by Rivka Spicer
“Yes Ma’am!”
Chapter seventeen
The next two weeks were a life lesson in frustration for Jen. They wouldn’t let her do anything except occasional gentle walks and that only when it wasn’t raining or too cold. When Tom returned from his business trip and discovered she had been ill without telling him he was angry, upset and relieved that she was okay all at the same time, demanding to know why she hadn’t called immediately. Jen shrugged and told him that she was fine, the others were blowing it all out of proportion. Needless to say he sided with the girls and became her third jailer, even helping out with the cooking on occasion.
It wasn’t all bad news – she managed to get a lot of sketching done for the next year’s season. Nkara had vociferously put forward a case for an Arabian theme and after initially refusing Jen had eventually backed down. Arabian dress was not just confined to Egypt and after being persuaded to do some research, handily having to be sat at a computer to do so, Jen agreed. Although many of the traditional styles were loose and almost entirely shapeless the fabrics were absolutely gorgeous and there were some elements of the styling that Jen adored, the heavily embellished dropped sleeves for one. She was also quite taken with the decorative veils and they way contemporary women sometimes wore them set back on piled up hair so that they hung almost like a waterfall. She also liked the way the Moroccan hooded styles framed the face and decided that they could make a striking range of autumn and winter coats the following year on that pattern. She drew sketch after sketch, desperately looking forward to getting started.
Tessa came over and sat with her for a few days and they discussed designs and adaptations for high fashion and high street. She had been absolutely fantastic, running the business in Jen’s absence and getting the orders filled. This close to Christmas they were getting in all sorts of requests for party outfits but they were keeping up with demand and Tessa was having the time of her life. She was in awe of the way Jen could spend a couple of hours on research and then pluck hundreds of ideas seemingly out of thin air, sketching and adapting and sketching again. It was really something to watch.
“You should frame some of these.” She had joked one afternoon. “They’ll be worth a lot of money one day!”
In her new found excitement over having discovered the next season’s theme, Jen had almost completely forgotten about having the amniocentesis and the days flew by in a blur as the girls prepared all around her for the big day. Kim had finally called and although their first conversation had been a little tense, talk of the baby had finally broken the ice once Jen announced, quietly and certain that she wasn’t being overheard, that she was keeping it whoever it belonged to. Tom would just have to deal with it if it was Mark’s and if he didn’t want to then they would simply have to cross that bridge when they came to it. Jen was so sure of her decision that the results were almost insignificant in her mind. They talked of the tomb and what they had found so far. The director had managed to secure funding for another team of 20 archaeologists to go out to help them as they were still digging the tomb of the sons of Rameses in conjunction with the new one.
“Did you know she was also called Bint’Anath?” Kim asked almost too casually and Jen frowned, trying to think back.
“I think so. Rameses named her.” A sudden rush of dry, dusty heat flooded her memories and Jen sighed. “I raised her to be a good queen.” She sounded resigned and there was a long silence at Kim’s end.
“You can’t change the past.” She said softly eventually and Jen swallowed the lump in her throat, because of all people she knew that you could. If she could just find the courage to choose fiery and all-consuming love over her duty to her family and to Tom and to her business, then all the pieces of her soul would be gathered up and put back together erasing more than four thousand years of heart-ache in a single moment. She just did not have the courage.
The night before the wedding Tom had left for the hotel and Jen was settling with the girls in the flat when there was a knock at the door. Giggling, Jen went to open it, stopping dead when she came face to face with the person in the hallway.
“Jen…” Mark’s voice cracked with strain. “I’m sorry I just turned up…I had to see you.” Jen was speechless and nearly fainted from the roaring in her ears.
“Who is it?” Yelled Nkara from the living room, but Jen couldn’t speak. She’d grabbed the door handle to steady herself and was shaking. Love and fear and sorrow had all crowded her throat at once and there were no words to find their way out. All she could do was gape at him. “Jen?” Nkara came to the door to see if she was okay and looked out. “Oh.” Understatement of the century. “You’d better come in.” Gently taking Jen’s hand she led them both through to the kitchen and put the kettle on, making tea while they sat in silence and gazed at each other. Finally she placed a mug in front of each and backed off slightly. “Are you okay Jen?” She checked her pulse quickly and placed a cool hand on her forehead. “Call me if you get dizzy. I’ll leave you guys to talk.” Mark watched her leave and then returned his gaze to Jen.
“I just wanted to know your intentions.” He said softly. “I don’t want to take you to court Jen. I’m not here out of any hope of winning you back – I know you’re getting married tomorrow. I just want to know what you’re going to do if the child is mine.” Jen swallowed thickly, taking a gasp of air like a drowning man that’s surfaced.
“I don’t know.” She had to try a couple of times before the words would come out. “I want to keep it but that may be awkward.” She flinched as he took her hand but let him hold it, giant fingers tracing gentle circles on the soft skin between thumb and forefinger. The sensation calmed her and she realised she had to be honest here, however hard it was going to be. “That’s not quite true.” She admitted. “I don’t want to keep it, I am keeping it, whoever’s it is. If that ruins things with Tom then that’s the way the chips fall. I don’t see how he can force me to have a termination. How did you know that we were already determining paternity?”
“My lawyers told me you’d had the test done.” He explained. “Jen it’s been killing me, just…waiting…”
“Me too.” Jen couldn’t help herself blurting out the admission and to her astonishment Mark started to cry.
“Please don’t let him make you kill it!” He begged. “I love you so much. It’s all I’ll ever have of you and you know I’ll give it the world…” Jen’s heart went out to him and she automatically held out a hand to cup his cheek.
“I know.” She wiped away a tear with her thumb. “I know. I will fight to keep it with every breath that’s in my body, but I’ve thought about it harder than you can imagine and I can’t just give it to you Mark. What sort of life is that for a child? Parents on opposite sides of the world – I’ve thought about it every day since I found out I was pregnant…”
“I could move here!” Mark was desperate, but Jen shook her head.
“Tom would never allow that and he has too many friends in high places. He had your visa revoked remember?” Sympathetically she wiped away tears and leaned across to gently kiss his forehead, realising that the pain was not all hers alone to bear. “The results are due any day now.” She promised. “Let’s cross each bridge as we come to it because this business of trying to plan is killing me.” Mark nodded, visibly pulling himself together.
“You’re right.” He swiped at his eyes. “I shouldn’t have come.”
“Maybe not…” Jen welled up with tears, “but it was good to see you. I’ve missed you so much.” In an instant they were holding each other fiercely, feeling as though the world was breaking up around them in time with their hearts.
“I missed you too.” Mark pulled her in even closer. “Come back to me Jen. Please…”
“I can’t.” She sobbed. “I love you but I can’t.” Mark sighed.
“Then I had better go.” He kissed the top of her head and cradled her for just a moment longer before releasing her sorrowfully. “Let m
e know as soon as you hear…” Leaving her in the kitchen he stepped into the hall, but turned back as though invisible strings had held him back. “Just so you know, even if it was his I’d still take you and love you both unconditionally.” And with that he was gone.
A couple of seconds later Nkara and Hailey descended from both sides with hugs, rocking her softly and hushing her sobs.
“It’ll be okay.” Hailey wished her softly but Jen shook her head.
“No it won’t.” She wept. “It’ll never be okay again.”
She finally cried herself into an exhausted sleep shortly after midnight and the others followed her to bed soon after. Dawn would come round soon enough with all the madness and chaos that would bring.
Seven o’clock found Jen in the kitchen pale and tired but busy making tea. Nkara and Hailey stumbled in around half past and they all sat around the table trying to get their heads together. Hailey finally shook herself out of it first.
“Right. Breakfast. Hairdresser will be here at nine.”
I’m not hungry.” Jen told her quietly but Hailey just shrugged.
“You’re still going to eat.” She declared, not taking any arguments. “I will not have you throwing up all over that gorgeous dress from morning sickness. It’d be such a waste!”
The wedding was at 1pm and by half eleven the hairdressers and make-up artists were just doing the finishing touches. The flowers had been delivered and the dresses were all laid out ready for the journey to the church. Then the phone rang. For an instant everyone froze, uncertain as to whether it would be some last minute crisis or a belated well-wisher, but finally Nkara picked it up. When she turned to Jen her expression was solemn and full of pity.
“It’s the clinic.” She said faintly. “Your results have arrived.”
“Oh my god!” Panic rose up and threatened to overwhelm Jen. Suddenly her throat seemed too tight to breathe and the world spun in circles around her. She collapsed into the nearest chair hyperventilating with panic until her vision started to dim.
“They want to speak to you.” Gently Nkara took Jen’s shaking hand and pressed the phone into it. “It’s okay, we’re here. Whatever happens we’ll be here.” Trembling, Jen raised the phone to her ear.
“Hello?” She whispered, desperately afraid of what the doctor was about to say. In absolute silence they all waited as she got the results, anxiously biting freshly polished nails and fidgeting. Pale and trembling Jen eventually thanked them and hung up, gazing into space.
“Jen? Whose is it?” Hailey just couldn’t contain herself and Jen blinked.
“Can I have a moment alone?” She asked quietly. “I think the father should know first.”
“Of course.” Looking worriedly at each other Nkara and Hailey followed the stylists out the room. For a long, long moment Jen just sat and looked at her wedding dress and then a slow smile spread across her cheeks until she was grinning broadly. Taking the phone she dialled the familiar number and said simply:
“The baby is yours. I’m on the way.” Hanging up she smiled at her reflection in the mirror and started to get dressed, feeling suddenly as though it was all falling into place.
Epilogue
A year later Jen sat in her wedding dress in front of the mirror while Hailey carefully applied one last layer of lipstick to her face and adjusted her veil.
“How do I look?” She asked finally and to her surprise, Hailey teared up.
“Like a Princess.” She murmured, hugging her gently so as not to crease her dress. “We’d better go, we’re going to be late.” They rushed down the steps and carefully piled into the waiting cars, Jen’s father looking extremely dapper in his suit and tails giving Jen a hand into the back seat.
“You look so beautiful.” He chucked her chin. “Who would have thought? My little girl all grown up and finally getting married!”
“Stop it Daddy!” She scolded. “You’ll make me cry and then Hailey will get mad at me.” He burst out laughing and held her hand, looking across at her with love in his eyes as they drove towards the venue.
After twenty minutes or so Jen narrowed her eyes as she looked out the window at the scenery.
“Where are we going?” She demanded, suddenly concerned. “This isn’t the way to the church!”
“It’s a surprise.” Nkara winked back at her over her shoulder from the front seat and Jen frowned.
“What have you done? Somebody tell me this instant or I will stop this car and get out right now.”
“I didn’t do anything.” Nkara smiled serenely. “It was Hailey and that soon to be husband of yours that cooked it all up between them. Just relax. You’ll love it.”
Still unsure, Jen settled back into the seat and tried to settle, wondering where they were going and how long it would take. Hailey was in the car behind them with the rest of the wedding party and Jen didn’t have her phone on her.
When they finally turned a corner and the vista opened up in front of them Jen just gaped out of the window absolutely speechless at the sight that awaited her. As the small orchestra struck up the first chords of Pachelbel’s canon, Jen’s dad helped her out of the car and they stood and stared at what awaited...a full size replica of Little Henge where Mark waited with Mara before him and his son in his arms, ready to marry the woman he loved.
“What do you think?” Kim whispered from behind her and Jen’s face lit up like the dawn was breaking.
“I think it’s magical! Thank you all so much!” They didn’t have time for hugging but she knew that later they would celebrate this incredible event late into the night.
As they walked into the circle, surrounded by family and friends both sitting and standing, fanning themselves idly in the New Zealand heat, Jen marvelled at how they had managed to build this without her even knowing. It must have cost a fortune. Narrowing her eyes at the thought she turned to her dad.
“Did you pay for this?” She asked quietly under her breath, still smiling at those they passed and he quietly laughed.
“Of course I did princess.” He patted her arm. “They told me it would make you happy and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. Are you happy?” Jen looked ahead to where Mark was standing and swallowed the lump of gratitude in her throat.
“I’ve never been happier in my life.” She whispered back. “I love you daddy.”
“I love you too princess.” Tears stood in his eyes and Jen took her last few moments of single life to reflect on what her decision had cost her.
As predicted her mother had not forgiven her for standing Tom up at the altar and dropping everything to rush to New Zealand. She had refused to come to the wedding and was still not talking to Jen, even when her grandchild was born. Jen’s father had rushed straight out to meet his grandson and welcomed Mark into the family with open arms, clearly able to see how much they loved each other and refusing to acknowledge the fact that Jen’s behaviour had cost him millions in deals with the Bergmann Corporation.
Tom’s rage was also fairly predictable. According to Hailey he had smashed up the flat and then gone on a bender that took him most of the way through January. His parents had ended up being forced to send him to a private clinic to pull himself together. Hailey had rescued as much as she could, but upon his return Tom had systematically destroyed anything of hers that was left. Jen hadn’t heard from him and was grateful. Some days she wondered how she had ever thought she loved him in the first place. He had made some half-hearted attempts to damage her business but he hadn’t counted on the support of Jen’s father who had systematically crushed anyone that dared to criticise his precious daughter. Tom had eventually let it go and last Jen had heard he had been spotted in public dating a gorgeous supermodel whom he seemed to enjoy showering in diamonds, much like the hideous engagement ring he had bought for Jen. She took a small moment to examine the ring that Mark had commissioned for her when she had agreed to come and live in New Zealand with him. Tessa had helped him design it and it was truly beaut
iful. He had given it to her in a box filled with pink and blue heart confetti to commemorate their first meeting and Jen had just about died of happiness at the romance of it all.
Needless to say, Hailey had stuck by Jen’s side to the disgust and disapproval of most of her family and that made the pain of letting down Tom’s family much easier for Jen to bear. In the end she hadn’t lost them all and at least one of Tom’s brothers had made carefully neutral contact to see how she was faring. Hailey was now working for House of Anderson, putting her organisational skills to excellent use as the new manager of the London offices. They were receiving so many orders and her high street line was flying out the doors of the shops faster than they could make the clothes. Tessa had to return to her studio full time and Nkara was too busy creating and manufacturing the fabrics to run the office as well. After co-ordinating the spectacle that would have been Jen’s wedding to Tom on top of Christmas they had all been in awe of Hailey’s organisational and bartering skills and she seemed the perfect choice to hire as manager. Jen was slowly building a new studio here in New Zealand since Mark’s visa application for the UK was still struggling and they were dealing with everything by conference calls, emails and courier. It was expensive and inefficient but business was booming and they’d work it out.
Little Houhia had been born at their beautiful home in New Zealand at the end of April and they had given him a traditional Maori name meaning ‘to make peace’. It had caused no end of amusement back in England as everyone struggled with the pronunciation and had started referring to the whole thing as the big hoo-ha. In the end it was Jen’s father that had started calling him Howie as a nickname and it had stuck. Only Mark called him Houhia and every time he did he said it with a smile, knowing the true meaning behind the name, for the little boy had brought Jen back to him and they had made peace with their past. For the first time they would be whole again when they moved on from this life because this little boy had given Jen the courage to follow her heart.