The Broken Souls

by Rivka Spicer

  “Good afternoon Ms Anderson.” He said cheerfully. “Mr Bergmann has asked me to drop you off at the flat if that is convenient.”

  “Of course.” Jen felt numb and cold at the thought of the coming encounter but it was inevitable. It was like standing in the path of a freight train and not being able to move.

  It didn’t take long to get through the traffic to the flat and Jen was trying not to hyperventilate as the driver pulled up outside the doors.

  “Are you well Madam?” The driver asked softly, his tone conveying concern, and Jen nodded palely.

  “I’ll be fine. Thank you.” She made to climb out but the driver gently touched her sleeve.

  “Madam, you don’t have to go in. I could take you elsewhere.” He looked her straight in the eye and Jen felt tears threatening.

  “Thank you but no.” She squeezed his hand. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Bravely she climbed out of the car and went up to the flat, holding the door open for the porter to bring her luggage in. To her surprise Tom was already at the flat and he waited coldly in silence until the porters were dismissed. Finally, when just the two of them were left, Jen turned to face him, determined to be strong.

  “Is it true?” He asked quietly and Jen swallowed. Right up until that moment she had decided to be honest, but now that the moment had come she couldn’t bring herself to say it.

  “No.” She tried to omit certain details. “I met Mark on holiday. He just happened to be in the hotel. We went on an excursion together as friends.” Tom’s smile was bitter.

  “Do you really expect me to believe that?” He asked, stepping in close as his voice cracked. “Tell me the truth damn it!” Despite herself Jen burst into tears.

  “I’m so sorry!” She sobbed. “I didn’t…it wasn’t…” His hand moved so fast she didn’t realise she’d been slapped until she discovered she was on the floor. Her head reeled as her skin began to sting and for a moment she flashed back to being Faustina, slapped by the Emperor of Rome as Tom stood over her, tears on his cheeks. “You were having an affair with a washed up rugby player! Wasn’t one of the world’s richest oil magnates enough for you?” Distantly she heard a tinny ringing and realised it was her mobile at the same time as Tom. He got there before she did, too dizzy to stand up.

  “Hello?” He answered and then turned to look directly at her. “Yes she’s at home. If you ever call my fiancé again I will destroy you both. Is that understood Mr Aweyu?” Without waiting for an answer he hung up and crossed the floor to Jen as she struggled upright and took her arm, pulling her through to the bedroom. Still dizzy, Jen tried to struggle.

  “You have some serious making up to do.” Tom told her in a clinically detached tone as he pushed her bodily through the door. “Take your clothes off.”

  “No.” Whispered Jen, sobbing as she realised that Jim had been right after all. “Please don’t do this Tom. Please…”

  “Shut up!” He roared and she flinched, cowering against the bed. “You are MINE! Take your goddamn clothes off!”

  “Tom don’t…”

  “Do it now!” He was terrifying in his rage and with no other option, Jen tremblingly began to pull off her top. Tom nodded. “Good. Now get on your knees.”

  Afterwards, Jen huddled in a corner of the bed crying while Tom redressed and he looked at her with something akin to disgust.

  “Right, now that we’ve got that clear we won’t speak of it ever again.” He told her. “Don’t you EVER cross me again. I was not making empty threats Jen, I will destroy you both.” He straightened his tie and pulled his jacket on. “I’m going back to the office. Clean yourself up. You look a mess.” And with that he was gone.

  Distantly Jen heard the tinny buzzing of her phone and struggled out of bed to answer it.

  “Hello?” She whispered, trying hard not to sob into the mouthpiece.

  “Oh my God! Jen? I’m coming round.” Nkara hung up before Jen could reply and half an hour later was at the door. Jen had quickly showered but no concealer in the world could hide the spreading bruise on her cheek and the look on Nkara’s face said it all.

  “You have to get out of here.” She headed straight for the bedroom and started looking for a bag to pack Jen’s clothes into.

  “What are you talking about?” Jen asked dully, making no move to help and Nkara stopped dead, astonishment on her face.

  “What do you mean what am I talking about?” She gaped. “Jen, he hit you!”

  “I can’t leave.” Jen was quiet but determined. “He promised we’d never speak of it again, but if I leave him he’ll destroy Mark. You saw the history through my eyes.” Nkara couldn’t believe what she as hearing.

  “Jen, he’s already started!” She wasn’t going to tell her but now she realised she had to. “Mark just called the office to say his Visa has been revoked. He can’t return to the UK – he’s got to go back to New Zealand from Egypt. That’s why I was calling you.”

  “It’s for the best.” The truth hurt so much that it was a physical pain in Jen’s stomach. “I can’t see him again. Tom will stop now.”

  “You would leave a man that would move the heavens for you for a man that hit you? Jen! Are you crazy?!” Nkara was totally floored. She just couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

  “I’m not crazy.” Jen started to cry. “I still love Tom. He may have over-reacted but he just found out I slept with another man. I deserved it. I owe it to him to try and work this out.”

  “No woman deserves to get hit!” Nkara was furious at Tom and furious at Jen for refusing to see sense. “Look at yourself! You owe him nothing!” Grabbing Jen’s arm she hauled her in front of the mirror and Jen cringed at the ugly red mark slowly turning to purple on her face. “Did you deserve that?!” Jen shrugged.

  “Maybe I did.” She looked away, sickened at the sight and Nkara gave up.

  “Fine. Whatever.” Her voice cracked. “Jen, I love you but I can’t bear to see you like this. Call me when you come to your senses.” Walking away to hide her tears Nkara left the flat leaving Jen alone with her pain.

  Chapter fifteen

  For nearly two months Jen and Tom tiptoed around each other pretending that everything was normal and planning for the wedding. It took weeks for Jen to stop flinching when Tom touched her and after his initial rage had cooled he had tried to be gentle. Soon things settled back to the way it had always been between them. After that first afternoon there was no mention of Mark and he did not try to call. After a while it began to seem as though he’d never existed except for the constant aching in Jen’s heart. Her family and Tom’s accepted that nothing had happened, that the newspapers had got it wrong, and everyone at work wisely kept quiet. Nkara was still in the office but she refused to talk to Jen about anything other than business and kept her distance socially. She had accepted the veils with enthusiasm but they lay untouched on the work benches. Jen hadn’t even heard from Kim, although she’d seen her on the news talking about the greatest discovery the Valley of the Queens had ever seen. Night after night Jen cried herself to sleep feeling, for the first time in her life, absolutely and utterly alone.

  Not long after she had returned from Egypt a parcel arrived from Kim. There was no note but inside, carefully wrapped and concealed, was an ancient small sandstone figurine of a woman in ancient dress. The carvings were lined with gold, accentuating the features of the face and dress and the eyes were inlaid with tiny gems of lapis lazuli. Jen turned it upside down and read the glyphs carved into the bottom, realising as she did so that it was Bint-Anath. It was her. Kim must have retrieved it from her daughter’s tomb and sent it on as a silent rebuke and reminder that there was another choice. With shaking hands Jen had re-wrapped the priceless artefact and hidden it with her blue jellabiya in a bundle in the airing cupboard where Tom never went.

  Then a dismal mid-November morning found Jen in the bathroom throwing up like there was no tomorrow. Desperately concerned Tom was holding her hair out the way and ru
bbing her back soothingly.

  “We’ll get you to the doctor straight away.” He promised when she took a heaving gulp of air. “I’ll call the office and tell them to cancel the board meeting this morning.”

  “No, you go to work.” Jen managed. “I’ll be fine, it’s just food poisoning or a stomach bug. It’s been going round the office. Just leave me out some water and some dry crackers. I’ll get the driver to take me to the doctor.” Sitting up she leaned against the cool tiled wall until the nausea started to ease off.

  “Well I’ll call ahead and let them know you’re coming. I’ll organise a driver too. I’ll ring you from the office and let you know when they’re coming.” He fetched her the phone and then kissed her forehead. “Let me know what the doctor says.” He left for work and after half an hour Jen felt well enough to drink a little water. Tom’s secretary called to say that the doctors were expecting her in three quarters of an hour and there was a car on the way.

  Feeling thoroughly miserable Jen forced down a few crackers to settle her stomach and dressed in loose jeans under one of Tom’s sweaters. The car was already waiting when she slouched down the stairs and it didn’t take long to get to the private clinic.

  Twenty minutes later she had her diagnosis and she sat in shock gaping at the doctor.

  “Pregnant?” She shrieked. “How can I be pregnant?”

  “By the normal means I’d imagine.” The doctor’s dry humour was totally wasted on her.

  “Oh my god.” She began to cry as reality crashed in on her. Now that she thought about it she realised she had been so caught up in all the trauma of her memories and the visits to the Manse and Egypt that she had forgotten to go for her injection. “How far in am I?” The doctor leaned back, totally bemused by her reaction. Normally women were shocked but happy at the announcement.

  “About 2 months.” He told her and Jen’s eyes widened as she did the maths.

  “Oh no!” She wailed. “What am I going to do?” The doctor blinked.

  “Is there a reason you shouldn’t be having a child?” He queried and despite her tears Jen let out a short burst of hysterical laughter.

  “Does not knowing who the father is qualify?” She asked bitterly, not really expecting a reply.

  “Oh.” The doctor said delicately. “Well, under the circumstances I could recommend a private clinic but I would beg of you Ms Anderson to think very carefully before calling them. The psychological damage of a termination is immense and totally underestimated by those that have never been through it.” He sighed. “You’ve obviously had a nasty shock. It’s still very early days – a number of things could happen. A large percentage of pregnancies spontaneously terminate before 12 weeks anyway. May I suggest that you go away and think about it? Discuss it with your partner…s…ahem.” He winced. “If, in a month’s time when you’re due for your first scan, you decide to go for the termination then I can refer you. How does that sound?” Jen just stared at him, tears pouring down her face, too shocked to say anything. Taking her silence as assent the doctor scribbled a few lines on her notes. “I’ll put you on the list for the midwife too.” He told her absently. “I suggest you go home and rest. Stress in your condition is to be avoided.” Finally Jen found her voice.

  “Yes, of course.” Thanking him politely in her numb haze she walked out of the surgery and got into the back of the car.

  “Oh my god.” She whispered. As if on cue her mobile rang and she answered it in a daze.

  “What did he say?” Tom asked cheerfully and Jen swallowed.

  “He said I’m pregnant. It was morning sickness.” Tom’s tone instantly went guarded.

  “How long?” He asked and Jen fought the rising panic in her throat.

  “Two months.” She admitted. There was a long silence at the other end of the phone.

  “So you don’t know whose it is?” He asked eventually and Jen leaned her head against the window, grateful for the cool glass. She felt like she was burning up.

  “No.”

  “Get rid of it.” And with that he hung up leaving Jen feeling even worse than she had done five minutes before. She sat and stewed, once again her thoughts chasing each other around her head, but after a while she realised that the driver was waiting for instruction.

  “Home Madam?” He queried politely when he realised he had her attention but Jen shook her head and gave him Nkara’s address, knowing she’d be working from home today.

  The drive across London seemed to take a lifetime and when Jen arrived she still didn’t know what she was going to say. Thankfully Nkara saved her the trouble, throwing open the door before Jen even had a chance to knock and pulling her into a hug.

  “It’s about time!” She said fiercely. “What happened?”

  “I’m pregnant.” Jen sobbed. “Tom says I have to get rid of it.”

  “Oh Jen!” Nkara’s heart went out to her. “You’d better come in.”

  Within minutes Jen was seated in the living room with a hot cup of tea and a cat settled in her lap.

  “Get down Punky!” Nkara admonished the cat, but Jen shook her head.

  “Let her stay.” She said, absently stroking the pet. “She’s very calming.”

  “Okay then. Why don’t you tell me what’s happened?” She listened in silence without judgement as Jen described the last 2 months and the morning’s events.

  “But I want some time to think!” Jen sobbed finally. “I don’t want to lose Tom but a part of me wants this child, whoever the father is.”

  “You’re determined to stay with Tom?” Nkara questioned, again without judgement and Jen nodded.

  “I know at times he can be a bastard but I haven’t even heard from Mark since I got back from Egypt and I’m getting married in five weeks!”

  “I have.” Nkara admitted quietly. “Things have been bad for him because of Tom but he calls me every now and then to find out how you are. He still loves you Jen, he just doesn’t know what to do about it.” Jen stared at her friend, astonished by the revelation.

  “But…How is he?” It was lame but she didn’t know what else to say.

  “He’s pretty heartbroken.” Nkara told her honestly. “He says he feels like life isn’t worth living without you in it. Some days he’s better than others.” She shrugged. “He’s going through the grieving process like you have been but he’s also been dealing with the charitable donations drying up and certain contracts being unfavourably renegotiated.” At that Jen began to cry again.

  “Oh Kar, what am I going to do?” She wept. “It’s all just such a mess. I thought I was doing the right thing. Tom promised me he would leave him alone.” Nkara sighed.

  “Leave it with me. I have a plan.” She promised. “Tell Tom that the doctor wouldn’t refer you without the month’s cooling off period and give me a few days to work this out.”

  “Ok.” Jen sniffed and wiped her eyes. “I’m so sorry Nkara, for everything…the way I’ve treated you…I don’t deserve you.” Nkara smiled and squeezed Jen’s knee reassuringly.

  “I should have listened.” She admitted. “It takes two people to have an argument. At least we have each other again now. It’ll work out somehow. You just wait and see.”

  Tom was angry when Jen told him about the months grace but he understood the doctors reasoning and agreed to say no more on the subject. To his credit he continued to care for Jen while she was sick, even getting up in the night to fetch her food as soon as they realised it was hunger that brought on the nausea. Apart from the sickness Jen felt totally normal and couldn’t quite believe there was life growing inside her. They talked about the termination, how it would fit in with the wedding plans and if Jen would need her dress re-sizing like they were discussing just another detail.

  Then, almost ten days after that visit to the doctor, the results of Nkara’s plan came to fruition on a dismal and rainy Saturday morning. Tom was in the shower when the doorbell rang so Jen answered it to find a sombre-looking man in a black p
instripe suite waiting at the door.

  “Are you Ms Anderson?” He enquired politely and Jen frowned.

  “Yes that’s me. How can I help you?” The man smiled and handed her an A4 envelope.

  “I’m here to serve you with papers regarding legal action to be taken against you.” He told her and turned to walk away.

  “What?” Jen was confused. “What legal action?” She followed him out into the hall. “Come back! What legal action?” The man ignored her, stepping out into the rain and vanishing around the corner.

  “Jen?” Tom stuck his head out the door, wet curls stuck to his forehead. “What’s going on?”

  “I don’t know.” Aware a couple of other doors had cracked open to witness the spectacle Jen came back into the flat and closed the door. “Some guy just gave me this envelope and told me it was about legal proceedings against me.”

  “Legal proceedings?” Tom was as confused as Jen. “Here, let me see.” He took the envelope and opened it, scanning the contents with a face that quickly turned thunderous.

  “What is it?” Jen asked quietly, alarmed by Toms expression. His knuckles had gone white and suddenly he exploded with rage, grabbing a vase from the mantelpiece and hurling it across the room, howling with fury. He smashed two mugs, a bowl and the glass tabletop before rounding on Jen.

  “How did he find out?” He demanded and Jen backed away, totally bewildered.

  “How did who find out what?” She asked and Tom shook the letter at her.

  “This,” he hissed “is notification that an injunction has been taken out against you to prevent you have a termination while one Mr Aweyu” he spat the name out “files a paternity suit.”

  “What?” Jen was astonished. “Can he do that?” Tom didn’t answer, instead grabbing his mobile. Slapping the paper down on the kitchen table he waited until he had an answer, gritting his teeth to remain calm.

  “Get me a lawyer on the line.” He demanded eventually without even saying hello. “We have a problem.”