Color Blind

by Gardin, Diana

  Camryn

  The raucous noise of the gym assaults my eardrums. I love basketball season, if only for the pure energy the crowd gives me at every home game. Tonight there is an extra amount of excitement in the air, as everyone waits for the debut of The Spotlights.

  Sarah stands next to me in the middle of the dance team’s line. As co-captains, we take turns calling out the dances to perform. She leans over and shouts in my ear.

  “This is crazy, right?”

  “Totally crazy,” I agree. I glance into the stands where Dara is sitting with Cooper and some of the members of Fire and Gory. Cooper gives me his rakish smile. I blow him a kiss, and he places his hand over his heart.

  Tonight, I decide, I will tell him.

  I love this boy. I love him for the way he’s rebounded after everything he’s been through. I love him for the way he is the most upfront and honest person I know. And I love him because he waited patiently for me, even after my stubbornness prevented us from being together right away. I love him more every day I spend with him, learning about him. More than I have ever loved any male figure in my life. And I want to keep him.

  When I look back at the game, Brandon tosses the ball up from half-court, and the crowd roars. The buzzer blows, and the ball sinks soundlessly into the net. The crowd noise rises, and it’s halftime. The dancers and cheerleaders take seats on the front three rows of the stands to watch the halftime performance. My heart thuds so hard in my chest; I feel the reverberation in my ribs.

  A crew quickly sets up a folding stage, and The Spotlights assemble their equipment. They are clearly using an abbreviated amount of gear tonight, since it was a smaller scale performance. I check behind me in the stands at the roaring crowd. They should have brought full equipment.

  The gym darkens, and a hush cloaks the crowd like a blanket.

  Then a voice rises through the rafters, and The Spotlights’ performance begins.

  My heart sinks to the floor, because Lilly Brewer’s voice is incredible.

  There is no other way to describe it. The band behind her fades away as she sings the band’s anthem, “All Lights on Us.” It’s like she has been created to sing. And she knows how to work a crowd.

  When the performance is over, the entire gym is on their feet, and both basketball teams are standing outside the locker rooms pumping their fists in the air. I direct my gaze up at Cooper, and he’s standing with the rest of the crowd, applauding with an appreciative smile on his perfect face. His eyes are on Lilly, not on me. I don’t think my heart can fall any farther, but somehow it does.

  When I look at Dara, her eyes are full of sympathy for me, and she shrugs her shoulders helplessly.

  The rest of the game passes in a blur. Luka and Brandon tag-teamed to score a combined total of thirty-six points, and our team wins by a landslide.

  None of that matters to me. I want to get to Cooper, to get him out of here and forget about the stupid Spotlights for the rest of the night.

  I’m supposed to be meeting Cooper outside in the parking lot, so we can spend the remainder of our Friday night together. On the way out, I run into Brandon and Luka.

  “Where’s Dara?” I ask Brandon absently.

  “Waiting in the Jeep,” he answers. “I knew us getting dressed would take awhile, so I gave her the keys and told her to wait in the car, where it’s warm.”

  I head in that direction, walking more quickly than Brandon and Luka expect, but they caught up to me.

  Luka grabs my arm, gently tugging me around to face him. “What’s wrong, Cam?”

  “Nothing, really,” I answer. My breath puffs up white in the wintry air. “I’m just in a hurry to get out of here.”

  The wary look in his eyes tells me he doesn’t believe me, but lets me go. He and Brandon flank my sides as we exit the gym hallway and step out into the parking lot.

  As the overhead parking lights wash over us, I scan the lot until I find Brandon’s Jeep. Dara is out of it, running toward me.

  “Cam!” she calls.

  I wave at her, not hearing the alarm in her voice.

  I wish I did.

  When I turn toward my car, the first thing I notice is the sleek, jet-black motorcycle parked directly next to it. A purple helmet perches on the seat.

  The second thing I notice is Lilly Brewer, standing between my car and what is apparently her bike.

  The final thing I notice is her bright red painted lips as they iron themselves onto my boyfriend’s.

  Chapter 16

  Pain

  I stumble, but only once.

  Then I turn around and walk steadily back into the school building.

  Turning at that moment causes me to miss Cooper’s infuriated expression as he pushes Lilly away and turns toward me.

  “Cam!” he shouts. “Camryn!”

  I keep walking. I barely hear him, really. His voice could have been straining to reach me through a long pipe or a vast ocean or a dark tunnel.

  I try to slam the door behind me only to have it blocked before it can shut. Luka is right on my heels, and Brandon and Dara rush in behind him. Brandon stands with his back to the door and one hand reaches up to scrub his face.

  “Did I really just see that?” he wonders.

  “Yeah, you definitely did,” I answer him calmly.

  Why am I calm?

  I am pretty sure I’m in shock, and I will crumble to the floor at any moment. My legs betray my strong voice as my knees knocked together.

  “Cam,” Dara begins. “I was coming to tell you that I saw Lilly coming over to talk to Cooper while I was sitting in Brandon’s car. I didn’t know…I didn’t realize they…” She can’t finish her thought.

  “What the fuck?” Luka’s face is twisted with fury.

  Behind Brandon, Cooper bangs on the door. “Let me in!” he shouts. “Cam!”

  I shake my head numbly, and Brandon repeats the motion so Cooper can see.

  “Uh-uh, dude,” he says. “You ain’t getting in here. Go home.”

  “No!” Cooper yells. “Cam! Let me explain!”

  I turn my back and walk up the hallway, until it twists to the left and I am out of sight and earshot of Cooper Goode and his excuses. Luka follows behind me.

  I slide down the wall until I’m sitting on the floor and place my head in my hands.

  “I knew,” I whisper. “I knew as soon as I saw her.”

  Luka squats in front of me, and presses his forehead against mine.

  “Cam,” he says softly. The pleading in his voice gives way to pain, and his voice breaks. “What can I do?”

  I peek at him through my fingers. “You can take me home.”

  ***

  I burst through the front door of my apartment, not caring how noisy I am since my mom is at work. My shock and anguish have given way to fury.

  “So go ahead, Luka! Say it!”

  He closes the door quietly behind us. “Say what, Cam?”

  “I told you so! I know you want to!”

  “Whoa, Cam. Do you think I enjoy seeing you like this?” He approaches me warily, with his arms spread wide apart. “Yeah. I had a feeling something like this would happen with Cooper. But God, Cam…I didn’t want it to.”

  I hadn’t said a word in the car, and Luka kept glancing over at me like he was afraid to say anything. I could tell he didn’t know whether to speak against Cooper, or try and comfort me.

  It doesn’t matter. Nothing is going to make this pain go away.

  “I never expected him to do this, Luka,” I sink down on the couch and stare at the blank T.V. screen. I shake my head, trying to force the image of Cooper and Lilly’s kiss out of my mangled mind.

  He sits next to me. “You’re too good for him, Cam. You always were. You just needed to see it for yourself. And now you know. Please don’t waste another tear on that loser.”

  I look at Luka. The way he’s looking at me, his eyes fierce and full of…what?

  He must see the question in my
expression, because he places both palms on either side of my face.

  “I know that now isn’t the time for this, Cam…but you need to know. Cooper isn’t the only guy that cares for you. The way he acted tonight, I don’t even know if he really does. But I do, Cam. I’m crazy about you. Everything about you draws me in. The way you move, the way you care about people. The way your nose crinkles when you smile. The feisty way your eyes catch fire when you’re passionate about something. I see all of that in you, and more.”

  I stare at him, stunned. Luka Caliper, one of the most popular, smart, and athletic guys at Oceanview High School is sitting on my old, faded couch saying these things about me. The pain of Cooper’s betrayal is still throbbing in my chest, my head, almost every part of me. I can’t focus on Luka right now.

  Or…maybe I need to focus on Luka now.

  Maybe I can. He still wants me. He’s obviously been right the whole time, and I chose the wrong guy. Can I take a chance with Luka now?

  I slowly lean forward, closing my eyes. I mentally prepare myself for the kiss, and my emotional wall is built up again. Just like that. A finger on my lips stops me, and my eyes pop open.

  Luka leans in close. “Cam. More than anything, I want to take advantage of this situation right now. But I can’t. You’re hurt. I won’t know if you really want me, or if you’re on the rebound. You’re not ready.”

  His voice is so low I almost can’t hear him. “But when you are…I’ll be right here.”

  A loud knock breaks the spell between us, and we both look at the front door.

  “Who…“ I begin, starting to get up.

  “It’s late,” Luka says, placing his hand on my arm. “Let me get it, please.”

  I sit back down on the couch, but peer over the back so that I can see who is at the door.

  Luka opens the door, and Cooper stands outside. His eyes are rimmed with red, and his shoulders are hunched. When he saw Luka, he straightens, and his russet eyes narrow.

  “Move,” he says rudely.

  “Not tonight, dude,” Luka stands barring the door. “She doesn’t want to see you. If it were up to me, she would never have to see you.”

  I shoot off the couch. The last thing I want is for them to get into it now.

  “What do you want, Cooper?” I ask tiredly.

  “To talk, Cam. Now,” he answers.

  My voice breaks. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

  He manages to squirm around Luka’s huge frame, and walk over to me. Luka stands by the door, leaving it open.

  Cooper reaches for my face, and I flinch. He dropped his hands back down by his sides and the look of anguish in his eyes is almost too much for me. A sob rips from my throat.

  Why is he in pain? He’s the one who did this, not me.

  “Cam, I—“

  The sound of him beginning to explain away something I had seen clearly with my own eyes sends a red-hot fire of fury through all the places that were previously coated with pain. The flames burst from my mouth, in the form of words.

  “Cooper, I’m clearly busy right now. I’m not interested in hearing anything you have to say. You can leave. I want to be alone.”

  His eyes flash with anger and hurt. “Yeah, but you’re not alone, are you? Luka’s here.”

  I shrug, looking away.

  Cooper puts his hands on his head and lets out an exasperated sigh. “Cam, you’ve got to see what he’s doing. He’s taking advantage of you. You’re hurt. You need to let me explain, before—“

  “Before what? Before my lips fall onto another guy’s, the way yours must have just fallen onto Lilly’s? No thanks, Cooper. I don’t want to have that talk today. Maybe tomorrow.”

  “You heard her,” Luka says, advancing. “Get out. Now.”

  Cooper keeps his eyes trained on me, and the look in them shatters my anger into a million tiny pieces. Luka sees it, and he moves quickly between me and Cooper.

  “I’m not going to ask you again, man,” he warns.

  Cooper stares at me for another second, then moves his eyes to Luka. “If you touch her, I’ll kill you.”

  “Yeah. I’m real scared. Get moving.”

  Cooper doesn’t look at me again as he walks out the door.

  That’s when the sobs wrack my body, and my legs will no longer support my weight.

  Chapter 17

  Lilly Brewer Strikes Again

  “I just don’t even understand how this happened, Dara,” I say. “The girl just came out of nowhere, and dive-bombed my life.”

  “She’s a sneaky one, that’s for sure,” Dara agrees.

  I made it through what I now called Black Friday and the rest of the weekend without dying of heartbreak. I don’t know how, but I did. Now I’m riding to school on Monday in Dara’s Civic, lamenting for the hundredth time about what happened on Friday night.

  Luka stayed with me that night until my mom arrived home. He’d just sat and held me while I cried. I couldn’t have been more embarrassed when I woke up the next morning with swollen eyes and puffy cheeks, but he texted me to let me know he was thinking of me and that he was there for me if I needed his shoulder again.

  “What I don’t understand is why she zeroed in on Cooper so intensely,” I wonder aloud. “I mean, practically every senior girl in school and half the juniors have a crush on him, I understand that. But she made it her mission to distract him enough to steal him away from me, in the couple of days she was even at our school.”

  “Maybe she already had her eye on him, though,” Dara suggests. “Remember when we saw her at the club? The Spot? I noticed her focusing on him while he sang onstage, but I didn’t think anything of it that night because you can’t not focus on Cooper while he’s onstage. I didn’t think of her again at all until I saw her again at school.”

  I think back to that night. Lilly had run into me in the club, almost knocking me down. When I apologized, she ignored me. Had she been eyeing Cooper then? Waiting for her chance to make her move on him?

  “No,” I answer. “It still doesn’t make sense. Something isn’t right about that girl. I have a bad feeling about her.”

  “Why don’t you just try and forget about Cooper?” Dara asks. “I know a perfectly good guy who’s willing to make your broken heart all better.”

  I shoot her a Look. “I’m going to figure this out, Dara. With or without you.”

  Her hand covers mine as we drive into the Oceanview parking lot. “I’m always with you, Cam. You know that.”

  I squeeze her hand.

  “Something’s not right,” I repeat. “I want to know what this Lilly Brewer has to do with it. It’s not just because Cooper hurt me. I love him, Dara. If something’s up with this girl, I want to know what it is.”

  When we get out of the car, we’re greeted by Brandon, who high-fives me and squeezes my shoulder, and Luka, who hugs me. My feet leave the ground, and I squeal.

  “I was worried about you this weekend,” he whispers in my ear. “Are you okay?”

  “No,” I admit. “But I’m working on it.”

  His face clouds over. “Please let me kill him.”

  “Whoa, man,” says Brandon. “The dude was wrong. But let’s not go overboard. The man made a mistake. I think Cam should talk to him and let him explain.”

  Luka looks so pissed I think he’s going to leap over me to get to Brandon.

  “Are you serious? You didn’t see her Friday night, man. She shouldn’t give him the chance to stomp on her heart all over again. In fact, if he comes near her today, I’m going to make his face look different. Mark my words, man.”

  Brandon rolls his eyes, but he’s smart enough not to defend Cooper again. Luka is his best friend, and he has to show his loyalty. But I can tell from the look in his eyes that he was serious about me needing to give Cooper a chance to explain.

  Should I have let him explain? I saw he and Lilly’s kiss with my own eyes. Could I have missed something?

  No. I can’t do this t
o myself. I’ve spent my whole life avoiding this for a reason. Loving someone isn’t worth the pain it inevitably causes. I found that out the hard way. And I’m not about to make the same mistake twice. I don’t want to spend my life jaded. But wasn’t I brought into the world that way? I have a mom who loves me, and works hard every day to make my life better. But I have a father somewhere, too, don’t I? And I wasn’t enough for him to stay. He’s nowhere to be found. And now I wasn’t been enough to make Cooper stay, either.

  I walk into the building with my friends, and stop. I just remembered I’m going to have to go to first period and face them both. I don’t have it in me. The thought of seeing them right now makes my stomach roll with nausea.

  “What’s wrong?” Luka asks.

  “Um,” I stammer. “I forgot…I have to stop in the dance room before school starts.”

  “Do you want me to come with you?” he asks.

  “Or me?” Dara offers.

  I smile reassuringly at them, even though my heart is pounding in my chest. “I’ll be fine. I’ll see you guys at lunch.”

  I spend first period in the dance room, wondering when I had become a coward, and then go to second period with a pass right after the bell rings. Thank goodness Mrs. Bartos honored my request without question, reminding me of why she is my favorite teacher. And by lunchtime, I’m ready to face down any demon that comes my way. Even if he has a perfect chiseled face and tattoos, or long dark hair and a red leather jacket.

  Luka meets me at the cafeteria door. I smile at him gratefully. He knows I need support, even at my bravest.

  “Uh-oh,” he says. “I know that face.”

  “What face?” I ask, mystified.

  “The face that says ‘I dare someone to screw with me today’. That’s my girl.”

  I’m surprised he can read that on my face, but I shouldn’t be. Luka has always read me well.

  “You are strong, Cam, and I wish you knew how sexy that is. But I want to be here for you. And that means you don’t have to be so strong. You can afford to lean on me. I promise you that.”

  I know he’s being sincere, and he really feels that way. But I don’t need to lean on anyone right now. I can handle this. It’s just a high school romance. It’s over. I can fix my face, put on some makeup, and get over it.