Knob: verb (of a man) to have sex with someone; noun a boring, studious or socially inept person.
Knob chopper: noun a toilet seat that won't stay in the upright position.
Kool-Aid, drink the: verb to remain calm and unperturbed. [Kool-Aid is a popular brand of carbonated soda manufactured and sold mostly in the US.]
Kool and the Gang: 1. exclamation used to express agreement or satisfaction; 2 noun. the state of being calm and at ease. Example: ‘Have you got a problem with that?’ ‘Hey, Dude, I'm Kool and the Gang.’
L
Lagging jacket: noun a condom.
Lambay rules: a code of honour among males that says whatever embarrassing incidents occur during the course of a holiday aren't mentioned again on their return: what happens beyond Lambay Island stays beyond Lambay Island [traditionally a code among Irish sailors].
Lead-foot: verb to drive with one's foot hard on the accelerator; noun someone who drives in this way.
Ledge: noun, abbr. a person worthy of the most lavish praise; a legend.
Length, throw a: verb (of a man) to have sexual intercourse with a woman.
Leons: noun diarrhoea: Leon Trotsky, the trots. [Leon Trotsky (7 November 1879-21 August 1940) was a Bolshevik revolutionary and Marxist theorist who was influential in the formation of the Soviet Union but was murdered in Mexico City after falling out with Joseph Stalin.]
Liberate: verb to borrow or steal. Example: ‘Hey, Dude, I liberated the old man's credit cord from his wallet.’ ‘Cool. Let's go lapdancing.’
Lick the pot: verb to succeed in relation to chatting up or bedding many women. Example: ‘How did you get on at Sally Prunty's twenty-first?’ ‘Hey, I licked the pot.’ ‘Wow. You rock.’ ‘I know.’
Lid: noun, rhym. a euro: quid. Example: ‘Dad, I need three hundred lids.’ ‘What happened to the five hundred I gave you last Saturday?’ ‘Forget it, then, you scab.’
Lionel: noun, rhym. hair: Lionel Blair. [Lionel Blair was a dancer and popular television presenter in the 1970s and 1980s.]
Lips, throw the: verb to kiss. Example: ‘I threw the lips on that bird from Glenageary last night.’ ‘No focking way! She's, like, SO hot, man.’ ‘I know.’
Little boy locked, play: verb to pretend to be drunker than one is to bring out the mothering instinct in a wife or girlfriend and thus avoid a bollocking.
Liza Minnelli: noun, rhym. the telly. [Liza Minnelli (b. 12 March 1946) is an American singer and actress who in 1972 won the Best Actress Oscar for her role in Cabaret. She is the daughter of Judy Garland.]
See also: Savalas.
Loaded gun: noun the condition of the male genital organ when ejaculation hasn't occurred in some time. Example: ‘I'm going to whack off before I go out.’ ‘Are you crazy? What if you score later?’ ‘Never go out with a loaded gun, my friend. That's how mistakes are made.’
Loads, give it: verb 1. to cheer in a boisterous manner; 2. to turn on the charm in one's efforts to chat up a girl.
LOL: text, abbr. an exclamation meaning, ‘I'm laughing out loud.’
Loosener: noun a drink, or often more, to kick-start a night out.
Loser: noun a person who is socially unsuccessful.
Love zeppelin: noun a condom.
See also: Columbo, a raincoat for; Johnny B. Goods.
Lubricated: adj. drunk.
Lung capacity: noun a woman's breasts, especially large ones.
See also: Airbags; Funbags; Rack; Top tens; Walters.
M
Mac attack: noun a make-over, especially from the Mac counter in a department store.
Malcolm: noun, rhym. belly: Malcolm O’Kelly. [Malcolm O’Kelly is a second-row forward on the Ireland international rugby team.] Example: ‘We shouldn't have had those falafels last night. The old Malcolm's giving me fierce gyp this morning.’
Mall Teaser: noun a girl who spends time hanging out in shopping centres, flirting with boys.
Mare: noun, abbr. a bad time: a nightmare. Example: ‘St Michael's had a total mare against Pres Bray, of all schools.’ ‘Bray! Slot-machine City! How humiliating!’
Margaret: noun, rhym. bed, scratcher: Margaret Thatcher.
Marilyn, the: noun The Ballymun Road in North Dublin. Known locally as the Mun Road or, to South Dubliners making the daily trip to Dublin City University, the Marilyn Mun Road.
Matinée: noun sexual intercourse in the middle of the day, especially the afternoon; verb give the matinée: to have sexual intercourse with someone in the middle of the day. Example: ‘Dude, your face is majorly red.’ ‘Yeah, I was just giving Jennie with an ie a matinée.’ ‘But she's got a face like a bucket of smashed crabs.’ ‘I know. I'm not proud of myself.’
Maxed out: adj. (of a credit card) having reached or exceeded its credit limit.
MDB: verb, abbr. Managing Daddy's Business. Example: ‘Nice cor – did you rob a bank or something?’ ‘No, I'm doing an MDB, my friend.’ ‘Nice work – if your dad can get you it.’
Menstrually disturbed: adj. having little or no ability to reason due to the imminence or onset of menstruation.
Menstrually handicapped: adj. the condition of being unwilling or unable to engage in sexual intercourse due to the imminence or onset of menstruation.
Mickey Marbh: noun Stillorgan, a South Dublin suburb. Gaelic: Dead Mickey.
Mickey Tuesday: noun the day of the month when single mothers’ allowance is paid out, traditionally the easiest night in Dublin to get casual sex.
MILF: noun, abbr. the attractive mother of a friend: Mother I'd Like to Fock.
Mince Pies: noun, rhym. eyes; verb give mince pies: to cast someone amorous looks.
Minger: noun a female who is ugly or hard on the eye.
Moby: adj., rhym. sick: Moby Dick.
Moolah: noun money.
Moonpig: noun an extremely ugly woman.
See also: Ditchpig.
Moonwalk: verb to walk backwards, in a smooth, gliding manner, often out of a girl's bedroom.
Morkeshing: noun marketing.
Morto: adj., abbr. embarrassed; mortified.
Mosey: verb walk or move in a leisurely manner.
Mulchie: noun a native of the Irish countryside.
Mullered: adj. very drunk.
See also: Horrendufied; Transmogrified; Trousered.
Munster are playing at home: (of a woman) the act or condition of menstruating. [Munster are an Irish rugby team whose home colour is red.] Example: ‘I'm sorry I threw that television at you, Dorling. You know what I'm like when Munster are playing at home.’ See also: Blocks, up on the; Communists; Painters; Period costume drama.
Mutt: noun an ugly girl bearing a strong resemblance to a dog. Example: ‘I know what I said last night. That was before I realized you were a mutt.’
My First Lager: noun the half-pint pots of beer they drink in Australia. Also known as Fisher-Price beers.
N
Nads: noun, pl., abbr. testicles: gonads.
Natalie: noun a working-class female.
Nat King: noun, rhym. sex; verb to get one's Nat King: to engage in sexual intercourse with someone: Nat King Cole. [Nat ‘King’ Cole (b. Nathaniel Adams Coles, 17 March 1919-15 February 1965) was a jazz singer who enjoyed pop-chart success with hits such as ‘Mona Lisa’ and ‘When I Fall In Love’.]
Neck: verb to drink, especially alcohol, straight from the bottle.
Nip: verb to kiss.
Northside Shower: noun a can of Lynx deodorant.
Nosebag: noun food.
No stranger to a fish supper: adj. (of a person) fat.
NQR: abbr. Not quite right. Example: ‘There's something NQR about that bird Conor's scoring at the moment.’ ‘Is it the moustache?’ ‘Yeah, that's it – you've put your finger on it.’
O
Oil tanker: noun, rhym. an objectionable person: wanker.
OMG: text, abbr. an expression meaning, ‘Oh my God!’
One-eared Space Hopper, play with the: verb to masturbate.
One-eyed zipper fish: noun the male genital organ.
One F: noun Derek Foley, rugby correspondent for The Star newspaper in Ireland.
One in the post: noun a fart that refuses to be held back. Example: ‘Sorry, Babes, I know it's our wedding and shit, but I'm going to have to, like, step outside. I've got one in the post.’
ONO: abbr. a one-night stand: One Night Only.
Orse: noun a person's buttocks or anus: arse (Brit.).
Orts: noun subjects of study primarily concerned with the processes and products of human creativity and social life, such as languages, literature and history.
Ossified: adj. the condition of being very drunk.
P
Pad: noun a house or apartment.
Padraig: /Paw-rig/adj., rhym. (of a smell) fierce, pungent, overpowering: Padraig Pearse [Padraig Pearse (1879-1916) was the commandant general of the Irish Volunteers, who staged the 1916 rebellion known as the Easter Rising. He proclaimed the Republic from the GPO and signed the order to surrender five days later. He was executed.] Example: ‘Oh My God, the smell in here is Padraig.’
Painters: to have the painters in: adj. the condition of menstruating. Example: ‘Oh My God, I've some focking appetite for Mars Bars today. And stabbing men. It's probably because I've the painters in.’ See also: Blocks, up on the; Communists; Munster are playing at home; Period costume drama.
Pant Python: noun the male genital organ.
Pauline: noun, abbr. a foul mood: Pauline Fowler. [Pauline Fowler was a character in the popular British television soap EastEnders, known for her lack of bonhomie.] Example: ‘What are you doing in the battle cruiser on a Tuesday night?’ ‘Ah, I had to get away from herself. She's in a right Pauline.’
PCS: noun a condition that causes girls to dig their nails into a boyfriend or husband when they're not receiving what they consider sufficient attention: Purring Cat Syndrome.
Peg: verb to run or move at a fast rate: peg it.
Pen: noun, rhym. stink: pen and ink.
Period costume drama, to have a starring role in a: verb to menstruate. Example: ‘Not playing tennis this morning, Sophie?’ ‘Not today, I'm afraid. I've got a starring role in a period costume drama.’ ‘It's funny, on all those tampon ads, the girls seem to stay pretty active during their periods.’ ‘Get out of my focking way or I'll stab you.’
See also: Blocks, up on the; Communists; Munster are playing at home; Painters.
Perry: noun a coma: Perry Como [Perry Como (b. Pierino Como, 18 March 1912-12 May 2001) was a crooner, heavily influenced by Bing Crosby, who sold 20 million records and whose most famous hits were ‘Don't Let The Stars Get In Your Eyes’ (1953), ‘Catch A Falling Star’ (1958) and ‘Hot Diggity (Dog Ziggity Boom)’ (1956).]
Peter: noun, rhym. a tan, caused by exposure of the skin to the sun: Peter Pan.
Petty Pilfering: noun a social game, popular among boys and young men, the object of which is to steal CDs that are particularly lacking in taste or style from the bedrooms of as many female conquests as possible.
Phileas Fogg: noun a taxi journey in which the driver takes an unnecessarily long and circuitous route in order to run up a higher fare on the meter. Also known as Around the World in Eighty Minutes. [Phileas Fogg is a character in the book Around the World in Eighty Days (1873), by Jules Verne.]
Pick a lock: verb the act of seducing a woman. Example: ‘A good nosebag in Shanahan's is the key that picks her lock.’
Picture, no sound: adj. (of a person) attractive, but with nothing to say.
Pissing into the wind: verb wasting one's time, especially when chatting up a woman.
Plastic surgeon: noun, rhym. a virgin.
Play off the big centre-forward: verb to become sexually involved with a female who is already in a relationship. Example: ‘How's it working out with that Carol, Dude? You still playing off the big centre-forward?’ ‘Yeah. I mean, her boyfriend takes all the knocks, the elbows and the rough treatment – and I do the scoring.’
PONPA: abbr. a relationship conducted in a surreptitious manner: Private Only, No Public Appearances.
Pop: noun alcohol, especially beer. Example: ‘My problem is I like my pop too much.’ ‘No, your problem is I've just caught you in bed with my wife and I'm going to tear you a new orsehole.’
Pork javelin: noun the male genital organ; verb throw the pork javelin: to have sexual intercourse with someone.
Pot roast: noun love handles, deposits of excess fat on a person's waistline.
Pram springs: noun a generic term to describe any socially disadvantaged part of Dublin with a high number of single teenage mothers.
Prob: noun, abbr. Carlsberg, a popular lager brewed in Denmark, from the advertising slogan, ‘Probably the best lager in the world’.
Putty in the hand: noun of persuadeable virtue.
R
Rack: noun a woman's breasts.
See also: Airbags; Funbags; Lung capacity; Top tens; Walters.
Ran-a-lites: noun, pl. Dublin 6 rich-kid boy-racers, especially from Ranleagh.
Randolph Scotts: noun, pl., rhym. spots: Randolph Scott. [Randolph Scott (23 January 1898-2 March 1987) was an American film actor who starred in such movies as Gung Ho!, Western Union and Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.]
Randomer: noun (derogatory) someone who is unknown to people in a particular social group. Example: ‘Who was that goy Katie was scoring in Reynords last night?’ ‘I don't know – some total randomer.’
Rattle: verb to have sex with someone; noun the act itself. Example: ‘I gave herself a seriously good rattle last night. Woke up this morning and she cooked me a fry.’ ‘I like a woman who shows her gratitude.’ ‘So do I.’
Rattler: noun train.
Red cord: verb to end a relationship with someone, often in a cruel manner, from the football expression, to red card, or eject, a player from the field of play for a serious breach of the rules. Example: ‘Did you hear I red-corded Aoife last night? She was bawling her eyes out.’ ‘High-five, man!’ ‘Yes!’
Rents: noun, pl., abbr. parents.
Retord: noun 1. a mentally handicapped or retarded person, 2. a term of abuse used especially by teenage boys.
Reynords: noun Renards, an exclusive South Dublin nightclub.
Rhythms: noun, pl., rhym. shoes: rhythm and blues.
Rich tea: adj. (of a girl) plain.
Ricky Gervais: noun, rhym. face. [Ricky Gervais is a well-known comedy writer responsible for popular TV shows such as the Golden Globe-winning The Office and Extras.]
Ring, puke one's: verb to vomit violently.
Rip the piss: verb to joke, tease or hold someone or something up to public ridicule.
Rock and roll: verb get one's rock and roll: to have sexual intercourse.
Rod: noun an erection. Example: ‘I've a rod on me that could empty lough Corrib.’
Rolling in it: adj. having a great deal of money.
Ronnie: noun, abbr. a moustache. Ronald Coleman. [Ronald Coleman (9 February 1891-19 May 1958) was a moustachioed English movie actor from the 1930s, 1940s and 1950s who won the Best Actor Oscar in 1947 for A Double Life.]
Roy Keane's dog: noun a compliant woman who's prepared to do anything to please her man; easy. [Roy Keane is a former Irish soccer player who famously walked a very obedient golden Labrador on television while his team-mates played in the World Cup.] Example: ‘You don't seem to be putting in much spadework with Emily tonight?’ ‘Ah, she's Roy Keane's dog, Dude. She'll be trotting along home with me in half an hour, I'm telling you.’
Russell Harty: noun, rhym. party. [Russell Harty (5 September 1934– 8 June 1988) was a popular English television presenter in the 1970s and 1980s.]
S
S, the: noun, abbr. the senior rugby team in any school taking part in the Leinster, Munster, Ulster or Connacht senior cups.
Sack: noun bed.
Safe sex: noun sexual activity in whic
h either partner takes the precaution of not giving the other their real phone number afterwards.
Sap: noun 1. a gullible person; 2. a socially awkward person.
Sauce: noun alcohol. Example: ‘I probably should lay off the sauce. We've got a big match tomorrow.’ ‘Yeah – and we're only fourteen.’
Saucepan: noun, rhym. a kid: saucepan lid.
Savalas: noun telly, television: Telly Savalas. [Telly Savalas was an actor most famous for his role as Kojak in the US television cop show.] See also: Liza Minnelli.
Scenario: noun attractive women.
Scooby Dubious: adj. dubious: Scooby-Doo. [Scooby-Doo was a popular US television cartoon from the 1970s and 1980s.] Example: ‘If I keep playing the way I'm playing, there's no way Eddie O'sullivan can leave me out of the Ireland squad.’ ‘I'd be a bit Scooby Dubious about that. I mean, you're, like, playing for Greystones’ fifths.’ ‘Oh, yeah.’
Scoops: noun, pl. drinks, usually pints of lager.
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