“Tony, please don’t talk like that, I do not need anyone dying, okay? Please just tell me everything you know, and let’s see if we can’t all come out of this dreadful situation alive.”
Tony hugged Trisha and said, “You are a good girl, you do not belong in this town, and you need to go.”
“Go? Tony, after what you just told me, where am I going to go? All of us are in danger, including my family. Why does crap always end up at my feet?”
Tony was silent for a moment and then he said, “I have something that will help you understand the magnitude of trouble we are in; this will explain everything.”
He went to the wall safe, put in the code, and opened it up. He removed a yellow envelope and handed it to Trisha.
“What is this?” Trisha asked.
“This is my insurance policy against Leo. I want you to have it.”
“Tony, I cannot take this. If I do, what will happen to you?”
“Trisha, look at me, please do not argue with me now. I will not be able to live with myself if anything happens to you. Leo is like a crazed animal when he does not get his way. You are a smart girl, and if anyone can figure a way out of this mess, it is you. Now please pack your stuff and leave town, there is not much time. Once you read the contents, you will know what to do, okay. There is some money in there also. Now go! Take the car out back. The keys are in the ignition. I will cover for you and I will check on your family in the meantime.”
Trisha got up quickly and Tony escorted her out the back.
“Go quickly and do not tell anyone where you are going.”
Though fearful, Trisha jumped in the car and headed out. Thank God that Leo made it possible for her to get her driver’s license. There were so many things that Leo made possible in Trisha’s life. She could not believe that she was running away from the same guy; the guy who made many “firsts” happen in her life, her first flirt, first date, first kiss, first …
B-e-e-e-e-p. “Watch the road, lady,” someone yelled as they made good use of their car horn while passing by Trisha.
“Oh my goodness,” Trisha said aloud, “stay focused. Getting into a wreck will not help anyone.” Trisha drove to a motel just outside of town and rented a room. Once inside, she locked the door and closed the curtains. She was still astounded by everything that had transpired over the past eight hours. She was hoping that it was all some sick virtual reality and that she would soon find her way back to reality. She made some tea to calm her nerves and then she looked at the contents of the envelope that Tony gave her.
“Oh, my God,” Trisha said as she went through the contents, “what in the world have I gotten myself into?”
Trisha could not believe what she was seeing. Aside from the fact that Tony had somehow managed to keep a record of all of Leo’s money laundering transactions, dates, accounts, and other information that Leo would not want anyone to have, there had to be at least one hundred thousand dollars in cash, along with a small cassette and a journal among the contents. Trisha began to read the contents of the journal and quickly realized what Tony had given her. Tony had indeed given her his insurance policy and a way out. She knew exactly what to do.
Trisha made a phone call and then she got up and left. “Trisha, you made it. I thought you stood me up.”
“No, there was a detour along the way.”
“So what can I do for you, my dear? I am glad that you called.”
“Eric, do you remember when we were kids how you use to say that you would buy us an island and we would escape there?”
Eric smiled.
“Yeah, I sure do. I always felt like I let you down when my mom and I left town. I never forgot about you and I have missed you.”
“Thanks, Eric, but you can make it up to me now.”
“I make a decent living, Trisha, but not enough to buy an island.”
They both laughed.
“No, that’s not what I mean. Although I do need to work on my tan, one can never be too black, I always say. No, I do not need an island, but I do need to escape this place.”
“What do you have in mind, Trisha?”
“Well, it’s been a dream of mine to go to college, but my mom could not afford it. Shucks, she could barely afford to keep a roof over our heads; and I want a better life for me and my siblings, Eric. I need to get away from all of this craziness and get a fresh start. I want to be able to provide for myself a better life than Mom did for us, not that I am ungrateful, because I am not—I just believe that there is more to life than this. Do you know what I mean?”
“Trisha, I know exactly what you mean. When my mom and I left here, it was a struggle also. She had to work two jobs just to make ends meet. I heard her crying many nights; my dad really did a number on us. He tried to find us and a few times, and he came close. My mom did everything in her power to keep us away from him. We had to cut off our family and friends because she did not want to give away our location. She got several restraining orders against him and we lived in constant fear. We moved around a lot so I could never get use to making friends. I was able to focus my energy on academics and I received a full academic scholarship to college. I worked hard and here I am.”
“That’s great, Eric, then you understand my struggle. How’s your mom doing?”
“Mom is doing just fine. I was able to purchase a small cottage for her and she has since retired and enjoying her golden years.”
“What about your dad?”
“Well, he passed away several years back. He got into a bar fight and ended up on the wrong end of a beer bottle.”
“Oh my, I am sorry to hear that, Eric. I know that you loved your dad and that you wanted really badly for him to be a different person.”
“Yes; however, I realized that people will not change unless they feel the need to. We can want the world for them, but if they do not understand their own worth, then our wants for them are all in vain.”
“That is so true, Eric. I have wanted my mother to get that revelation for as long as I can remember, but instead, she continues to be a doormat for my stepfather Harry. I wonder if she will ever get it. Anyway, enough about our miserable pasts. I believe that our future is bright; we just have to be willing to put in the work. Would you agree?”
“Absolutely, so back to your plan—what were you saying?”
“Oh right, I was saying that I have some money saved up, but I just need a little help with making it happen.”
“Okay,” Eric said. “I do believe that I may be able to offer my assistance in that area. Let me make a few calls to some contacts, and let’s meet up tomorrow afternoon.”
“Yes, that sounds wonderful, Eric. Thank you.”
“It’s no problem at all. Trisha. Anything for a friend.”
“Okay, I will see you tomorrow then, I actually have to go now. There are a few things that require my urgent attention.”
“Until tomorrow then.”
Trisha ran around town most of the evening, preparing for an unavoidable face-to-face with Leo. By this time, she was sure that he had begun to look for her; and she was determined not to be caught unawares. She spent the night at the motel gathering her thoughts and putting her plan in motion. There was no way that she was going to stand by and allow Leo to hurt her, her family, or people that she cared about.
Trisha concluded that she had given Leo all that she was prepared to give him; furthermore, Trisha realized that Leo’s timing could not be better. What if she had committed to an engagement with him? Worse still, what if she had married or had children with him? Trisha realized that she would have been tied to a psycho for God knows how long, and that she would have subjected herself and their hypothetical children to all kinds of abuse. In reality, she really would have ended up living a different version of Mom’s life.
12
Trisha returned home
the following morning, Mom was busy cleaning up when Trisha walked inside.
Mom said, “Where the hell have you been?”
“I spent the night at a motel, but it’s not what you are thinking.”
“I beg your pardon? Oh, you’re grown now, so you feel that you can come and go as you please, huh?”
“Mother, it’s not like that.”
“What exactly is it like then, Trisha, do tell.”
“I can explain if you would just give me a chance. You know what? Why bother? You never listen to me anyway. I just needed a little space is all.”
“Oh, you needed space, you say. Well, my dear, you can have all the space you want, sister. Pack up your things and get the hell out of this house.”
“What? Mom, are you serious?”
“Does it look like I’m joking?”
“Where am I supposed to go?”
“You should have thought about that before you decided to sleep out.”
“Oh my God, Mom, wow, you are unbelievable. Will it kill you to have my back just once in this lifetime?”
“You watch your tone with me, little girl. I have had your back all the days of your life. I have busted my tail just to keep a roof over your head and clothes on your back, and for what? So that you can run around town with some drug dealer?”
“Mom, I’m sorry, but that’s not going to work this time. You were not the only one who has had a hard time. My life was not exactly a walk in the park either. You know that I love you and I appreciate every single thing that you have done for me, but I think that I have paid more than my fair share to be a part of this family. Mom, I hope that you know that I love you, really I do. I know that we are not that kind of family who is big on emotions, but for once, can you please just listen to me?
“I know that you have had a terrible life for the most part, and if it were in my power to change it, I would because you deserve the best of what this world has to offer. Mom, I have watched you struggle for many years just to make ends meet. What you have never seemed to realize is that you were not struggling or crying by yourself. Antoine, Talia, and I have been along for the ride as well; we were not looking from the outside in, we had front row seats to this mess we call our lives. You cannot possibly know how many nights I’ve wanted to run away and escape to some faraway place, far away from all of you and from our troubles. All the while that you were struggling, I had many struggles of my own, and no mom to help me through them. I struggled in school but I was forced to find a solution because I was too afraid to tell you for fear of getting a beating. I had concerns about the changes in my body, but I was anxious about asking you questions concerning them for fear of ridicule and rejection. I wanted to talk to you about Leo, but I could not come to you, because you had already determined what type of person he was, albeit you were not totally wrong about him, but that is beside the point. The point is for many years I needed my mom and you were emotionally unavailable, which left me alone trying to navigate life for myself.
“I was lost and alone for many years and you were right here. I practically raised Talia and Antoine on my own. They needed you just as much as I needed you and you were not there for them either. As a sister there was only so much I could do. What they needed was their mother’s love, and it was not available … and Harry …”
Trisha sat down on the couch when she said his name.
“What about Harry, Trisha?” Mom asked.
“Mom, you saw the way that Harry treated me from the time you started dating him and you never stood up for me. You never demanded that he make me feel a part of the family. You allowed him to mistreat me, to degrade me, and to make me feel less than. Why did you do nothing? Trisha’s eyes teared up and she could feel the lump form in her throat again. Mom took a seat on the love seat and fidgeted nervously with the apron that she was wearing.
“Trisha,” she said, “there are many things that you will not understand until you become a mother. The sacrifices that have to made are not pleasant all the time, but they are necessary.” Mom fought back tears.
“If I could start over, there are many things that I would do differently, but having you is not one of those things. I have been hard on you, yes, but it was only because I did not want you to follow the path that I took. I am sorry that I could not give you all of the things that your peers had or that you did not have the kind of childhood that many others had, but I can tell you that I have watched you, albeit from afar, turn into a strong, independent, caring human being, and I am very proud of who you have become.”
Trisha was washed away in tears. For so long she had wanted to connect with her mother. For the longest time she longed to hear a supporting word or a word of encouragement from her. Mom did not know whether to go over to Trisha and embrace her or to leave her to herself. She decided on the latter. Mom got up to leave when Trisha said, “Wait, Mom, there is something else.”
Mom turned back around and sat down.
“What is it, Trisha?”
Trisha hesitated, then she said, “If only I could tell you, Mom.”
Mom said, “Please, tell me, Trisha. I think that it is time for us to have a fresh start. Go on and tell me whatever it is.”
Trisha sat quiet for a moment contemplating how to tell Mom and then she said, “Well, it’s about Harry. For three years Harry molested me while you were at work and even when you were here asleep. He fondled me and almost took my virginity one day. I truly believe that only God stopped him. I have lived in fear of him every day for as long as I can remember. Mom, every day I dreaded you going to work. I had no one to turn to. You were always so busy working and stressing out that I could not even come to you, my own mother. You do not possibly know how horrified I felt every single day of my life. I wanted to tell you so badly, but I was afraid that you would not believe me and that you would force me to leave, or worse, that you would think that I was trying to come between you guys. I am sorry for not telling you, Mom. Can you forgive me?”
Mom stood still for a long time as if she was processing what Trisha had told her.
“Pack your things, Trisha,” she said in a soft voice.
“Mom,” Trisha replied, “what are you saying?”
“Pack your things, you have to go.”
“Go?” Trisha cried. “Where am I going to go? Mom, please don’t do this. You said that I could tell you, you said that you wanted a fresh start. Please don’t do this.”
Mom did not answer Trisha. She got up and went into her bedroom. Trisha sat on the couch for a while and sobbed. She could not believe that Mom had just asked her to pack up and leave. She shook her head in disbelief. After all this time, Mom still did not have her back. She finally thought that she and Mom had connected. How could she take Harry’s side in this? Trisha thought. She went to the room, packed her clothes in a pillowcase, and headed for the car.
13
As Trisha reached to open the car door, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang rang out from inside the house behind her. She dropped the pillowcase and doubled back to the house, only to find Mom with a pistol standing over Harry’s bloody body.
“Oh dear God, Mom, what have you done?”
Mom appeared to be in a daze. Her hand still extended over Harry’s body. Trisha removed the gun from her hand and guided her out of the room. Trisha dialed 911 for help.
Trisha grabbed a wet towel and wiped off Mom’s bloody hands. She asked her, “Mom, why did you do that?”
Mom did not respond, but stared blankly into space. After a while, Mom said aloud, “You give someone all that you have to give, and still they insist on taking more. He took everything from me, my life, my love, and now he wants my baby. He cannot have my baby. He cannot have my baby.”
“Mom,” Trisha said, “the police are here. They need a statement.”
“Ma’am, I am Officer Wright. Can you tell me what happened h
ere?”
“He tried to take my baby. I could not let him take my baby,” Mom repeated.
“Ma’am,” the officer said, “who tried to take your baby? Are you referring to the deceased?”
“I could not let him take my baby,” Mom said.
The officer replied, “Ma’am, you are going to have to come with us down to the station, okay.” The officer helped Mom up off the sofa, handcuffed her, and started walking toward the door.
“My baby,” Mom muttered.
“You have the right to remain silent …”
“I couldn’t let him take my baby.”
“Ma’am, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law …”
“I had to keep him from my baby.”
“You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford an attorney, one will be …”
The police took Mom away. Trisha watched as the coroner bagged and tagged Harry’s lifeless body, and took him away. She was too numb to cry. Leo came to the house, as did the entire neighborhood to see what had occurred. Still in shock, Trisha sat down on the steps of the front door.
“What have I done?” she cried. “Lord, what have I done?”
Leo sat next to her. He put his arm around her and told her that everything was going to be alright. Trisha cried as she leaned her head on his shoulder. “No, I don’t think so,” she said.
At the arraignment, Mom looked despondent. She was a complete mess. Trisha’s heart ached and she wept.
“This is all my fault. I should have never told her anything,” she said.
Leo hired the best lawyers in town, and they took a deposition from Trisha and her mom. Mom had a psyche evaluation done to determine whether she would be fit to take the stand at the trial. She passed so they prepared her for trial. During the course of the trial and investigation into the case, a witness came forth to present testimony.
Talia Stevenson took the stand and testified on her mother’s behalf. She told the court that her father had physically, mentally, and emotionally abused her mother for years. She said, “Daddy would always say mean things to Mommy that would hurt her feelings. I loved my daddy, but sometimes I wondered why Mommy stayed with him. One day they were arguing and I was in the bed with them. They thought that I was asleep, but I was not. Daddy told Mommy that if she ever left him and took us, he would have hunted us down wherever we went and kill us all. Daddy kept a hunting knife under his pillow, and a few times, he held the knife to Mommy’s throat and told her that the knife would be the last thing she felt if she ever tried to leave him. I looked at Mom when he said it, but she motioned to me to keep still, and so I did. Daddy told Mommy that he would make her watch as he cut each of our throats and then he would cut hers.”
If Only I Could Tell Page 13