Hello, Handsome

by H, Caity

  “I loved you, Lex.”

  No, no, no.

  “No matter how many times you hurt me I still wanted to be with you.”

  She deserved so much better than me.

  “But I just can’t do this anymore. This dance that we’ve been doing. I need to move on, and you need to let me.” Her voice was shaking and I felt like the biggest jerk in the world. “So, don’t worry. I won’t make the same mistake again. I won’t love someone incapable of loving me back.”

  Her words hit with a force I wasn’t expecting, and I stepped back as if I’d been slapped.

  The doors to the locker room finally opened as the rest of the team started making their way in. They were joking and laughing, whooping about their big win. But it was all background noise when her words still hung between us.

  Ty walked in with the team and he saw the two of us. He raised an eyebrow questioningly. Honeybee just smiled, glancing at me before she started outside.

  “Olivia!” I ground out, moving to follow her. Ty stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. I watched her disappear outside. “Ty, you need to let me go.”

  He shook his head. “Dude, let her go,” he said. “She’s with me, now. Okay?”

  They should’ve all seen it coming at that point. After weeks of hearing Ty talk about my best friend, seeing the two of them tonight, and now he was telling me I had to let her go. They shouldn’t have been so surprised when I finally let go of my reservations and punched him with everything I had.

  He was thrown back by the force and I shook my fist out. It didn’t take him long to come back, and I was barely able to move out of the way of his fist before it hit me in the face. His other fist saw connected with my jaw and I stumbled back.

  His face was red. “You need to back off, Diamond.”

  I laughed at him and said something I shouldn’t have. “I had her first.”

  The next thing I knew he was running toward me and then we were on the ground. Pain splintered across my face and the wind was knocked out of me. I covered my face with my arms, twisting so he fell off of me. I spun, taking advantage of his position, and punched him again, ignoring the pain I felt when he hit me back.

  “What’s going on in here?” someone yelled. I realized it was Coach too late. He was standing above us, face red and eyes like daggers.

  A few pairs of hands pulled me up and away from Ty, who was also being restrained. His eyebrow was bleeding, and he was pulling against the two guys holding him back.

  I spat out blood and when I looked up I saw Desmond across the room. He was glaring at me and I had the feeling he would yell at me as soon as he had the chance. There was no way I was going to give it to him.

  “Who started it?” Coach asked, taking the time to glare at both of us equally. “If this is about the girl I saw walking out of here you’re both benched next game.”

  Ty cursed. Coach got his answer.

  “Go clean yourselves up,” he said, muttering about how we were supposed done fighting over girls.

  Desmond tried to stop me, but I grabbed my stuff and was out of there as fast as I could go. I didn’t want to stick around and talk to him. I didn’t want to find out if the other alphas were going to kick my butt for messing with Ty. I didn’t want anything.

  I needed to think. I needed time on my own to figure out what was going on. And I needed to talk to my dad.

  Seventeen: Digging Up the Past

  I still couldn’t believe that Honeybee had loved me. She was supposed to know better. To avoid guys like me and Desmond. But she hadn’t. All the times when she forgave me, looked past my stupid mistakes and behaviors, it made sense now. She’d forgiven me out of love.

  Dad’s car was parked in the driveway when I pulled up. I got out of my car and headed to the door. Upon finding it unlocked, I walked inside and started to look for Dad.

  I checked the kitchen and found Mom instead.

  It looked like she was cooking something for dinner. Maybe meatloaf and potatoes, it was one of Dad’s favorite dinners. I’d never really been a huge fan, but her meatloaf was better than others I’d tasted.

  She looked up and smiled, but it quickly fell when she saw the state of my face. “Lex! What happened?”

  She rushed over to me, touching my cheek gingerly. I winced. With the adrenaline of everything, I’d only just begun to really feel the effects of Ty’s beating.

  “It’s nothing, really.” I pushed her hands away. “Where’s Dad?”

  A frown marred her face. “He’s in his office.”

  I left the kitchen without another word and headed to the office, taking the steps two at a time.

  He looked up with a start when I walked in, slamming the door shut behind me. The papers he’d been holding dropped to the desk and he sighed, putting a hand against his chest.

  “You nearly gave me a heart attack, Lex. What are you doing home?” he asked, fixing the papers he’d dropped.

  His desk was immaculate, not that I expected his office space to be messy. I didn’t get my cleaning skills from him. Mom was messy by nature, and so was I. It drove Dad crazy.

  “I need to talk to you,” I said, taking a seat across from him.

  “Can it wait? I’m almost done,” he said, settling his papers. When he finally looked up, his reaction to my bruised face was similar to Mom’s. I didn’t give him time to ask.

  “You told me when I was fourteen what kind of guy I would be.” It felt like only yesterday when we’d had that conversation. I could still remember how it had hurt. “You told me I would grow up to be this person.” I gestured to myself. “The jerk, heartbreaker.”

  “It’s who I was,” he said, so casually, like it wasn’t a big deal. “And even at a young age you were like me in a lot of ways.”

  I gave a sad laugh. “You were my idol growing up, Dad. I wanted to be like you.” After that conversation I’d stopped looking up to him as my hero. He became the guy that forecast my future in a way that should’ve been wrong, but ended up being right.

  “I tried so hard not to be you, but it still happened,” I muttered. I shouldn’t have become him. I should’ve become the good guy, the guy worthy of a girl like Honeybee.

  “Lex,” he started, but I shook my head and cut him off.

  “No, Dad,” I said. “I came here to talk, not to be talked at. I don’t need you to respond, I just need you to listen.” I took a deep breath.

  It felt like the words I was going to say had lived a lifetime ago.

  “You knew I liked her,” I said, looking at the desk and not at him. “You knew I liked Olivia, and so you told me I would break her heart. I was just a kid, I didn’t know what I was doing, and she was my best friend. I never wanted to hurt her. So I pushed her away.” And I regretted it so much.

  He put his hands up to stop me. He wasn’t a good listener. “She’s like a daughter to me, Lex. I promised Max that I would take care of her,” he said, like he was trying to convince me again why that conversation had been a good idea. “Even then you were just like me. I didn’t want you to break her heart.”

  I slammed a hand against his desk. “I did break her heart, Dad!” My voice shook. “I broke her heart, and I didn’t even know I was doing it…” I swallowed hard. “Things could’ve been so different.” They could’ve been so much better. Instead of facing freshman year on my own, I would’ve had my best friend by my side. Maybe I wouldn’t have become a jerk.

  He was quiet, maybe trying to work out a way so that he was still right for what he’d done. But he couldn’t be. His plans to stop me from hurting his little girl hadn’t worked. I’d hurt her anyways and damaged myself in the process.

  “She told me she loved me.”

  He breathed in sharply.

  “It was past tense,” I said in choked voice, running my hands over my face.

  I’d had a chance to be with someone who accepted me, who had been there for me for as long as I could remember. And I’d pushed her away at every tu
rn. I’d ignored those feelings, passing them off as loneliness. I’d become angry with everyone who tried to point out the obvious.

  “Do you still have feelings for her?” he asked.

  I shrugged. I didn’t want to. And maybe my earlier realization was just my remembering the feelings I’d once had. “I don’t know, Dad. I did once, and it took a lot of time and space for me to get past those feelings so I didn’t want to kiss her whenever I saw her.”

  Those desires popping back up in recent months should’ve been a clue. But I was so against the idea that I couldn’t see what lay right in front of me. Couldn’t see her.

  And I didn’t deserve, too. If I’d really cared about her, I wouldn’t have walked away when we were younger, or even last summer when we’d kissed again. I wouldn’t have treated her like I had, like I still did.

  In high school, I’d avoided her like the plague, trying so hard to push her away so she wouldn’t get hurt. I’d convinced myself I was doing the right thing for her, that I was being the good guy. My logic was so skewed and I hadn’t even realized it

  I wished I could do it over.

  “But it doesn’t matter.” The breath I took was a shudder.

  For all the times I’d tried to convince people that there was nothing between Honeybee and me, maybe I had been trying to convince myself. The crush I’d had on her hadn’t changed, it hadn’t gone away.

  “I can’t get in the way of her happiness anymore,” I said and sat up straighter.

  Dad sighed and moved around his desk to stand in front of me. A frown marred his face. “You really care about her?”

  I didn’t want to, but it seemed the cliché romance rang true anyways. Honeybee, Olivia Rayne Martin, was my best friend. One of the only people I’d ever trusted, one of the few people who could get in my face one moment and make me smile the next.

  We had always been more than friends.

  Groaning, I dropped my head into my hands again. “Why can’t I have a good freshman year?”

  Freshman year of high school was spent hiding from my only real friend, pretending and then becoming something I’d never wanted to be. And there I was again. Freshman year and things were already going in a direction I hadn’t planned on. She was supposed to be my friend. I wasn’t supposed to remember those feelings I’d had. I wasn’t supposed to learn that she had loved me, that I’d broken her heart. Everything was so wrong.

  “New beginnings are never easy,” Dad said, sighing softly. “I never meant for this to happen, Lex. I only ever wanted to protect both of you from getting hurt.”

  I shook my head, a sad laugh rippling through me. “You wanted to protect her.” I was the bad guy in the scenario, always had been. As far as my dad was concerned, Olivia Rayne Martin was the princess, awaiting some guy who would swoop in and be her prince charming. I was the dragon, I was the enemy. My own father saw me as the enemy to her happiness. And it turned out he was right.

  “It wasn’t about me. “

  Glaring, he took a step forward and I cringed when he put his hand on my shoulder. “Do you think I wanted to see you become me?” he asked. “I never wanted this to happen to you. I consider myself lucky every day that I found a woman like your mother, but I know that I blew a lot of relationship when I was younger simply because I thought I was the king of the world. When you’re young you don’t realize how many consequences your actions have. I didn’t want to see you become me,” he sighed and leaned against the desk again.

  “Guess it’s just another reason I’m a disappointment, then,” I muttered and stood, moving toward the door. I needed to go somewhere else, to get out of my head for a while until I could face the reality I’d suddenly woken up to.

  His hand was tight on my shoulder as he spun me around. “You are not a disappointment.”

  My eyes rolled on their own accord. “Sure, Dad.” I pulled out of his grip. “That’s all I’ve ever been to you. A joke, a disappointment, whatever word you wanna use. I think we’ve established there is no real respect going on here.”

  “Lex Sherman Diamond,” he ground out.

  I cringed at the use of my middle name. I hated my middle name. Lex Diamond was a strong name, but not when Sherman was thrown in the middle. Family names were the worst.

  “You might not always do what I want you to do, and clearly I don’t always know what’s best. But that doesn’t mean I think you’re a disappointment or a failure –”

  “Never said failure, but I’ll add that to the list,” I muttered sarcastically. He only glared at me.

  “You are my son,” he pressed. “I will be proud of you and love you no matter what you do.”

  It felt like a practiced speech, something a movie dad would say to his movie son. Then they’d cry and hug and everything would work out magically. But we weren’t movie dad and son. We were real life dad and son. Magical fixes didn’t work in the real world.

  With a sigh, I said, “A few words can’t fix a crappy relationship.” I yanked the door open and left.

  Mom looked up as I got downstairs. Her forehead was creased in worry. She’d probably heard the whole fight. Maybe she even heard the confession about Honeybee. Either way, I didn’t stick around to find out.

  I booked it out of the house, muttering a goodbye before I slammed the door shut behind me. The car unlocked and I slid inside, starting the engine and pulling away from the driveway.

  Going back to school meant facing Olivia, facing Desmond… basically facing everyone that had been around when Ty and I got into it. The very thought was enough to make me shudder.

  I drove aimlessly, taking turns and random roads until I wound up at the cemetery where Honeybee’s dad was buried.

  Pulling the keys from the ignition, I got out and walked toward his headstone.

  There were fresh flowers by his grave, probably Debby’s doing. I stuck my hands in my pockets and looked at the stone. Dad said he’d gone there often, to update Max on the happenings in Honeybee’s life. He’d probably talked about me. He’d probably talk about me again in the future, about what a failure I’d turned out to be.

  “Does he ever say anything good about me?” I asked, clenching my jaw. It wasn’t right. I was his kid. Not her. He was supposed to take care of me, to expect the best and not the worst. But he didn’t. The sun rose and set with Honeybee for him. I was just some kid living in his house.

  I sighed and crouched, sinking back into the grass. “I tried, Max. I really did.” I ran a hand through my hair. “I didn’t want to hurt her, but it just happened.” Pausing, I leaned my elbows on my knees. “I’d do things differently if I could go back.”

  If I could go back, I would’ve given us a try, allowed myself to fall for the girl next door. It might’ve fallen apart anyways, but at least I would’ve known. I could’ve seen what it felt like to be with someone I had actual feelings for, someone who had actual feelings for me.

  “But, I think it’s too late.” I laid my head on my arms. “I’m done screwing up her life.”

  Maybe it would’ve been easier if I slowly just pulled myself out of her circles all together, like I’d done when we were younger. But she was dating Ty, now. It would be hard to avoid her if she was with him.

  If Max was still alive, would he even approve of Ty? Or me, for that matter? Maybe no one would be good enough for his little girl. But, maybe he would’ve been okay with me. I could’ve proved that I was worthy of his daughter. Or I would’ve tried.

  Groaning again, I stood and brushed off my pants. “See ya, Max. I’ll do my best with Olivia.”

  I couldn’t promise him I’d leave her alone, or forget that things had drastically changed between us in the past twenty-four hours. But I could promise to do my best. To treat her as a friend, and be there for her even when I wanted to pull my hair out. I would listen to her rant about Ty if that’s what she needed, ignoring the strong desire to kiss her as I had before. She deserved better than me. She deserved way better than Ty, too. Bu
t she wouldn’t want to hear that, she’d just have to figure it out on her own.

  As I drove back to school I blasted the radio and tried to drown out my thoughts. It didn’t work.

  Honeybee had been in love with me. And I might’ve been in love with her. I at least had feelings for her, feelings that made my insides feel mushy and my head spin. Maybe I was getting the flu, not feelings.

  Eighteen: Friendship Stitches

  Honeybee and I didn’t talk for over a week, and it killed me. And I hated that I had seen Ty more than I’d seen her.

  For days we’d both sported black eyes. He and I hadn’t really talked since the game either. There had been no mention of our fight, or the blonde who caused it. The occasional death glare was thrown, or someone shoved a little too hard when we were fighting for the ball, but that was about it. He seemed more upset about the fact he didn’t get to play in the next game than he did over the fact I’d hit him.

  Half way through our practice the whistle blew. “Circle up!” Coach yelled. When we were all around him, he told us we were going to scrimmage, and then he started calling off names and positions. “We’ve been working on drills, now it’s time to see if you can actually use them.”

  I headed off toward my side of the field, my run slowing significantly when I saw that Ty was running in the same direction. A glare burned in his eyes.

  I didn’t get it. Why had Coach put him on defense? Ty always played center mid.

  “Quit staring, Diamond,” he muttered, turning the glare toward me.

  Maybe the coach wanted us both to die. Desmond was on the other side of the field, opposing defense. The sun was starting to go down and it would end up being in his eyes, but I would’ve traded places with him in a heartbeat. I turned away from him, hoping to avoid another fist fight.

  The whistle blew again, and everyone started to move. Our side of took the ball first, charging down the field toward Desmond.