ve ever known, Cassie. And I want to know more. I want more.” A gentle brush of his lips at the corner of her mouth, then the rasp of his stubble against her cheek, hot breath on her ear as he whispered, “I want you.”

  Hoss pulled back and Cassie blinked, her eyes slowly focusing on his face. One corner of his mouth quirked, pulling his lips into a sideways smile. She opened her mouth to respond to his declaration, surprised when his palm covered her mouth.

  He shook his head and leaned forwards to press his temple to hers. “This ain’t a tit-for-tat conversation, babe. That was just me layin’ it out there. Making it so you don’t have to wonder and worry what my end game is with all this.” He paused, and she heard him swallow, and the idea that he shared her nervousness was somehow steadying. He doesn’t want to mess up any more than I do. “I don’t have one. Swear to God. But I do want this to be the first of many dates. Want to spend time with you alone, and with friends. Want you to meet my kids—” He chuffed a laugh. “Well, meet them again, this time official-like. Want more chances to hold you, have you in my arms, sweet as you can be. And I want you in my bed. There ain’t no end game because this ain’t a game to me. We’ll move forwards, and I figure the build-up to get there will tell us where we’ll go afterwards.” His voice softened as his arm tightened, palm slipping from her face to cradle the back of her neck, holding her close. “I expect to fuck up. You should know that about me. I’m not always an easy man to know, but when you have my loyalty and friendship, I’ll be in your corner, always. When we come together, like I…God, like I need you, I promise you I’ll take care. Swear to God, babe. I’ll always take care of you.”

  Cassie remained still a moment, letting the conviction in his words wash over her, buoying her up where only moments before she’d been awash in the waters of uncertainty. From the first time his hand had touched hers, there’d been a current between them, sparking to life again and again only to have her try to cover and smother it. “‘This ain’t a game to me.’” She softly repeated his words back to him and Hoss’ arms tightened around her. “It’s not a game to me, either. There’s a lot about me you don’t know.”

  “Do you like me?” He pulled back and stared at her, the look on his face earnest and honest. “Do you want to see where this goes?” She nodded, and he smiled his crooked grin, making her heart skip a beat. “Feels kinda like second grade. Next thing you know I’ll be pullin’ out a note to pass to your friend who will pass it to you, and you’ll open it to see two check boxes. But you and me, Cassie, we’re not kids and we know life isn’t fair. I don’t know everything about you, but what I do know I like. What I don’t know?” His fingers gave the back of her neck a squeeze. “You’ll teach me and I’ll learn you. I’m a big fan of not letting time pass, and I know you understand why. You’d think that’s the most important thing you can know about me, that my wife died in my arms, but you’d be wrong. Hope taught me her, and taught me a lot about myself in the time we were together.” His gaze held hers, steady and unwavering, and she wondered how much it cost him to talk about the woman who’d held his heart, who gave life to his family. Tiny crinkles at the corners of his eyes deepened, exposing the tension he carried with this topic. “She taught me that home isn’t a place, it’s the people you keep around you. I like the way I feel around you, Cassie. I like the way you make me feel about myself. Damned if I understand a lick of it, but I have to wonder if there were stronger forces at work in the world to pull us into each other’s lives like this.”

  She opened her mouth and
he shook his head, the tip of his thumb caressing her lips. “Hush, honey. I’m not saying it’s fated love, because I don’t know how much I believe in fate. But I do know how you make me feel.” He leaned down and brushed a kiss across her mouth, ending with his lips at her ear again, his whisper sending gooseflesh chasing up her arms. “You make me feel like anything’s possible, and I want you. Don’t matter if you check yes or no, you and me are going to see where this goes, yeah?”

  “Okay.” Her whispered word had scarcely hit the air when his arms convulsed around her, holding even tighter. “Just so you know,” she paused, turned her head, and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “I would have checked yes.”

  One breath at a time

  Hoss

  Wiping his fingers with a clean cloth, he stood and stared at the canvas sitting on an easel near the windows. Positioned to make the most of the late afternoon sunlight, the painting was angled so the wet pigment appeared to shimmer. He took a step backwards to better appreciate the artwork. Nearly a full body study, the painting showed a male figure lying in bed, covers draped low on his hips. A female rose from behind him, arm curved over his shoulder, head angled so she was looking down at him. Both faces were out of focus, soft lines revealing gender but little else. The feeling of care and protection he’d had in his heart as he worked shone through as emotion on the canvas.

  Moving slowly, he set the rag aside and stood for another moment, satisfaction coiling through his belly. The lines of the image spoke to a sensuality of a couple who knew each other well, understood the needs of the partner in bed with them, satisfied every desire. In the painting, Cassie, because this surely was Cassie and himself, was watching over him, her posture both relaxed and comfortable. This was a view into the life of a long-established couple, still deep in love.

  If only.

  Today was the third day since their picnic and he hadn’t managed to connect with her except over a couple of brief late-night calls and a single early morning text from her to reschedule a dinner originally planned for tonight. He frowned at the thought and tossed the rag on a nearby worktable.

  Cassie had declined his calls all day, each triggering a brief text explaining she was busy and would get back with him later. Clearly a canned response, she had to have her phone on Do Not Disturb, something he hadn’t expected. She worked from home, doing something technical—I should know what she does—and had mentioned she was nearly always available. Not today.

  He pulled his phone from his pocket and checked the screen. Nothing. Thumbing to his contacts, he tapped a button and said, “Call Tugboat.” A moment later the speaker echoed with the sounds of a busy line and he frowned. He tapped the button again and commanded, “Call the shop.”

  “FWO in the Fort, what can I do ya for?” Hoss sighed as he recognized the member who answered, obviously not Tugboat.

  “Hey, Dom. This is Hoss. You know where Tug is?”

  “Hoss, man.” Deke’s brother, Domino was a steady member, having been patched in for years. “Tug ain’t here. He called me in to cover the desk, said he had to take care of some emergency.”

  “What kind of emergency? Did he say?” It wasn’t like Tugboat to bail on responsibility, which meant whatever it was he’d ditched work for had to be serious. “Everything okay with Maggie?” Maggie was Tug’s old lady, mother of Bear, who’d been spending her time roaming back and forth between California and Indiana with Tugboat. “She okay?”

  “Yeah, she’s in the shop harassing Bear, brother. Man’s no longer grinnin’, if you know what I mean.” Hoss tried to stifle his amused snort. “I dunno what Tug had going on. Like I said, he just told me he had to take care of something.”

  “Deke there?” Hoss tipped his head back and closed his eyes, clenching his teeth to smother a yawn. He’d been in the studio since early morning and the stress of concentrated efforts painting combined with a restless night had him feeling every hour of his efforts.

  “No, man. He went with Tug.”

  Hoss’ chin snapped down and his eyes flew open, exhaustion falling away, the void flooded with sudden fear. “He went with him? Did they say anything? Anything at all?”

  “Not really. Sorry, brother.”

  Hoss stared at the painting, then glanced around the studio at the other studies of Cassie. Sketches were tacked up on every work surface, and finished drawings leaned against the wall. Tug and Deke had known more about Cassie than he had, and he remembered Deke’s rendition of sitting and watching Tug’s tutorial sessions. “Thanks.” He disconnected and tapped the button again, “Call Deke.”

  “Yo.” Deke’s answer was immediate but muted, voice quiet as if he didn’t want to disturb someone nearby.

  “Are you with Tugboat?” Noise in the background filtered through the speaker, the murmur of a man and woman’s voices. “You at Cassie’s?”

  “Hoss.” Not directed to the phone, Deke had spoken to whoever was in the room with him. Hushed conversation, then Tugboat was on the phone.

  Voice tight and tense, Tug told him, “She’s okay. Just had a scare.”

  “With the bike?” Hoss was confused. Why would she say she couldn’t have dinner but go out riding? “She’s okay?”

  “Yeah, brother. She’s okay.”

  Cassie’s voice in the background grew louder, tone rising, tension and anxiety ringing through the sounds that made it to Hoss’ ear. He tensed, trying unsuccessfully to make out the words.

  “It’s nothing to do with the bike, is it? Lemme talk to her.” It was quiet on the phone now, except for muffled footsteps. “Tug, give her the goddamned phone.”

  “Can’t do that, brother. She’s not in a good place right now.” Wind sounds told him Tugboat had stepped outside, removing their conversation from wherever Cassie was.

  Fuck this. “I’ll be there in five minutes, then.” Hoss moved towards the door with quick movements, trying hard not to let the anger raging in his blood show in his tone. “You stay where you are. I’m coming to you.”

  “Brother.” Tugboat’s tone was cautionary and Hoss’ footsteps slowed. He listened intently, trying to listen for what Tug wasn’t saying. “She doesn’t want you to see her right now.” Not she doesn’t want to see you. It sounded like she was more embarrassed. “Need you to understand this isn’t about you.”

  “I know that. You think I don’t know that?” The door opened and Faith stared at him, eyes wide in shock. “Fuck.” He’d been yelling and his shouts had pulled her from whatever she’d been doing in her room to the studio. “I know that.” He moderated his tone, giving Faith a head shake and gestured for her to close the door. Only when it had snugged into place in the frame did he continue. “I know that, Tug. But I want to be there for her. It’s not all about the good times, brother. It’s about all the time. I know that, and you know I do. You understand, coming from where you did.” Tug’s first wife had died years ago, and the man had been alone for a long time, only connecting with Maggie around the time Hoss had found Hope. “It’s about all the time.”

  “Jesus.” With one muttered word, he knew he’d broken through whatever argument Tugboat was ready to spout. “She called the shop, wasn’t making a lot of sense so I brought Deke over here with me. She wanted to sell the bike, told me she needed it out of her garage right away. I knew that wasn’t our Cassie talkin’, so Deke and I rolled in quiet and walked in her back door. Hoss, brother, she had her whole downstairs in an uproar. Boxes and bags everywhere as she tried to pack up a bunch of stuff.”

  “I’ll be there in five.” He heard Tug still arguing as he disconnected the call.

  True to his word, five minutes later he was gliding into Cassie’s driveway. He pulled up next to the two bikes already there and heeled his kickstand down. No sound came from inside. Cassie’s house was quiet.

  When he got inside, he found Deke standing alone in the kitchen, surrounded by disarray. There was a congealed mess in a skillet on the stove, and a sink filled with greasy water. Deke had
lifted a hand to scrub along the edge of his jaw as he flicked his gaze up to catch Hoss’. He shook his head, pain suffusing his features. “They’re in the living room.”

  Hoss nodded and walked past him without speaking.

  The dining room looked like a tornado had hit it, and exactly as Tug had described, half-packed boxes were strung out across the floor in an uneven line. Hoss turned and walked into the room where his art was displayed, not even knowing he’d been holding his breath until he saw the pieces still on the wall, undisturbed, and let out a shaky sigh.

  Cassie sat on the couch, wedged into one corner, head folded forwards and buried against the arm. Tugboat was perched on the other end of the couch, hands clasped in his lap and when he turned to look at Hoss, there was a look of such devastation on his face Hoss felt something clench in his chest.

  He stood still for a moment and stared past Tugboat to Cassie, watching as tiny tremors in her muscles made her skin quake and shiver. How the fuck do I do this? Legs under her, she had curled in, making herself as small as she could. One breath at a time. Without looking left or right, he toed off his boots and shrugged out of his vest, holding it out to the side until someone took it from his hand. This was part of learning her, something he’d promised her he was on board with. She’s so damn strong all the time, it’s no wonder it wears her down. Chin down, he padded the distance to where Cassie sat, folded to his knees on the floor and bent forwards. She didn’t push him away as Hoss rested his head and shoulders in her lap, and he took that for a win. I’m here, baby. Feel me. He circled her with his arms, not holding tightly, just giving her support. Believe I’m in it. I’m here. From this close, the trembling was more pronounced, muscles twitching and shaking under his grip.