Surrendering

by Ahren Sanders

  This is possibly the best day of my life. I have a question I want to ask him that’s nagging at me. It’s none of my business, but I ask anyway.

  “Can I ask you a personal question?”

  “Baby, I had my tongue in you about an hour ago. I think we are beyond worrying about personal.”

  “Well, this borderlines on rude. It’s really none of my business, but how do you afford all this when your band only plays a few nights a week?”

  He shifts uncomfortably under me, but raises his fingers to stroke lightly through my hair. “I don’t have to worry about money, Raven. When my mom died, she left us each a small trust. It wasn’t much, but my dad invested it for us. We also got social security until we turned eighteen. My dad still worked and made a good living so we mostly invested that as well. I bought this place for close to nothing.”

  “So you only play with Sayge for fun?”

  “Yes and no. I love being in the band, but it also does pretty well. Since our fans are mostly college students, we try to keep the cover charge low, but profitable. For example, we have a deal with The Steamroom. When we play, we get eighty percent of the cover. It isn’t unusual for us to walk out with three to five hundred each.”

  “Do you have similar deals with the other bars you play at?”

  “Not really. The other places aren’t as generous, but we still do okay.”

  I start to giggle.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing really, I just realized my hot rocker boyfriend is also a little bit of a businessman.”

  “Don’t tell anyone; it’ll ruin my reputation.” He shuts me up with a kiss.

  Chapter 24

  The Feeling is Mutual

  Abbi and Ella agree to come with me to The Steamroom tonight. Since it’s Thursday, I don’t have class tomorrow. Declan has spent every night with me since Monday. He’s been texting me throughout the day and his last message said to plan on spending the night at his place tonight so I packed a bag. For his surprise, I threw in the nightie I wore to NNN last week. He seemed to like the outfit and I planned on teasing him with it.

  We get to The Steamroom at the same time Finn, Jimi, and Gabe do. Abbi smiles and goes straight to Jimi. We all head backstage to hang out. The room is even more packed than normal. I see Declan talking to a man that I don’t know. Cooper is at his side agreeing to whatever they are saying. The man gives Declan a business card and shakes his hand before walking off. Declan sees me and heads straight over.

  “Sparkle, you look beautiful. I’ve missed you.” He kisses me hard.

  “Baby, you do realize I saw you this morning right?”

  “Not really, I haven’t spoken or kissed you since you left for school. I can’t help it if I missed you.”

  “Well, when you put it like that…”

  “Did you pack a bag?”

  “Yes, it’s in Ella’s car. Give me your keys and I’ll go put it in your truck.”

  “Babe, I’ll get it and put it in my truck. You stay here.”

  He pecks my lips and walks over to Ella to get her keys and disappears out a back door. Ella winks at me and I join her at the bar. When Declan returns, the whole band joins us.

  “Hey, Dec, what’d you figure out with Jay?” Asks Nate.

  “He’s staying for the show and he’ll call us next week. He was here last Saturday night too.”

  “Well, I guess we should put it all out there tonight. Hope the crowd is full of energy. You should probably keep your good luck charm close.”

  I know Nate is referring to me because he smiles in my direction. Nate was the one who helped Declan prepare for his song last week. He’s teased Declan mercifully every chance he’s gotten since.

  “Nate, when you find your good luck charm, I hope she kicks your ass.” Declan jokes back.

  Since I’m not sure what they are talking about, I break in. “Who’s Jay?”

  “He’s a music scout among other things. He works with local and regional music festivals to book the entertainment. He’s been hanging around for awhile. He actually helped get us the gig here. He may have a few opportunities available for us.”

  I wrap my arms around his neck. “That’s so exciting! Would you want to do that?”

  “Yeah, I think I would. The rest of the band thinks it’s a good idea, but we’ll be selective if given the chance. I’m not sure our style and looks will fit in at every place and we don’t want to change it. We told Jay we’d work with him if he took that into consideration.”

  I look back and all three of them are nodding in agreement.

  “Babe, we need to get started soon; walk me to the stage?” He grabs my hand and I tell everyone I’ll see them soon.

  When we get backstage, I see everything is set up, but there are still a few people running around. He takes me into the dark corner I’ve become familiar with.

  “Seriously, Sparkle, I missed you. I’m not sure what you’ve done to me, but I can’t get you out of my mind.”

  “The feeling is mutual.” I lean in and kiss him. I don’t stop until I hear someone clear their throat behind us.

  Blake looks uncomfortable and I realize I have wrapped one leg around Declan’s hip. “Sorry man, but we need to get started.”

  I try to step back, but his hands hold me tight so I can’t. “Kay, B, give me just another minute.”

  Blake walks away and I see the other guys getting ready to go onstage. I wonder how long they’ve been there. Then I realize I don’t care. Declan hugs me tightly.

  “You know I have a raging hard-on right now. The only thing I can think of is your mouth on me?”

  “Sorry, but I can’t do anything about that right now. Maybe later?” I wink at him and pry out of his arms. “I’m going to go meet up with the others. You have a good show.” I kiss him quickly and walk away.

  “I’ll get you back for this, tit for tat and all that shit.” He calls after me. I grin and find my way back to my friends.

  *****

  The show is awesome. The bar is packed again and the energy from the crowd just encourages the guys. During the breaks, the band changes their soaked shirts and returns looking perfectly serene. Jimi and Abbi have gone into the crowd to dance, but I’ve stayed behind because I can see better from back here. We didn’t get the reserved table from last Saturday and I can’t see the band play when I’m in the crowd. Since I know Jay is somewhere around here, I want to watch every minute of Sayge’s performance. They’re playing with an edge tonight I’ve never seen. Each song has a new feel to it. Every once in a while, Declan finds me and winks. It’s not hard to find me with Gabe and Finn towering beside me. I feel his energy emanating to me.

  When I’m sure the show is over, I say goodbye to everyone and head backstage. I’m sure Ella will come, but Abbi is pretty content with Jimi so she may stick back. I stop by the bathroom and as I’m washing my hands I hear a few girls behind me.

  “If I get him alone, I’m going to give him the best blow job he’s ever had.”

  “I heard he likes threesomes. Maybe we should offer that?”

  “If Declan Collins wants a threesome, then that’s what he’ll get.”

  I feel sick, these girls are disgusting. “I think he has a girlfriend. Didn’t he sing to her last weekend or something?”

  They look at me like I have three heads, probably for so rudely interrupting their conversation. Blonde number one says, “You think Declan has a girlfriend? Well, he didn’t seem to remember her when he was fucking some bitch backstage before the show. One of the guys that works the equipment for the bar told me he was going at it against a wall with some skank. Not that I care about that.”

  I laugh. First, someone saw us backstage and assumed we were fucking against the wall. Second, this girl is just pathetic. I’m done playing in the dirt with these bunnies.

  “Yeah, you’re probably right. Good luck girls.”

  I walk out and head straight to the back room. When I get there,
the whole room is in chaos. There are people everywhere and I see the band members in the corner with Jay. He’s laughing and toasting his beer in the air. All of them are smiling. I fix myself a drink and stand back to wait for them to finish. I see the two blondes from the bathroom come into the room and hone in on the back corner where the guys are. When the small powwow breaks up, Declan looks around, hopefully for me.

  I put down my drink and start towards him. He sees me immediately and comes my way. Before he can brace himself, I jump into his arms and wrap my body around his. He stumbles slightly, but holds us up. I smile down at him and kiss him viciously. I feel ice on my back and look up to find Nate pouring ice down Declan’s back as well.

  “What the fuck, Nate?” He shouts.

  “Man, you’ve got a room full of people staring at you both. I wanted to cool you down before it got out of hand. Besides, if Finn and Gabe come back here, I don’t want to have to break up a fight.” He laughs as he backs away.

  I laugh. He’s right; I always seem to forget there are other people around.

  “Declan,” I whisper against his ear. “Take me home, now”

  He pushes me slightly away and looks deeply into my eyes. His are two shades darker than normal, they’re almost the color of deep emerald and they’re filled with the same desire I have.

  He doesn’t even set me down; he walks us right out the back door. I see the stupid girls from the bathroom staring with sick looks on their faces. I wave and laugh to myself. That was fun.

  Declan presses me to his truck and keeps my legs wrapped around him. There are voices all around us, but we don’t stop. I have to pull away to breathe. My body is on fire and I know we have to get out of here soon. He must feel the same way because in less than a minute, we’re on the road headed to his house. My phone rings in my pocket and I remember that we didn’t tell anyone we were leaving.

  “Hey, Ella, what’s up?”

  “Did you just have sex in the parking lot?”

  “No, we did NOT just have sex in the parking lot.” Declan chuckles beside me.

  “I didn’t think so, but that’s the rumor. Nate said he had to pour ice on you two to get you apart.”

  “Well, that part is true, but no sex- sorry. Please tell me you guys don’t believe those crazy bitches.”

  “Nah, we know better, but I thought it would be fun to razz you a little bit. It’s not every day our little virgin is the topic of lewd gossip. I guess you’re gone for the night?”

  “Yeah, sorry we didn’t say bye. Tell Finn I’ll call him tomorrow.”

  Declan looks at me after I hang up. We’re almost to his place and my whole body is humming.

  “Sex in the parking lot?”

  “Apparently, I offended your admirers and they didn’t like your choice in girlfriends.”

  “What admirers?”

  “The blonde bunnies that were barely dressed and ready to jump you.”

  “I didn’t see anyone in that room but you.” He takes my hand and starts kissing my fingertips.

  “They were talking about offering a threesome to my hot ass boyfriend and I de-railed their plans.”

  We drive up to his house and he grabs my bags from the back. Then he comes around the car to get me. He’s frowning by the time we get in the front door. He heads towards the bedroom without a word.

  “Declan, what’s wrong?”

  He drops my bag on the bed and crosses his arms before he looks at me. “What was that about back there?” The tone of his voice is angry.

  “Pardon?” I whisper.

  “When you attacked me after the show? What was that? Was that for me or for them? Were you jealous? Were you trying to make your point or…”

  I don’t let him finish. “That was for you- for me- for us. The show was great. Jay looked happy; you looked happy. I was so excited and I got swept up in the moment. For those few minutes, it was just the two of us and I wanted you to know how happy and proud I was of you. To me, there was no one else in the room. I wasn’t jealous because I have nothing to be jealous of.”

  His features soften and he pulls me in. “Raven, you will never have anything to be jealous of. To me, you really were the only girl in the room.” He kisses my temple lightly and runs his nose through my hair. “You smell so good. It reminds me of honeysuckle and peaches.”

  I wrap my arms around him. I want him tonight and hopefully he’ll agree. As I push us towards the bed and he stops me.

  “Let me take a quick shower.” He lets me go and heads toward the bathroom. I guess he didn’t get my hint.

  When the shower turns on, I get my bag and run to the second bathroom. I don’t have much time. I quickly get ready for bed and change into my baby doll nightie. I rush back and light a few of the tea light candles I stashed in my bag. I turn off the main lights and a light glow covers the room. I hear him finishing up and wait by the bedroom door for him to come out.

  He opens the door and I start to get nervous. Maybe this is a silly idea. I have no clue what I’m doing. When our eyes finally meet, I see approval. He makes it to me in a few short steps. He doesn’t say anything but kisses me until my body is overheated. Declan lays me down on the bed and lies partly on top of me. His hands roam over the beads on the fabric of my nightie. When he reaches my boy shorts, he groans in my mouth. He’s hard against my hip and I run my fingers over him trying to get inside his shorts. I want him to take me. I want to feel him in me.

  I get his shorts halfway down and he rips them the rest of the way off. I trace the tattoos on his chest and I remember the night in my room when I felt his apa for the first time. Now I can’t wait to know why he got it.

  He rolls me on top of him and lifts the nightie over my head, then rolls me back under him. He looks at me with pure, raw desire as he runs his hands up and down my sides. His fingers hook to the sides of my shorts and he brings them down my legs and off my body. I try to control my breathing as he gazes at my naked body.

  “You are so beautiful.”

  I pull his shoulders and try to lower him back down to me, but he stops me.

  “Raven, we don’t have to do this. We can wait.”

  “I don’t want to wait anymore. I want you.”

  “Are you absolutely sure?”

  “More sure than anything in my life. Please.” My eyes fill with tears because I fear he’ll say no and I sound pathetic.

  “Baby, why are you crying?”

  “Because I’m not sure you want me. I’m starting to get the feeling this isn’t what you want.”

  “Oh, my beautiful girl, I’ve wanted you since the day I ran you over in the park. You have no idea how much I want you. I want everything from you emotionally and physically. I told you earlier, I can’t get you out of my mind.”

  “And I told you the feeling was mutual.”

  “I’m not sure you understand the depth of my feelings. I’ve never felt this way before and I’m scared shitless.”

  “Would it scare you even more shitless if I told you I’m in love with you?”

  A huge grin spreads across his face and his eyes light up with a twinkle. “No, babe, it wouldn’t scare me. If you told me you were in love with me, I would tell you the feeling is mutual and it’s about time you caught up.”

  He lowered his head and took my mouth with tenderness. His fingers slide into me, one and then two. He moves his thumb over my clit. He whispers the words “fucking soaked” into my mouth, but I continue kissing him. I move my hips in rhythm with his fingers and feel myself getting close. I pull my mouth away from his to catch my breath.

  “Sweetheart, I’m going to come.”

  “I know, baby, let go.”

  He adds another finger and I don’t hold out anymore. I scream his name as the orgasm washes over my entire body. I barely feel him move, but I hear his nightstand open and the sound of foil ripping. When I can finally see straight, I see him rolling a condom down his enormous shaft. I wonder again if he’s going to fit, but I
push the thought away.

  He gets back on top of me and I wrap my legs around his hips. He stalls against my entrance, the barbell teasing the sensitive flesh.

  “Sparkle, I need you to look at me. I need to see your face.” His voice is tender. I look up and his green eyes pierce through me. The expression on his face mirrors the same way I feel.

  He inches in and stops suddenly. “Baby, you are so tight. I’m so sorry, but this is going to hurt.”

  It doesn’t hurt at first; it feels incredible. I tighten my legs around him and try to push him deeper. All at once, we move together and I feel him break through my barrier. I cry out and lift up biting his shoulder. He stops moving and braces himself over me. He starts to pull out, but I push deeper against him. The pain is still there, but the pleasure is stronger.

  “Don’t you dare stop.”

  He seems a little hesitant, but starts pushing back. He slides in and out of me gently. His apa is gliding against my walls and the sensations are incredible. He slows down and lowers his face back down to kiss me. His tongue is dancing with mine as my body accepts him. He pushes in deeper and I groan against his mouth. Every inch of him finally fills me. He moves in a rhythm that matches our kiss. He pulls back and stares into my eyes as he moves above me. I see desire mixed with passion. With every thrust, I get closer to going over the edge. He slows down again and pulls almost all the way out before he eases back in. I swivel my hips to meet his. A bead of sweat begins to fall down his cheek and I lift up to lick it off. He moans and in one swift movement, he’s sitting up and I’m straddling him. I don’t move for a minute and he allows me to adjust to the new position. There’s a burning feeling but it stops when I slide a little. I grind down on him and feel his entire length even more. His hands are on my hips and he’s pumping himself into me at a steady and tender pace. He takes one nipple back into his mouth and moves the tip of his thumb over my clit in a circular motion. I know I can’t last much longer. I squeeze my core muscles as tight as I can to try and hold on. I wrap my arms around his shoulders pulling his body closer. He has to let go of my nipple because I move my hand to his jaw and make him look into my eyes.