“Why? Why do you want to leave? It's because of what Grams said, right?” I meet her eyes, searching.
“No, it's not her, okay? Look, I can't talk about this here! Can we please just go back?” She looks timidly over her shoulder to the highway.
Etash! You idiot! Of course she’s freaking out. You’ve got her standing out on a busy highway, just like the one where her parents were killed.
She slinks away from me and sinks back into the car. I feel like a complete jackass.
I don’t dare say another word the entire ride back and it's maddening. I have no idea what she is thinking. She’s rigid and determined.
When we finally pull into the driveway, she jumps out of the car and races up the stairs. She's running away from me.
She tries to step inside, but her attempt is thwarted when she finds the door locked. As I approach her, she pushes herself as far away from me as my tiny entrance allows. My arm brushes against hers and she shudders.
I walk in ahead of her. A moment later she comes in and starts to immediately pack up her things. My stomach turns. I'm going to lose her.
Chapter 15
Naya
When I go to leave, he tries to stop me by shutting the door. I clench my teeth and square my shoulders. You have to be strong, Naya.
“Please move out of the way. I’d like to leave now.”
“I don’t understand,” he asks. “What did I do?”
“Etash, this is embarrassing enough without having to spell it out for you.” I move my book bag up my shoulder, not able to even look at him. A second later, the bag has been ripped off my shoulders.
“Damn it, Naya! You’re not leaving!”
He is pissed.
“Don’t listen to my grandmother! I told you she was delusional. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about!” He slams his fist against the door frame, causing it to shake.
“This isn't your grandma,” I sigh.
“Then what is it? What did I do?”
He's not going to make this easy. I turn my back to him. I can't look in his eyes when I say this.
“I so can’t believe you’re making me say this, but apparently you enjoy being cruel.” My shoulders slump. “I get that you’re not…into me. But it’s just too hard to be near you knowing that what I feel is one-sided.” I exhale a quick, shaky breath and try to steady myself. “So, if it’s all right with you, I’d like to leave now.” Bracing myself, I turn to face him. I expect to see pity on his face. But instead, I find fury.
“No. No, it’s not all right with me. You are not leaving me again. Ever. Do you understand me?” He grabs my shoulders and shakes me a little.
“No. I don't understand,” I whisper.
“You’re wrong, Naya,” he says through clenched teeth. “I am very much in to you. Probably too much, and I am not letting you go.”
His eyes burn into mine, putting me into a trance that I never want to come out from.
“But, when I kissed you before …you didn’t--you just stopped—that night, you pushed me away. I know rejection when I see it.” And he had rejected me; twice. But Etash’s expression is grim.
“The only reason I didn’t kiss you back that night was because I knew I would have been taking advantage of you. I mean, after all, you were only kissing me to wake me from a dream. To kiss you back would have been assuming a hell of a lot on my part.”
I’m really confused now.
“Then you…wanted to kiss me?”
“Not only wanted to, but want to; every minute of every day. I don’t think you understand, Naya. You consume my thoughts, my dreams. You are everything to me.”
His eyes close for a moment before he pulls me into his arms, holding onto me tightly, as though he's afraid of what might happen when he lets go. He really doesn't want me to leave. How could I have been so wrong about this?
Etash
I pull back from her, taking her chin in my hand. Everything about this moment is ripe for our first real kiss. Just one kiss and I can convince her that she is loved. Can be loved by someone who will never hurt her the way that monster has.
But of course, at that moment, the phone rings. Pissed beyond belief, I rip the phone off the wall.
“Someone better be dying,” I snap, but then stop short. “Mom? Mom, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” I listen to my mother’s words as she explains, but they don’t seem to register.
“Etash? What is it? What happened?” Naya asks.
“Grams just had a heart attack.”
Focusing hard, I listen to what my mother tells me. She's still alive, but in ICU.
“I'm on my way,” I tell her, hanging up the phone. Naya takes my hand and the gesture brings tears to my eyes. “I have to go back and see her,” I whimper.
“Of course you do. I'm coming with you.”
She pulls me into her arms and holds me. I want to stay here with her forever, but I can't. I need to see Grams.
Naya convinces me to let her drive back, and she's right, I'm in no condition to drive. She keeps the radio on low on some top-forty station and the soft music makes my lids heavy. I don’t mean to doze off, but before I know it, she’s waking me up, asking for directions to the hospital.
When we pull into the garage, I spot my parents' red Blazer a few cars down. “My folks are still here.”
“Etash, please don’t take this the wrong way,” she says, shifting the car into park, “but, I really think I should stay in the car.”
“What? No. I'm not leaving you here.”
She turns to look at me. “This is a time for family.”
I start to protest, but she holds up a finger to stop me.
“I don't want to risk upsetting her again,” she flashes me her sad eyes. She thinks this is her fault.
“Naya,” I begin.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she pats my leg. “I’ll be right here when you get back. I promise. You need to be with your family now.”
I am so conflicted I don’t know what I should do.
“Go to her. I’ll be fine.” Her eyes are sincere, kind. Reluctantly, I leave her side and go check on Grams.
Naya
Watching him enter the hospital I am overcome with emotion. I simply cannot believe how wrong I had been. He does feel the way I do, and I am both stunned and giddy at the same time.
I reach into the back seat for my bag, glad that I had enough foresight to bring a few books with me to read. Picking out my drama lit book, I thumb the pages to find where I had left off with Antigone. But every time I start to read, Etash's face flashes in my mind and causes me to blush. So I give up trying to read and instead lower the car seat and settle myself down in it. Sleep takes me almost immediately.
The sound of my phone wakes me. Instinctively, I reach for it and answer before I realize whose call I've just taken.
“What do you want, Seth?”
“You know what I want, baby. I want you to come home.” The all too familiar plea resonates in his voice.
“It's too late. I'm with Etash now. Don't call me again.” Quickly, before I can change my mind, I hang up and turn my phone off and cram it down into the bottom of my bag.
When I hang up, I spot Etash coming out of the hospital. One look at his face and I can tell something has happened--something bad.
“What is it? What happened?” I ask, rubbing my eyes. He tries to look away, but I place my hand on his face to pull his eyes back to me.
“Etash? Your grandma, is she…?” I can't say the words.
Etash
“Walk with me,” I say, pulling her out of the car. I don’t know where I’m taking her, but I’ve got to get her out of this dark, cold garage. I need to be some place warm with her, somewhere in the sun.
She follows me silently, worry creasing her brow. Once outside of the garage, I find a small outdoor sitting area beside the hospital, dragging her along with me until I find a bench.
“How is your grandmother?” sh
e begs, only sitting after I do.
“She’s recovering, but…” That’s not what’s on my mind.
“But what? Etash, what aren’t you telling me?”
“She seems to be okay right now. She’s awake, but she’s incoherent.”
“Well, that’s to be expected, isn’t it?” she asks.
I take a deep breath before continuing. “Naya, she keeps saying a name. One name, over and over again.”
She cocks her head to the side, trying to follow me.
“Whose?” she asks finally.
Swallowing hard. “Seth’s. She keeps saying Seth’s name.” Her face goes white.
“You told her about him?” she asks me.
“I mentioned you had a boyfriend, but I never said his name. Not once.”
“Well then, how did she...?” She looks up at me with big worried eyes.
Grams' earlier warning suddenly screams inside my head: 'Beware the Ice Man.' Now she's chanting Seth's name. Seth, who as fate would have it, has icy blue eyes. I pull her into my arms, shielding her from the worry in my eyes.
“Promise me, Naya,” I say into her hair, “Promise me you won’t see Seth again.”
“I won’t,” she whispers. I hold her so tightly that I'm afraid I might be hurting her.
“Come on. Let’s go home. There isn’t anything more we can do tonight.”
I don’t like that she’s out in the open. It feels too vulnerable somehow. Like he's watching her. I need her someplace where I can protect her and lock the doors behind us.
And that’s exactly what I do the minute I get her inside the apartment. I make tea even though I know neither of us wants it. It's a reflex. I will the water to boil faster, while I pull out mugs and plop two herbal tea bags in the cups, give the cream a quick sniff, and bring the tray out to the living room.
But Naya will not be having any tea tonight. While I was busy in the kitchen she has managed to curl herself up into a tight ball on my couch.
“She sleeps,” I say softly. Sitting beside her, I sip my tea and watch her. Seeing her there safe and sound calms me down tremendously.
After about an hour, I triple check the locks, then carefully scoop her up in my arms and carry her into my bed. She makes only the smallest of cooing sounds as I settle her under the covers. I want nothing more than to slide in beside her, just to be able to hold her, but I don’t. Instead, I grab a pillow from the couch and lie down on the floor beside her, not even bothering with a blanket. I'm content to just lie beside her. Before I know it, I too, am fast asleep.
When I awake a few hours later, I am surprisingly warm. Lifting my lids in the darkness, I can see my comforter wrapped around me. Sitting up, I look over and see the bed is empty. Instantly, my heart starts racing. I fling off the covers and I am about to start screaming her name, when I almost trip over her curled-up body on the floor beside me.
“Naya,” I whisper, feeling my heart pounding in my ears, “you are going to be the death of me.” She doesn’t answer because, thankfully, she is still asleep. Getting back down on the floor, I can’t help but drape my arm around her waist and pull myself close to her, smelling her hair as it falls against my face. She sighs and pulls my hand around her tighter, still deep in sleep. Content, I close my eyes and join her.
I have never wanted to hurt an inanimate object so much in my life, as I want to hurt my alarm in the morning. The sound alone is justification for its death, but the fact that it has one, woken Naya, and two, forced me out of her arms in order to shut the damn thing off is ample cause for its destruction. Cursing profanities as I go, I hear Naya giggle softly, and I am instantly calmed. I yank the cord out from the wall and walk back to her, hesitant about what happens now.
Naya
He is positively stunning standing above me in just his pajama bottoms, feet bare, his hair tousled.
“What time is it?” I ask.
“Eight.” He scratches the back of his head.
I sigh. The weekend is over. It’s time to go back to school. School. It seems like such a trivial thing now in light of everything that has happened this weekend.
“Guess we’d better get ready for class then,” I say, getting up, trying to stretch out my muscles which are stiff from sleeping on the floor.
He stands there for a moment, cocking his head to the side and smiling. He comes over to me and wraps his arms around my waist. His touch is electric.
“We don’t have to go back yet. We can take some time off.”
It has been a non-stop roller coaster ride, but I can’t skip out on my obligations. That just isn’t me.
“No. I’m not going to run away from my problems anymore,” I say, determined to believe my own words. “I’m not going to sit here and hide from him. He needs to know that I’ve moved on, and the only way to do that is for me to actually move on.”
“I don’t want you anywhere near him,” he rebuts.
I am comforted that he wants to protect me, but I can’t live cooped up forever.
“He’s not in any of my classes, so there's no need to worry.” I walk over to my bag and start pulling out some clothes.
“But he'll be on the campus, Naya.”
“True, but neither one of us can do anything about that,” I sigh. Etash's face crumples with worry. “He just needs time to cool off, that’s all.” He doesn’t look convinced. “We were together for two years; it’s going to take him some time to get used to the idea that we’re not together anymore.”
It’s going to take time for both of us. Seth is all I’ve ever known, and being away from him is almost as scary as going back to him.
“Does that mean you’re with me now?” Etash whispers.
“If you’ll have me,” I whisper back, embarrassed by how utterly tacky I sound. He doesn't seem to notice, however, because a slow smile spreads across his face.
“I’ve been waiting for you all my life,” he says, making me go weak in the knees. We both reach out for the other. His hands cradle my face gingerly and I surrender myself to him willingly. Our lips find each other easily and I melt against him. His touch brings intoxicating licks of fire up my spine. I bury my hands in his hair, pulling him closer, hungry for more. His hands leave my face and trail down the small of my back.
In all my life I have never been kissed like this; have never experienced this feeling of wanting nothing more than to be totally consumed by another person. He moans softly in my ear before he pulls gently away from me.
Etash
Her eyes are still closed as I pull away from her, and I feel comforted that she doesn’t want the feeling to end either. But I have to be the strong one. I have to cool off. Now.
“We’ll be late for class,” I manage to struggle out.
“Right,” she says with a loud sigh. “I’ll make us some tea.”
“Tea would be good,” I say, scratching my head. Tea and a nice ice-cold shower.
When we walk into acting class we get a few stares, but these are the type of stares I don’t mind getting. Her hand never leaves mine except for when she has to go into the changing rooms.
When she comes back out, she's talking quietly with Kari. She has a small knowing grin on her lips which can only mean Naya’s been filling her in about some gossip-worthy events of our whirlwind weekend.
After class, we are forced to go our separate ways; she has to go to Drama Lit and I have to go to work. Our parting kiss is soft and gentle and causes her to blush. Kari finally has to drag her away from me and I watch her disappear from view as she slips into the building. I'm comforted that Kari is with her. Kari will keep her safe.
As I turn to head for the bookstore, a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach brews, like I’m being watched. I glance around but don’t see anything out of place; people are scurrying to and from classes, getting into their cars in the student parking lot—nothing that should cause alarm, but there is something in the air that sends a chill through my bones.
The booksto
re is still crowded when I clock in and probably will be for the next few weeks as people add and drop classes. The soft hum of shoppers is oddly comforting; it helps drown out my paranoid thoughts.
My shift lasts an hour longer than Naya’s class, so we agree to meet up at the library. I’ve only been away from her for three hours, but even so, my heart is aching to see her.
I find her instantly. She’s sitting in one of the big comfy chairs, reading. I’m only a few steps into the library when she looks up at me, and I know she has sensed my arrival. The smile that spreads across her lips makes my heart do flip-flops. What have I done to deserve her?
“Hey,” she says biting her lip playfully.
“Hey yourself,” I say, and even though I know public displays of affection are frowned upon, I can’t stop myself from pulling her into my arms and greeting her properly.
Someone clears her throat behind me.
“Hi.” It’s Kari. I hadn’t even noticed her sitting next to Naya. Talk about tunnel vision.
“Oh, hi. I didn’t see you there,” I confess, pushing Naya back to a respectable distance.
Kari’s got a smirk on her face. “Naya invited me to have dinner with you guys, but perhaps I should bail…give you guys some time alone,” she chides smugly.
“We would love time with you more,” I lie.
Kari laughs and grabs her book bag, and as a group we head to the cafeteria before tonight’s rehearsal. I’m not entirely comfortable going to the cafeteria because I’m afraid we’ll run into Seth, and the last thing I want to do is upset Naya, but she doesn’t seemed bothered at all about the possibility, and is, in fact, grinning ear to ear. Once we get to the cafeteria, I find out why.
“Mmmm, mac and cheese…my favorite,” Naya swoons. She and Kari rush over and hand over their plates. I shake my head.
“It’s just mac and cheese,” I say.
Kari looks at me, horrified.
“You have obviously never tasted this mac and cheese,” she says.
Afraid I’ll get pummeled if I don’t order it, I get the mac and cheese, and I’m happy to say, I'm not disappointed. It really is that good.
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