One Step at a Time

by Beryl Matthews

  ‘We’re going to the cinema.’ Mrs Dalton smiled as Amy helped her on the bus. They had decided to travel like this instead of taking two cars.

  ‘Oh, lovely.’ It was a long time since she’d been to the pictures. The last time had been with Gladys. Amy’s expression sobered for a moment as the memories flooded in, but the sadness didn’t linger. The past was over and done with, and she was too happy to dwell on that awful time. ‘What are we going to see?’

  Ben leant over from the seat behind. ‘Charlie Chaplin in Modern Times.’

  ‘I like Charlie Chaplin.’ She looked across the aisle at Ted. ‘Where’s it showing?’

  ‘In the West End. The boys know where.’

  *

  The scene when they arrived was enough to take Amy’s breath away. Everything was bright with coloured signs and lights. There was an air of lively enjoyment among the people thronging the streets, all going to theatres, cinemas or restaurants, she guessed. And the clothes? Wow! Her head was turning this way and that way, determined not to miss a thing. She walked straight into John, who was standing outside the cinema.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ she exclaimed, before realizing who it was.

  ‘That’s all right.’ He smiled down at her, still holding her arms, steadying her after the collision. ‘Congratulations on passing your test.’

  ‘Thank you.’ She took a little step back. ‘Are you going to the pictures as well?’

  ‘Ben invited me to join you for the celebration. Do you mind?’

  ‘Er… no.’ Catching sight of the huge picture of Charlie Chaplin twisting his cane, she couldn’t help laughing. ‘Are you all sure you want to see this?’

  ‘It will be fun.’ Ben took her arm and they went in to buy the tickets.

  John managed to sit beside Amy, and during the first half he spent more time watching her animated face than he did the screen. From the first moment he had set eyes on her in the gallery, he had felt a strong attraction towards her. She had an unusual beauty all her own, and he could understand the artist in Ben wanting to keep painting her. There was an innocence and vulnerability about her. Ben had hinted that she’d had a troubled past, and he was curious to know what it was. However, it was obvious that everyone in that house loved her and would protect her from any further hurt if they could. She was unique and if it hadn’t been for his punishing schedule he would have made more time to see her; to get to know her. He knew how young she was – not eighteen until December – so he could bide his time, qualify as a doctor, and then try to take her out a few times.

  In the interval he bought them all ice creams and, as they chatted, he again watched her enjoying the treat. Her pleasure in small things was infectious, almost childlike, and he couldn’t help wondering again what kind of a life she’d had. Had someone hurt her? That thought angered him. He began to glimpse how the others felt and why they protected her so fiercely.

  The lights dimmed as the main feature began and he sat back to see what the film was like.

  It was incredible, and when it came to an end and the lights went up, Amy’s face was glowing, her eyes appearing dark green in the soft lighting.

  ‘Wasn’t that wonderful?’ She sighed blissfully. ‘Thank you all so much for bringing me.’

  ‘It was a pleasure, Amy.’ Ben was in an aisle seat to give him enough room for his long legs. He uncurled himself and stood up. ‘Let’s get something to eat. I’m starving.’

  As they all laughed, Ted muttered, ‘Now there’s a surprise.’

  It was agreed that fish and chips would go down a treat, so they headed for a place John knew about ten minutes’ walk away. The restaurant was modest compared to the one he had taken Amy to, but the food was very good, and they had a large pot of tea to wash it down. Amy enjoyed that much more than all the fancy drinks. John had them in fits of laughter about some of the pranks they got up to at the hospital, prompting Ben and Howard to relate some of their escapades at university. She loved to hear them talk like this – it was such a different world to the one she had grown up in – and she couldn’t remember being so happy before. Passing the driving test had been a huge step forward for her, making her feel more confident and quite grown up. She’d have to remind the boys that she wasn’t a kid any more. That thought made her smile to herself, as she imagined the teasing it would produce.

  She watched John talking, totally relaxed and at ease with her ‘family’ – and that was what they were to her now. Ted and Mrs Dalton were the steadying influence in her life, offering affection and encouragement, and Ben and Howard were her friends, constantly urging her to try new things – making her grow.

  ‘We must get going.’ Mrs Dalton broke up the chatter. ‘Otherwise we’ll miss the last bus.’

  Outside they said goodbye to John and made their way home. It had been an exciting day, and a really lovely evening, Amy thought, and she had adored the film. She hoped John had enjoyed it as well; he’d certainly seemed to. He was terribly nice, but he made her feel shy the way he looked at her.

  As soon as they were home, Mrs Dalton urged them all into her kitchen. ‘We’ll have a nice cup of cocoa to round off the evening, shall we?’

  They readily agreed, knowing there would probably be a slice of homemade cake to go with it. Amy wasn’t at all hungry, but none of them ever refused Mrs Dalton’s cakes.

  ‘What a nice young man John is.’ Mrs Dalton smiled her approval. ‘He’s quite taken a shine to our Amy.’

  ‘Oh, he hasn’t!’ She felt herself blush. ‘He’s made friends with Ben and Howard, that’s all.’

  ‘He doesn’t keep popping up because of us.’ Howard gave her a teasing grin. ‘And a man doesn’t take a girl to a fancy French restaurant unless he’s interested in her.’

  ‘That’s true enough.’ Mrs Dalton became serious. ‘Amy isn’t eighteen for a few months yet, so I shall expect you boys to keep an eye on her, and see that John behaves himself.’

  ‘We will, Mrs Dalton,’ they answered meekly.

  Ben gave Amy a sly wink, making her laugh. She didn’t know where they got such daft ideas from. John would never be interested in her. He was a nice-looking, intelligent man, with a good future ahead of him. He would need to find himself a pretty girl.

  Feeling tired, she yawned, making Mrs Dalton pack them all off to bed.

  Before putting out the light, Amy gazed at her certificate in wonder. She was finding out that she wasn’t useless, after all. In the time she had been here, new talents had been unearthed. She was decorating pots, helping to run the shop, and now she could officially drive on her own.

  Switching off the light, she settled down, a smile on her face. She was tired, but too excited to sleep. It had been a lovely day, and Ben had been proud of her – they all had. And she was quite proud of herself!

  Two days later, on the Sunday, Amy went up to Ben’s studio. She loved to watch him paint. His concentration was total, and he often didn’t know she was there.

  But today he did, and turned his head. ‘Ah, I thought you’d brought me a cup of tea.’

  ‘I’ll make you one, if you like.’ There was a small room just off the studio with a sink, a small gas stove and a cupboard on the wall. That was all there was room for. The ceiling was so sloping she knew Ben had to crouch to do anything in here. It was no wonder he always came to the kitchen she shared with Ted. But he had all the necessary things to make a simple meal in the cupboard.

  She took the tea in to him and studied the picture he was working on. ‘That’s lovely.’

  He sipped his tea. ‘Hmm. I’m doing this for John. It’s his family home and he wants to give it to his parents on their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.’

  ‘My goodness! Does he live in a place like that?’ It looked very grand to her.

  ‘He comes from a family with money, Amy.’ Ben watched her carefully over the rim of his cup. ‘Does that frighten you?’

  ‘No, why should it?’ She gave a little toss of her head. ‘It�
�s nothing to do with me how much money he’s got.’

  ‘But he likes you, and if he wasn’t so busy studying, he’d be camping on our doorstep.’

  She gave him a sceptical look. ‘You do say the daftest things, Ben. Why on earth would he do a thing like that?’

  ‘Come here, Amy.’ He put the cup down and led her over to stand in front of the portrait on the wall. ‘What do you see?’

  With a puzzled frown she tipped her head on one side and gazed at the portrait she had seen so many times. Then she shrugged. ‘Me.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And what? It’s just the picture you did of me when I first came to live here. A very good one,’ she added hastily, making him chuckle.

  ‘Thank you, I think. Just forget it’s you for a moment. Now what do you see?’

  Giving a deep sigh, she squinted at it through half-closed eyes. He was in a funny mood today; she had better humour him. He went like this sometimes when he’d been painting for hours on end. ‘It’s a picture of a girl with a funny face.’

  ‘Amy!’ He lifted his hands in despair. ‘What are we going to do with you? You’ve got one of the most appealing faces I have ever seen, and John thinks so too. He said you were lovely.’

  ‘Oh, Ben.’ She laughed. He’d gone too far this time. ‘My dad said it looked as if God had used all the leftover bits when he made me.’ Her smile died.

  ‘Now, don’t look like that.’ Ben framed her face with his hands. ‘That was a long time ago. And your father was wrong. All the best bits were saved just for you. I’m an artist, so I know,’ he teased gently.

  She managed a smile. ‘You see things differently, just as I see words differently.’

  ‘That makes us both unique then, doesn’t it?’

  Remembering her father like that had brought the horror back. She tried hard not to think about what had happened to him, and most of the time now she was successful, but an unguarded remark made it come alive again.

  ‘All right now?’ Ben asked.

  She nodded, her gloom disappearing as she looked at him. She could never stay unhappy for long when he was around. He seemed to understand her every mood, without it being explained.

  ‘Good. Now what were we talking about? Ah, yes, John. Do you like him?’

  She bit back a groan. They were back to that again! ‘He’s very nice.’

  ‘Well, why don’t you go out with him when he asks?’

  ‘He won’t ask.’

  ‘Yes, he will. He told me he’s going to as soon as he’s passed his exams and qualified.’

  That news sent alarm through her. ‘I can’t go out with him. Suppose I have to write to him… or something? He’ll laugh himself silly.’

  Ben leant against the bench again and folded his arms. ‘We don’t, and you often leave little notes for us in the shop.’

  ‘No, well…’ Her smile was amused. ‘That’s because you’re all unique.’

  ‘True, and we all love you just the way you are, funny face and all.’

  ‘Aha!’ She rounded on him, laughing. ‘You’ve admitted it at last.’

  ‘I said “lovely”.’

  ‘You didn’t. I’ve got good hearing. And anyway, why are you trying to get me fixed up with John? What about you and Sally?’

  He raised an eyebrow. ‘Who?’

  ‘Oh, Ben, you are the limit. You never seem to keep a girlfriend for more than a couple of weeks.’

  They were both laughing now. It was how they nearly always ended up.

  She headed for the door.

  ‘Where are you going?’

  ‘To play with Oscar. He thinks I’m lovely too.’

  ‘Ah, and I was hoping you were going to spoil us and cook lunch.’

  ‘It’s in the oven and will be ready in an hour.’ Then she left to search for the cat.

  22

  Over the ensuing months, John became an infrequent but welcome visitor to the Chelsea house. When he had time he took Amy out for a meal or to the cinema, or he’d pay a flying visit to the shop and drag her out for a coffee, before rushing back to his studies. Becoming a doctor was his burning ambition and she admired him for his dedication. But it was more than that. She went out with him because she wanted to be with him. It didn’t matter how many times she told herself this would only end in pain when he found out about her, she always accepted his invitations. If she didn’t see him for several weeks, she missed him very much. Step by step she had allowed herself to look forward to his company. If her feelings were turning into something deeper, then she refused to think about it.

  Nineteen thirty-eight had arrived with troubled talk about Hitler, and much speculation on what he might do. Amy was confused and worried, but refused to accept that there was a real possibility of war. It was now the middle of October, and her main concern was waiting to hear if John had passed his final exams. She hadn’t heard from him for a while, but she knew how much this meant to him. He was desperate to pass.

  After their meal she made the usual large pot of tea and grimaced when the talk once again returned to what was happening across the sea. ‘I think you’re all making far too much of this. There won’t be a war.’

  ‘We hope you’re right, Amy.’ Ted sighed. ‘But that’s what we all thought last time.’

  ‘And what a terrible business that was.’ Mrs Dalton frowned. ‘But Amy’s right. No one will risk something like that again.’

  ‘Perhaps not.’ Ben stood up when someone knocked on the front door. ‘I’ll get it.’

  When he returned he had John with him, then the frowns were replaced with smiles and cries of delight. He had a stethoscope hanging round his neck.

  ‘You’ve passed!’ Amy shot to her feet. ‘Oh, congratulations.’

  They all crowded round him. The men shook his hand and Amy and Mrs Dalton kissed his cheek.

  ‘Sit down, doctor.’ Mrs Dalton couldn’t stop smiling. John Sterling had become a great favourite of hers over the months. ‘We’ve just made a pot of tea.’

  ‘Thanks.’ John was still holding Amy’s hand, but released it reluctantly when he was ushered to a chair. ‘My parents are giving me a party tomorrow evening, and you are all invited. Ben knows where we live.’

  ‘That’s very kind of you, John.’ Ted nodded towards Mrs Dalton and Amy. ‘Look at their faces. I know just what they’re thinking: what shall we wear?’

  ‘Well, of course,’ Mrs Dalton said. ‘We must go shopping first thing in the morning, Amy.’

  She nodded, feeling slightly flustered by such an invitation. Being friends with John was one thing, but going to his grand-looking home and meeting his family was quite another.

  John only stayed for half an hour, as he was going home that evening. When Amy saw him out he kissed her gently and smiled. ‘My parents can’t wait to meet you.’

  ‘Oh dear,’ she couldn’t help saying.

  ‘Don’t worry, they’re very nice and I’ve told them all about you.’

  He kissed her again, and she had to admit that she did like being held in his arms like this.

  She stood in the doorway watching him drive away, not moving until he was out of sight. Then the worry began to gnaw at her. Suppose they asked about her life before she came here? What on earth was she going to say?

  ‘Everything all right, Amy?’

  Ben had come up behind her, making her jump at the sound of his voice. For a big man he moved so quietly. She poured out her anxiety. ‘John said he’d told his parents all about me, but he doesn’t know some things. I should never have become fond of him. What am I going to do, Ben? They’ll find out!’

  ‘It won’t make any difference.’

  ‘It will. It will!’ A single tear trickled down her cheek. ‘I don’t want to go to the party.’

  ‘Shush, don’t upset yourself.’ Ben handed her a clean handkerchief. ‘John will be hurt if you don’t go, and there’s nothing to worry about. Everyone will be too busy enjoying themselves to ask questions, and we�
�ll be with you.’

  ‘Yes, of course.’ She wiped her eyes. ‘I’m being silly, aren’t I?’

  ‘John cares for you far too much to let what happened to your father worry him,’ Ben said gently. ‘In your mind it is still a terrible thing, and I can understand that because it was, but you weren’t responsible. Get it out in the open and perhaps it won’t haunt you quite so much. Tell John, Amy.’

  ‘I can’t.’ She shook her head. ‘And it isn’t only that, is it? What about my reading? He’s a clever man and he’ll think I’m stupid.’

  ‘He won’t. It’s clear to anyone who knows you that you’re an intelligent girl, and you are doing much better now.’

  Her bottom lip trembled as she gazed at him imploringly. ‘Why can’t I read easily like everyone else?’

  ‘I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that John won’t give a damn about it.’

  ‘You’re wrong. If I tell him I’ll never see him again.’

  ‘That’s a chance you’re going to have to take sooner or later.’ He pushed an unruly strand of hair out of her eyes. ‘You hide it very well, but you found the courage to tell us, and that was all right, wasn’t it?’

  Nodding, she sniffed. ‘I thought Mrs Dalton would throw me out and the rest of you wouldn’t want anything more to do with me.’

  ‘Amy, Amy.’ He sighed. ‘What on earth did people do to you to make you have so little confidence in yourself?’

  ‘They laughed at me and called me names, and said I wasn’t right in the head.’ She sniffed again. ‘I pretended I didn’t care, but I did. It hurt so much.’

  ‘I’m sure it did, but they’re the ones we need to feel sorry for.’

  Her eyes opened wide in surprise. ‘How do you make that out?’

  ‘Because, my little Amy, they were too stupid to see what a very special girl you are. Not only are you intelligent, but you’re talented as well.’ He stooped down until his face was level with hers. ‘So let’s go to the party and help John celebrate. You can walk in there with confidence, because you are as good as anyone else, and don’t you forget it!’

  ‘No, sir.’ Her mouth turned up slightly. Whenever her self-esteem was at a low ebb he always managed to make her feel better. ‘Do you know something?’