“Mr. Ryan, I don’t know what you think you are doing and maybe you think everyone around you likes to engage in inappropriate workplace behavior but I don’t, so you should go.” I wait for a response. His face is stone cold. He gets up and walks towards the door.
Before he leaves, I get one more dig in. “Renee and you make a nice couple, she’s definitely more your type, like the girl you were with the night I first met you.”
I stare at Nick’s back, his one hand grips the doorknob, and with the other, he hits the back of my door with the palm of his hand. A loud vibration echoes through my office and I’m sure everyone on the floor heard it. I gasp and he turns to look at me. I realize that I crossed a line, but instead of back-pedaling, I go with it. “Just like your assistant. She seems like more your type.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” His voice cuts through me.
“Your assistant told me everything.” I lie.
“Dawn told you everything? That’s rich. What has she told you?”
“Everything I need to know about you,” I respond.
“Everything you need to know…Let me guess…I’m a pervert, a monster who wants to fuck every girl I meet. Look at me. Do you think I need that?” He is scary angry, now. “Do you?”
I don’t answer him. I just absorb his anger.
“Alexandra, I’ve been giving you your space, but not because I want to, but because you seem to have a hard time wrapping your brain around the fact you and I are more than just sex. What you saw in my office today was a girl coming on strong and hard since day one. NOTHING I have reciprocated! I want only you, but I guess that was my mistake. You’re off the hook, Alexandra.” He opens the door. “And your ex-boyfriend was right…you will always be alone.”
He leaves before I can respond. I feel a flutter in my chest, my heart hurts, and a deep sinking feeling reaches my stomach. He knows how my ex-boyfriend’s words hurt me. For him to say it means he wanted to hurt me as well. I jump up and lock my office door, trying to take in a deep breath, I cry instead.
I keep to myself the rest of the day. Jill caught on as soon as she got back that something was wrong, so she gave me my space. At six o’clock, I decided I had enough. I was useless most of the day unable to focus on any of my work.
I shut down my office and head downstairs. I wave goodbye to the security guards and make my way through the sliding glass doors.
As I step out and walk down Fifth Avenue, Nick stands by the driver side door of his Audi parked at the curb. I hope he can’t tell that I’ve been crying, though the bloodshot eyes and red blotchy skin must give it away.
From the sad look on his face, I think he knows. His eyebrows knit in the center when our eyes meet. Then I see her. Renee sits in the passenger side of his car. I look to her then I look back to him. Embarrassed I stare down at the sidewalk and walk away as quickly as possible. I reach in my bag for my sunglasses hoping to hide my tears. This man is making a fool out of me. I need to get my head together. I feel sick. I just want to go home and be by myself.
Chapter 9
Alexandra
The past week has been a slow, agonizing blur. I barely made it through all the meetings having to see Nick and watch Renee throw herself at him. They seem to have gotten closer to each other. He seems indifferent though that could be wishful thinking on my part. Despite what Nick said, he must be with Renee. She seems more comfortable with him, which makes me think they’ve had sex. She sits next to him in all the meetings. She’s can't stop touching him, and at one point, she must have been doing something to him under the table because he gave her a look right before he moved awkwardly as if something caught him off guard.
The thought makes me nauseous. All I can do is sit feeling like a slug. I slept with this guy multiple times, then with no remorse, he moves on to the next girl, and does it right it front of me. I never expected this of Nick, he seemed different, or should I say he seemed better than this behavior.
I know he owes me no explanation; I slept with him, and at the moment I did, I assumed it would be a one- night -stand. I never expected to see him again, at least not under this circumstance. I can’t blame him, but now I have to deal with the fact I started to like him.
There is one thing I know for sure, Nick moved on. He hasn’t said two words to me since that afternoon in my office. He barely looks at me. On the rare occasion when our eyes meet, he looks angry and annoyed, and he breaks eye contact as if looking me in the eye disgusts him. It makes me feel like he wishes I would quit my job.
“Alexandra, did you get all that?” I am jolted out of my mental pity party when someone calls out to me. I look around as everyone’s eyes are on me. Suddenly I feel weak. I’ve had low energy all week and I thought I was coming down with something but that something just upped its game. Without seeing my face I know it turned a shade of pale white. I feel a slight chill come over me, and a desperate need to lie down. I look over at Joe unable to focus. I don’t know if I’m sick, or just heart broken, but something isn’t right. Something feels terribly wrong.
“Joe, I’m sorry, I’m not feeling well.” I try to stand up but stumble back in my chair. I make no eye contact with anyone, but I hear the collective sounds of concern.
“Yeah, Alex you look pale. What’s wrong? Can I take you home?” Joe stands to help me. He comes next to me rubbing my back and helps me up. I glimpse at Nick in my peripheral vision, he watches but doesn’t approach me.
“No, please, everyone stay and finish the meeting, I’ll have Jill help me. I’ll be all right.” I feel very weak as Joe helps me to the door, but I try to play it off. “I just caught a little cold.”
I hear Nick tell Joe to walk me back to my office. Joe holds the door open for me as I walk into the hallway. I stand up against the wall. “Joe, I’ll be okay. It’s one floor down on the elevator. I’ll be fine.”
“Okay, if you’re sure, but call me when you get home.” Joe rubs my arms. “Don’t forget. I’ll be worried if I don’t hear from you.”
“Don’t worry. Go back in there. I’ll be fine.”
I lean up against the wall waiting for the elevator. Nick walks out of the conference room. “Alexandra, let me take you home.”
“Nick, it’s okay, I’ll be okay. You go back inside you have more important things to worry about.”
Nick moves his one hand under my hair to the back of my neck while he feels my forehead with the other. “Alexandra, you’re burning up. Let me have my driver take you home.” His voice sounds sad. “I know I’ve…”
I interrupt him. “Nick, thank you, but I’ll be okay.” The elevator doors open and I walk in holding onto the wall as I move. I give Nick a weak smile as the doors close between us.
The train ride home was miserable, but there was no way I would have Jill come all the way to Jersey, and then have to go all the way home to Staten Island. And there was no way I would let Nick or his driver take me home out of pity.
My back hurt me all day, and I felt somewhat sore and achy most of the afternoon, but when I felt weak and faint, I knew I was sick. A long soak in a hot bath is what I need.
As I step out of the tub, I feel queasy and light headed. I must have soaked in the hot water far too long. I dry off and climb into bed and cover myself from head to toe. I wish I had water and some aspirin nearby, but I dismiss the thought, as I am too tired to fetch some. I need to sleep.
I wake to a violent chill coursing through my body. I jump out of bed and walk to my closet. I grab a long sleeve shirt and my heavy robe and slip back in bed for only a few minutes when a violent wave of nausea overtakes my body. I run as fast as I can to the bathroom but don’t make it to the toilet, explosive vomit sprays all over my bathroom and it doesn’t stop. My stomach retches. I feel like I will choke on the force of the vomit leaving my throat.
It slows and there is nothing left, just bile. Unable to stand straight up I reach for the counter for support. I turn the faucet on and rinse my face a
nd my hands. I need to lie down. I feel weak. I don’t think I can make it back to bed. I drop to the floor and curl up. I reach for the towels hanging on the rack. My body violently shakes as my fever takes over. I cover myself with the towels and the only bathroom rug not covered in vomit and fall back to sleep.
“Oh my God! Alex! Alex! Wake up Alex! Alex, are you okay?”
My eyes open and shut, it’s Jill, Jill’s here, but where’s here? Where am I? I’m so cold. I can hear her talking to someone. I can hear my voice saying, I’m cold. I don’t think she can hear me. I think I hear her say Nick’s name. She sounds frantic.
“Alex, I need to move you. Are you able to stand up at all?” I don’t think I can answer her but I try to move. I sit and lean against the tile wall.
“Alex, you’re covered in vomit.” Jill strokes my head. “Do you think you’ll be able to stand up? I'll run a bath for you.”
“Jill, fill the tub I’ll be able to get myself in there.” I can hear the weakness in my voice.
Jill fills the tub and leaves me to soak while she changes my bed sheets.
I relax back into the steaming bath water. It feels so soothing to my aching body.
After a few more minutes soaking in the tub, I wash then drain the water and turn on the faucet and splash clean water over my body. It’s amazing how good I feel after the bath but how tired I feel, too. Jill helps me dress and I sink into the enveloping warmth of my bed and drift off to sleep.
When I open my eyes, my clothes and hair are wet and I feel chilled. I sit up in my bed and look around my room.
I see my phone on my dresser. I climb out of bed and move towards my dresser. My phone reads low battery so I scan through all the notifications before it dies. There are dozens of texts messages from Nick, some from Jill, missed calls from both of them, and multiple emails from Nick. Not one message from Joe. The one person who said he’d worry about me if I didn’t call when I arrived home.
“You’re awake!” Jill walks into my bedroom startling me.
“Jill, what are you still doing here?”
“I wasn’t leaving you. You still had a high fever. I think you were delirious. You would wake up and mumble things and then fall back to sleep.” Jill presses her palm to my forehead. “Do you remember anything?”
“Most of it but I feel a little disoriented. Like I don’t know how you got here, or when you got here.”
“You left the meeting Friday afternoon, and we hadn’t heard from you. Everyone thought I took care of you, but you never told me how sick you were.”
“What day is it?”
“Thursday. I’ve been here since Monday. Mr. Ryan called to speak with you on Monday. I told him I hadn’t seen you yet. He tried to call you when he landed in Germany. Then when you didn’t show up for work on Monday. He ordered me to get to your house. He sent his driver, Mike, to pick me up.” Jill pulls on her hands as she rehashes the story out loud.
“I remember nothing except puking. A lot.” I look around for my phone charger. “Nick’s in Germany? Mike’s his driver?”
“Nick was in Germany, but cut his trip short to be with you. He’ll be here tonight; he’s on a plane as we speak. I told him you were improving, but he didn’t care, he’s been out of his mind worried about you. He feels responsible for sending you home alone. You need to take a shower. Your fever must have broke because your sheets are damp. I’ll change your sheets while you go shower.” Jill strips my bed as she rattles on.
Jill is right. I feel chilled from sitting in my damp clothes. I go into the bathroom and close the door. I reach into the shower and turn on the water to let it warm up. I stand in front of the mirror and take off my clothes. I look awful. My clavicle bones protrude more than normal, I can see where they start and end. I step into the steamy shower and stand under the hot water before I wash up.
After the shower, I put on clean clothes and sit on the side of my freshly made bed. There is a bottle of coconut water on the nightstand that wasn’t there before. My mouth tries to salivate at the sight of it but there are no fluids left in my body. I take a long sip relishing how satisfying it feels going down.
I crawl under the covers and close my eyes. Jill comes in and asks if I’m hungry.
“Not yet. I’m not up to eating just yet.”
“No problem but drink the coconut water next to your bed.”
“I had some. Jill, thank you for all your help. I’ll make sure you get paid for your normal work hours.”
“Don’t worry about it. Mr. Ryan already took care of it. Next time tell me you need help. You know I would do anything for you. I love you, Alex, you’re like family.”
“I’m sorry Jill. I didn’t want you traveling all over the place because I had a little cold.”
“Honey, if you saw the abstract artwork you left all over your bathroom, you would not be calling what you had a little cold.”
“Thank you for cleaning it?”
“I did the bare minimum. Mr. Ryan called in a cleaning crew from one of his buildings to take care of it. You slept while they came in to clean it up.”
Odd that Nick is concerned about me when he’s with Renee. He’s coming here to my house, or just back to the states? Maybe he feels guilty. Moving on to someone else right in front me within days of sleeping with me is a douche bag move. Guilt, that has to be it. My eyes grow heavy and I drift off.
I open my eyes and stare up at the ceiling. I must have fallen asleep again. The room is dark, only the moonlight casting a soft blue light through one window. I turn my head.
Nick?
Nick is here.
He is sound asleep next to me. I turn on my side to face him and close my eyes. He moves his hand over my hip and under my shirt resting it on my waist. His touch is warm on my skin.
“You’re awake,” I whisper.
“Yes.” He whispers back. He moves closer and puts his leg over my legs. “You feel very thin, Alex.”
“I know,” I whisper.
“Jill said you vomited all over your bathroom and when she came in she found you on the floor. She thought you choked on it. She thought you were dead.” Nick whispers. He makes vomit sound sexy. “I can’t even describe how out of control I felt when Jill said you hadn't shown up for work. I should have gone with my first instinct and taken you home myself on Friday.”
“Well, you tried, but I refused.”
“My first mistake was asking you, I should have just done it, but you were avoiding me so I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“I wasn’t avoiding you, you avoided me.”
Nick takes in a deep breath. “We’ll talk about that later. I’m more concerned with your health. Do you feel better?”
“Just weak.”
Nick pulls me closer, “Sleep, my love.” Nick’s body feels like an electric blanket. He feels so cozy and I drift off to sleep in his arms.
The next morning I wake feeling refreshed. Nick is no longer beside me and I question whether it was real. Was Nick in my bed last night, or in my delirium did I hallucinate it?
I stretch up and look around the room. All his bags are in the corner of my bedroom. As I attempt to get out of bed, Nick walks into my room with a plate of toast. “Good Morning. How are you feeling this morning?”
“Refreshed and hungry.”
“I brought you toast, dry. Would you rather something else?”
“I’ll start with toast and build as the day goes on.” I feel hungry but I don’t want to push myself.
I sit in my bed with the pillows propped behind my back. Nick sits beside me and places the plate on my lap. I take a small bite and chew.
“Eat slowly, Alex, you have had nothing in your stomach for seven days.”
Nick touches my hand and then takes my wrist and turns it over gliding his hand up my forearm. “You look so thin.”
“I’m not worried the weight will go back on as soon as my appetite comes back.” It takes a hard swallow to get the dry toast dow
n. “Nick, what are you doing here?”
Nick moves my hair back off my shoulders and runs his fingers along my collarbones. “I care about you, Alexandra. I told you I don’t want to get into it now because I haven’t processed it all yet, but seeing you so sick and frail on Friday made my gut twist.”
“But what about you and Renee?”
“There is no Renee and I. The only thing I want to say right now is that I am sorry. Using what your ex-boyfriend said to hurt you was a shitty thing to do. It’s not true, and it will never be true, you won’t be alone. I was a real prick for saying that, and the moment I left your office I felt disgusted with myself.” He runs his finger along the side of my neck. “I don’t want to get into right now. You’ve been sick; we’ll talk about it later. Okay?”
Get into it? He said all I needed to hear. There’s more? I can wait. “What’s it like outside?” I’m not sure what day it is, but I feel better and I want to get out of this bedroom.
“It’s sunny and hot. Do you want to sit out by the pool?”
I nod.
Nick and I set up by the pool, he’s in shorts and I am in a bikini with a fitted white tee over the bikini top. The hot sun warms my skin. We have magazines, the Wall Street Journal, the latest novel I’m reading and pretzels. Nick made himself a gin and tonic and I’m sipping coconut water. Music plays over the outdoor sound system.
Nick looks at me. I don’t know why but I feel a need to look away. He must realize it and calls me out on it. “Alexandra, does it make you uncomfortable that I’m here?”
I look back up at him, “I’m happy you are here because I want the opportunity to apologize to you.”
“For what? You did nothing except assume wrongly.” Nick sounds confused.
I reach over and place my hand on his arm. “For not trusting you. I should have let you explain to me what I saw, and I was cruel when I made that comment about Renee and you.” I stop and think. “If you like Renee and slept with her, that’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have judged you both. But as for your assistant, Dawn, I’m not understanding that.”
The Yes Girl Page 10