We linger over coffee, laughing at each other’s jokes and reservations about the play, and that’s when I see him hovering in the corner of the room, just standing there, watching us. He makes no move to come to our table, he just stands there, observing. And for some reason, that is far creepier than a confrontation.
“We should go,” I say, a bit too abruptly to go unnoticed. I force a smile.
“Why? We still have a half an hour?” Naya says, searching my eyes for something I don’t want her to see.
“True, but there is a new move I want to show Elizabeth, and I haven’t taught it to you yet,” I say, improvising.
“You two go ahead, I want to finish my coffee,” Kari says, taking a sip, and grinning at Naya wickedly.
Naya
I can tell Etash is hiding something from me. He’s rushing me to the theatre and keeps looking over his shoulder, pretending to be casual about it. But he doesn’t fool me. I can only assume he saw Seth in the cafeteria and is trying to be protective.
Unfortunately, seeing Seth is going to be an inevitability. We attend the same school for crying out loud--we’re bound to bump into each other. He can’t honestly think he’s going to shield me from seeing Seth for the next four years. But one look at his grim face tells me that, yes, he does mean to do just that.
“You can’t protect me from him forever,” I say, squeezing his hand. His face grows hard.
“Yes, I can.”
I want to believe him, but deep down, I know I haven’t seen the last of my ex yet.
Chapter 16
Naya
Whatever Etash has been doing to keep Seth at bay, it seems to be working. It’s been almost three weeks now and I have yet to run into Seth once. I've almost begun to think he may have dropped out of school, except I still see his car in the parking lot every now and again and wonder if he’s just decided to be big about this and move on with his life. I honestly hope so, because even though he was abusive to me, it doesn’t mean that I don’t think he deserves to feel loved, because I do. I truly believe that there is someone out there that can fix him the way Etash has fixed me. He just needs to have the patience to wait for her.
As each day passes without incident, Etash and I grow closer and closer. We've taken to sleeping in the same bed since one of us would always end up on the floor next to the other at some point in the night anyway. He has never once pressured me about sex, and I know he never will. He has taught me what it feels like to be respected and that oddly, makes me want him even more.
The best part of these last few weeks has been our rehearsals. Each day Etash and I find yet another nuance that brings out more about our characters and ourselves. When we dance, it’s as though I don’t have to think at all; I just let my body respond to his pull and the result is magic.
As Elizabeth predicted, the audience will be floored. She has been beside herself with glee, constantly raving to others about what a brilliant casting job she has done.
Everything is going along so smoothly that I almost forget about Seth altogether, almost. He does still manage to invade my dreams, appearing as some sort of threatening force in one way or another. I don’t tell Etash about them however, because it would only upset him. The nightmares are my burdens to bear, not his.
“So,” Kari says coyly at a break during rehearsal, “how are things going with you and lover boy?” She gives me a sly grin, which causes me to blush.
“Things are going great,” I tell her honestly.
She bumps her shoulder against me and leans in close. “How is he?”
“How is he, what?”
“You know. How is he in bed?” She takes a swig of her soda.
“I honestly wouldn’t know,” I say, my cheeks burning.
“Come on, you can’t tell me that you two haven’t been banging each other. It’s all over your faces for crying out loud!”
I shush her. “For your information, I’m still a virgin,” I confess with a level of superiority. Kari almost blows soda out her nose.
“What’s so funny?” I ask.
She’s laughing pretty hard, but stops once she sees how dead-pan I am.
“Shut up! Are you serious?” She’s looking at me wide-eyed now.
I cross my arms over my chest. “I don’t know why that is so hard to believe”
“It’s not that, it’s just … you two are so intimate together, I just assumed. And then you went with the other guy for so long, I just …” She stops herself.
“Assumed I had slept with him too?” I’m glaring at her now.
“Well, yeah. But I guess that's only because Seth never seemed like the type of guy who was willing to wait around, if you know what I mean. I mean he's already shacked up with that Monica girl from your Stage Craft class.”
My jaw drops.
“I’m sorry, I thought you knew?” Kari says, touching my arm. I don’t know why this news upsets me, but it does. I suppose it hurts knowing how quickly you can be replaced.
Just then, Daphne, our Stage Manager, taps me on the shoulder.
“Hey Naya. This was posted on the call board for you.” She hands me a small folded slip of paper that has my name on it.
“Thanks,” I say.
Unfolding the note, I recognize the handwriting at once. It's from Seth.
Etash
Naya is very quiet on the ride back to the apartment. I’ve tried several times to make her laugh, but she’s just staring out the window, watching the rain fall on the glass. She’s thinking hard about something, but I can tell she doesn’t plan on telling me about it. And that infuriates me.
It’s not until I get her inside that I dare say anything. She’s hunched over the kitchen table attempting to study and I sit down beside her.
“Penny for your thoughts?” I ask.
“Hmmm?” she says, pretending she doesn’t hear me. I close her book shut, forcing her to pay attention to me.
“What’s going on? You’ve been quiet all afternoon.” My brow wrinkles in concern.
She looks at me for a moment, her face twists into a knot, and the next thing I know she crawls across the table and starts to rip my shirt off, kissing my chest and running her hands through my hair like a woman possessed. No, not possessed--drugged.
It takes all my strength, but I push her off me. “No! Naya! Not like this!” I yell.
But my warning doesn’t stop her. She comes back at me, thrusting her soft tongue inside my mouth. Her body feels so good wrapped around mine that it’s all I can do to restrain myself. I grab her wrists and push her back against the wall, holding her hands above her head.
“No,” I say again, struggling to catch my breath. “Not while you’re drugged.” The passion drains out of her eyes in an instant.
“I'm not---how did you know?” she whispers, tears starting to stream down her face. My heart breaks. I release her hands, pulling her into my chest where she continues to sob.
“The way you were acting, it was just like last time.”
“Last time?”
I exhale deeply. “It's not the first time you've done this to me.”
Her eyes grow wide. She's embarrassed.
“How many times have I done this?”
I shift uncomfortably. “With me, only twice. I don't know how many times you've done it with Seth.” I just about spit his name.
She stands up and starts shaking her head. “I've never done this with Seth. I told you. I'm a virgin.”
No, you're not.
She needs to know the truth.
“Naya, the night Seth and I got into a fight, he kind of told me what he’d been doing to you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He told me about how he used to drug you, to get you to have sex with him.”
Her face goes from confusion to disbelief.
“You mean he ...?” she can't finish the thought, and neither can I, so instead I just pull her close to me.
Naya
&nb
sp; Even though my head is spinning from the drugs, I'm still conscious enough to realize how stupid I've been. How absolutely gullible, naive and foolish I have been to think that Seth would have ever respected my wishes to wait until I was ready for sex. Why should he have to wait for something he had already claimed as his?
“You need to press charges against him,” Etash says. I can hear the hate in his voice. He wants me to agree with him, to feel so outraged by what Seth has done to me that I will want to make him pay. But I just shake my head.
“If I press charges against him, this won't be over. This whole nightmare will continue to drag on.”
I get up and walk over to the window and stare out at the setting sun. I don't want to think about Seth ever again. “Pressing charges means I'll be forced to see him again, to think about him. And I don't want that. I don't ever want to think about him or all of the miserable things he's done to me ever again.” I turn and look at Etash who is looking at me hopelessly. “Is that being too selfish?”
He comes over to me and holds me tightly, holding back tears as he breathes in my hair. “You just need time to think about this. To think about how he could do this to someone else.”
I wonder instantly about his new girlfriend, Monica.
“But until you're ready, “ he says, “I'll support you.”
A few tears trickle down my check.
“That's something I haven't had in a really long time. Support. Thank you.”
His lips press against mine and I absorb all of his healing energy, molding my body against his. The strength of his arms holds me together--keeps me from slipping under the weight the drugs are forcing on me. I know that soon I will have to sleep the wooziness off, but right now I can't pull myself away from his touch. His lips linger on mine for a moment longer before he pulls away.
“Why? Why did you take your meds today?” The hurt behind his eyes kills me. It's as if he blames himself for me having to take them. It would be cruel not to tell him.
“Because,” I begin, “something happened today which I thought might trigger a panic attack if I didn't take them.” He goes rigid in my arms.
“What happened?”
I push past him to get my book bag and produce the note Seth had left for me. When I place it in his hand, the room starts to lose focus. Damn it! I sit down on the couch before I fall. Sleep is coming now whether I want it to or not, but before my eyes give out on me, I'm able to make out Etash’s face as he unfolds the note. He is not happy.
Etash
There are only three words on the scrap of paper she hands me. I’m watching you. It’s not signed, but we both know who it’s from. I look back at Naya, who has now fallen asleep, and I curse. That’s it! I’m calling the police. He’s crossed a line.
An hour later I slam down the phone having got absolutely nowhere with local or campus police. They each are requiring Naya to come and make a statement before they can take any action and I know that she won’t do that, yet. Fine. If she won’t do something, I will.
Being as quiet as I can, I grab Naya’s cell phone and go to her contact list. Seth is still listed. I punch the numbers quickly, shaking with anger.
He picks up on the second ring.
“Naya! Baby, I knew you’d come to your senses.” His smugness is nauseating.
“She’s not your baby,” I hiss.
The line is silent for a moment.
“Where is she?” he demands.
“She’s safe. She's with me.”
He laughs quietly on the other end. “For now.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I spit. He had better not be threatening her or I will kill him.
“It means that she’ll come back to me,” he says, bored with me. “This isn’t the first time she’s tried to leave me, you know. But you know what? She always comes back, begging me for forgiveness.” The taunting of his voice is sickening.
“She’ll never come back to you again. She’s mine now.” I can’t believe how possessive I’m being but I won’t have him talking like that about her.
He starts laughing. “Oh, she’ll come back, you can bet your life on it.”
The line goes dead in my ear. I’m so furious that I slam her phone to the floor, causing it to shatter into pieces.
For the rest of the night, I stand vigil by her side, monitoring her breath and keeping her warm. But I’ve also dimmed the lights, locked all the windows and dead-bolted the door. I have a baseball bat at my feet and I’m itching to hit something with it.
When another hour passes with no change in her breathing, I resign myself to the fact that she’s going to be out for the rest of the night. Scooping her up gently in my arms, I carry her to my bed. I slip off her shoes, then pull the blankets up, tucking them neatly under her chin.
After rechecking the locks and grabbing the bat, I crawl in beside her and spoon myself around her warm body, needing to feel her next to me. When my heart slows its rhythm to beat in time with hers, I close my eyes and drift off as well.
Naya
The next morning, and into the following days, I can tell that there is something on Etash’s mind, which I can only hope is just Seth’s stupid note and not how crazy I acted while on my pills. I don’t tell him I flushed the rest of my prescription down the toilet the minute I woke up. I will not allow myself to be out of control with him ever again. I don't want Etash ever to think any affection I show him is not of my own free will. I would have flushed the remainder of my second bottle, but I can’t seem to find it in any of my bags. I must have left it back at the dorms, so it’s as good as gone now anyway. I'm never going back there.
I'm surprised that he doesn’t start a discussion about what's bothering him, but I don’t volunteer to start the conversation either, hoping that the whole thing will just go away. After all, Seth was probably just blowing off steam when he wrote that note, or drunk, which is the more realistic scenario. Since the arrival of his note, however, I can't help but feel on edge. Like how I swear I see him peeking in from a window outside the theatre watching our rehearsals, or how I think I catch him watching me in the parking lot as I get into Etash’s car. But it’s all ridiculous; my mind playing tricks on me. I know he’s not really there. This whole thing is just a head game he’s trying to play with me, and it infuriates me to no end that it’s working.
Even though he won't talk about the note, Etash is certainly acting on it. He hardly ever lets me out of his sight lately. If he’s not able personally to ‘watch’ me, then he makes sure Kari or another trusted friend is with me at all times. It's starting to wear on my nerves. But I can’t say anything because if I do, it will force me to fess up about my own worries about Seth, and that would just make the babysitting even worse. As it is, I’ve had to plead with him not to drop his shifts at the bookstore. He only agreed to keep them if I came with him. Which is both asinine and brilliant. It makes for the perfect excuse for me to get most of my homework done, but I do miss the freedom of where and when I am allowed to study.
As each day goes by without further incident, I grow more and more comfortable in my own skin, and any worries I have during the day are erased the moment I’m with Etash.
We spend each night together in the same bed, just holding each other. It’s an entirely foreign feeling for me to want more from Etash’s touch after so many years of feeling nothingness.
Every night I try to get a little more intimacy from him, but like clockwork, he pulls away, mumbling something under his breath about my trying to kill him. No matter how many times I tell him that I want to get closer to him, he won’t budge on the matter.
That doesn’t keep me from trying though. Every night. And tonight is no exception.
After he turns off the light before bed, I make a bold move in the darkness and remove my nightshirt, leaving me bare-chested. Try and resist this!
I slink back under the covers and resume my normal position of lying on my side with my back to him. He lifts up the co
vers on his side of the bed, spoons up against me. When wraps his arm around my waist, he freezes.
“Something wrong?” I say, in a sing-song voice.
He doesn’t answer me, but grunts, digging his fingers into my side, as though he doesn’t trust them to move from this spot. So I help him out. I place my hand on his for a moment, until his fingers relax against mine, then, like lightning, I yank his hand up to cup my breast. He gasps and tries to pull his hand away, but I hold it there firmly.
“Please,” I beg. “Just touch me.”
He buries his face into my hair, and there is such pain in his words, I almost cry. “I can’t. I don’t trust myself to stop.”
“I don’t want you to stop,” I reply, rolling over pressing his lips against mine. He moans as my tongue caresses his. Slowly his hand finds its way back to my breast and he cradles it so tenderly that I cry out in pleasure. The heat of his fingers as they trace my nipple makes me beg for more.
But then, so fast I don’t have time to stop him, he yanks himself free and rolls himself off the bed with a loud grunt; he grabs a pillow off the bed to hide his lower half, then heads for the door, turning over his shoulder before he goes.
“I’ll just be in the shower,” he says and then leaves me alone and extremely frustrated.
After a restless night, I wake up to find the pillow beside me empty, save for a note on it. My heart quickens. ‘Happy Opening Night. You’re going to knock them dead.’
Opening Night. Has it really been four weeks since we met? I smile and clutch the note to my chest and then smell coffee. I leap out of bed to give him a big hug, but frown when I hear the shower on.
All right. Coffee first. After I take a big swig, I turn on the teakettle for Etash and smile. This is going to be a good day.
Etash
When I get out of the shower, I hear the teakettle screaming. I smile. Naya’s up and she’s making me tea. I wait for the sound of it to die down, but when it doesn’t, I get scared. Why isn’t she turning off the kettle?
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