Cassie

by deMora, MariaLisa

  “I might have started coloring in that roadmap, but you’re the one who followed it to the edges and filled in all the blanks. What you’ve done with the club is commendable.” Mason had been there during it all, but Fury was right, when he stepped back, his role had put him in the shadowy spaces along the edges of those accomplishments. “But, you got it wrong. It’s not about who gets the accolades, brother. It’s not about whose name is on the charter. Our oath says it all, and you know it. I got you, and you got me, and together we are the club. That’s the way it’s supposed to be for every member. Rebels forever,” and Fury chimed in, his voice low and tight, “Forever Rebels.”

  “Both, or what?” Mason watched as Fury’s fingers curled into fists balanced on each thigh. Silver rings glinted from his hands, and those knuckles were as scarred as Mason’s. “What’ll it be, President.”

  “That’s something I won’t miss,” Mason said. He felt his lips curving down. “The addition of ‘Past’ to the title. So,” he shook himself, “which would you like to keep? National or international?”

  “It’s on the table to keep something?” Fury looked surprised and Mason sighed.

  “Jesus, brother. This is actually just a fuckin’ discussion, not a beat out or a cutting party. It don’t have to hurt like a motherfucker unless you want that pain. So, tell me what you want, and let’s see if we can come to an agreement.” Mason blew air against his cupped palms and sat back, lowering his hands to the desktop. He traced the dents and lines carved in the surface. Most he’d been here for, knives drawn in anger or challenge, weapons tossed to the wood so they were visible to all. There were a few new ones, though. Changes to get used to, just like with everything. “So, what will it be?”

  “Tell me what you intend, Prez.” The title slipped from Fury’s lips more naturally, and Mason felt it resonate inside him. “Let’s sort it out together.”

  “International, at least. National, probably. You want local, then we’ll talk to Hoss, and I suspect he wouldn’t mind handing it over. It’d be your gift to me to keep you somewhere, so I don’t have to dick with these assholes alone.”

  Mason took a chance and grinned, relieved when his brother-in-law, confidant, and friend smiled back.

  This could have gone bad.

  Fury nodded at him and he grinned wider.

  It didn’t.

  “Now that’s settled, let me tell you why, then we’ll call Blackie and settle this old lady bus trip shit.”

  ***

  Hoss

  He watched Mason head into the office with Fury. Looking around the room, he found Myron who lifted his eyebrows. Hoss shrugged. Fuck if I know, Myron. Brute and Gunny were headed in his direction and Hoss stifled a silent groan. Sometimes it sucked being the one in the know, because lying to his brothers didn’t set well with him. “Before you start, I can only tell you Mason told to keep my yap shut.”

  That cut off whatever Brute had been about to say, but not Gunny who snorted and propped his sledgehammer-sized fists on his hips. “Fuck you. What’s going on?”

  “Yap. Shut.” He shook his head. “It’s not bad, that’s all I will say.” And that was probably eight words more than he should have based on the look on Gunny’s face. “Don’t start on me, brother. You know how it is.”

  “Fury didn’t look unhappy.” Brute’s raspy voice scarcely carried over the party noise, his ruined vocal cords forever damaged. “Guess we’ll know when they come back out.”

  “With so many of us leaving tomorrow, don’t count on our prez sayin’ anything.” Hoss ducked his head, glad his slip was easily covered by Fury being in that room. Shit. “What time are we rolling out, do you know?”

  “After a party like this? I’ve learned my lessons. We’ll aim at kickstands up by ten, but realistically it’ll be eleven or so. You not staying here tonight?” Brute glanced around the room. “Not that I blame you, it’s gonna be nuts to butt on the floor if half these yahoos keep drinkin’ like they are. Not enough unreserved rooms for’ em.”

  “I was going to go to Cassie’s. I haven’t told her yet that we’re leaving for a few weeks.” He grimaced. “Time I got off the pot on that one. She won’t be happy.”

  “Old ladies are like that. You shouldn’t make her be the last to know. Hey—” Gunny pointed over Hoss’ shoulder. “—Mason and Fury are comin’ out. They both look smug as shit. What the fuck does that mean, do you think?”

  “I think me telling you it’s good news was prophetic, that’s what I think.” Hoss grinned and turned to watch the two men stroll into the room. Mason gripped a chair and lifted it, thumping the legs against the floor like a gavel.

  “Hey. Shut up now.” Mason shouted and silence fell swiftly, club members and their family or guests going quiet.

  Hoss studied Fury’s face for a moment, glad to see an ease there that couldn’t be faked. Whatever had happened between them in that closed room had been good, and was welcomed by these men he trusted and believed in. It’s all good. He then turned his ear back to Mason’s speech.

  “We’re rollin’ a massive column tomorrow. Anybody needs any last-minute shit for their ride, you need to get with Brute and Myron ASAP, motherfuckers. Shoulda done it last week, but what the fuck ever. Your Road Captain will be checking your plates and tires, and I ain’t above puttin’ a blade in one I think it’s not gonna make the trip. We got our own fuckin’ garage, boys. Don’t make me open a can on ya.”

  That earned laughter from the edges of the room, and Hoss saw other members noting who reacted to the statement. Ten will get you twenty every one of them have baldies. He shook his head. The club would get the members’ bikes ready, including tire changes as needed.

  Mason continued, “We got a KSU to meet, and if you aren’t ready to go by then, it will be noted.” He raked his gaze left to right, pausing to stare at Hoss for a moment. “You need to bail early tonight and deal with your own shit, do so. Everyone staying to take care of the home front, know that you’re appreciated.” He straightened and thumped the chair a final time, then lifted one fist into the air. “Shiny side. Let me hear you now, yeah? Rebels forever—” the crowd roared, every man wearing a vest lifting their fist in response as they shouted out, “forever Rebels.”

  ***

  Cassie

  The deep-throated rumble of Hoss’ bike caught at her attention and Cassie turned her eyes towards the front windows in time to see the headlight flick off, darkness reclaiming the street. He had a key now, but she liked to greet him at the door so she muted her show as she pushed off the couch and made her way quickly to the entryway, pulling open the interior door. She knew the smile on her face was as big as her happiness at seeing him unexpectedly. When he’d called earlier today, he’d talked about something he needed to do, so she hadn’t anticipated his presence at her door.

  When she flipped on the porch light, his expression was solemn, and he grimaced, a look of pain that crossed his features so quickly she nearly missed it. A flinch of the muscles around his mouth, pulling down the corners of his lips. “Hey,” he said softly and reached for the screen door handle. Stepping inside, he laid a hand against her cheek, cupping and steadying her as he leaned in for a kiss.

  “Hey there.” She pursued his lips, making him smile when she gave him a resounding smack as she pulled away. “I didn’t expect to see you tonight. This is a nice surprise.”

  “Yeah?” Hand-in-hand, they moved towards the couch. He took the end cushion and she curled up against him, feet underneath her. He handed her the cup of tea she’d abandoned to open the door. “I missed you and wanted to see you. So—” He shrugged, the movement jerky, uncomfortable to watch. “—here I am.”

  “Is everything okay?” She leaned away slightly and studied his face. His eyes looked sad, and he held himself as if he were in pain. “No,” she murmured, answering her own question. “It’s not okay.” She reached across and grabbed the remote, then turned off the TV. “Tell me what’s wrong.”


  “I have a trip coming up.” He stared into her eyes, fingers tightening around her hand. “Soon.”

  Why would a trip have him sad? If it were for his art, that would be cause for celebration, even if he didn’t want to be away from home. If it were family, he wouldn’t sound as if it were such a chore. “How soon?” She shook her head. “What’s going on, Hoss? What are you not telling me?”

  “Soon-soon.” He trailed his fingertips up her arm, teasing the sensitive skin inside her elbow. “Tomorrow-soon.”

  “Tomorrow?” She pulled back, settling on her butt to face him, one leg crooked on the couch in front of her. “You’re going on a trip as of tomorrow? Where are you going?”

  “Yeah, tomorrow morning. The club is heading down to Texas in a huge group, one of Mason’s boys is playing in a show down there, and we want to show our support.” She watched his Adam’s apple bob for a moment, saw him grit his teeth together before he continued. “I’ll be gone a while, baby.”

  “How long is a while, Hoss?” The swooping feeling in her stomach was nauseating, Cassie felt as if she were unmoored. “You’re flying out tomorrow?”

  “Riding.” He blinked and sighed. “We’re riding.”

  “Okay.” She closed her eyes, breaking their stare, escaping the pain that was growing in his gaze. “Let’s go back a minute to where I’m happy to see you. If I…” She hesitated, then pushed through the weight of hesitation and fear that clutched at her throat. “If I come over there right now, will you kiss me like you mean it?”

  “Baby.” His voice broke and then his hands were on her face, her arms, her waist and he lifted her, pulling her towards him until she settled in his lap. She rested her hands on his shoulders and angled her chin when she felt him leaning into her. Then his mouth was on hers and he kissed her. Deep and slow, his tongue moved against hers, slipping and sliding and he tasted like everything she’d ever wanted in her life. Nipping at her lips, he caught the bottom one between his teeth and let it slip through gently. “Open your eyes, baby.”

  She blinked slowly, letting the wetness that had gathered there slide away. His homecoming had felt like a goodbye, but that kiss was all about being glad to be here. “That was what I needed.” The admission cost her little, but from the stricken look on his face, it hit deeply. “No, Hoss. I just meant, I needed you.” She arched up and kissed him softly, caressing him with her lips before she bit his bottom one, pulling back and grinning at him. “Hello there.” He adjusted his arms and she nestled against his chest, resting her cheek over his heart, a feeling of contentment pooling in her heart. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too.” His voice rumbled through his chest like his bike had the night and she smiled at the mental comparison. “I’m gonna miss you a lot.”

  “How long will you be gone? Since you’re riding down, I’m guessing it’s not a fast trip?” He shook his head. “Do you have everything sorted out for the kids?”

  His chuckle rumbled, too. “We’re expecting three weeks. Gonna be a long-ass three weeks, I can tell you that right now. And yeah, I’ve got a family friend gonna stay with Faynez when her brother’s out of town for games.” Softer, slower, he asked, “You gonna miss me, Cassie?”

  “More than you can know.” He sighed under her ear and his arms tightened around her in a silent hug. “What time tomorrow?”

  “In the morning. I told Mason I would get there early to help with everything.” He sighed again. “All the boys said to tell you hello.”

  “You got to see them? That’s awesome. When?” His breathing was slow and even, and his hold on her made her feel safe. “I wish I could have seen them.”

  “Yeah, they were at the party tonight. Tug told me to tell you to wear your lid, don’t matter how short the ride.” He chuckled. “I told him you were smart enough to figure that out on your own.”

  Cassie didn’t respond to the message from their shared friend. She was stuck back at his casual announcement. “There was a party?”

  “Uh-huh. At the clubhouse. A preride kickoff kind of thing.”

  Her eyes stung, and she blinked. “So a guys-only kind of preride kickoff kind of thing?”

  “Nah, bunch of the boys had their old ladies there, couple of guys brought the whole family.” He chuckled again, finding something funny in those memories he wasn’t sharing. “Just a casual thing.”

  She pushed off his chest, balancing on his knee as she stared at him. “So a party for girlfriends? That kind of preride kickoff kind of thing?”

  His expression was cautious now, eyes guarded as he nodded slowly. “It wasn’t a big deal, Cassie. We have ’em all the time.”

  Her chin lifted and she stared at him down the length of her nose. “You have them all the time.” He nodded. “You have any other casual parties for girlfriends and old ladies since you and I have been together?” He stilled under her hand, but she noted his heart rate jumped, leaping until she could see it beating in his throat. “Parties where you go and hang out with your friends, right?” Hoss still didn’t move, and he didn’t speak. “Parties where I wasn’t invited?” She swung her legs off his and unfolded until she stood. His arms had fallen away as she moved, and she missed the comfort like a burning cut on her skin.

  He stared at her for a minute, then said the worst possible thing he could have said. “You wanna have a fight now, when I’m gonna be gone for weeks? You want me to leave like this?”

  “Clearly, it doesn’t matter what I’d want, because I don’t get asked, do I?” She turned to walk away and his hands gripped her hips, pulling her back down on his lap in a flurry of movement. “Hoss, let me go.”

  “No.” His arms settled around her chest and belly, iron and steel wrapped in soft skin and hard muscles. “You don’t get to walk away from me.”

  “You don’t get to manhandle me like this.” She struggled briefly, giving up with a huff when it was clear she wouldn’t make any headway against his tight grip. “Let me go.”

  “No. I want you to listen to me. You put distance between us, you’re gonna be focused on that, not on what I’m sayin’. So, Cassie, you gonna listen to me?” His voice had deepened a register, growing rough edges as it rasped out. “It ain’t what you’re thinking.”

  “Then what is it? What is it if it’s not you being ashamed of me? I don’t know why else you wouldn’t even mention it to me. You didn’t want me to find out, because you don’t want me there.” Droplets spilled over her lids, but she refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d driven her to tears. Fists clenched on top of her thighs, she ignored his body behind and beneath her. “What is this, Hoss? I thought we were—” She stopped, not wanting to put her fears to words.

  “Thought we were what, Cassie? Thought we were a couple? We are, baby. You thought we were together? We are. That’s not what it was about. I didn’t want to hurt you or make things more difficult for you.” He sighed, the sound so filled with disappointment she lost control over another handful of tears, slick streaks tracing along her cheeks. “If I had my way, you’d be with me all the time. Up in the box, in the clubhouse, in my home. I’m takin’ things at your pace, Cassie. I’ve been letting you lead, and nothing, not one single thing has told me you wanted faster, or more.”

  “But you didn’t ask me, did you?” She shook her head, clamping her eyes closed as she lost the battle for another dozen tears. “You didn’t ask, you just made a decision for me.”

  “I didn’t want you to feel bad if you couldn’t go, baby.”

  “But you didn’t ask. That’s taking the decision away from me. That’s making me weaker, instead of helping build me up. I need to hold my head high, Hoss, but how can I do that if I know you don’t trust me to make the right decision for me?” She shook her head, strands of her hair caught and pulled on the scruff of his unshaven beard, tiny bites of pain she ignored. “I don’t know what feels like the worse betrayal, the idea you were ashamed of introducing me to your friends, or the knowledge that
you believe me too weak to take that step. So weak you don’t even show me the path, because you’ve already decided I can’t walk beside you.”

  “It’s not that.”

  “Then what is it, Hoss? Tell me so I understand. Because from where I sit, it’s clear you think I’m weak. You took the choice away.” Swallowing hard around the lump clogging her throat, she forced out her words. “You’ve told me I’m the strongest woman you’ve met. But you proved that a lie because you didn’t give me a chance to be strong.” The panic attack stopped threatening in the back of her mind, and roared to the forefront, doubts and fears racing through her head.

  “Jesus, Cassie. You’re twisting my words.”

  “Then untwist them and tell me.” She waited the length of one shaky breath, then forced herself to hold on for another. Losing her grip, she whispered, “You can’t, because I’m right, aren’t I? I’m too…” She cast around for the right word, and her stomach clenched in rejection when she found it. The truth hurts. “I’m too broken to fit into your pretty world.” She struggled against his grip again, ripping at his hands with frantic strength until she pulled free. “You need to leave.” Lifting a trembling hand, she pointed towards the door. Don’t look. Eyes angled to the floor, she watched his boots. “You need to go.” One breath at a time, she reminded herself, feeling hard bands tighten around her chest, choking her on her own fears. “Please go.”