Clueless (Keeping Secrets)
Page 10
“Hi,” he said, shifting nervously.
“Hi yourself.” The words were familiar now, just something that we repeated every time we saw one another. “Jason?” I asked, looking down at what he held.
“They’re for you. My apology.” He licked his bottom lip like his mouth was dry. I stepped forward until I was barely a foot from him. He looked up at me, green eyes so deep that they seemed to have no end. “Sit down on my bed?”
It made me nervous to see Jason so serious, but I did as he asked. He looked uncomfortable when he sat down, like he was still in pain. I took the flowers and the stuffed animal and sat both in my lap. The fact that the animal was a zebra finally hit me, and I couldn’t resist chuckling a little bit. So I was Jason’s prey? “Smart-ass,” I said, grinning and giving the plushy a squeeze.
He smiled, obviously pleased with himself. “I wanted to say I was sorry, about before.”
I shook my head. “You don’t have to apologiz—”
“Yes I do. Please, listen to me. Please. Don’t say anything, just listen.”
I fell silent, bewildered by the desperate edge in Jason’s voice. We’d been doing so well. I didn’t quite understand why he would clutter up our first moment alone with something serious.
He inhaled, winced, and put a hand on the left side of his ribs. “Tommy, the way I’ve been lately, it’s been terrible, and I’ve treated you and your family like crap. I’ve thought about it every night since I left your house, and I’ve thought about it a lot more in the past week. You and your family have been so good to me, and I repaid that with—” He searched for a word and finally seemed to find it. “—me. Lots of Jason-drama. I don’t know why you’re even still talking to me, to be honest. I can’t guarantee that I’ll always be good, but I want you to know that I will always try to be better for you. I love you, Tommy. When we were ‘together’, you were right. I was using you, and that was awful. I wanted our first time to be—” He sighed. “I wanted it to be fucking magic, and I ruined that.”
Familiar resentment and hurt welled up over that reminder. “It was my first time, you know.” I looked away, unable to look at him. The anger surprised me. I hadn’t realized I had been so deeply pissed about it.
He swallowed and nodded. “I didn’t know for sure, but I suspected.” He looked sick. “I never meant to belittle what we have, Tommy. I know it came off that way, and I know that I fucked up. But, I want you to forgive me. I want another chance to make it right.”
“How?” I asked. How could he possibly undo the debacle of our first time having sex?
He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my lips. “By replacing the memory with something better.” I had to hand it to him, he could really be suave when he was trying, and for a moment, I let myself get caught up in the insanity of our kiss. He was hurt, had just had surgery, and was weeks away from being able to dish out what he was offering but, man, it was a fantasy I could give in to without a thought in the world. Jason was magic, and he always had been.
I pulled back as my chest collided with his, and he hissed his pain out between his teeth. “Baby, you make me crazy.” He tried to kiss me again, but I put a finger to his lips instead.
“Let me make you feel good,” Jason murmured, reaching for my pants button.
I shook my head. “Not like that, Jason. You’re not strong enough. The next time we have sex, it’s going to be nothing but bliss.”
He looked afraid, like I was taking something from him. But he didn’t understand. I wasn’t punishing him. I was loving him just a little harder. Second chances meant everything, and I knew then that we would really have a second chance.
“I may not be able to screw, but I can do other things. Make you feel good.” He reached for me again, and I let him work the button free. I put a hand on his wrist.
“I want us both to feel good, Jason. I want to come apart with you.” I laid him down on his bed and snuggled in behind him so that his butt was pressed to my front. I wrapped my arms around him so I could reach into his cotton boxers, and he gasped beautifully as I whispered in his ear, telling him how much I loved him and how good it felt to be with him again. Most of all, I told him I missed him and how special he was to me. It took him a while to get as ready as I was, but it wasn’t too long before we were moving together in the perfect way we’d come together countless times in the comfort of my bedroom. It wasn’t quite what I thought making love was, but damn if it wasn’t close.
“I love you,” he murmured as we peaked. I loved him too. Forever and for always.
Afterward, I cleaned us up with a bandanna from his floor, and we snuggled down under his comforter. He was exhausted, and it showed in how easily his eyes kept sliding shut despite the fact that he was usually the one with all the energy after. Jason had been through a rough couple of weeks, but the sun was rising over the darkest part of our lives.
He smiled softly as I kissed his neck. “Guess we christened my new pad, huh?”
I rolled my eyes and laughed. “I suppose you’re right. Hey, Jason?”
“Hmm?”
“You think we’ll make it?”
He snorted. “Of course we’ll make it. I told you, Tommy boy, you’re stuck with me. I’m like the plague or something.”
“Can you be something not plague-like? I mean, can’t you be like a recurring wet dream or something?”
The only thing that answered my question was a soft snore, signaling my boyfriend’s descent into dreamland. I held him gently, careful not to jostle the still-injured body in my arms.
I wondered about tomorrow, about the weeks to come, because I wasn’t really tired enough to sleep. Jonathan would finally pay for what he’d done to Jason, and the secrets that had threatened to suffocate us were finally out in the open. My boyfriend’s nightmare was over.
Everything was changing, and I prayed it was for the better. I took in the room. This was a good place for him, a place where he could heal. The people who had stepped up to tell Jason unequivocally that they were his family—Uncle Charlie, Uncle Mark, Tina, Joshua, Kevin, all of them—had been there when Jason had needed them most, and I was proud to be among the number who had stepped up to prove to my boyfriend that the other people in his life were wrong about his worth. It was what my beautiful boy deserved.
Beyond that, I think I finally figured out what quiet strength meant. It was asking for help when you needed it and knowing your limits. It was loving with everything you had and loving yourself just as much. What did all that mean for our future? So far, so good. It was the last thought I had before I drifted off to sleep, despite my lack of real tiredness, a smile on my lips.
About the Author
J. ROMAN is a believer in second chances and making things happen. Recently relocated to an ivory tower in the wonderful city of Charlotte, North Carolina, she endeavors to keep everyone on their toes and get into as much trouble as possible. Not a lot has changed since high school, and many of her characters are based in whole or part around the people she grew up with. A firm believer in happily ever after, J. thinks that everyone deserves a happy ending, even if it takes a little more work for some people to get there. She welcomes comments and questions from her readers on her website, http://jromanwrites. blogspot.com.
Keeping Secrets: Book One by J. ROMAN
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Also available from HARMONY INK PRESS
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Fantasy novels from HARMONY INK PRESS
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Copyright
Clueless ©Copyright J. Roman, 2013
Published by
Harmony Ink Press
5032 Capital Circle SW
Ste 2, PMB# 279
Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886 USA
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the authors’ imagination or are used fictitiously,
and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Cover Art by Anne Cain
annecain.art@gmail.com
This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of International Copyright Law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines, and/or imprisonment. This eBook cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this eBook can be shared or reproduced without the express permission of the Publisher. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Harmony Ink Press at: 5032 Capital Circle SW Ste 2, PMB# 279 Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886
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Released in the United States of America
February 2013
eBook Edition
eBook ISBN: 978-1-62380-332-2
Table of Contents
Title page
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
About the Author
Keeping Secrets: Book One by J. Roman
Also available from Harmony Ink Press
Fantasy novels from Harmony Ink Press
Copyright