If Only I Could Tell

by Neketa Y. S. Knowles

  She said to them, “You guys stay here, I am going just in the hallway to talk to a friend of mine, okay?”

  “Okay,” the kids said. “Can we have another slice of pizza?” Antoine asked,

  “And some juice,” Talia chimed in.

  “Sure, just try not to make a mess. I will be just outside the door.”

  She opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

  “How did you know that I was here?” Trisha asked Leo.

  “It is a small town, Trisha.”

  “What do you want, Leo?”

  “I want to talk about us, Trisha.”

  “There is no more us, Leo. I have had enough drama in my life to last an eternity. I do not need anymore.”

  “Trisha, I made a mistake. Give me another chance to make things right.”

  “Leo, I appreciate everything that you have done to help me and my mom out, believe me. I will never forget it, but as far as you and I are concerned, it’s over.”

  Leo clenched his jaw.

  “Just like that, Trisha?”

  “Just like that, Leo. I need to concentrate on helping Talia and Antoine have some semblance of a normal life. I cannot and will not bring more trouble into their lives. I have the responsibility of taking care of them and I promised Mom that I would protect them.”

  “Trouble? So I’m trouble now?”

  “Leo, I know what your family business is really about and none of it is good. I do not know why I was so blind before, but my eyes are wide open now.”

  Leo then stepped toward her until she was hard against the wall, then he said,

  “Well, if you know that, then you should also know that nobody walks away from me unless I allow it.”

  “And there it is,” Trisha responded. She smiled and looked him squarely in his eyes and said, “Kiss me, Leo.”

  The request caught him off guard, but he smiled and said, “Now you’re speaking my language. I knew that you missed me.”

  Trisha embraced him as he pulled her into him. Already she could feel him becoming aroused. He kissed her deeply and passionately, and she returned his affection. She inhaled the scent of his cologne and she held him tightly. Leo continued to kiss and caress her and she allowed him to love on her. He picked her up and Trisha wrapped her legs around him as they continued to love on each other. Trisha took a moment to catch her breath as Leo gently kissed her neck. He looked into her eyes and whispered, “I love you so much, Trisha.”

  “I love you too,” she returned.

  “I would do anything for you,” Leo said.

  “Anything?” Trisha whispered.

  “Anything,” Leo said as he continued to caress her body.

  She looked him straight in the eyes and said, “May I have one minute, please?”

  Leo moaned, kissed her a few more times, and reluctantly released her. Trisha went into the room. A few seconds later, she emerged with a package in hand. She handed it to him and said, “Open it.”

  He opened it and inside was a cassette tape and some papers. Leo looked through the papers then looked up at Trisha.

  “Where did you get this?” he asked.

  Trisha said, “I was hoping that it did not have to come to this, but like I said, I am not allowing trouble into my life anymore, and I am not running away anymore. It does not matter where I got it. What should concern you is the fact that I do have it. Now listen to me very carefully, Leo; I have made copies of the cassette and the papers that you hold in your hands. You know as well as I do that there is enough evidence in there to put you and your ‘family’ away for life. I have them in security boxes around town, and Leo, I swear to you that if anything should happen to me or anyone that I care about, there are instructions to mail the contents of the boxes to the relevant authorities, and I’m not talking about our local police department. I am talking about Feds.

  “A moment ago you said that you would do anything for me, and I believed you; so here’s what I want you to do. You, Leo, are going to leave me the hell alone and let me live my life in peace. You are not going to bother me and I will not turn you in. Do we have a deal?”

  Leo looked at Trisha with a smile, he pursed his lips and said, “I am impressed, Trisha. You are more deviant than you look; you really had me going there.”

  “Do we have a deal or not? I don’t think that you would want to wear an orange jumpsuit for the next ‘twenty-five-to-life’,” Leo.

  Within himself, he had to admit that he was beaten. “We have a deal, Trisha.”

  “Good. Then I bid you goodnight.”

  Leo nodded, “Goodbye, Trisha.”

  “Oh, there is one more thing before you go, Leo.”

  “What is it?” Leo answered.

  “The condo at West Gate, outside the city, where we went for our anniversary. I want you to purchase it in my name. Consider it a goodwill offering for you slapping me, accusing me of cheating, calling me out of my name; and let’s not forget how you threatened to kill me for no good reason.”

  Leo smiled, “You learn quickly, you should consider going into business with me. Consider it done. I will have the paper work sent to the front desk in a few days. Is there anything else?”

  “No, we are even now, thank you.”

  Leo left, and Trisha returned to the room and closed the door behind her. She leaned at the door with her hand on her chest and breathed a sigh of relief. She could not believe that she pulled that off without a hitch. She said, “It is finally over. I can pick up the pieces of my life and start afresh.”

  Trisha really felt hopeful. For the first time in a long time everything was aligned. Mom was going to be okay, she had custody of her sister and brother, they were not going to be wards of the state. She also had the money from Tony as a foundation for her fresh start. In a few days, she would own her very own condo debt free. She did not have to live in fear or hide as Eric and his mom had to, because she was able to ensure not only her safety, but that of her friends and loved ones, and her dream of going to college would soon be realized. She was so happy and humbled by the whole ordeal.

  14

  Eric called Trisha the next day to tell her that everything was set, and that all she needed to do was to fill out the paper work.

  “Trisha, have you decided on a major?” Eric asked.

  “Actually, I am thinking about studying law.”

  “Law! You go, girl. What made you decide on law as a major?”

  “To tell you the truth, I was inspired by the judge on my mom’s case. She made me realize that someone has to stand up for the rights of women and children when it comes to violence and abuse against them. There has to be a voice to speak on the behalf of those who cannot speak up for themselves. Too many of us go through life abused, with no recourse and no justice. Things have to change, Eric, and it has to start with me. I am going to fight on the behalf of the millions of battered and abused women and children in this country. My aim is the Supreme Court. I am going to fight for them from the bench.”

  “Good for you, Trisha. I am so proud of you. You are so strong and brave. The judicial system would be lucky to have you. I hope that you will let me come along for the ride.”

  “Of course, none of this would be possible without you, Eric. Together you and I are going to change the world one life at a time. Just as you have helped to change my life, I will endeavor to do the same for others. Evil only wins when good does nothing. We have to stop the cycle of abuse and persuade others to join us in the fight.”

  “Preach …” Eric said, “Would you like to meet me on campus tomorrow, and I will walk you through the process and accompany you on the tour, if that’s alright with you?”

  “I am perfectly fine with that, Eric. You have made it possible for me to realize my dream, and I cannot thank you enough.”

  “Bring the kid
s along. I would love to meet them and we can go down to their new school and begin the enrollment process as well.”

  “Okay, that’s a date, then. We will see you at noon then. Does that work for you?”

  “That works for me,” Eric said.

  Great, see you tomorrow then. Goodbye.”

  “Until tomorrow then.”

  15

  Trisha visited Mom at the women’s shelter.

  “Hi, Mom, how are you doing?”

  “I am doing just fine, baby. How are you and the kids?”

  “We are doing well, Mom. I stopped by to tell you that I am starting my first semester of college in a few weeks. The kids and I are moving an hour away to Providence. We will be staying on campus and they will be attending the local public school. We will come down on the weekends to be with you, okay.”

  “Wow, baby, you are really doing it. Honey, I am so proud of you for persevering and for taking your brother and sister with you. What do you plan to study?”

  “I want to study law, Mom. The judge really inspired me to make a difference in this world.”

  “You are much stronger than I ever was. I am so sorry that I was not able to protect you from Harry all those years. That pain will be with me for the rest of my life.”

  “Mom, you have to let it go. I did. Forgive yourself and let go of the pain and guilt. What’s done is done. You now need to look forward to finishing up your community service and finding something meaningful to do with the rest of your life. You started out hard, but you can end easy. I am going to study law so that I can stand up for the rights of women and children. You need to find your passion and begin to work it, it is not too late. There are many people who would be inspired by your story. Perhaps you should begin to write some things down. There may be a book on the inside of you. If I have learned nothing over the course of my short life, of this one thing I am certain, nothing just happens; there is purpose in our pain. I encourage you to dig deep and to find the courage and strength to tell your story. You may touch countless lives.

  “Mom, for the majority of my teenage years, I have wanted to have this type of relationship with you. It has taken tragedy to accomplish that. At least now you have a second chance to have that type of relationship with Talia and Antoine. I know that your life has been a challenge, to say the least, but you now have a fresh start. I know that you have a long road to recovery ahead, but just note that we are here for you one hundred percent. As you heal, I would like for you to begin to at least consider what mark you can leave on this world. You say that I am strong, but I am who I am because you are who you are. You are stronger than you think and I need you to start believing that. Yes, you were absent in the beginning, and I questioned your lack of support, but you have more than made up for it, and I have forgiven you a long time ago. I need you to forgive yourself so that you are free to move on, okay? Promise me that you will at least try.”

  “I will, baby, I promise. I need to get out of this shelter though. I have no home and no job to go to.”

  “Oh, speaking of home, here is where we will be staying on the weekends when we come to see you.” Trisha reached into her purse and pulled out the keycard to the condo. She handed it to Mom.

  “The address is on the back. When you are ready, pack your things, and I will have Tony pick you up and help you move. This is just outside the city, not too far from familiar territory, but far enough for a fresh start.”

  Mom looked at the address and said, “Honey, I cannot afford to live in this neighborhood, it is way out of my league.”

  Trisha smiled and said, “Mom, you are a queen; nothing is out of your league. You do not have to worry about being able to afford to live there; you get to stay there rent free.”

  “How is that possible?” Mom questioned.

  “Let’s just say that a friend owed me a huge favor, and this is compensation.”

  “Trisha, are you sure?” Mom said.

  “Yes, Mom, trust me, it’s all good. You are free to go there whenever you are ready. In addition to that, there is a local Job Assistance Agency in the community to help you get back on your feet. To help you get settled in, take this debit card and use it when you need to. Have a little retail therapy on me, love yourself, have a spa day, buy some new clothes, some jewelry, and some perfume. You deserve it. I love you, Mom. The future is bright, you’ll see.”

  Mom hugged Trisha and gave her a kiss.

  “I love you,” Mom said.

  “I love you more,” Trisha replied.

  With that, Trisha got up to leave.

  “Kiss the kids for me and tell them that I will see them soon,” Mom called after her.

  “Will do,” Trisha answered.

  She got into the car, put on her seat belt and sunglasses, looked into the mirror and said, “Justice Trisha Addison James presiding. Supreme Court, here I come!”

  The End

  About the Author

  Neketa Y. S. Knowles was born on September 15, 1976 in New Providence, Bahamas. She is the third of six children coming from a single parent home and knows all too well the sacrifices that have to made when pursuing one’s dream. Neketa earned a full athletic scholarship and was the first of her siblings to attend university. She is an alumnus of the University of Minnesota, with a Bachelor of Science degree in Kinesiology, a masters’ degree in Business Administration, and a minor in Physical Education. Neketa attributes her success to her teachers and coaches who pushed her to realize her dreams and aspirations. She also acknowledges her mother, who worked tirelessly to ensure that she and her siblings grew up with proper values and morals.

  As a top Bahamian athlete, Neketa has had many opportunities to compete, travel, and interact with people from all over the world. Some of her most memorable trips were to places such as Martinique, Trinidad, New Mexico, and California. She is a national champion in the 400m, and 100m hurdles, a bronze medalist in the 400m hurdles at the 1992 Carifta Games, in Trinidad. She is also a two-time collegiate All-American Athlete, and on many occasions, a high school and collegiate record holder.

  Neketa is a veteran educator, who not only brings with her years of experience, but also the willingness to promote change. She desires to help the young and old alike attain their goals through hard work and diligence. Additionally, she is a mentor who encourages her protégés to strive for excellence, to persist when confronted by failure, and to gracefully accept success. She prepares inquiring minds for what the world has to offer. She encourages them to choose their friends carefully, and to acknowledge that there are consequences for all actions. Most importantly, Neketa encourages them to put God first in all things and to always count their blessings.

  Neketa resides in Nassau, Bahamas, with her husband David and their lovely family.