There

by Denise Grover Swank

The leader yanks me to my feet, and I wince when my ankle bears my weight. “What do you have there, Julia? And I thought we were having a friendly chat.”

  “I was trying to get my sweater.” My hands are clenched tight, my left one around the grit I managed to dig up. I’m not defenseless.

  The leader grips my left arm. “Now that is funny.” He tilts his head back and laughs, a throaty sound that echoes around us. The shiny glint of his knife at his waist catches my eye.

  “Grab everything.” He drags me toward his truck.

  I dig my feet into the ground, but my ankle buckles, and I fall.

  His right hand still holds my left bicep. I can’t get my arm free to throw the dirt into his face, but I can’t get into that truck. If I do, my life is over.

  He releases a grunt of irritation as he stands in front of me and bends forward, reaching for my other arm. Frantic, I lean over and I bite his wrist.

  He shouts but doesn’t release me.

  I reach up with my right hand, scratching his cheek and digging as deep as I can. He grabs for me, and I kick him in the crotch with the heel of my good leg.

  Doubling over, he falls to his knees as a gunshot rings out.

  My heart spasms out of control. I scramble backward several feet, then roll to my stomach as I see the man who took my gun fall to the ground.

  More gunshots echo around us. Two of the men are shooting into the woods, in the direction that Reece and Jo went to get water. They’ve come back, but I can’t remember if Jo took a gun with her. I have to help them.

  I crawl towards the man with my gun. He’s unmoving, his face in the dirt. A dark puddle spreads from his body. My revolver lays two feet from his hand. When I’m close enough, I reach for it, and his hand jerks forward, encircling my wrist. Releasing a scream, I try to pull away. We play tug-of-war with my arm as he grunts and climbs to a sitting position. The front of his shirt is covered in blood, and he stares at me with an evil glint in his eye.

  My right hand is around the handle of the gun, and I get my finger over the trigger, trying to aim it at him. I know it’s loaded, but I don’t know if he shot it, and if so, how many bullets are left. I can’t waste ammunition or give him the idea of shooting me first. I relax my hand and he points the gun into the sky.

  Positioning myself so that I lean into him, I get my left hand up and toss the dirt into his face.

  He shouts, reaching for his eyes, still holding my wrist, but his grip weakens, and I wrench myself free and shoot him in the chest. He falls to the ground.

  I just get to my feet when a hand tangles in my hair and I’m tugged backward, slamming into the leader’s chest. He holds his knife blade to my throat.

  His three friends lay on the ground, unmoving. Reece and Jo step out of the woods both with guns in their hands.

  “Put your guns down!” The leader’s hand shakes and the blade scrapes the flesh on my neck. A trickle of blood runs down to my chest. “I’ll kill her.”

  They point their weapons away from us, but don’t throw them aside.

  “I’ll do it,” he growls. His fingers tighten in my hair.

  I cry out before I can stop myself.

  Reece’s face looks murderous, and he raises his rifle and aims it at our heads.

  Jo tosses her gun to the ground. “Reece,” she hisses.

  Reece advances, the rifle up to his face as he aims.

  Déjà vu washes over me, my own and not the other Julia’s for once. Reece and I were in almost identical positions, only reversed, when the general captured us, and I shot him in the head to save Reece. The difference this time is that Reece has admitted that the rifle has poor accuracy. But then, I had no idea what my aim was like when I shot the general, so maybe we’re even. Nevertheless, I’d rather be dead than let this man cart me off in his truck. Especially after I got his friends killed.

  I catch Reece’s gaze, and for a moment I’m not sure if he notices me in his rage. He stops ten feet away, his rifle held high.

  My captor positions me in front of his body, holding me in place by my hair. My scalp burns and I can tell some hair as already been pulled out. I’ll be lucky if I have any left if I survive this thing.

  Reece continues to aim, and I suspect he’s looking for his shot since he’s not trying to talk my captor out of this.

  The leader must realize this as well and begins to back up towards his truck.

  Reece advances, Jo standing behind him with horror in her eyes.

  When we reach the truck, the knife point digs into my neck. “Open the door,” he grunts.

  If I get into this truck, I’ll be as good as dead or wish I were. “No.”

  He jerks me back against his chest and lowers the blade, slashing it against my left arm, then raising it back to my throat. “Open the door.”

  Pain, frustration and anger roll together in my chest. “No.”

  “Damn it, Julia!” Jo screams. “Open the door!”

  Reece glances down to my bleeding arm then to my face. He starts to lower his gun.

  I narrow my gaze, clenching my teeth. “Don’t you do this to me, Reece. You owe me.”

  The rifle tip lifts. Grim determination sets upon his face, and he looks like he’ll rip this man’s head off if he gets the opportunity.

  “Reece,” Jo begs.

  My breath comes in pants, pressing my neck against the sharp blade with every inhale. Multiple gashes scream with pain, and my throat is slick with blood. I catch Reece’s eyes and dart my eyes down, hoping he knows what I mean. He gives the slightest nod then his body stiffens as he looks down the barrel of his gun.

  “I’ll do it,” I say, still holding Reece’s gaze. “I’ll open the door.”

  “I knew you’d come to your senses.” The leader gives my hair a tug toward the truck.

  I reach for the door, my right arm extended, realizing there’s a good chance this will get me killed. When my hand is almost to the handle, I swing my elbow back into his ribs. The knife slices my neck as his hand slides down. I push his arm forward and drop to the ground as Reece’s gun fires twice. The man drops as I scramble away. Reece rushes toward me as Jo kicks the man’s body over.

  “Julia, let me see.” There’s panic in Reece’s eyes as he rolls me over onto my back. “Jo, we need to stop the bleeding.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jo runs to the tent and returns with a bag, pulling a shirt out as she drops beside me. I know I should be more frightened but mostly I’m relieved.

  I look down and see why they’re freaking out. The front of my shirt is soaked in blood.

  Jo presses the cloth to my throat. “Why didn’t you just open the door?”

  “Because I knew what would happen to me, and I’d rather be dead.”

  Reece tries to lift my sleeve to check my arm. When it gets caught on my elbow, he curses, then rips my sleeve at the opening created by the knife. He shines a flashlight on the wound. “This isn’t deep, but it needs stitches.”

  “Now her neck.” Jo grunts. “Shine the flashlight so I can see it.”

  Reece’s hand shakes, jiggling the light as Jo removes the cloth and leans forward.

  She groans and grabs the flashlight so she can get a better look. With a long exhale, she closes her eyes. “Surface wounds. He didn’t get anything important.”

  Sinking back on his heels, Reece exhales a long breath. “Thank God.”

  The trauma has kept the other Julia’s memories in check, but seeing Reece upset and wearing my blood triggers the memory of her accident and it overtakes my own before I can stop it. “Reece.” I reach for him with my right hand. “Don’t leave me.”

  Jo’s brow knots in concern, and she studies my face. “Chipper, what are you doing?”

  Reece’s eyes widen in disbelief and confusion. He takes my hand and holds it to his chest. “I thought I was going to lose you again. I can’t lose you again.” His voice cracks and his face is wet with tears. “Why didn’t you do what he said?”

/>   Why didn’t I? That seems so unlike me. “I don’t know.” Confusion swirls around my thoughts. Something is off in my head, but I can’t figure out what it is. “I knew you wouldn’t shoot me. You love me too much to let anything happen to me.”

  Reece releases a sob. “It wasn’t enough before. My love didn’t save you before.”

  My heart is bursting with my need for him until I’m drowning in it. “I’ve never left you, Reece. I’ve always been here.”

  Jo’s eyes fly open in horror. She reaches for my hand and tries to remove it from Reece’s hold. “This isn’t her, Reece.”

  Anger flashes on his face. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  What is she talking about?

  “It’s the other Julia’s memories. They’ve taken over again. You need to back off and let her come to her senses.” She tugs harder to break his hold.

  The pain in my neck and arm, combined with the fear of losing Reece, pushes me upright.

  “Julia, you need to lie down!” Jo shouts, placing a hand my shoulder.

  I shrug it off, clinging to Reece’s hand. Panic and urgency rush through my head. Why do I feel like I’m running out of time, and I’m about to lose him again? “No,” I sob. “Reece, please. I need you.”

  Reece’s face twists in anguish. “She wants me! You heard her, Jo,” he pleads, and his voice softens. “She wants me.”

  Jo’s face hardens. “No, Reece. That’s not Julia. The girl talking right now is the girl you loved, but she’s dead. You have to back off so she can sort through the mess in her head and come back. You’re just making it worse.”

  He shakes his head. “No. No!”

  “Reece. This Julia, the one in front of you, isn’t the girl you loved. Those memories don’t belong to her.”

  Horror covers his face. “It’s true? She really is losing herself to Julia’s memories?”

  “Yes.”

  I take a deep breath and try to get control. I’m missing something important. “What are you talking about?” But as I ask, the fear on Jo’s face trips something loose in my head, and my own consciousness surfaces. It’s happened again. When I take in Reece and his wet cheeks, the pure love and devotion in his eyes is nearly my undoing. I jerk my hand out of his grasp in panic. “What have I done?”

  Jo tilts her face inches in front of mine. “Chipper, it’s okay. Just take a deep breath.”

  “Oh, God. What have I done?” I’ve hurt him again. Why do I keep hurting him? I hate myself and my traitorous mind. This isn’t fair to him.

  Jo forces me to the ground, but I fight her, sobbing. I need to do something. Anything. I need to make this right.

  “You have to lay still, Julia.” Jo grunts in frustration as she tries to hold me down.

  “The cuts on your neck didn’t nick an artery, but they’re still deep enough to bleed a lot.”

  Reece continues to stare at me with confusion and pain. He reaches for my hand, but I snatch it away.

  The fresh wave of pain on his face sucks my breath. I did this.

  Sobbing tears of frustration and guilt, I say over and over again, “Reece. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I’ve rejected him all over again.

  He leans back and grabs his head in his hands. The agony in his eyes shatters me even more, and I cry harder.

  Jo pinches my shoulders with her fingernails as she holds me down. “Julia, you have to listen to me. Look at me.”

  I turn my focus toward her.

  “Take a deep breath. You need to calm down and let me clean this up.”

  Evan skids to a halt at the end of the truck, fear on his face as he surveys the campsite. “What happened?”

  “Where the hell have you been?” Reece growls, turning his fury on Evan.

  “I heard gunshots.” He spots me on the ground. “Julia?”

  “She’s alive. No thanks to you.” Reece jumps to his feet and rushes Evan, thrusting a fist into Evan’s jaw.

  Evan stumbles backward but Reece advances, getting in a blow to Evan’s abdomen.

  “Reece!” I shout and try to get up again, but Jo pushes me down.

  “He needs to get this out of his system,” she says.

  “He’s going to kill him.”

  “Beat the crap out of him, sure. But not kill him. I won’t let him.” She holds me down, pressing the cloth to my neck.

  Reece tries to throw another punch, but Evan blocks it with his forearm. “What’s wrong with Julia?”

  “Maybe if you were here, you’d know, Einstein.” Reece gets a blow to Evan’s stomach. “Where were you?”

  Evan doubles over and clutches his stomach as he retreats several steps, looking from Reece to me and back to Reece. “In the woods.”

  Reece’s body shakes. “I was in the woods. Jo and I both were in the woods and heard the truck. Where the hell were you that you didn’t hear it?”

  Evan doesn’t answer and Reece attacks again, getting in several blows to Evan’s face before Evan reacts, swinging for Reece, but Reece is faster and backs away.

  Leaning over his legs, Evan says. “For God’s sake, Reece. What happened? Is Julia okay?”

  “Okay?” Reece spins to look at me and his face contorts with pain. “No, she’s not okay. She hasn’t been okay since you made that crazy-ass trip to find her and bring her back. You put her life in danger and she still picks you.” Reece puts his hands on the top of his head. “Even after all of that, she still picks you.” His hands drop, and he picks up his rifle from the ground, striding toward the woods.

  “Reece!” My heart is so heavy with guilt and pain I can hardly breathe.

  He ignores me as he sprints into woods.

  Jo’s hand rests on my shoulder. “Let him go. He’ll be back.”

  Tears clog my throat. “How do you know?”

  A sadness fills her eyes. “I just do.”

  Evan drops beside me, his lip bloody and swollen as well as one of his eyes. He reaches for my arm, then hesitates when he sees all the blood. “What happened?” His words are tight with fear.

  I open my mouth, the answer stuck on my tongue.

  “Scavengers,” Jo says with a grimace.

  “What?” he looks down at me. “What did they do to you?” He looks up at Jo. “Why would they hurt her?”

  Jo scoffs. “Scavengers don’t just scavenge things, Evan.” Getting to her feet, she surveys the camp. “We need to dispose of these bodies. And straighten up. I think we should leave. In case they have friends following behind them. They don’t usually travel far from their base.”

  Evan nods, his eyes unfocused. “Yeah.”

  “But first I need to see what I can do for Julia’s cuts. We used the last of the disinfectant in my first aid kit on your leg, but I can use some of the ethanol.” She pauses. “I don’t know if I have enough thread for stitches.”

  Stitches. I suspect there’s no Lidocaine. “I think I’ll do without the stitches.”

  Her mouth pinches into a frown. “You sucker-punched a guy with a knife to your throat. Don’t be a pansy about stitches.”

  “Why does she need stitches?” Evan asks, his eyes wide.

  Jo points to the body next to the truck. “That guy over there held a knife to her throat. When she refused to cooperate, he slashed her arm to get his point across. Then she elbowed him in the stomach and he sliced her neck open in the process.” Anger fills her eyes. “But you’d know all of that if you were here.”

  “Where were you and Reece?” Evan’s words are harsh and accusatory.

  “Where were we?” Her mouth drops. “Where were we? We were getting water. Yeah, Reece found water, but you’d know that too if you were here. Where were you?”

  He remains silent.

  “Seriously? That’s your answer?”

  She points a finger at me. “That’s bullshit, Chipper.” She spins around to search in the jeep.

  “Julia,” Evan swallows and it looks painful. His face is a bruised, bloody mess. “I’m sorry.
”

  I close my eyes. Jo is right. What has he been doing, and why won’t he tell me? I don’t have it in me to comfort him right now. “It’s done. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  He looks around the camp, taking in the other bodies. “You were alone with the four of them?”

  I sit up, holding the shirt to my neck and waiting for a moment as my head sways. “No. I’m not talking about it. If you want to know, ask Jo or Reece.”

  I get to my feet and when Evan tries to help, I swat his hand away. A white-hot anger boils within me. I didn’t even realize it was there until Reece let loose on Evan. If he’d been here, I might not have gotten hurt and lost control to the other Julia’s memories. I wouldn’t have hurt Reece so deeply. The guilt of Reece’s pain burns deep in my soul, but Evan owns partial responsibility for it too. I’ll forgive Evan, but for the moment, I need him away from me.

  The pain in his eyes is almost more than I can bear, but I’ve hurt Reece too and let him walk away. Why does Evan deserve different?

  I hobble toward the tent. My legs are shaky and my ankle doesn’t support my weight. If I can make it to the tent, I’ll let myself give into new sobs building in my chest. Anger and fear and resentment have mushroomed into a cloud that needs release. But not out here. Not in front of Evan. I’m not stupid enough to think he won’t hear me, but I need separation from him, if only by a flimsy piece of plastic.

  Jo takes my arm and helps me through the tent flap. I sink onto the blanket, bending over while I hold the shirt to my neck. Jo sits next to me, not making any attempt to comfort me. She just lets me be, and I love her all the more for it.

  After a minute or so, she pushes me onto my back, and offers me a sad smile. “We need to do this so we can get going.”

  “My life is a mess.” I thought I was cried out, but fresh tears make their way to the surface. “Maybe I should have let him kill me.”

  Her previous softness slides off, anger in its place. “You think so? You want me to go get a gun and let you take care of the job?”

  My mouth falls open in shock.

  Her eyes narrow. “Yeah, I didn’t think so. That’s got to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”