Own It

by M Dauphin

  “I think that’s a fucking bril-” He stops talking and grunts uncharacteristically. I spin, his eyes locking on mine and the color immediately draining from his face. That’s when it happens. He falls flat to the ground and I realize I’ve been splattered with something warm… and red.

  The screams around me shock me at first, but when I realize they’re my screams I start to look around at all the people staring at us gawk-eyed. What the –? My brother runs straight for me and grabs me by the arms, shaking me

  “Holy fuck, Lo!” He shakes me and I look around. “Were you hit?” There are people all over us and I can’t get my body to shop shaking.

  One minute he was here… and now….

  “Jett,” I gasp, locking eyes with my brother. “Jett!” I scream, looking just past him to the ground. I push past him and he flanks me, trying to stop me but it’s no use.

  “Oh no, no, no!” I scream, falling to the ground next to him. The people around him are taking pictures and one is trying to stop the bleeding but too many people are just standing here! “Help him!” I scream. “Someone call for help!” I scream. I push the useless girl out of the way and my brother takes over trying to stop the bleeding from his chest. “What the fuck happened?” I scream, looking all over the crowd. “Someone call 911! Fuck!” My hands go to his wound to try to help my brother apply pressure but it feels futile.

  “No, Jett, baby can you hear me?” I manage, tears falling free from my face.

  “Lo?” He whispers so low I can barely hear him. His eyes crack open and he grins at me.

  “Hang in there, we’re getting you help.” I’m panicked but I have to stay strong for him.

  “I did it,” he smiles.

  “What?” I lean in, searching his eyes. I think he’s losing it.

  “I did it. I made you care. I brought you back to life.” he starts to cough and his eyes squeeze shut.

  “Jett don’t talk, it’s going to be fine.” I huff, wiping the tears away. He did… but if he dies I’m as good as fucking dead.

  He gurgles something but his eyes flutter closed as he tries to find me. Fuck.

  “Chris there’s so much blood,” I cry.

  “We have to apply pressure, Lo. Come on,” he grunts, jaw tight.

  I lean down and kiss Jett’s lips but he doesn’t do the same… he can’t.

  “Chris,” I cry. “I can’t lose him!”

  “Here, push down,” He grunts, nodding to his hands. I do as I’m told and he rips his shirt off, instructing me to lift momentarily as he slides it over the wound. Blood starts pumping out immediately so I clasp my hands back over top of it and push.

  “He still has a pulse,” Bex says. “It’s faint, but it’s there. Ambulance is on its way.”

  “Hang in there, Jett. We’re getting you taken care of.” I sniffle and focus on keeping pressure on the wound.

  I hear people muttering about a stray bullet from the celebrations but the only thing I can focus on is Jett and his rapidly cooling body. This isn’t okay. This can’t be happening.

  “Get him a blanket or something!” I scream. People start tossing their jackets and shirts and my brother starts covering his body to try to keep him warm until the medical personnel get here.

  I can’t lose him.

  “What the hell’s taking them so long?” I mutter, wringing the hat Jett wore tonight between my hands. I found it lying on the ground when the medical team took him away. They called for a helicopter to bring him to the best ER in the country, per my brother’s instructions, and it’s taken us an hour to get here. Thank god there was one fucking sober person at the party to drive us or I don’t know how I’d have gotten here.

  An hour. An hour and they still can’t tell me anything.

  “It didn’t come out the other side,” Chris huffs. “Meaning they have to go in and dig it out.”

  I let out a growl and squeeze my eyes closed.

  This can’t be happening.

  “Ma’am can they tell us anything on Jett Voss yet?” I’ve asked this nurse about twenty times so far but we’ve been here four hours and they haven’t given us any updates.

  “Only that he’s still in surgery.” She gives me a sad smile and nods, heading to the back again.

  “Fuck!” I belt, slamming my fist to the counter.

  “Here, take this.” Bex shoves a pill in my hand and I look at it.

  “The hell is this?”

  “Xanax. You’re going to give yourself a panic attack, Lo. Just take it and drink.” She shoves a bottle of water in my hand and I toss the pill back, rolling my eyes.

  “If they’d just fucking tell me what’s happening I wouldn’t be this antsy.” I huff and sit back down next to my brother.

  “They’re working on saving his life, Lo. At least they haven’t come out here and told you he’s dead.”

  The knife my brother’s so good at twisting in my gut twists a little tighter and I feel like I could vomit.

  “Horrible phrasing, Chris,” Bex chides, sitting down next to him. “Lo, he’s going to be fine. Jett’s a fighter… you’ll see.”

  Six.

  Six. Fucking. Hours. Six hours since I’ve seen him.

  “Family of Jett Voss?” A nurse walks into the room finally.

  I look around and huff.

  That’s me.

  We tried getting a hold of his parents but they’re on vacation in Paris apparently so I’m it. Chris gives my hand a tight squeeze and suddenly I’m not as antsy to hear the news. I won’t be walking out of this hospital on my own if he didn’t make it. I can’t do it. He taught me how to live, but never how to live without him.

  “That’s me,” I walk slowly to her and she gives me a sad grin.

  “The doctor would like to speak with you in private.”

  “Wait!” I stop her as she walks to the double doors. I turn and look at Chris. “I can’t do this alone,” I whisper, somehow managing to get out through the thickness in my throat. He nods and clears his throat before standing and taking my hand as we follow the nurse back to hear the news.

  Fuck.

  Jett taught me to own the things that make me unique. He taught me to love myself again. He taught me to care about myself again. He did things for me that I was unwilling to do for myself.

  Our love was one of those love at first sight, insta-love romances. It was a whirlwind of what I first thought was lust, but soon realized it was much more than just desire. I’ve never felt about anyone the way Jett made me feel in those first few weeks.

  I still don’t.

  I never will again.

  “You ready, sis?” Chris’s somber tone from the door rattles me. Even for Brandon’s funeral he wasn’t like this and he was closer to him than anyone else in his personal life.

  “Yea,” I huff, standing and inspecting myself in the mirror once more.

  Drained.

  I look absolutely drained. Who wouldn’t in my situation, though? Futile weeks on end spent at the bedside of the man you love? And then this? Chris is lucky I’m standing right now.

  “I like this dress on you,” he says gently, holding his hand out for me. I look down at the long sleeve, straight black dress and sigh.

  “It’s all I had,” I mumble, taking his arm and letting him walk with me to the car.

  “You going to be okay today?” He opens the car door for me and waits until I look up at him to answer.

  “I don’t have a choice, Chris. What about you?”

  “Same,” he grunts, rubbing the back of his neck.

  Like most things in my life, I don’t have a choice in how they go. I didn’t have a choice in my son’s life, I didn’t have a choice with falling in love with Jett and everything that happened thereafter, and I don’t have a choice now.

  He slams the door and moves to his side of the car, starting it up and sighing.

  “You’re a strong woman, Lo. I’m proud to call you my sister and I don’t tell you that enough.”


  I smile a genuine smile, one I haven’t felt in a long time. It’s been a while since I’ve had anything to smile about.

  “Thank you, Chris. That means a lot coming from you.”

  We drive to the funeral home in silence. A part of me is screaming on the inside that this shouldn’t be happening, but I’m so worn down I’m finding it hard to feel anything today, especially in these circumstances. And of course, it’s the same fucking funeral home. In a city this big, with as many funeral homes as there are, this has to be the one that’s used for all the big crowd funerals.

  Sam’s wasn’t a big ‘crowd’ funeral per say, but my brother knows a lot of people that like to show their face when death strikes to make it seem like they care.

  They don’t.

  “I’ll drop you off then find a parking spot. Meet me in the lobby?” He slows the car to a stop and I stare at the doors.

  Those doors mean so much to me… because that’s where I first laid eyes on him.

  I take a deep breath, steeling myself for today, and smile at him.

  “Got it. Right inside.”

  I get out of the car and close the door, my hands clamming up immediately. I wipe them on my dress and sling my purse over my shoulder.

  I can fucking do this.

  I can own today.

  My hand comes in contact with the door handle and that’s when I hear him.

  “Be careful opening those doors kid. I wouldn’t want you running into the next man you fall in love with.”

  I grin, his voice immediately bringing me back to earth, and spin straight into Jett.

  “Oh God I’m so happy you made it,” I whisper as he pulls me against him. I feel the weight of the last two months fall off my shoulders with him standing here holding me.

  “You thought I wouldn’t?” He pulls me tighter to him. “I wouldn’t leave you alone today.”

  “But they wouldn’t let you out of the hospital!” I back away and take his appearance in. The only thing showing his struggle the past eight weeks is a sling holding his arm up. That’s it. He smiles widely and shrugs, then cringes a bit before masking on the ‘I’m fine’ face.

  “I’m a grown ass man, kid. I do what I want.” He nods to the lobby and grins. “So we going in or just gonna chill out here today?”

  “She’s going in,” Chris interrupts. “Glad to see you doing better, Jett. You gave us all a scare there.”

  “Me fucking too,” he grumbles.

  The last few weeks have been nothing short of stressful but it’s an understatement when I say that Jett took it like a champ. He rocked recovery once he got there, but it was his stint in the ICU that scared me. I still remember the day he flat lined.

  “Don’t talk right now, babe. Just listen,” I whisper, sitting next to him in bed. He woke up yesterday, groggy and in pain, but at least he’s alive. Thank God he’s alive. I open the book I started reading to him last week after they finally let me see him and continue reading. His hand comes to rest on my thigh and I smile at him. The coloring is starting to come back to his face, his skin starting to feel normal again and not as dry as it had gotten. The bullet was centimeters away from killing him and they told Chris and I the pressure we applied kept just enough blood in him to keep him going until they could get him stabilized. I still have nightmares of that night when I sleep, but I’m trying not to focus on it.

  My Jett’s here. He’s alive.

  “What about work?” His voice is gruff and he looks at me with so much concern I almost start crying again.

  “Babe, don’t worry about that. The clinic knows what happened and they’re holding my spot until you’re healthy. The shop is thriving with Dan at the helm,” I say and he grunts. “I’ve got the books under control. Everything is under control. I’ve got this.” I smile wide at him

  “I’m proud of you, kid,” he rasps and I close the book, smiling at him as he grins at me. “I love you, Lo.”

  “I love you too, Jett. And your stubble.” He tries to laugh when my hand scrubs gently on his cheek. His laugh turns to a coughing fit and soon all his monitors are going off.

  “Jett?” I say, standing from the bed. He starts wheezing, the alarms start beeping, and soon the room is full of medical professionals.

  He flat lined moments after that and it took shocking his heart back to life to keep him alive. After that he was put in the ICU for a stint to make sure there was nothing more inside him that was going to blow.

  “I don’t want to stay here long,” I tell Chris and he nods.

  “She was your mother, Lo,” Jett says. “Don’t cut today short because of me.”

  “She was a vile woman who I never truly knew. I’ll be here to pay my respects but I will not stay.”

  “I’ll be able to drive you two back in a little bit,” Chris says, nodding at Bex. “Excuse me.”

  “Think they’ll ever figure their shit out?” Jett says grinning from next to me.

  “Hopefully.” I watch as Paisley opens the door and practically runs into the two of them and an awkward moment ensues. “I’m not jealous of that situation at all.”

  Jett chuckles and starts coughing and I know we need to get out of here. I don’t know how he got out of the hospital today but I can assure him he’s not getting off that easily. We’re going home and I’m babying him until he’s back to one hundred percent.

  I thought I lost him twice in the past two and a half months. I’ve known the man for a very short amount of time, but in that time he’s been able to pull every emotion I’ve ever had from me and make me fall head over heels in love with him.

  “You don’t have to come with me,” he grumbles from the passenger seat. He’s not okay with being handled with kid gloves, but until he gets the all clear from the doctors I’m not leaving his side. Period.

  We’ve gone as far as making a schedule so I can get to work at the clinic. When I’m at work in the evenings, Chris is at the house hanging out with him. Jett’s not happy about it but there’s not much he can do about it either.

  “You can’t drive yourself yet, babe. And I’m not leaving your side for a very long time.” I smile at him and hit the turn signal to turn into the Shuer parking lot.

  The entire mess with the will still isn’t finalized. Stan has a trial set in a month or so and you better fucking believe Jett will be there, but he’s still working on training the boy that took over the company. I say boy. This kid is my age but he’s so green. With Jett recovering in the hospital and Stan fired immediately when the truth about the will came out, Hampton had to take over immediately. We’re lucky he’s comfortable with the company, but there’s so much this kid needs to learn still.

  “I shouldn’t be too long.” Jett smiles and kisses me on the cheek before heading back to the meeting room where Hampton and the other managers await. I take my seat in an empty office and wait. My ring glimmers in the light and I grin, letting myself daydream about the day we can finally get married.

  I haven’t brought it up to anyone since the day we got engaged. Bex has tried talking to me about it and asking what I’m going to do, but I haven’t had the energy. With burying my mom a week ago and trying to get back on schedule in our everyday life, plus the physical therapy that Jett still had to undergo, now’s just not a good time to add wedding planning. I need him healthy first and foremost.

  I flip through my phone as I wait and shoot Bex a text message.

  Me: How’s things on the home front?

  Bex: Dumb. Stubborn. Pretty much any typical day.

  I smile at the thought of her giving my brother a hard time, but someone has to. I was right. It was her that was making him such a happier person, but the two of them have a relationship I’ll never understand. He’s stubborn, but she’s no princess. I just hope that they can work it out. I’ve never seen my brother as happy as he is with her.

  I’ve also never seen him as angry.

  Bex: We still doing dinner tonight?

  Me: Yep! I’
ll call on our way.

  As soon as I hit send, Jett walks back into the room with a smile on his face.

  God this man is beautiful.

  “Hey Lo,” he stops mid-sentence and spins in the hallway, staring with a fake grin on his face. “Stan.” He all but growls the words and I stand, walking to his side. What the shit is he doing here?

  “I’m just here to grab some shit, Voss. Call your hounds off.” He points behind him to the security guards and I grin. Good. They shouldn’t have even let him in the building without notifying someone first.

  “What the hell is he doing here?” I hear Paisley’s voice and turn to see her standing in the middle of the hallway, directly behind Jett.

  “What’s she doing here?” I whisper to Jett who’s now in the middle of these two.

  “She’s ownership and wants to stay in the know. She’s at all the meetings now,” he whispers, backing away. My brother pops out from behind her and I feel like I’m missing something, but Jett leans over and whispers, “he’s legal team. He needs to be here while the switchover of everything is being finalized.” I nod and watch the tension in the hallway build.

  “I thought we made it clear you weren’t welcome here anymore, Stanley.” I’ve never seen Paisley angry, honestly I wasn’t sure if she could get angry.

  “I left some important paperwork,” Stan huffs, rolling his eyes and walking towards his office. When he approaches Paisley, Jett tenses but I see her stand her ground, unmoving, not allowing him back. “Move, Paisley,” Stan’s annoyed tone fills the otherwise silent hallway. Paisley lets out a chuckle and grins, shaking her head at him, then before we know it she’s swinging as hard as she can right at his nose.

  “That’s for fucking with my deceased husband’s company!” Her knee comes up and hits him square between the legs and he falls to the floor, holding himself. “And that’s for fucking with my family.”