“Yes, twice.”
For a long moment he studied her intensely, “Maybe I saw you there?”
There was a tingling in her body as she wondered if he could have seen her there and remembered her. She shrugged, “Could be.”
He was silent a moment, then said, “I’m grasping at straws, you know that? Trying to invent some explanation for the impact you had on me ... and still do.”
She smiled. “You know, William, some things defy explanation.”
He chuckled, “Yes, I suppose they do. As I mentioned, I have no business ....” He played with the dog for a moment, then asked, “Uh, is your husband at home?”
She said, “No, he won’t be back until this evening. He went to a political meeting at Allan Jenkins’s home.”
“I’m sorry to admit that I am somewhat relieved by that news.”
She was relieved that Lawrence was gone, too. She didn’t want this to stop. “Don’t be sorry. I understand.”
His eyes searched her face, “Do you?”
She met his eyes and said softly, “Yes, William. I do. I ....”
At that moment Sadie appeared with a tray of cold tea and biscuits. She sat the tray on the small garden table.
Madeline told her, “Thank you, Sadie, that will be all.” Sadie nodded and retreated.
Madeline said to him, “Come, William, let’s sit and have some cool refreshment.”
As Madeline sat in the chair she became aware that she still carried the pistol in her dress pocket. She fluffed her dress, carefully laying a fold of material over the concealed pistol.
William picked up a glass of tea and drank half a glass. “Ah, that is refreshing. Thank you for offering,” he said. He looked around the garden. “You have a lovely garden here, Madeline.”
“Yes, it is special to me. I often come out here to be alone and read,” she replied. She sipped her tea then said, “Tell me something, William. Have you ever had an affair with a married woman?”
He studied her thoughtfully for a moment. “No, I haven’t.”
This time it was she who remained silent and thoughtful. He spoke again, “It has never been my style to intrude on a marriage. I feel guilt just sitting here with you knowing full well you are a happily married woman.”
She sighed deeply, aware that his eyes were studying her with a curious intensity. He had been so open and honest with her and she felt a twinge of guilt as he indicated her happy marriage, and she knew she should not let him know that her marriage was far from happy. But something in her was daring and willing to expose herself further. She replied softly, “It’s not been as happy as I had wished.”
“Oh? Do you want me to say I’m not happy to hear that or ... do you want the truth?”
“Sometimes the truth hurts too much,” she replied. “So, maybe we’d better leave it at that.”
“That wasn’t fair of me. I apologize. I care enough about you to want you to be happy, really. And I am sorry if things are not the way you had hoped.”
“Sometimes the things we think we want are not the right things for us. Maybe that’s life, who knows?”
“What do you want from life, Madeline?”
“Well, for several years I wanted children. That need has pretty much receded now. I think I expected more contentment, more satisfaction, and that has been lacking. How about you, William?”
“What do I want from life?”
“Yes.”
“First, I would want the war to end. Then to find a good partner, someone to share my time with, maybe children, though they have not been paramount in my mind.”
“How come you’ve not found the right one? You’re an attractive man and I would have guessed you could have had about anyone you wanted.”
He smiled softly. “I’ve never seen her until ... maybe I was waiting ... maybe I still am.”
Madeline blushed as her eyes locked with his. She could hardly hear her own words as she said, “I wish things were different, William, I really do. If I wasn’t married I ... you ....”
William shrugged. “I guess we all have unfulfilled wishes, Madeline.” The dog sat at William’s feet, his head resting on his knee. William stroked the dog in silence for several minutes, then said, “I’ll be honest with you, Madeline. I’ve never been in love until now. I want you ... want you more than any other woman I’ve ever known. The feeling will not go away. You’ve been in my nightly dreams, my waking dreams, and I’m not sure how to change that, or even what to do about it. I’ve even thought of reassignment so I won’t be anywhere around here.”
She felt her stomach react to the thought of not seeing him again and was not even surprised by her reaction. “No, don’t do that.” The words were out of her mouth before she could catch them.
“It might be best,” he replied softly.
Her mind swirled. Love. She had known, yes, since their first meeting that there were strong feelings between them. She was drawn to him, often thought of him, too, wanted to know more about him. Today she had ended one man’s life and now another man was offering new meaning to her life. Could she turn away from his offering? And more importantly, did she want to turn away? Was she about to put her life in jeopardy for the second time today? A Confederate officer, and she a Union sympathizer, clandestine intelligence operations, dangerous in more ways than one. Could she separate the war from her emotional desires? Could she risk destroying her marriage—and even further risking her life? What if her husband found out?—what if both of them found out? An affair. The war. A spy. No guarantees. How would it end for all of them?
She sighed deeply and all her fear and doubts dissolved in that moment. She said, “I go riding alone every morning at seven.”
If he was surprised, his face did not show it. His eyes were soft as he said, “You shouldn’t be out there alone. It’s not safe.”
“Well, then make it safe for me, William. I could use a riding partner. I take the trail on the other side of the peach orchard. The same trail you took down the hill this afternoon.”
Chapter Fourteen: Lucinda
Benjamin heard a clank as the jail door opened. He lifted his head from the cot as Sheriff Franklin’s gruff voice echoed in the hall. “Ben, your grandpappy done bailed you out. Get your things together.”
Benjamin stood up and saw Alexander standing down the hall. His grandfather was a sight for sore eyes. Alexander, dressed in his Sunday best suit, smiled and gave him a salute with a tip of his hat. It was a welcome relief to be going home and leaving behind the cold and unfriendly six-by-six-foot jail cell.
Sheriff Franklin unlocked the cell door and waited patiently as Benjamin gathered up his few belongings.
Benjamin told him, “Sheriff, please tell Mrs. Franklin that I’ve appreciated her home cooking. It’s made life a little more bearable around here.”
Franklin replied, “Sure will, Ben. She’ll appreciate hearing that.”
As grandfather and grandson walked into the Sheriff’s inner office, Franklin told them, “I wouldn’t linger in town today. It is best you get on your way. Some are still a little heated and we don’t want any problems.”
Alexander said, “We will be on our way without delay, Sheriff.”
Franklin patted Benjamin on the shoulder and said, “I expect you back in a timely manner when the trial date is set.”
“I’ll be here,” Benjamin replied.
As Benjamin moved toward the front door, Franklin added, “Sorry you have to go through this. I think you know I had no choice.”
Alexander spoke up before Benjamin had a chance to. “Sheriff, we’ll get this matter cleared up and put it behind us all.” Alexander opened the door and motioned Benjamin out. “Have a good day, Sheriff,” he said as he tipped his hat and pulled the door shut.
Benjamin laughed as they walked away. “Hey Pap, that was swift,” he said. “Were you afraid I might say something to the Sheriff about his ‘choices.’”
Alexander chuckled. “Knowing yo
u’re my grandson, I would have bet a buck or two on it.”
The late morning sun was partially hidden by cloud cover. Benjamin breathed in deeply, grateful for the fresh outdoor air. He was relieved to be going home. He did not like being confined to a jail cell at all and he sure as hell hoped a jail cell would not be in his future.
Alexander’s wagon moved along the main street of Marshalltown and Benjamin glanced toward the open doorway of the tavern as they passed. Several men were standing out on the sidewalk, smoking, and in conversation. Two of the men looked their way and Benjamin turned away and focused his gaze elsewhere. Funny, he thought, a shot of whiskey did not even sound good. He had been alcohol free and sober for more than a week, since his binge at the hotel in Iowa City before Lucinda came back into his life.
He wished Alexander would push the horse a little faster. They were approaching Karns Tailor Shop and he wanted to get beyond that as quickly as possible.
The Tailor Shop did not go unnoticed by Alexander. He glanced over at his grandson. “That’s where they live?”
“Yeah.” Benjamin noticed the CLOSED sign in the window before glancing away. Alexander remained silent as they passed on by.
About the time they left town, Benjamin relaxed, feeling comfortable now that Marshalltown was behind them. He asked the question he had been wondering about since he first had sight of his grandfather. “My father refused to come, didn’t he?”
Alexander was quiet as he concentrated on lighting his pipe. As soon as the pipe was lit and the aroma of tobacco filled the air, he answered, “Said he had a mill order promised today.”
Benjamin sighed and said, “That couldn’t wait, huh?” He wondered why he even bothered to ask the question.
“Ah, don’t worry about it, Benjamin.”
Benjamin was quiet a moment before saying, “Pap, that is so like him. Do you think I can reach a time where he acts like he cares about me?”
“Oh, he does care.”
His voice was cool. “You could sure fool me. How angry is he?”
Alexander rubbed his chin and then looked at his grandson. “He’ll calm down.”
“Pretty angry, huh?”
“He’s concerned.”
“What’s he saying?”
“I suppose his main concern is that you might have been drinking.”
“Damn. I’ll probably never convince him otherwise.”
“Were you?”
“No. I hadn’t had a drink in days.”
“Then tell him that.”
“What good will that do? He won’t believe it,” Benjamin said with frustration.
Alexander remained silent apparently not in the mood to defend Benjamin’s father any more. Benjamin was just as happy his grandfather did not try to justify his father’s actions any further. He knew how it would be when he got home. Nothing would change that. It never did.
Benjamin was grateful for the breeze coming from the west. Even though it was stirring up dust from the open prairie, it gave relief from the heat of the sun. He settled back into the wagon seat, stretched his legs out and relaxed into the monotonous movement of the horse drawn wagon. He tried to clear his head of thoughts of his problems, his father, and Lucinda, but even watching and listening to the abundant birds in the grass along the roadway, or seeing an occasional rabbit dart across the road, did little to clear his thoughts.
Alexander spoke up after a few minutes of silence. “Your Mama packed some food for us. In the box behind you. You hungry?”
“Not yet. I had a pretty good breakfast.”
“Okay. We’ll stop in a bit.”
“Anytime you’re ready, Pap,” he replied.
His thoughts again returned to Lucinda. Even the birds reminded him of their conversation about his wood carvings. He smiled to himself recalling their kiss, the warmth that was there between them. He knew he could not just be friends with Lucinda. The emotion ran much deeper than that. He loved her, as he always had. Trouble was, he had no idea what he could do about it.
Alexander asked, “How is Lucinda? Have you heard?”
He wondered if his grandfather had just read his mind. He chuckled to himself. He was aware that his grandfather was wise, witty, and intelligent and had years of life experiences that gave him an edge on others, but he doubted Alexander had any special ability to know what he was thinking at any given moment.
He answered his grandfather’s question. “She came to the jail one day for a short visit. But we decided she shouldn’t do that again as a few people followed her to the jail and taunted her.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah. The Sheriff had his deputy walk her back to Doctor Northland’s home,” he said. “I think she’s doing okay.”
“I’m sorry to hear the townsfolk are causing problems. That gets my hackles up.”
“Yeah, mine too. And it could get worse when I go to court.” He sighed and admitted, “Pap, I don’t know what to do.”
Alexander puffed on his pipe. He pulled it away from his mouth and set his steely gray eyes on Benjamin. “Well, the first thing is to get a good lawyer. We’ll talk to Jonathan Matthews up in Ames. He’s one of the best in Iowa. I also hear Judge Patterson keeps his courtroom in order and doesn’t put up with foolishness.”
Benjamin nodded. “I’ve heard of Matthews.”
“He’s good.”
“My concern is more for Lucinda, Pap,” he admitted. “I hate she has to go through this after what she’s already been through.”
Alexander nodded slowly. “Sometimes, Benjamin, life throws curves. You just have to trust that everything will be all right.”
Benjamin trusted the wisdom of his grandfather but he answered, “Easier said than done, Pap.”
Standing at the porch railing of Silas and Elizabeth Jane’s home, Lucinda Garrison held tight a cup of hot coffee, hoping to take away the slight chill she was feeling. It was a warm afternoon, almost warm enough to shed a sweater, but yet even with her sweater she felt chilly. She knew she was not sick nor coming down with any illness and that the chill was inside of her, in her mind, as her thoughts centered on what had happened to her. A dread, a nagging dread, was bringing her chill.
And that was why she needed these few minutes alone while Elizabeth Jane bathed Katrina and readied her for a nap. Lucinda gazed across the yard at the farm animals, watching as two young goats playfully butted heads. Their playfulness brought a momentary smile to her.
Although she was grateful for the invitation from Elizabeth Jane to spend a little time here, she wondered if it would have been better to stay in Marshalltown. She had debated with Doctor Northland about closing the school for a few weeks, as he insisted it would be best for her physical and emotional health. He was persistent in his suggestion that she go away for awhile.
The Marshalltown climate was still one of rumors and accusations and she supposed Doc Northland was correct in his thought that it best for her to remove herself for a bit. But she also felt that it might be running away from the problem instead of holding her head high and facing it head-on. When she expressed her concern to the Doc he had assured her there would be plenty of time for that when the trial began.
The trial. How she dreaded it. She would be relieved when Benjamin was out of jail, but her concern for him would not vanish just because he was out from behind bars. That she knew.
She couldn’t help but feel responsible for what happened to Benjamin. And even Thomas Karns. She knew that was crazy after what Thomas did to her, but she would never have wished him dead. So it was a mixed bag of feelings about Thomas. Anger, outrage, humiliation, pain, and yes, even sadness.
She had trusted, as a teacher who observes the actions and personalities of children, that she had a perceptive eye for major problems so was aghast at how far off she had been on judging the Karns boy. Not only had she missed the signs of how angry and troubled Thomas was, she had actually misinterpreted his actions as being fairly innocent and somewhat normal
for an adolescent young man coming into adulthood. It was a red flag warning when he began causing problems in class with the other children but she never dreamed his actions would end up being so violent and criminal. How had she missed it?
She wondered about the Karns’s family dynamics. It appeared John Karns was a stern man and forceful in his dealings with others. Both of Thomas’s parents were older than the average parent of a child his age and Thomas was their only child. One could not help but wonder how Thomas’s home life affected his defiant behavior.
Before she left Marshalltown she had gone to the schoolhouse to look over Thomas’s previous school record. She recalled there had been some behavior problems in his earlier grades. In reviewing the teacher comments it appeared when he was six to eight or so, he was unruly and aggressive but that had apparently rectified in the later years. Or so it seemed.
She also had another concern. James. She had to write her husband a letter and tell him what happened, and she had been putting it off for days. She was now worried he might hear it from someone else, and didn’t want that to happen. As understanding as James always was, she feared he would want questions answered such as why Benjamin Storm was at the schoolhouse that day. She knew James would also be very upset that he had not been there to protect her.
She sighed as she recalled his words the first night they were together after telling him about her abusive marriage. No one will ever treat you like that again. Never. Never, ever, he had promised.
When he reads her letter, would he wonder if she let it happen?—that somehow she had encouraged it in some way? Oh, how she prayed that he wouldn’t. She knew it was foolish to even think that way. She knew James better than that. Her husband did not have a stupid mentality like some people did in Marshalltown.
But Benjamin might be another matter. Would James accept the notion that Benjamin dropped by to say goodbye when he was leaving town after meeting her at his brother’s home?
Corn Silk Days: Iowa, 1862 Page 14