Thin Crust Killers

by Chris Cavender

  “You’re getting good at that,” I said with a smile.

  “Like you said, ‘practice, practice, practice.’ Are you sure you don’t mind me ducking out on you? I hate to leave you with these dishes.”

  “I don’t mind a bit. Now go before I change my mind,” I said with a grin.

  “You don’t have to tell me twice. Bye, Eleanor, and thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  The place was quiet without Maddy, but that was true of just about any place my sister wasn’t. But it was a good quiet, a calm silence that I enjoyed sometimes in the evening after everyone else had gone for the day. I finished the dishes, marveling at how close I felt to Joe here, how the memories came back unbidden whenever I was alone at the Slice, especially at night. I felt safe somehow, though I had no idea why it would generate that kind of reaction in me.

  I was still feeling good about where my life was going when I walked to my car. I’d been robbed once at night, and after that, I’d installed a safe so I could take the day’s deposits the next morning, but I still wasn’t all that cavalier about my safety. Maddy had given me pepper spray after I’d declined her offer of a stun gun that would put an attacker on the ground. I felt self-conscious enough having the spray in my hand.

  It was always with more than a little relief when I got to my car. From the nearby streetlight, I could see that there was something tucked under the driver’s side windshield. What restaurant in town did that? We’d tried it a few times, but Kevin had gotten on me so much about the litter it generated that I decided it wasn’t worth the trouble.

  Evidently someone else was more than willing to take him on.

  As I got closer, I could see that it was one of my menus. Who would leave me a menu to my own pizza place? I lifted up the wiper and pulled it out. The menu was covered in something sticky, and I wondered briefly if a bird had left its calling card sometime during the evening.

  Then I held my hand up in the light, and through the filtered illumination in the distance, it looked nearly black.

  Only when I opened my car door with my clean hand and the dome light came on did I see its true color.

  My hand was covered in something that was blood red.

  Kevin answered the telephone at the police station, something I’d been hoping fervently to avoid.

  “You’re working late,” I said.

  “Helen stepped out for a minute, so I promised to cover the desk for her. Are you keeping tabs on my time sheet, Eleanor?”

  “No,” I said, a little flustered by his comment. “I’ve got a problem. It may be an emergency. Or it might not be. I’m not sure.”

  “That clears it up,” he said. “Do you have a problem or not? We’re shorthanded here, so if it’s not an emergency, you should call back in the morning.”

  “I don’t know, Chief. Is the fact that my hand is covered in something that might be blood enough to rate on your scale of importance?”

  “What happened? Did you cut yourself? Hang on, I’ll radio for an ambulance.”

  “I’m not hurt,” I said before he could get the entire county rescue squad racing to the Slice. “Someone left one of my menus on my windshield, and it looks like it’s covered in blood.”

  “Are you still at the Slice?”

  “I’m in the back parking lot, but yeah, I’m still here.”

  “Don’t move. I’ll be there in two minutes.”

  I didn’t particularly want to stand out in the dark and the cold with something congealing on my hand, but I didn’t really have much choice. I hoped that Kevin’s time estimate was conservative. With every ticking second, I felt my skin begin to crawl more and more.

  I don’t know how he did it, but he shaved a full half-minute off his timeline. The flashing lights might have helped, or the fact that it was late enough so that not a lot of traffic was on the road.

  “Let me see your hand,” he said as he approached me with a huge flashlight that could easily double as a nightstick.

  In the bright illumination of its beam, I could see that my initial conclusion had been off base. It was pretty obvious it wasn’t blood.

  “It’s paint,” Kevin said after a moment. “Your hand is coated with red paint.”

  “Shine your light on my windshield,” I ordered, and to my surprise, he did as I asked. The glass was smeared with more of it, and some of the paint had dripped down onto my hood.

  “Why would someone do this?” I asked.

  “It’s a pretty bad practical joke,” Kevin said.

  “What makes you think it’s a joke?”

  “What else could it be, Eleanor?”

  “That’s pretty clear, isn’t it?” I asked as I looked at him. “It’s a warning.”

  “For what? Not to make bad pizzas?”

  I waved the menu in his face. “This is another new menu. Whoever did this killed Hank Webber, and they’re telling me to butt out.”

  “That’s a pretty far leap, even for you,” he said. “It’s a lot simpler to think of this as a prank that went too far.”

  I looked around at the few other cars parked on the back lot where mine stayed. “If it’s a joke, why didn’t anyone else get tagged?”

  “It’s clear whoever did this knows what you drive. Don’t take this too seriously. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

  “Could that be because you don’t have that much imagination?” I shouldn’t have said it, but I was mad, not just about his reaction, but that someone had spoiled the feeling of security and happiness I’d been enjoying. This sick display was a desecration, not to my car, but to my sense of well-being.

  “Hang on a second,” he said gruffly as he went back to his patrol car. What was he going to do, lock me up for sassing him? If he could do that, I would have been in jail a long time ago.

  Kevin returned with an unopened bottle of water. After cracking the seal, he poured some on my windshield, then wiped it with a paper towel. “At least it’s acrylic and not oil,” he said.

  I dropped the menu onto the pavement and held out my hand, and Kevin rinsed it as well. Instead of taking the offered paper towel, I dug into my purse with my free hand, ignored the pepper spray I’d stowed back in it, and came out with a packet of tissues. As I wiped my hand clean, I said, “I can’t believe you aren’t taking this more seriously.”

  “And I can’t believe you think you’ve done something that merits a warning. Your imagination is getting the better of you, Eleanor. I’ve given you this advice before, but I’m giving it to you again. You and your sister need to drop this, just in case you’re right about the motive for the robbery.”

  “You can’t have it both ways,” I said. “Either Maddy and I are on the right track, or this is just a coincidence.”

  He was mad, and if I was being honest about it, he had reason. I always seemed to take things out on Kevin, even during those rare times he was trying to help me, or he was concerned for my safety. “Why do you have to be so stubborn all of the time? Don’t you ever get sick of arguing with me?”

  “Why would I, when we’re just getting good at it,” I said, taking my tone down a notch. I leaned down over the menu and asked, “Do you have an evidence bag with you?”

  “I’ve got all kinds of things in my trunk,” he said. “Why?”

  “I want to put the menu in one.”

  “It’s just going to smear,” he said.

  “Then get me a paper bag. I don’t care what I use.”

  He shrugged, then went to his patrol car and got a few things out of the trunk. “I still think you’re crazy,” Kevin said as he donned a pair of rubber gloves.

  “If I’m so insane, give me the bag and I’ll do it.”

  “I’ve got it covered,” he said as he knelt down and carefully retrieved the menu with a pair of tweezers. After sliding it into a long, flat paper bag, he said, “There, it’s secure now. For all the good it’s going to do.”

  “You could check it for prints,” I suggested.


  “Do you mean besides yours?”

  “Of course I do. I didn’t put it there myself and then call you to come running.”

  Kevin was silent too long after that comment.

  “You don’t actually think I’d do that, do you?”

  “I didn’t give your theory any merit before,” he said. “Even you have to admit it’s possible you’d do something like this to get me to focus a little harder on your ideas.”

  “Do you honestly believe I’m capable of doing something like that?”

  “Of course not,” he said, though I noticed he wasn’t all that assertive in his denial. “Somebody else might think so, though.”

  “Then let’s not tell anyone about this until you check that for fingerprints.”

  “Sure thing,” he said. “And after that, I’ll send it to our CSI unit to figure out what brand the paint is.”

  “They can do that?” I asked.

  He chuckled softly. “I’m sure they can, but I’m not going to ask them. Eleanor, our county’s having a budget crisis right now. They don’t even want me to replace any of my men when they leave the force. Do you honestly think they’re going to let an expensive battery of tests on this make it through the system?”

  “No, I suppose not,” I said. I took in a deep breath, then said, “Kevin, I’m not trying to make your life harder, you know that, don’t you?”

  “Then for somebody who’s not trying, you’re doing a bang-up job of it,” he said. Kevin must have realized how it sounded, because he quickly added, “Forget I said that. It’s late, I’m tired, and I have to work another shift on the desk tonight. Just ignore me, Eleanor.”

  “What a fine idea,” I said, with a smile. I knew that Kevin was a good cop. Ninety percent of the time, he was the right man for the job. It was only when things got convoluted that he tended to lean toward the most likely answer to any question, instead of digging a little deeper.

  That wasn’t always the right thing to do, though, and it was up to me to keep him aware of that last ten percent, or things might slip between the cracks.

  “Are you going to be okay getting home?” he asked. “I could always follow you, just to be on the safe side.”

  For a split second I was tempted by his offer, but just for that long. “I’m a big girl. I’ll be all right. But thanks for the offer.”

  “It’s as much for me as it is for you. If anything happens to you on my watch, Josh would kill me.”

  “I knew there was a reason I liked that boy,” I said. “Thanks for coming so fast. I wasn’t sure what was going on, and it was nice knowing you were on your way.”

  “To serve and protect,” he quoted. “That’s what it says on my squad car, and on my badge.”

  After he was gone, I got in the Subaru and ran the windshield wipers for at least three minutes until I was sure I could see well enough to go home. Feeling that liquid on my hand had shaken me up a little, even though I knew it was paint now. Ordinarily I would have driven to Maddy’s and asked to stay the night, but she and Bob were having a late date, and I wasn’t about to intrude on that.

  If I’d let Steve stay with me, at least I would have had someone to come home to.

  But sometimes being alone was a whole lot better than being with the wrong person, and tonight, it was never truer.

  Speak of the devil—or in this case think of him—and he appears.

  At least that’s how it appeared to work out with Steve Swift. I found my brother-in-law sitting on my porch when I got home. He was clearly agitated, and more than a little bit scared, if his incessantly tapping foot was any indication.

  “What’s going on, Steve?” I asked as I put my house keys back into my purse. I was going to stop this conversation before it could get started if there was any way I could manage it.

  “I need to talk to you,” he said. “It’s important.”

  “Go ahead, but I’m kind of beat. It’s been a full day.”

  He looked up and down the block. “Out here? Can’t we go inside? It’s starting to get cold.”

  I did nothing to hide the yawn I felt. “Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”

  “If it could, I would. Please.”

  I couldn’t say no to that, nor the pleading look in his eyes.

  “I can give you five minutes,” I said. “But then I’m going to bed.”

  “That would be great. Five minutes is all I need.”

  I started to unlock the door, and as I did so, I saw Steve reach into the bushes and pull out a box the size of a toaster. “What’s that?”

  “Part of the reason I’m here,” he said as he tucked it under one arm.

  I opened the door and let him in, then I dead-bolted it behind him. “Can I get you some sweet tea? I made some yesterday.”

  “No, but I wouldn’t say no to a cup of coffee.”

  I wanted to say no—I honestly did—but my manners were too deeply bred into me. “Let me put some on. You might as well come back into the kitchen with me. We can talk while it’s brewing.”

  He did as I asked, leaving the mystery box by the front door, and I turned the coffee pot on when he walked in. I had it set on a timer for the next day, and on my way out the door every morning I put in fresh water and coffee grounds so it would be ready when I needed it most.

  As it started to do its magic, I said, “I’d offer you something to eat, but I doubt I have anything worth putting on a plate. I’ve been too busy lately to do much shopping.”

  “Eleanor, you don’t have to feed me. I’m not here like some unexpected guest waiting for a meal. I’d like to think we’re family.”

  I didn’t, but it would be kind of rude to say it out loud. “Then let’s talk out in the living room while we’re waiting for the coffee.”

  He followed me back, and once we were seated across from each other, I asked, “Steve, what’s going on in your life that’s so important that it couldn’t wait until morning? And what’s in that box you keep glancing at?”

  He didn’t want to say, but I had the feeling he knew I was close to kicking him out if he didn’t say something. “Eleanor, I might have gotten myself into a bit of a jam. Then again, I might be in better shape than I think. I’ll know tomorrow, one way or the other.” He ran a hand through his hair, then he retrieved the box. “I may just end up blowing the top off of this town. There’s one thing you should know, though. I’m doing it for all of the right reasons. Remember that when you find out what’s going on. Will you do that for me?”

  “Okay, you’ve got my attention.” A thought suddenly struck me. “You haven’t been gambling again, have you?”

  “Trust me; I learned that lesson years ago. It was a mistake I just finished paying for this week, so I’m not about to get myself into another hole I might not be able to dig myself out of.”

  “Then what in the world are you talking about?”

  Steve hesitated for a few moments, then he said, “You know what? Maybe telling you would be a mistake. I would hate to put your life in jeopardy.”

  “You’re being a little overly dramatic, aren’t you?”

  “No, it’s real enough. Trust me.”

  “Then don’t tell me,” I said. “That’s probably for the best.” Maddy would have throttled me for saying that. She loved to know everyone else’s business, but I could do without ever hearing another secret as long as I lived. They were too hard on me, forcing me to keep confidences I didn’t want in the first place.

  “Okay, I won’t say a word.” He looked at the box in his hands for a full ten seconds, then he finally said, “I just need you to hold this for me.”

  As he offered it to me, I kept my hands to myself. “Not so fast. What exactly is in it?”

  Steve shrugged. “Maybe it’s nothing. Then again, maybe it’s everything. I’ll know tomorrow. There’s no one else I can trust with it.”

  “Is it illegal?” I asked, wondering what my brother-in-law was up to this time.

  “Do you mean if Kevi
n Hurley found it here, would he arrest you? No, absolutely not. Would he ask you some questions you can’t answer if he knew it was here? You can bet on that.”

  “Then I don’t want it,” I said.

  He looked pitiful as he said, “Eleanor, this is important. It’s something I need from you.”

  “Ask me for something else, but I don’t feel right about keeping something blindly. Even if I promise to look after it for you without knowing what it is, how do you know I won’t open it the second you leave?”

  “I can’t know anything with any degree of certainty, but I trust you not to do it if I ask you not to. Come on, help me out.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s not going to happen.” The timer for the coffeepot in the kitchen beeped. “I’ll be back in a second.”

  Once I was in the kitchen, I thought about calling Maddy, but she was surely still on her date. I was feeling bad about turning Steve down, but I would feel even worse if I got caught holding something for him. I had only his word that it wasn’t illegal, and in the time I’d known him, his word wasn’t exactly golden with me.

  I poured two cups of coffee, then found some stale cookies and plated them as well. It wasn’t much, but at least he wouldn’t go away completely empty-handed.

  When I came back into the living room, Steve was in his chair where I’d left him. The box was at his feet now, pushed to one side as if it contained something too hot to hold onto any longer.

  I handed him his coffee and offered him a cookie.

  “No thanks,” he said as he drank a healthy sip. The fact that it was hot didn’t seem to bother him at all. He took another swig, then Steve put his cup back on the tray. “Thanks. I really needed that.”

  As he stood, I was startled to find myself saying, “You don’t have to rush off.”

  He tried to hide his disappointment with my refusal with a glib smile. “Thanks, but I’ve got miles to go before I sleep, and, well, you know the rest of it.”

  “I’m honestly sorry I couldn’t help you,” I said as I walked him to the door.

  “Hey, I have to respect your right to say no,” he said. “Nobody ever said you weren’t a strong woman.”

  I unlocked the door, and was surprised when Steve turned around and hugged me before he left. It was brief, but still strong enough to press into my ribs.