The Exhibitionist (The Submissive #6)

by Tara Sue Me

  Right. The speech. Damn it.

  I cleared my throat. “Like I said, today’s topic is the building blocks of a strong D/s relationship.”

  Two women in the front row started to murmur to each other. I glanced back at Abby to make sure I didn’t conjure her from my imagination. The person in front of her leaned over and for a second I could see one of her eyes peeking out at me. I knew she’d slept; I’d seen her sleeping. But it didn’t appear to have been restful sleep. There were dark circles around her eye and it was red, as though she’d been crying. Even so, she was beautiful.

  Satisfied that she was really and truly in the back, I picked up my notes. I could do this.

  But the cards mocked me. I ripped the notes in half.

  There was a murmur of surprise from the audience. The two women in the front row stopped talking. In fact, I suddenly had everyone’s complete and undivided attention.

  I forced a smile, but I don’t think it worked. “If any of you were at the courtyard last night, you know as well as I do that I have no business talking about how to build a strong D/s relationship. How to completely fuck up the best thing in your life? Yes. How to scare the living hell out of your submissive? I’m your man. But a strong relationship?” I shook my head. “You better look elsewhere.”

  I wadded up the torn pieces of my speech and placed the paper ball it made on the corner of the podium. “Love is a funny emotion. Not funny in the ha-ha sense, but funny in what it does to you. For over ten years I participated in the BDSM scene and never fell in love. I cared for the women I was with. I wanted their pleasure, but I didn’t love them.

  “There’s freedom in that type of play. You have no sort of expectation beyond the scene you’re in. There’s no deep emotional commitment. And another upside is that the person you’re with can’t hurt you. Well, he can hurt you physically, but if you don’t love him, the emotional hurt isn’t as damaging to you. If you want freedom, forget love.

  “When you love someone, you have the ability not only to harm their body, but to cut their soul to pieces. And though those cuts may heal, they leave scars behind. With enough scars, you stop feeling anything at all. The skin’s too thick.”

  I looked to Abby’s right and saw that Julie and Daniel were sitting next to her.

  “If you’re smart,” I said, “you’ll play without love.”

  I paused to let that sink in.

  “Love makes you do things you never thought you’d do,” I continued. “It keeps you up at night. It makes you sick and drives you crazy. And when you combine it with the intensity of a BDSM relationship? Forget it, you’re just asking for trouble. It’s much safer to play without love.”

  The two ladies in the front row looked confused. I couldn’t gather the courage to look at Abby yet.

  “I played for over ten years without love. But for the last ten, I’ve played with love. I’ll tell you the truth. Love is hard. Love takes work. And sometimes love truly sucks.” I grabbed the edges of the podium, looked down at the crumpled paper of my speech. “But I would trade twenty years of no love for one hour with it. Because in my experience, there is nothing more beautiful, more worthwhile, more rewarding, or more precious than being with the one you love.

  “I’m not smart. I’m not safe. And I’ll trade every bit of my freedom for the prison of love.” I looked back into the crowd and found Abby. She was looking at me with tears streaming down her face. “I can’t talk about building strong D/s relationships, because I royally screwed mine up. But I can talk about what I know, and I know that life is nothing without love.”

  There was more I wanted to say. More I needed to say. But grief and guilt crushed me and it was all I could do to grab hold of the podium so I wouldn’t stumble. I dropped my head.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, and stepped back from the microphone.

  I had to find Abby. I made my way down the stairs off the platform. As I walked toward her, some part of me heard the crowd’s applause and felt the pats on my back and shoulders as I passed people. Some of them even spoke, but there was only room for one word in my world.

  Abby.

  I hurried as best I could to where she sat, dodging the people who crowded my way wanting to talk, because all they did was block my view of her seat. I probably wasn’t even very nice and I knew I didn’t speak back. As I pushed my way past a huge mountain of a man, her seat came back into view.

  It was empty.

  I stopped cold.

  She’s left me.

  My body turned to ice and I couldn’t breathe.

  She’s left me.

  I struggled to inhale.

  She’s left me.

  “Nathaniel.”

  My head shot up and to the right. And in the middle of the aisle, standing with wet cheeks and outstretched arms, was my universe, my everything, my love.

  “Abby,” I managed to get out as I crossed the remaining steps between us with four long strides. “God, I’m sorry.” I took her in my arms as hers slipped around me. I held her as tightly as I could, overjoyed with the privilege to do so. “I’m sorry. I love you so much.”

  She sniffled. “I love you, too.”

  I couldn’t say anything else. The most important words had already been said. There would be time later for words. Please let there be time later for words. What I needed was to hold her. To have her in my arms. To feel her breath on my cheek and her heart beat in time with mine. Everything felt right again while we were in each other’s arms.

  She pulled back, but instead of stepping away, she tipped her head up. “Kiss me.”

  I could do nothing else other than brush my lips with hers. Once. Twice. And on the third pass, she grabbed my hair and held me in place while she kissed me thoroughly.

  The crowd around us once more broke into thunderous applause and she smiled against my lips. She gave me one more kiss and pulled away, making sure she had my attention.

  “I’m ready to talk,” she said. “And more important, I’m ready to listen.”

  I took her hand and entwined our fingers. “Let’s get out of here.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  NATHANIEL

  We didn’t speak as we made our way back up to our room, but she didn’t take her hand out of mine. Once inside, I led her to the couch and sat down, still holding hands.

  “You were a complete asshole last night,” she said.

  “Yes.”

  “That for one second it even crossed your mind to have me give someone else a blow job?” She shook her head. “I don’t know what upsets me the most: that you considered it or that I did.”

  I would never get the image out of my mind of her kneeling while that man undid his jeans.

  “I was getting ready to safe-word,” she said. “You beat me to it. Can you tell me why? Why you thought I wanted that?”

  “Seeing you dance and having fun with those men did something to me. You were enjoying yourself and I realized it was more than people watching you, because you were getting into the dance with that younger guy. We’d talked about a threesome, and I thought maybe it was the next step you’d want to explore.”

  “But you made that decision without talking to me.”

  “I was wrong.” Playing with others wasn’t a hard limit for her. But our assumption had always been that if there was another party involved, they wouldn’t touch her in a sexual way. But that had always been more my defined limit. We’d never discussed the exact lines of her limits.

  “Damn straight you were.” She squeezed my hand. “But it wouldn’t be fair for me not to admit that a lot of my actions yesterday were because of Charlene. The fact is, I’m never going to be okay with her. And we both have to accept that.”

  I recalled the decisions I’d reached in the early hours of the morning. “Charlene’s not going to be an issue anymore.”

  “You can’t fire her because of me. And if you did it now, she could file a claim.”

  “I’m not going to fire
Charlene. She’s too good at her job. The nonprofit has never seen growth like it has under her direction.”

  She wrinkled her forehead. “Then how is she not going to be an issue?”

  “There’s no law that says the nonprofit’s headquarters has to be in Manhattan,” I said. “I’ve decided to move it to Boston. Charlene has family there. And I’m not going to have direct contact with her. I’m going to have her report in to one of my senior executives.”

  “You don’t have to do that for me.”

  “I’m not,” I said, and at her frown I added, “I’m doing it for us.”

  I watched as the full meaning of what I’d said sank in, and I saw the relief slowly seep into her expression. The frown disappeared and the wrinkles in her forehead vanished. But they came back too quickly.

  “What if she doesn’t want to move?”

  It was my turn to squeeze her hand. “I spoke to her this morning. She’s thrilled. In fact, she’s already left and is taking a few days to look at real estate there.”

  “What if…” she started, but shook her head. “Nah, it’s not important.”

  I’d known her far too long not to know what her question was, and likewise, I knew it was very important.

  “If she had said no, she would have been told to look elsewhere for a job,” I said. “There is no business or nonprofit or position or employee more important than you. Never doubt it.”

  She didn’t have to say anything, but the tears in her eyes spoke volumes. I kicked myself for not doing something before now.

  “We have to discuss last night,” I said, knowing there was more that had to be said.

  “I thought we did.”

  “Not everything.” I took her other hand. “What I did was seriously wrong and it’s not enough for me to simply say I’m sorry. I want you to flog me. Or cane me. Whatever you would prefer.”

  She gasped. “I can’t do that.”

  “You can.”

  “I’ve never used a flogger or a cane.”

  “First time for everything.”

  I’d anticipated her response and I was glad she took some time to think before she spoke again, but I’d be the first to admit that I didn’t expect what she said next. “I can’t. For me to do that to you would be more of a punishment for me than one for you.”

  Of course. That made sense. “I see,” I said. “I didn’t think of it like that.”

  The wicked gleam I loved so much danced in her eyes. “I wouldn’t, however, have any problem with you writing two thousand times I was an ass to make assumptions and I’ll never do it again.”

  I swallowed the wrong way, setting off a coughing spell. “Two thousand times?” I finally wheezed out.

  “Do you think that’s not enough? I’m not a Dominant, so I don’t know. Would three thousand be better?”

  “If you want me to do three thousand, I’ll do it.”

  “Oh, I know,” she said, so animatedly I was afraid to ask.

  “What?”

  “How about you write the number of lines you think is appropriate to make up for what you did?”

  “That is an evil way to set it up,” I said. She looked very, very pleased with herself, so I added, “But it’s so creative I’m going to have to remember it.”

  I laughed at her look of shock and then pulled her close for a quick kiss.

  “One more thing,” I added. “Playing in public. After last night, I want to put guidelines in place.”

  “Like what?”

  “I know you enjoyed the scene with Luke and the one months ago with Jeff. And you liked it when there was more than one man watching. I’m fine with scenes like that, but I think it would be wise, at least for the foreseeable future, if we only invited other people to participate in limited, nonsexual ways, when we’re at our house.”

  “Anytime we play in a public setting, it’s just us,” she said.

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t have a problem with that.” She raised an eyebrow. “You are okay playing in public?”

  “I am. I enjoy it, too.”

  “I’m glad we’re in agreement.”

  “I never want to experience another twelve hours like the last,” I said, growing serious. “You’re so much a part of me now, it’d be easier to lose a limb than to live without you.”

  “I don’t even want to imagine life without you.”

  I drew her to me and as our lips touched, I felt we had finally come full circle. We had hurt each other and hurt ourselves, but now we’d found each other again and we could heal. I didn’t know why I thought our journey would be easy. She had told me once before nothing worth anything was easy.

  I supposed that meant we were priceless.

  We arrived back in Delaware stronger than we’d been when we left. We’d walked through the fire once again and instead of perishing in the flames, we’d been strengthened like tempered steel. With our lines clearly drawn concerning what we would and would not do in public, I discovered it was a lot of fun exploring the edges of those lines.

  Tonight, three weeks after the conference, we were doing a medical scene role play for the group. I would no longer share her, even in a nonsexual way, in public, but she still got off on exhibitionism. That being the case, she had to be excited about the scene we were about to do. From where I stood, at one end of Daniel’s guesthouse garage, it appeared as if everyone in the group was watching.

  I pushed the sleeves up on the white lab coat I wore and turned to Abby. She was on an examination table, naked and waiting.

  “What’s your name?” I asked.

  “Don’t you have it written down in the chart, Doctor?” she asked, and the gathering crowd laughed. “You’d think that’s one of the first things they teach you in medical school. I certainly hope you didn’t come in here to remove my gallbladder. I heard about that on TV once. All these medical mistakes.”

  I smiled. I loved it when she acted like a brat during our role play. “Patient is noncooperative.” I acted as if I were writing it down. “And no, I’m not taking out your gallbladder. In case you didn’t notice when you walked in, I’m not a surgeon. Now, why don’t you tell me, in your own words, why you’re here today?”

  We hadn’t rehearsed our answers, so I had no way of knowing what she would say. This should be interesting. Ad hoc role play was fun. With Abby’s limitless imagination, there was no telling what she’d come up with.

  “My Master made me come here.”

  “I see. And what was your Master’s reason for that?”

  “Well, we were getting ready to have sex the other day. It was our first time and I refused to let him touch me after I saw how big his cock was. I said it wouldn’t fit. He said it would, and now I’m here. I told him I needed medical proof.”

  “You need me to make sure your Master can fuck you?”

  “Yes, but I’d sort of hoped he’d be the one here and not me.”

  “Why would he be here?”

  “So you could tell him his dick was too big. That’s what I thought the medical examination would prove.”

  “That he had a big dick?”

  “Not just big. Ginormous.”

  “Unfortunately, that’s not how it’s going to work. Since we can’t do anything about his ginormous dick, we’ll just have to make sure you can take it. Let’s start by having you slide all the way down to the edge of the table. I want your ass almost off. Feet in the stirrups.”

  She mumbled under her breath, but scooted down and adjusted her feet, giving me and our watching audience a perfect view of her exposed pussy.

  “Everything looks good from a visual standpoint,” I said. “But I can’t say with any certainty until I do a more thorough exam. Have you had sex before?”

  “Yes.”

  “First I’m going to see how responsive you are. You’re going to feel me touch you.” I ran a hand down her leg, and back up, teasing her. She wiggled, trying to get me closer to where she wanted to be touched. I smacke
d her inner thigh. “Stop.” She started to say something, but I cut her off. “Quiet. Let me concentrate.”

  I resumed my slow stroking of her legs. I let my fingers trail up and down, arousing her, and making sure each one of her nerve endings was on edge.

  “There you go. Feel how turned on you are?” I asked. “I’ve barely touched you and you’re desperate to be filled.”

  She didn’t say anything.

  “Aren’t you?” I asked.

  “Yes, Doctor.”

  “Not quite as mouthy as you were, are you?”

  “No, Doctor.”

  Satisfied with her answers, I ran a finger along her wet slit and circled her clit. Her hips jerked slightly.

  “It appears you have no trouble getting aroused. That should make your Master happy.” I repeated my actions a few more times, never pushing into her and never touching her clit directly.

  “I think it’s time for my next test,” I said. “Do you know what that is?”

  She shook her head.

  “Louder. My interns can’t hear you.”

  “No, Doctor. I don’t know what you’re going to do next.”

  Not letting her have very long to think about what it might be, I bent down and sucked her clit into my mouth. She bucked against me, and I forced her hips back to the table. I lifted my head long enough to say, “Move again and see what happens,” and then went back to torturing her sensitive flesh with my mouth.

  I stayed there for several long minutes. I didn’t want her to fail in withholding her orgasm, but I wanted to push her to her limit. I licked and nibbled, and every once in a while, I’d suck her clit back into my mouth. I pulled back when her trembling legs indicated she probably wasn’t going to be able to hold out much longer.

  “Tell me.” I walked away so she could see me and I unzipped my pants. “Is your Master any bigger than me?”

  Her right eyebrow lifted. “No, Sir. I believe you’re bigger.”

  “So if I can fit inside you, he should be able to?”

  “I don’t think—”

  I shoved my hand over her mouth. “You’re not here to think.”