Private Dancer

by Stephen Leather

  A waitress came in with a menu and Joy ordered food for everyone. Lots and lots of food. There was Tom Yam Gung, the hot spicy shrimp soup that's Thailand's most famous dish, shrimps in batter, spicy beef salad, omelette stuffed with pork and vegetables, catfish curry, deep fried oysters, steamed crab claws, the food just kept on coming. So did the booze. By the time midnight came we'd gone through half a dozen bottles of whisky and a couple of crates of Carlsberg. More and more of Joy's friends kept turning up. Most of them didn't even acknowledge Nigel or me, the only two farangs in the room. Not that it mattered, Nigel was fondling Mon most of the time, and I was getting quietly drunk. Joy was as attentive as usual and kept singing love songs to me. Mon had brought her daughter, Nonglek, three years old and as cute as a button.

  At midnight Sunan lit the candles on the cakes and Joy and I blew them out. Joy kissed me. ‘The bracelet,’ she whispered. ‘Give my bracelet now.’

  I took the gold out of my pocket and gave it to her. She held it above her head so that everyone in the room could see it, then made me put it on her wrist. Mon cut the cake up and everyone had a piece. I'll tell you what was weird, though. There was only one piece left at the end of the night. The piece with my name on it. I asked Joy why they hadn't eaten it and she shrugged. ‘I don't know,’ she said. Later I asked Nigel what he thought. He reckoned it could have been a sign of respect. Or contempt. It worried me for quite a while.

  At two o'clock in the morning there were no signs of the party breaking up. Bottles of whisky kept coming and everyone was taking it in turns to sing. People kept coming and going, friends of Joy and her sisters, but no one offered to pay for drinks - I guess Joy had told them that I was paying for everything. I wasn't annoyed, it was a joint birthday party after all, but it would have been nice if they'd brought a bottle with them, some indication that they were prepared to contribute. And no one had a present for Joy. No presents and no cards.

  Nigel said he had to go because he had work in the morning. I was tired and fairly drunk, so I said I'd go with him. I paid the bill. It came to more than ten thousand baht. I got up to go. No one said goodbye. No one said thank you. Joy took us outside and helped us find a taxi. Nigel got into the taxi first. Joy kissed me on the cheek. ‘Thank you for everything you do,’ she said.

  I gave her a thousand baht so that she could buy more whisky for her family and friends. Her face fell. ‘What's wrong?’ I asked.

  ‘Whisky very expensive,’ she said. ‘My family drink a lot.’

  I gave her another five thousand baht. She waied me. I got into the taxi. ‘Great party, Pete,’ said Nigel.

  ‘Yeah,’ I said. We drove off. Joy stood on the pavement, waving until we were out of sight.

  From COOKING ACROSS SOUTH-EAST ASIA Edited by PETE RAYMOND

  TOM YAM GUNG (Spicy prawn soup)

  One pint light fish stock

  8 ounces raw prawns, peeled and deveined

  8 ounces sliced button mushrooms

  1 tablespoon chopped fresh lemongrass or 1 teaspoon dried lemongrass

  1 spring onion cut into small lengths

  3 tablespoons lemon juice

  2 teaspoons vegetable oil

  2 tablespoons fish sauce

  1 fresh green chilli, seeded and sliced

  2 teaspoons chilli paste

  1/2 teaspoon palm sugar

  2 tablespoons chopped fresh coriander

  freshly ground black pepper

  Place the vegetable oil and the prawn shells in a wok and fry until they change colour. Add the fish stock and simmer for twenty minutes, before straining and discarding the shells. Return the stock to the wok and add the mushrooms, lemongrass, fish sauce, lemon juice, chillies and sugar, and simmer for two minutes on a low heat.

  Add the prawns and simmer for three to four minutes or until the prawns change colour. Serve garnished with the spring onions and coriander and add black pepper to taste.

  JOY

  We all had a great time and I had a hangover for two days afterwards. We didn't finish until seven o'clock in the morning, and that was only because we ran out of money. We switched to Thai whisky after Pete and Nigel went because that's cheaper, but we ordered more food because everyone was hungry again, and Bird had some marijuana and we started smoking that. Everyone loved the gold that Pete had bought for me and made jokes about the fact that it was made up of hearts. They reckoned I'd stolen Pete's heart and they thought it was really funny that he'd gone so early. They wanted to know how much money the party had cost, and how much money Pete earned. I said he earned millions of baht every year and I showed them the bill. They were all impressed, even Sunan, and Sunan has a lot of money.

  Park waited outside until Pete and Nigel went. I saw him sitting on his motorcycle when I went out to get a taxi for the farangs and he started pulling faces, trying to make me laugh. I met Park the first week I worked in Zombie. He's one of the DJs, he's twenty-five and he comes from Udon Thani. His sister works in Spicy-a-go-go and she's become quite a good friend of mine. Park's really good-looking and he's got a great body. He and his friends work out at a gym during the day and they're always comparing muscles. It's really funny when they get competitive about their looks, they're as bad as girls sometimes. His stomach is really hard, like a turtle's shell, and his skin is really smooth. He was going out with another dancer when he met me but he chucked her and said he wanted to go out with me instead. At first I said no but he kept after me, pestering me until I said okay. The reason I said no was because he had a bit of a reputation. Mon warned me about him, she said that Park made a bee-line for any new girl if she was pretty and young, but he told me that I was different, that he really liked me. He didn't try anything on the first time we went out, either. We went for a meal after work. He didn't have any money so I had to pay, but I didn't mind that. The DJs earn even less than the waitresses, and besides, I'd been short time with an old Swiss guy and he'd been really generous so I had two thousand baht.

  Park made me laugh a lot, he told me lots of stories about the crazy things that happened in the bars, and he told me about his family.

  I didn't sleep with him until the second date, and it was amazing. He was so gentle with me, not rough like the farangs, he'd kiss me all over and whisper stuff to me until I'd go all tingly.

  Anyway, Park went up to the VIP room with me and we sang duets together and everyone applauded. He saw the piece of cake with Pete's name on it and made a big thing about eating it. I fed it to him and then kissed him in front of everyone. I showed him the gold bracelet that Pete had given me and he wanted me to give it to him to sell. Every month he had to pay five thousand baht for his motorcycle and he was behind in his payments. I told him that I couldn't sell the gold because Pete would get angry, but I promised that I'd give him the money the following day and he said that was okay. He'd bought some yar bar tablets with him and I swallowed a couple because I was starting to get tired. They perked me up a treat.

  After we left the karaoke bar, Park and I went back to his room and passed out. It was a great night, my best birthday party ever.

  PETE

  Let me give you an example of the sort of girl Joy is. A month after the birthday party, I walked into Zombie to find her bursting with happiness. She was grinning from ear to ear, giggling, and bouncing up and down in her seat. I bought her a cola and asked her what she was so happy about. She held out her hands and showed me a gold chain. She told me it was almost two thirds of an ounce of Thai gold, 23 carat, and worth about 10,000 baht.

  Joy explained that she'd had a customer who'd paid her bar fine so that he could take her to dinner.

  ‘Are you sure it was only dinner?’ I interrupted.

  She raised her eyebrows and sighed in mock annoyance. ‘Pete, why I lie to you? Only dinner, okay?’

  She started grinning again, and continued her story. After dinner the man realised that he didn't have enough money for the one thousand baht tip he'd promised her. She held up the chain. ‘But
he had this around his neck and he gave it to me. He said he wanted to sell it, but didn't know how. Pete, he said I can sell it and keep half. He's coming here tomorrow for the money.’ She leaned forward, her eyes wide. ‘Pete, I can keep five thousand baht.’

  She spent the rest of the evening showing the gold to all her friends and relating the story of her good fortune. She was like a little kid who'd been told that Christmas was coming early this year.

  The next evening I went back to Zombie and found her sitting in a corner, her eyes red from crying. She grabbed me tightly and put her tear-stained cheek against my neck. ‘Why farang lie?’ she asked me between sobs.

  ‘What do you mean?’ I asked. She felt so small in my arms, small and soft and vulnerable.

  ‘Gold not real,’ she said, hugging me around the waist.

  She'd taken the chain to the gold shop and the woman there had laughed in her face. It was fake, not worth more than fifty baht. It wasn't even gold-plated.

  ‘Why farang lie?’ she kept repeating between her sobs. I paid her bar fine and took her out for dinner at the German restaurant in Soi 4 and kept telling her silly stories until her smile returned. I didn't take her to a short-time hotel that night because I could see she was still upset, so I gave her two thousand baht and let her go back to the bar and her friends.

  I went back to the Dynasty Hotel to work on the book. It was going really well. During the daytime I was visiting hotels and getting their details, checking rooms, facilities and prices, and in the early evenings I was checking out restaurants, usually eating in one and getting menus from several others. Then I'd go and see Joy. Most evenings I'd pay her bar fine, but we didn't always go to a short-time hotel. Sometimes we'd just sit at one of the outside bars and talk, or go for a late-night Thai snack. She was introducing me to all sorts of dishes I'd never had before, the real hot, spicy food that most farangs don't get to experience.

  I still hadn't taken her back to the Dynasty. Joy was very pretty, but she dressed like most of the girls who danced in Nana Plaza - tight jeans, high heels and a T-shirt - and she had just a bit too much make up. To put it bluntly, she looked like a hooker, and I didn't want the staff at the hotel to see me taking a hooker back to my room. She didn't seem to mind.

  JOY

  I should have known better than to trust a farang. I'm not the first girl to be conned and I won't be the last, but I learned my lesson, that's for sure. He was from Switzerland, an old guy, big and fat like they all are, and he smelled like he hadn't showered for a week. He had a thick gold chain around his wrist and the big one around his neck, the one that he gave me, so I figured he had money. He bought me five colas and when I put my hand on his crotch I could feel that he was hard already so I knew he'd want to pay bar for me. I figured Pete wouldn't be around until ten and it was only eight so I gave him a couple of rubs and asked if he wanted to go short-time.

  We went to Uncle Rey's Guest House, it's only a five-minute walk from Nana Plaza. He wouldn't shower or anything, just stripped off and lay down on his back like a huge beached whale. He was covered with hair, grey and curly, and he lay there playing with himself while I undressed. His prick was huge, and thick, and it seemed to get bigger and bigger as he played with it. I wanted to shower but he said he didn't want me to. He said he wanted me to suck him. I shook my head and said I didn't do that and I tried to get on top of him. He pushed me down and tried to force me, but I kept turning my head away. It stank, like old fish. He kept trying to force me, but I wasn't having any of it. Eventually he sat up and took off the gold chain. He told me that he wanted to sell it, and that if I sold it for him I could keep half. It looked real enough, and it felt real, so I put the chain around my neck. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I kept my eyes closed and concentrated on not being sick. He started to thrust himself in and out and I almost choked. I could feel him start to come so I tried to pull my head away but he put his hands on the back of my head. I actually didn't resist too hard because I figured I was getting five thousand baht. Anyway, he came in my mouth and then held me there until I swallowed.

  I dressed and rushed out of the room while he was still on the bed because I didn't want him to change his mind and ask for his gold back.

  When I got home that night I gave the chain to Park. He put it on and made love to me all night. He looked really good in it and I suggested he keep it but he said that no, we needed the money. I wanted to keep it all but Park said it would be better to play the Swiss guy along, give him his five thousand baht share and then get him to keep paying my bar fine and taking me short-time. We'd get the five thousand baht back within a week, with more to come. The old ones are the easiest, they're so quick to fall in love. All it takes is a few sweet words.

  Park went to the gold shop first thing in the morning, and when he came back he was furious. He slapped me, hard, and said that the woman in the shop had threatened to call the police. She thought he was trying to con her. Park punched me in the stomach and threw me to the ground, then spat at me, calling me a stupid whore and a bitch and water buffalo, then he kicked me until Sunan came in from next door and told him to stop.

  I was sore, but there were no bruises. Park was good at that, at hitting without leaving a mark. Sunan helped me up and Park stormed out. He didn't come back for two days, and that hurt a lot more than the beating.

  We got our own back on the Swiss guy eventually. I told all my friends what had happened and a month or so later I got a phone call from a girl in the Suzie Wong Bar in Soi Cowboy. Park and five of his friends went around on motorcycles and waited until he came out. They attacked him with pieces of lead pipe, broke both his arms and knocked out most of his teeth. Park stole the man's wallet and we all went to the Chicago Karaoke Bar and drank three bottles of Black Label between us. It was a great night.

  PETE

  One night when I arrived at Zombie, Joy had three red slashes on her left wrist. I could see them from more than ten feet away, and Joy made no move to conceal them. She smiled and waved and as soon as her dancing shift was over she rushed down from the stage and sat next to me. I held her arm and looked at the cuts. They were deep gashes, a vibrant red against her brown skin. She smiled.

  ‘Why?’ I asked.

  She shrugged as if a suicide attempt was of absolutely no importance.

  ‘Come on, Joy. What happened?’

  ‘My brother crashed motorcycle,’ she said.

  ‘Was he hurt?’

  She shook her head.

  I nodded at her mutilated wrist. ‘Why did you do that?’

  Tears brimmed in her eyes. ‘Motorcycle hurt a lot,’ she said. ‘Very expensive.’

  ‘How much?’

  She sniffed. ‘Six thousand baht,’ she said.

  I was astonished. ‘You cut your wrist because your motorcycle needed repairing?’

  ‘Pete,’ she said. ‘I have no money.’

  I put my arms around her and hugged her and her tears fell on to my jeans. I couldn't make sense of it, why on earth would she cut her wrists because of a bike? Besides, she'd said the bike was still up in Surin.

  ‘How did you know what had happened?’ I asked.

  ‘My brother telephone me. He say he very sorry but he have no money.’ The tears started again.

  ‘Joy, don't worry,’ I said. ‘I'll give you the money.’

  She sat up and looked at me in astonishment. Then she threw herself at me and wrapped her arms around me. She stayed like that for several minutes, her soft, wet cheeks pressed against my neck.

  I bought her a cola and then went down the road to the Thai Farmers Bank ATM. I withdrew seven thousand baht on my Lloyds Visa card and gave six thousand to Joy. She dashed off to her locker and didn't come back for ten minutes. When she did return, she'd redone her make-up and the tears had gone. She squeezed up next to me and put her hand on my thigh. I was happy that I could make such a difference to her life. A relatively small amount of money to me, but to Joy it was a month's w
ages. It was worth it to see her smiling and laughing with her friends.

  I took her arm again and looked at the cuts. There were no stitches, but they weren't as deep as they'd looked at first sight. Next to the fresh cuts were three old scars. I ran my finger along the raised scar tissue. ‘When did you do this?’ I asked.

  ‘When I fifteen,’ she said.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I not happy,’ she said.

  I smiled at the simplicity of her reply. Her honesty was sometimes so childlike that I had an overwhelming urge to protect her from the world. Of course she'd been unhappy, why else would she have tried to kill herself?

  ‘Why weren't you happy?’

  ‘My mother die. I want to be with my mother,’ she said.

  ‘Why did she die?’

  Joy patted her own stomach. ‘Something wrong inside,’ she said.

  ‘Cancer?’

  She frowned, then nodded.

  ‘Wow,’ I said. ‘I'm sorry.’ I put my arm around her shoulders. A stocky Thai guy with pockmarked skin thrust a bunch of roses in front of me but I shook my head. ‘My mother died when I was young,’ I said.

  She looked at me, horrified. ‘What happened?’

  I tapped the side of my head. ‘A brain tumour,’ I said.

  ‘I not understand,’ she said.

  ‘Brain tumour,’ I said. ‘Something wrong, in her head.’

  Tears brimmed in her eyes again. ‘Pete, I sorry for you,’ she said.

  I paid bar fine for her, and we went for dinner. She came back to the apartment, but all I wanted to do was to hold her in my arms, to show her that I cared.