Would that need any further explanation?
She felt guilty that she had never revealed her relationship with Benjamin to anyone other than her Aunt Maggie. She had been so honest and open with James but for some reason had kept her relationship with Benjamin a secret. She knew secrets could come back to bite. But then again, she also thought Benjamin was a part of her forgotten past and would never walk into her life again.
Forgotten past?
Who am I kidding? Benjamin has always been in my present, whether I wanted him here or not. First love, young love ....
Lucinda’s reverie was broken by the opening of the door as Elizabeth Jane stepped out onto the porch. She dropped the smile from her face as she saw Lucinda. With concern, she asked, “Are you okay, Lucinda?”
Lucinda managed a smile. “I’m okay. I was just thinking, I guess.”
“What’s wrong?”
“A lot to think about. I suppose I’m dreading having to write to James and tell him what happened.”
Elizabeth Jane nodded with understanding. “I know. I can imagine how difficult that will be for you.”
Lucinda needed comfort and she could not hide that fact. Tears welled up. “Can you, Janie? Do you understand my fear?” She dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief.
Elizabeth Jane joined her at the rail and leaned back against it as she studied her sister-in-law’s expression. After a moment, Elizabeth Jane replied, “I think I do.”
She put her handkerchief in her sweater pocket, then said, “I know it’s silly to think that James might not understand.”
Elizabeth Jane gave a reassuring smile. “He’ll understand.”
Lucinda looked away, sipped her coffee and then returned her gaze to Elizabeth Jane. “I hope so. But how do I tell him what happened? He’ll be so upset.”
“Sure he will. He loves you. Just write him and let him know what happened without a lot of actual detail.”
She shivered. “It’s going to scare him when he reads the words that I was raped, for God’s sake.”
“Let him know first that you are okay but went through a bad ordeal.”
Lucinda nodded. “I suppose you’re right. I need to break it to him as gently as I can.”
“Yes. Don’t even use the word rape. Explain it in other ways.”
“You’re right. I know how upset this will make him.”
“If I know my brother as well as I think I do, he’ll initially be angry that it happened to you, and will want to throw down his rifle and come home to protect you, but he’ll also realize he has a job to do, and will know that you are safe now and surrounded by loving family.”
“I guess,” Lucinda said. “I hate to put this on him. He doesn’t need other things to worry about while fighting a war. But I have to write him before he hears it from others.”
“Yes. That’d be a good idea. You know how fast things get around, even with a mail delay. Sometimes I’m amazed at things Silas knows about that have happened at home or even to others in the war. And you know how the gossips are—their rumors travel faster than a stamped letter.”
That brought a smile to Lucinda’s face. “I know. You’d think those things had wings on them as fast as they fly.”
They both shared a laugh.
Elizabeth Jane said, “Supper will be ready soon. Denny is reading. He promised he would stay quiet and not disturb Katrina’s nap.” She laughed. “Well, we’ll see how long that lasts. I guess by now Alexander and Benjamin should be home.”
Lucinda asked, “I wonder how he is?”
“Benjamin?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sure he’s fine. Alexander said tomorrow they’ll go to Ames to speak with an attorney.”
That news brought tears to Lucinda and she turned away. Elizabeth Jane moved to her side and put her arm around her. “Lucinda, honey, it will be okay.”
“Janie, it’s all my fault.” There was no hiding the distress she was feeling.
“Hey, wait a minute. This was not your fault. What he did to you was criminal. And you can add bank robbery to that. What happened to that boy was an accident. Benjamin didn’t mean for the boy to die.”
Lucinda could not hold back her sobs. With a cracking voice she quietly said, “I pray to God Benjamin will not go to prison.”
Elizabeth Jane, her voice confident said, “Benjamin will get through this just fine. Don’t you worry.”
But as reassuring as Elizabeth Jane’s words sounded at the moment, Lucinda’s invasive thought about the flight of gossip filled her with doubt and sadness. She knew the days ahead would be difficult ones for her and for Benjamin.
And for James. Tonight she would write her husband.
After supper, Elizabeth Jane and Lucinda washed dishes, and shortly thereafter, Lucinda sat at the desk and began to write a letter to her husband.
Elizabeth Jane readied the children for bed, and although she had concern for the task Lucinda had at hand, she left her alone and gave her privacy. After the children fell asleep, Elizabeth Jane returned to the living room to find it empty. She went to the front window and peeked out. Lucinda was sitting in the chair on the porch, her head bent down in her hands.
Elizabeth Jane put on her coat, picked up a lantern and went outside onto the porch.
Lucinda was crying. Elizabeth Jane wondered if she should go back into the house and let Lucinda have her time alone but she decided she would stay. She set the lantern on the planks of the porch floor near Lucinda and sat in a chair close by.
“Lucinda, what is it?”
Lucinda ran her hands under her eyes, attempting to wipe away tears. She looked at Elizabeth, her eyes red and puffy. “It’s so hard, Janie. I tried to write to James. I couldn’t say ... I don’t know what to say to him.”
“I know it’s hard,” Elizabeth Jane said almost in a whisper. But she could only imagine how hard. What if she had been raped? How would she tell Silas? She shivered to think about it. Silas would understand, and she knew that her brother James would also. But to put it on paper, to describe what happened, yes, it would be very hard and she understood Lucinda’s distress.
Elizabeth Jane offered, “Maybe I can help you write my brother, if you’d like.”
Lucinda sighed deeply. “Thanks, Janie. Maybe later. I can’t do it right now.”
“Whenever you say.” She sat quietly, listening to the chirps of the crickets, not wanting to intrude on whatever Lucinda was feeling.
It was Lucinda who broke their silence. “There is something else bothering me. I don’t know who to turn to. I feel bad, Janie, but I need to talk to someone about it. You’re my sister-in-law but I feel you’re also a friend.”
“Of course. I’m both, Lucinda. What is it?”
“I feel like I’m putting this on you and you don’t need it, but, uh, there is no one else I feel I can share this with. For now, I want you to keep this to yourself. Will you?”
“Of course, I will.”
“Thank you. I don’t know where to begin, this is difficult. You know how much I love James.”
“Yes, I do.”
“It’s about Benjamin.”
“Benjamin? What about Benjamin?”
In the flicker of the lantern light Elizabeth Jane caught the pain in Lucinda’s eyes.
Lucinda slowly chose her words as she said, “Did you know that Benjamin was in Chicago when he was gone those years?”
“No. I don’t think he ever told us where he’d gone.”
“It was Chicago. I was in Chicago, too.”
“Oh?”
“We met there at a dance.” She leaned back in her chair, and took a deep breath and said, “We were together—together for five months.”
Elizabeth Jane was sure her surprise was showing on her face although she struggled to conceal it.
Lucinda continued, “Janie, we were in love.”
Elizabeth Jane could no longer hide her surprise. “In love?”
She nodded. “We we
re young. But it couldn’t work out. It was Benjamin’s drinking. I left him and went to Philadelphia. At first, I hoped he would quit drinking and come after me.”
“Did he?”
“No.”
“You didn’t hear from him?”
“We exchanged letters for a short time. Then I met someone and married him. I wrote Benjamin. It was so difficult to write him. It turned out the marriage was a bad mistake. The man was brutal, abusive. I left him and came to Des Moines. Then I met James.”
“Does James know about this?”
“Not about Benjamin. Only about my marriage and divorce.”
“I see.”
“I should have told him but I never connected him to this family. Benjamin lied to me. He had told me his last name was Sturme. I didn’t have a clue until we met at Robert and Mary’s. I was in shock. I guess he was, too.”
“I can imagine the shock.”
“Why did he lie to me about his name?”
“I don’t know. You probably know Benjamin better than I do. He doesn’t spend much time around here since he came back from Chicago. Silas doesn’t welcome him. He’s disappointed in his brother. You know, the drinking. Silas has talked with him about that and Benjamin gets defensive.”
“He hadn’t been drinking when I saw him at Robert’s or the day he found me.”
“As far as Silas is concerned it’s more than the drinking. He says his brother does not take responsibility and that irritates Silas. So there’s been tension between them since Benjamin came back home.”
Lucinda rose from the chair and went to the porch railing. She leaned on it and looked out to the clear night sky. “Janie, I’m afraid this will come out during the trial. I’m scared they will think Benjamin had a reason to kill Thomas.”
“You mean jealousy?”
She spun around. “Yes, if they know we knew each other in the past.” Her tears returned. “What do I do, Janie? What am I going to do?”
Elizabeth Jane had many thoughts running through her mind. What would people think? After all, Benjamin would be facing a jury. Would they question the status of their current relationship if they knew about their past? She could not come up with a reasonable or comforting answer. Finally she said, “I don’t know, Lucinda.”
“Oh dear God, I don’t know either. I’m so worried about Benjamin. It was terrible to see him locked in that jail cell.”
Elizabeth Jane did not know what to say to Lucinda. She was worried about her brother-in-law, Benjamin, too. More worried than she had previously been.
And right now, as they sat quietly on the porch, both caught up in the silence of the night, broken only by the call of a night bird, the chirping of crickets, and the intrusion of their own thoughts, Elizabeth Jane wished she had not learned Lucinda had once been in love with Benjamin.
And James?
She didn’t want to think about that.
The light of the early morning sun was filtering through a thin, milky cloud cover over the Shenandoah Valley. At Taylor Hills, Nicholas was in the horse stables forking hay for the horses when Madeline entered. “Morn’ng, Ma’am,” he said in greeting.
“Good morning, Nicholas. I’m ready to go riding.”
“Yes, Ma’am. I get your horse ready right now.”
Madeline had awakened earlier than normal after a night of restless sleep. She was feeling nervousness but her heartbeat quickened in anticipation of what was to come. She had risen from bed, dressed, and sat in her bedroom awaiting daybreak. And while waiting, many things had gone through her mind. She was about to embark on a life-changing event. Not only was it life-changing but could be life-threatening. She wanted to be sure she was ready to take such a risk. Shortly before dawn broke, she nearly decided to go back to bed, to forget about the craziness of what she was about to do. Many scenarios of danger had flashed through her mind. What if her husband found out? What would he do? Oh, God, would he beat her? Once she felt Lawrence came close to hitting her because she had defied his wishes in some small way. He was a jealous man, always uncalled for, that is, until now. After all, in his mind, she was his possession, and if he felt any threat to that she would be in grave trouble. Would he kill her? Would he kill Lieutenant Edson? That thought sent a cold chill up her spine.
Before the sun came up she had made up her mind. She would go riding as she did most mornings, and if she ‘accidentally’ ran into a handsome Confederate Lieutenant she would follow her heart wherever it took her.
Nicholas assisted her up onto the saddle. He frowned, his dark eyes level under drawn brows as he looked up at her. “Ma’am, I knows I saiz this ever’ time you go a’ride’n but I worry. There’s danger out there.”
She smiled down at Nicholas from atop the horse. “Nicholas, thank you for your concern. I’ll be just fine. Don’t you worry.”
Nicholas nodded but the frown did not leave his face. “Yes, Ma’am. If you say.” He handed her the reins.
Madeline rode away from Taylor Hills, her heart still beating fast in anticipation of what was to come.
She rode through the peach orchard and beyond, followed the trail on the hillside, and within a few minutes she saw William on horseback in a stand of trees on the trail ahead. As she approached he dismounted his horse, and gave a warm welcoming smile.
He walked along side her horse, reached up to help her dismount, and as she fell into his arms she heard him whisper, “Madeline, you are so beautiful.”
And by the time they finished making love, she believed every word of it and was filled with an amazing sense of completeness.
Chapter Fifteen: Saturday, the 4th Day of July 1863
Young’s Point, Louisiana
Beloved wife,
I again write a few lines to let you know that I am tolerable good and I hope when this letter arrives in your hands that it will find you in good spirits. I received your likeness and that of the children in one of your last letters and I was well pleased with it. You told me to be careful and not lay on the picture. Well I had no intention of laying on it. I keep it close to my heart and I feel so proud of the picture as though it were gold. I have never seen anything as sweet as that picture. It would do me so good to get a few kisses from your sweet lips.
I did not tell you before but last month our regiment went with prisoners up to Memphis and when returning our boat was fired on and three men were wounded. That was done by guerillas. They are getting so they fire on every boat that passes. At that time the Vicksburg fight had been going on about eighteen days since we had attacked the burg and we did not think then it could last much longer. We have been fighting since the first day of May. There has been a great many men killed and wounded on both sides.
I received two letters from you, dated June 10th and June the 17th. Nothing gives me more pleasure than to know the money I sent got through safe. I got very uneasy about that. I have not drawn any money since I sent that home. It is not very safe to send money from here.
I must tell you about Vicksburg but I suppose you will hear the news before my letter gets to you. Vicksburg is ours at last. It was surrendered sometime last night. I have not heard any particulars about it. The Steamer, John H. Dickey had just passed up the river with a dispatch for the upper country and if you are taking newspapers you will hear the particulars of the surrender. It is rejoicing news to me and I suppose more so to the boys who were fighting them. If it was peace declared I can hardly hold myself. I heard we lost two more boys out of our company since they went to Vicksburg but I did not learn who they are.
Our regiment went in the fight at Milliken’s Bend with one hundred and forty men and about one half was killed and wounded. Four men out of Company K were killed dead and one died of a wound afterwards. I do not suppose that there is a hundred and fifty men able for service at the present time and there will be less if we stay down here this summer.
I would like to come home and see you but I can not tell you when it will be. I am going to stay on thi
s boat as long as I can. We will be apt to move to Vicksburg soon. I would like to see the place very much.
So no more at present. Send me a postage stamp once in awhile. I can not get them here.
From your loving husband,
Silas
Chapter Sixteen: Lincoln
Although rumor had it that President Lincoln would not be taking part in any Fourth of July celebrations, the opportunity for festivity was not passed up by families of many communities across the North.
The Collins township decided to go forward with their traditional celebration and Alexander Storm had been one of the elder town’s people who encouraged the usual festivities of Independence Day. He had argued passionately that a day of togetherness and joyful activities would and should be a welcome change from the sadness and anxiety that the war had manifested.
There were only a handful of people who felt the festivities should not occur, and Mr. and Mrs. Randolph Bennet had been among the few.
Randolph Bennet had loudly protested against the festival during the town meeting and as usual he had been drinking to excess.
Mayor Hampton, although not a timid man, had lost control of the meeting, unable to calm the outbursts of the Bennets. Alexander, as frustrated as others, finally took charge and escorted Mr. Bennet from the meeting. He told Mrs. Bennet to take her drunken husband home where he belonged and if they did not see fit to attend the Fourth of July festival that would be fine by him, as most in the community would not welcome their presence anyway.
The festivities began at noon on Saturday, July 4th at the town meeting hall. Inside the hall, tables, covered with bright cotton cloths, were filled with food—baskets of homemade breads, garden fresh vegetables, fruits, sponge cakes, pies, puddings, and sliced ham and beef, still hot from the barbeque. Outside, children played, and younger babies were inside the hall playing on blankets spread out on the wooden plank floor. The Stars and Stripes decorated the hall, and several buckets of small flags were scattered here and there.
Corn Silk Days: Iowa, 1862 Page 15