by H, Caity
Easing her down to the floor, I tried to stay calm. “Honeybee, look at me.” Her eyes were wild, looking everywhere but me.
“It hurts,” she said, her hands closing around the knife. Before I could stop her she pulled it out. She winced, dropping the blade beside her. It was coated in her blood.
“Didn’t you ever pay attention in health class?” I asked, yanking my sweater off. She winced, pain contorting her features when I pressed it against her side. “You’re not supposed to pull the knife out, stupid.”
Fat tears rolled down the side of her face.
I kept one hand on the sweater, trying to stop the bleeding, moving my other one to hold her hand. I held on tightly, needing the contact as much, if not more, than she did.
Her hands were cold, and it was then I noticed how fast she was breathing. I had to calm her down before she went into shock.
“Hey, look at me, Bee,” I said again, louder this time. Her eyes met mine. “You’re going to be okay.” I forced a smile, hoping it didn’t look pained. “But you gotta stay calm, okay?”
“O-okay,” she breathed, squeezing my hand back.
I glanced at the sweater, my gut tightening when I saw how dark it was with blood. “What’d you have for breakfast this morning?” I asked. “Poptarts or noodles?”
“I had an orange,” she said, her voice weak. I started rubbing my thumb in circles against her hand. “And a cookie.”
A choked laugh escaped me. “What? Why didn’t you get me one?”
“We’re on two separate campuses, Lex,” she said, rolling her eyes.
With a shrug, I replied. “I thought best friends brought each other cookies no matter what. Besides, it’s like a ten minute walk. You could run that in five and be back in time for class.”
“You never bring me cookies,” she retorted, making me smile. If she was up to fighting with me, I knew she would be okay. “What kind of best friend does that make you?”
The sirens and flashing lights were visible.
“A really bad one,” I told her, looking toward the front doors. The police cars were outside. I felt a wave of relief when I saw the ambulance pull up seconds later. “But I’ve never really claimed to be otherwise.”
She winced, taking a deep breath. “I guess that’s true.” I squeezed her hand. “Lex.” Her voice caught at the end of her words, pulling my eyes back to hers. “I’m scared.” More tears fell down her cheeks. I would’ve wiped them away, but my hands were covered in blood.
Leaning down, I pressed a kiss to her forehead, my lips lingering against her skin. “You’re gonna be fine, alright?” I moved back so I could see her, our faces still close together.
She didn’t respond. Sighing, I leaned forward and kissed her forehead again.
“They’re this way,” I heard the woman say as she led the officers and paramedics over to where we were. “She was stabbed by the young man who tried to rob the place. He took off out the back exit, probably long gone by now.”
The paramedics dropped down and took over. I stepped back, my eyes never leaving Honeybee’s. I bit my lip hard, trying to stop the wave of emotion I could feel building up.
They lifted her onto the stretcher and started rolling her outside. I walked with them, making sure that Honeybee could always see me. I didn’t want her to think I’d left her. I went as far as the ambulance before pausing. “I’ll meet you there, Bee.”
Someone needed to call her mom. My brain started to go into overdrive. How was I supposed to tell her mom what had happened, that I had let her get hurt? That I couldn’t protect her daughter?
“Promise?” she whispered, glancing up at the faces around her.
“Pinky.” I raised my pinky finger, a pained smile on my lips. “I’ll see you soon.” She nodded. The paramedics lifted her into the ambulance and drove off.
The police stuck around to take statements. I tried to hurry mine as fast as I could without leaving anything out. I didn’t want her to be there alone for too long.
When I was permitted to go, I got in my car and started toward the hospital.
Phone calls were made, texts were sent, and when it was all done I could feel my throat closing from the effort to keep my emotions in check. With a heavy sigh, I leaned my head against the steering wheel.
I could’ve lost Honeybee. I’d never faced a reality so harsh before.
Twenty: Missing the Moment
They decided to keep her overnight in the hospital, just to make sure no complication arose. Bethany, Ryan, Desmond, and the combination of all our parents had trickled through during the few hours she’d been there.
“I’m gonna get some coffee,” Debby said, standing from her chair. She glanced at Honeybee and then to me. “Do either of you want anything?”
“I’m good, thanks,” I replied. Honeybee nodded her head in agreement.
Debby told us she would be back soon and then disappeared from the room. I sighed and rested my feet up on the hospital bed, my arms settling over my stomach.
This was the first time we’d had a moment to ourselves since arriving at the hospital. It felt like days had passed since we’d been in that stupid grocery store.
“I feel like an idiot,” Honeybee muttered, leaning back against the pillows with a wince. After a few seconds she forced a small smile in my direction. “Thanks for staying calm even though I was freaking out.”
A smirk crossed my lips. “Oh, I don’t know. I wouldn’t call it freaking out.” She’d stayed pretty calm from what I could tell. But maybe it felt worse for her.
“Still,” she said softly. “Thank you.”
I reached over and picked up her hand, interlacing our fingers. “Always, Olivia.”
“It’s always so weird to hear you call me by my real name,” she laughed, pulling back. The movement separated our hands. “I always know you’re serious when you use my real name.”
I’d never thought about it like that, but she was right. Olivia was the name I used when something important was happening.
“You have a lot of serious moments lately,” she said, readjusting so she was turned toward me. She winced again. I frowned but she just shot me another smile. It made my heart twist.
“I guess,” I murmured absently.
“You have,” she replied. “It kinda worries me to be honest. I never know what’s gonna come out of your mouth.”
I could think of a few things I wanted to talk about. But it wasn’t the time. Asking her out in a hospital room sent the wrong message, like I was only confessing out of fear. I didn’t want her to question my feelings for her. They were real, and I wasn’t going to let a jerk with a smoking problem ruin that.
“Nah, you don’t need to worry. When in our friendship have I really been serious about anything?” I asked, forcing myself to keep a light tone.
“You’ve had a few moments.” She yawned and tucked herself closer to the pillow she was laying on. “But they’re always good ones. Needed moments of seriousness, I’d say.”
“I always thought you hated when I got serious, it’s usually accompanied by anger,” I murmured. I was more like my dad than I’d realized. “Sorry about that.”
“I get mad, too,” she replied, smiling softly.
“Right…”
The door opened and Debby walked back in with a cup of coffee in her hands. She came around and kissed Honeybee’s forehead and then sat down. “I got distracted by the vending machine.”
I chuckled, watching as she pulled several candy bars out of her purse. “Can’t resist?”
She unwrapped one, handing the other two to me and Honeybee. “At least it’s not drugs.”
“Sugar is a gateway drug,” I said, smiling when Honeybee laughed.
Debby just rolled her eyes. “I don’t care,” she said. “I can’t quit sugar.”
I leaned forward and dropped my feet to the floor. Pointing a finger at her I said, “Just like an addict.”
She rolled her eyes again. “
For pity’s sake, Lex, you try to stop eating sugar.”
“He’s not the one with the problem,” Honeybee pointed out, winking at me slyly. A large grin spread over my lips. “But, it’s okay. I still love you, Mom.”
“Me too, Mrs. Martin,” I added.
She just sighed and shook her head. “You can give me those candy bars back if you’re gonna hassle me this much.”
I gasped and put a hand on my chest, feigning shock as Honeybee played along. “Now, Debby, I could never do that. I can’t watch you eat three chocolate bars knowing full well that you are an addict.”
Debby shook her head and glared at both of us, but there was a small smile pulling at her lips. It broke after a few seconds. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you guys were discussing how to give me a hard time while I was gone.”
“Psh,” I muttered. “We had far more important things to talk about.”
“Like what?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at the both of us. It wasn’t just any look, it was one of those mom looks. The kind you got if she knew you’d done something heinous.
“You know…” I glanced at Honeybee. “Drug addiction.”
She nodded. “We were planning an intervention for you actually.”
“I suggested coffee and cookies, but then I remembered how much sugar that would take,” I said, biting back at grin. Honeybee couldn’t stop the smile on her lips, but I was okay with it. She always looked better when she was smiling.
With a nod and eyes filled with sympathy, she said, “Yeah, he isn’t all here today. Some crazy lady took him shopping late at night and got into a bit of trouble.” Even though her lips moved to smile I knew she was probably still scared, still shaking on the inside over what had happened.
I wanted to hold her, but I wasn’t sure if it was allowed. Also, it might’ve been awkward with her mom there.
“It has taken up a lot of my thoughts,” I agreed. “It’s hard to remember that the sugar addict shouldn’t have cookies at her intervention when I’m constantly thinking about the crazy girl who was hurt.” In all honesty, she’d been in my thoughts all the time already, even before she got hurt.
There was a small blush on her cheeks, and Debby was looking between us with one of those knowing grins. Why did moms’ smile like that? It always scared me.
“I see,” Debby said, trying not to smile and failing miserably. “Well, I appreciate the concern kids. But, you don’t have to worry. I will ration my sugar intake if it makes you feel better. No need to try and plan an intervention.”
I groaned, letting my head fall back against the chair. “Great. I’ll just call all the vendors and cancel the reservations.”
Honeybee reached her hand out, but I was too far away for her to touch. “It’s okay, Lex. We’ll get through this together.”
“As always, I’m sure,” Debby said and smirked. “But we can cry later. For now I think we should let a certain young lady get some sleep.” She stood up and kissed her forehead and then turned to me. “I’ll give you two a few minutes, but be ready to head home when I come back, okay? She needs her rest.” She reached over and patted my cheek. “And so do you, sweetie.” Always the mother. It was a comfort.
“Yes, ma’am.”
There was an awkward pause after Debby disappeared into the hallway, and I wasn’t quite sure how to fill it.
Honeybee broke the silence. “Thank you for protecting me, Lex.”
“I wouldn’t call it protecting,” I said, looking down at my shoes. She still got hurt, which made me a lousy protector. No girl needed that.
“I would,” she murmured. “You kept your cool even though I could see how much you wanted to hit the guy. I know that couldn’t have been easy.”
My eyes widened and I looked up at her. Was I really so easy to read? “But –”
She shook her head. “No buts, you protected me. I don’t care how you saw it,” she said and sat up. She grimaced and I moved to help her, my hands on her back. There was a pulse that went through me when I touched her.
Our eyes met and it felt like hours before I finally made the choice.
Screw it. Too much had happened, and I needed to tell her. Wanted. I was tired of leaving things unfinished.
I swallowed hard. “Olivia,”
The door opened and I pulled away, watching confusion cloud the eyes of the only girl who had ever really cared about me. Too often I was the reason she was confused and lost in the relationship that we had. I wanted to curse, but I didn’t. Debby would’ve reprimanded me. Honeybee, too.
“Ready to head home?” she asked, smirking when I shook my head.
“You were supposed to be gone longer, obviously,” I told her, forcing myself to sound sarcastic. But I really wanted to tell her to get lost.
Debby barked out a laugh. “Well, you should’ve told me how long to be gone, then.”
I wished I had. I would’ve told her to disappear for an hour. Maybe two. Longer than five minutes at least.
“I’ll remember that for next time,” I said, glancing back at Honeybee who still looked confused.
“Finish your goodnights, sweetie. You can come by and see her again tomorrow,” Debby murmured, patting my shoulder and taking her spot in the chair again.
I sighed and leaned down, wrapping Honeybee in a gentle hug. I pressed a kiss to her cheek, wishing I had the guts to just kiss her for real.
“Get some rest.” I pulled back, squeezing her shoulder gently.
She still looked confused, and there was color in her cheeks, now. “Goodnight, Lex.”
“Night, Bee.”
I left the hospital feeling defeated.
How many times would I miss my chance? There had been so many perfect moments, so many great opportunities in our time together for me to finally admit to her how I felt, and each time I failed to do so. I screwed it up, every time. Why would she ever want me?
I sat in my car and beat my fists against the steering wheel. Maybe it was stupid, to admit my feelings to her, lay it all out on the line. She’d spoken as if her feelings were in the past, and what would my confession do? Anything? Would it bring up bad memories, would she hate me for trying to “reel” her back in again? What right did I have to tell her the truth about how I felt?
Maybe it would be some kind of justice. Even though she was moved on, she deserved to know, to laugh at me and do to me what I‘d done to her all those years without realizing. She deserved to walk away and break my heart.
Twenty One: Preparing to Leap
My head was fuzzy when I got up the next day. It felt like I was walking through my schedule in a fog. All of my thoughts centered on Honeybee. I wanted to be there for her, to make sure she was doing okay. But I was stuck in boring classes until four and then soccer practice after that.
A few hours later I made my way to practice. The rest of the team was warming up, and I knew I needed to do the same. Maybe if I got my blood pumping I’d snap out of the fog I’d been under all day.
Desmond saw me first when I walked onto the field. I didn’t even have time to brace myself before he ran over to give me the longest and most awkward hug I’d ever had.
“Des,” I said, patting him lightly on the back. He still hadn’t let go. “Why is your body touching my body for such a long time?”
He pulled back, and I took a few steps to increase the distance.
“What are you doing here? You should’ve told Coach what happened,” he said, looking around the field.
I ran a hand over the back of my neck. “You know Coach doesn’t care about anything but the game.”
Desmond glared and I knew my attempt at playing it off had been a stupid idea. “Your best friend got hurt. Coach would’ve let you go.” Then he smirked. “You’re not even first string.”
Glaring, I replied. “Gee, thanks, Des. I appreciate that.” My eyes rolled on their own. “I’m gonna go see her after practice.”
Coach blew the whistle, and I slipped past Desmo
nd without another word.
The soccer players circled around. Ty stood across from me, laughing at something one of the other guys had said. I wondered if he even knew about what had happened. He probably didn’t. They’d only gone on a few dates.
“Warm up.” Coach blew his whistle again and torture began.
My body and mind were completely exhausted by the time practice ended. As hard as I’d tried, I couldn’t stop myself from wondering about Honeybee. What would she be doing? Would she be home sleeping? Or awake and bored? Her mom had probably planned a low-key day for the two of them so that she could rest and recover from the night before.
“Can you tell my brain to shut up?” I asked as Desmond sat down next to me on the grass. His shirt was slung over his shoulders. I had just thrown mine off to the side during practice. I still had to go get it, but couldn’t be bothered. My brain was starting to turn into mush.
“Shut up,” Des replied absently, pulling on his shoe laces. He yanked the shoes off, socks and shin guards quickly following. I wrinkled my nose when the smell of sweaty feet hit me. “Did that help?” he smirked.
I forced my body into an upright position. My water bottle was beside me and I drained it in a few gulps. “Nope,” I said, popping the p. “Not at all.” The smell of his feet was only kind of distracting. It didn’t keep my mind off of Honeybee for very long.
He sighed and started doing stretches, something I should’ve done, but didn’t. “Well, I tried.”
“Thanks,” I muttered and fell back into the grass.
The sun was too hot. There wasn’t any more water in my water bottle. I needed to shower and hydrate. I also needed to man up and tell Honeybee how I felt. There were a lot of things I needed to do but still hadn’t. My procrastination skills had become better since college started.
Standing, Desmond nudged my side with his smelly foot. I grimaced. “Come on, dude,” he said and offered me a hand up. “You need to shower and go see Honeybee. Or I’ll go over to her house and romance her so hard we’ll be married tomorrow.”